A crashing noise sounded out in the bar, followed by several screams and shouts, and everything in me turned into ice when I turned to face the source of it. Noah.
Chapter 12
Noah
I was watching Emma and was barely hanging on. My reason was telling me to knock it off and move the hell out of here, but the beast in me remained in my spot, feeding me with anger as I observed her talking with a guy I would rather beat to a pulp.
I had no goddamn right. I knew that. I had no right to interfere into her life and impede her happiness, but it was getting harder to control my selfishness and possessiveness. She was beautiful, too beautiful, and she reminded me all too easily of those times when I felt like she was my whole world. She reminded me of how much I needed her and wanted her for myself.
I had thought I moved on. Maybe I hadn’t been ready for meeting someone new, but I sure as hell didn’t plan on being with Emma again. Yet, here I was.
After everything I went through, after becoming the kind of man that should be kept at distance at all costs, I was too damn close to indulging into this unreasonable urge to make her a part of my life once again.
I was glad that the blonde sitting next to me had given up on me, deep in conversation with Jake, because with the storm that was brewing in me, she would get caught up in it badly, and it would be so ugly.
I downed another glass of beer and closed my eyes, the images of me pounding that guy flashing in front of me. I couldn’t make a mess here.
“Bro, you’re scaring me,” Dominic told me.
“Tell me about it,” I muttered.
The first few months after my first outburst of anger, I was scared of myself as well. Luckily, we had weekly sessions with the therapist they assigned to my unit, who had tried to help me to accept the change and control my emotions. I should have found a new therapist as soon as I came back home, because the ticking bomb in me could explode any moment.
I tried to breathe slowly, but the longer Emma talked to the guy, the more I thought about the different ways to take the guy out.
But then I opened my eyes and looked at Emma at the same time as she placed her hand on the guy’s shoulder, and all hell broke lose. Not able to take it any longer, I shoved the table violently, causing all glasses to crash down in a loud series of noises that grated on my ears.
The entire bar went silent, every single person in the bar turning to look at me. My friends observed me like I was a wild animal on the loose, their faces pale and stern. But I couldn’t care less about them. I couldn’t care less about the whole bar as I lunged toward Emma and that guy.
“You son of a—” I growled, ready to pounce on the guy, but Jake stopped me, pulling me by the shoulder backward.
“Hey, hey, man! What do you think you’re doing?” I tried to push him away, but he didn’t even budge. “Take it easy. Do you really want to cause trouble here?”
The beast in me was too strong. Something else took over me, and it didn’t matter anymore that he was my friend. He was in my way, and I had to get rid of him, even by force if necessary.
“Step aside,” I hissed at him.
He frowned. “The fuck, man? What has gotten into you?”
I sneered at him, shaking furiously. “You will step aside, if you don’t want me to hurt you too.”
Aiden joined him, halting right in front of me and placing his hands against my shoulders to prevent me from moving forward. Big mistake.
“Step fucking aside!” I shoved Aiden away, somehow managing to stop myself from landing my fist right into his face. Before they tried to stop me again, I marched over to Emma.
Everything else faded in the background as Emma and I looked at each other, a mixture of fear and something else visible on her face, and a strong hand of pain tugged at my heart. I didn’t want her to be afraid of me. Just the thought that I could hurt her gave me an acid feeling that was worse than anything.
And it was this that finally made me see how bad I looked. This was not the way to act if I wanted her ever to forgive me. I had to calm down as much as I could if I didn’t want to scare her away.
That meant that I couldn’t even touch the guy. Something told me that if I beat him now, there would be absolutely no chance for Emma to even speak to me, so I had to rein in this aggression that fought to come out to the surface.
Curling my hands into fists, I walked up to Emma. The guy next to her turned to face me and raised his hands in an attempt to calm me down.
“Please, calm down.”
I ignored him and stopped right in front of her, only inches separating us. My pulse raced, my body turning hot at this close proximity to her, and for a couple of seconds, I was stunned and all I could do was look at her. Up close, I studied her bright blue eyes that were up to this day the most beautiful and enchanting eyes I had ever seen.
How could I ever think I could live without her? It was foolish of me to think that the distance and time would erase all lingering feelings. They weren’t erased, and now, standing this close to her again, they were only growing stronger.
Okay. Here goes nothing.
“Emma, can I talk to you alone? Please?”
Chapter 13
Emma
It felt like everything was happening in slow motion. In one moment, Noah was standing above the flipped over table, surrounded by the glass shards and spilled alcohol, and the next he was heading toward me. Oh my God. This was turning into a complete catastrophe. What was he doing?
My heart climbed up to my throat, the flutters in my stomach making an appearance. I was afraid of the aggression that was coming out of him in powerful waves, taken aback by the fury on his face, but there was something else beside fear. As I watched Noah stalk his way toward me, I felt awe.
Despite my better judgment, my body warmed at the sight of sheer strength and determination as he moved closer to me. His friends tried to stop him but unsuccessfully.
“Oh gosh!” Melanie said next to me. “What the heck is going on?”
Josh moved in front of me to shield me, and alarms activated in my head. Oh no. I didn’t want this to escalate into something ugly. I didn’t want Josh hurt because of me.
But Josh spoke before I could stop him, “Please, calm down.”
For a moment, I was sure Noah would hit him, but to my immense relief, he ignored him and stopped so close to me, that tingles appeared all over my skin.
After so many years, we were finally this close to each other, and the lines were blurred. My heart and body were prevailing over my reason, and I hated it.
“Emma, can I talk to you alone? Please?” Noah asked me, and his pleading voice created an ache in my chest that grew stronger the more we looked at each other in what seemed like a never-ending moment.
“Man, I don’t know what your problem is, but there is no way for me to let you get away with this,” Josh tried to but in again, but then Noah sliced him with his eyes, and Josh actually hunched and recoiled from him.
“Stay out of it,” he sneered at him, getting into his face. “I’ll break your jaw if you say one more word.”
Oh God. He was crazy!
“No fighting in the bar,” the bartender chimed in. “You will leave, or I’ll call the security,” he said to Noah, but Noah looked like he didn’t care about this warning at all.
I pressed my hand against my chest to calm down my racing heart. “Noah, don’t you dare make a scene here! And Josh didn’t do anything wrong, so stop acting like this.”
I turned toward Josh, ashamed and saddened that he had to witness this. “I’m so sorry because of him.”
Josh looked between Noah and me, his face worried. “I’m just worried about you. Do you know this guy?”
I met Noah’s steely gaze, noticing the muscle in his jaw ticking. He crossed his arms across his chest, glowering at me. “Yes, I know him,” I answered Josh, my eyes still on Noah, before I turned toward the bartender. “And I’ll leave.”
; I looked at my friends and sent them a smile to assuage them. “I’ll be fine, girls. I’ll call a taxi and go home.”
“Do you want me to accompany you?” Josh asked me, and Noah raised his eyebrow at him.
“You sure are desperate,” he told him, looking at him like he was the dirt beneath his shoe, and it made me so angry. “Go away.”
He didn’t have the right to do this to me. Sure, I didn’t want anything with Josh, anyway, but I didn’t deserve to be put through this after how he left me. He was making a scene right in the middle of this bar, acting like a brute. And the worst part was that I wasn’t totally repulsed by it. If I was completely honest with myself, I enjoyed seeing him like this—this flustered.
Shit. I must be drunk because only that could explain my illogical and horrid thoughts.
“No, Noah. You go away. I don’t want to talk with you, so go to hell.” I stood up to leave.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Clarissa asked me.
“Yeah, don’t worry about me.” I looked at Josh. “Thanks for this evening, and once more, I’m sorry.”
I moved toward the exit, and I could feel Noah following me, but then the bartender stopped him.
“Where do you think you’re going?” I heard him say. “You need to pay for the damage you made first.”
Noah just snatched his wallet out of his pants and slammed a couple of bills on the bar. “Here. Happy now?”
He caught up with me and moved closely behind me as I exited the bar. I tried my best not to turn around, fuming because of how everything played out.
Whenever I imagined meeting Noah again, this was not how I thought it would be. I didn’t imagine a furious stranger who could stoop so low as to act this violently. What was going on to him? Was he that jealous of Josh? Was that why he approached me and demanded to talk with me?
The evening breeze caressed my naked arms, and more than ever, I felt exposed in the short dress I was wearing. I could practically feel his eyes of me, the continuing silence between us making my blood rush faster in my veins. He was close to me, too close, making me remember all those times when I felt lonelier than ever, hoping for a miracle that would allow me to be with him again. That was before I moved on, but at the moment, I felt like I had never actually moved on. Like it was just an illusion my brain fed me with to help me cope with the situation.
I had enough of this. I wouldn’t let him play with me anymore. I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about or why, but I didn’t care.
Once we reached the parking lot, I spun around to face him. “Get lost. There is nothing for us to talk about.”
I could see Noah’s demeanor change, anger giving place to pleading. “Please, let me explain.”
My heart wasn’t in sync with my mind. My heart beat faster after those words, and it was torturous. I was too tempted.
“There is nothing to explain, Noah. You left and stopped speaking to me.” I could feel my anger rising, and I tried not to scream at him. “It’s as if it wasn’t enough for you to chose the army over me, but you also didn’t try to fight for us at all. You didn’t care. And now, after all those years, you think you can just waltz back into my life and try to explain yourself?”
His frown deepened and he took a step closer to me. “It’s not like that, Emma. I… I wanted to contact you at first—”
I snorted. “At first? Nice.” Tears formed at the brim of my eyes. “Get out of my sight, Noah.”
I turned to leave, but he grabbed my upper arm. “Don’t go. Just… Please, just listen to me.”
My body grew hotter at his nearness, his scent making my heart beat even faster. As angry as I was at him, I couldn’t help but be completely attracted to him. My eyes slid all over his face, studying every spot and line, and it was too much because he was too beautiful and I wanted nothing more but to kiss him.
“I assure you it’s not what you think,” he added, and I was so close to losing it.
“It’s not what I think? And what should I think, Noah?” I fisted my hands, angrier by second. “You left me! You didn’t send me even one letter. You didn’t care what was going on with me or whether I was alright or not. You didn’t care that you ripped my heart out and left me to bleed.”
With each spiteful sentence, he winced, his eyes containing pain and fury. He looked like he was on the verge of losing his control himself, shaking hard.
“You have no idea,” he gritted out, veins bulging out on his neck as his face went red, and grabbed my other arm, pulling me against him. Our bodies were flush against each other now, his breath fanning my face. “You have no idea what I’ve gone through.”
We were breathing heavily, both of us aware of the way our bodies touched, and it was all we needed to let desire consumes us. Our anger hit a breakpoint, and we crashed into a passionate kiss, our hands clutching each other desperately.
Not breaking our kiss, he backed me to the nearest wall and pressed me against it, his hands running up and down my waist like he was starving for me. Our kiss grew deeper, our tongues dancing a fervid dance, our worlds colliding and creating a potent bubble of lust that erased all reason.
His hands slid my dress up, revealing my panties to him, but he didn’t even lean away to look at me, pushing my underwear aside with one hand while working on his zipper with his other one.
“Fuck, Emma. You have no idea how much I needed this. I need to be inside of you. Right now.”
His voice carried a plead and an order at the same time, his urgency matching mine. A brief glimpse of our surroundings in the alleyway told me we were completely alone and hidden in darkness, and it was all I needed to know to get lost in him.
“And why do you think I’d let you have me, hm?” I raised my eyebrow at him, staring at him challengingly. I was mad at him, and I wanted to hurt him, but my pussy throbbed for him, hungry for his cock. Oh God, his cock.
“Because you want this as much as I do,” he growled, glaring at me. Roughly, he pushed his two fingers into my mound and smirked. “Just as I thought. Already wet.” He pulled out his fingers, and I almost whimpered in protest. I wanted them back inside, but I didn’t say it aloud.
“Maybe I’m imagining someone else instead of you.”
His smirk was menacing, his hands handling me none too gently as he picked me up and placed my legs around his waist.
“And maybe you’re a big liar.” He ground his cock against my pussy, creating the most delicious friction. “I see it in your eyes. You want this as much as I do.” He brought his tip to my entrance, but he didn’t enter me, his stare challenging. “But I won’t fuck you until you say you want it.” He bit into my neck and left a series of wet kisses there. “Come on. Say you want me.”
I dug my nails into his shoulders, hating him and myself for succumbing to this, but I couldn’t keep denying myself what I wanted for so long.
“Fuck me,” I ordered him and tugged at his lower lip, sucking it into my mouth.
The next instant, he was deep within me, claiming my mouth like a hungry beast, and my walls clenched around his massive shaft. He wasn’t gentle, fucking me fast and with boiling anger that intensified the pleasure in me, but his eyes… His eyes were pure fire, looking at me like I was his everything.
In an instant, I was transported to that happy time when we loved each other. It was the same—his loving eyes penetrating into me as he gave me the pleasure that was out of this world. He was like my drug, infiltrating me and leaving nothing but bliss and addiction.
“You feel so damn good, baby. Just like before. Damn, I missed you so much.”
My throat closed up, and I wrapped my arms around him in a hug that spoke more than any words could. His words sounded sincere, coated with misery and loneliness, and they spoke to some hidden, sleeping parts of me that were coming awake after so much time. His words gave me hope and fed me with joy.
Oh my God. I was starting to care again…
“You missed me?” I ask
ed, my voice too hopeful.
His lips curled into the gentlest smile, but his thrusts remained merciful, and the contrast was mesmerizing. I felt my orgasm building quickly in me, and it was the best feeling ever. It could never compare to being with all those guys I didn’t care about. It felt like seven years ago, but at the same time, it felt much, much better.
“You have no idea how fucking much. To the point of losing my sanity.”
He increased his tempo, his cock hitting my cervix hard, and it pushed me over the edge. I screamed, but he pressed his lips against mine and muffled my screams, not stopping his movements, which prolonged my orgasm.
“Fuck. This. This is what I longed for for so long… Damn it. I’m going to cum…”
“Yes. Cum. Cum inside of me.”
“Emma!” He shouted my name and plunged into me one more time before he started spurting his sperm into me, his lips making love to mine.
And just like that, my resolve to stay away from him vanished into thin air. All of a sudden, everything had sense again and the world wasn’t gray anymore…
I was falling for him all over again.
He didn’t say anything for quite some time, staying inside of me long after his last jet of seed ended in me, breathing into my neck.
“Damn. I can’t believe I forgot about the condom.”
“Don’t worry. I’m still on the pill.”
I could feel him smile against my shoulder. “That’s good.” He finally raised his head to look me in the eyes, and the longing in them made my heart ache for him. “Thank you,” he said sheepishly, taking me aback with his sudden awkwardness. “This was more than amazing.” I wanted to laugh at the blush that covered his cheeks. He was so cute like this, and I remembered I’d always liked this side of him.
He lowered me to my feet, and I smiled encouragingly at him. “What’s up with this sudden change in attitude? I’m not going to bite you, you know?”
The surprise on his face was clear. “You won’t?”
Girth Page 21
