I widened my eyes, silently cursing myself. Had that actually crossed my mind? I was acting jealous!
I cringed inwardly, disappointed at myself. And so, what if he was with a girl? He was nothing to me. Nothing.
I told myself not to look for him anymore, but this proved to be hard, because my body was betraying me. I peeped over my shoulder, biting into my lip when my eyes fell on his face. He was talking to his friend sitting across from him, gesticulating something with his hands, and my mind went in the gutter. Those hands...
Goosebumps appeared on my arm, and I quickly looked away before he turned to face me. Melanie was currently busy texting her boyfriend, while Clarissa had gone to sit at some guy’s table in the other part of the bar. That left Demi, but even she was busy, it seemed, talking to a guy next to her.
I needed a distraction. Even if I had to talk with some guy.
As luck would have it, a decent-looking guy stopped next to me to order a drink, and I decided to start up a conversation.
“Hello,” I told him, offering him a dazzling smile.
He turned to look at me, his eyes lowering to my lips and then going even lower. I smirked when I spotted lust in his gaze.
“Hello to you too,” he replied in a deep voice.
“Like what you see?” I winked at him and smiled widely when I saw him lick his lips before he looked at my bosom again.
“Definitely. How about I get you a drink?” he pointed at my almost empty glass.
“Sure.”
“The same?”
“The same.”
As he ordered our drinks, I glanced in Noah’s direction and gasped when our eyes met.
Oh. My. God.
A pang hit my chest, followed by the flutters in my belly and quickened heartbeat. II couldn’t look away from him, long seconds ticking by as the whole world stopped to exist.
Just like that—with one simple gaze, yet the most complicated—I was returned to that time when Noah and I were one and I felt like the luckiest girl alive for having him. Breathing became difficult, a strange pull playing my body like a puppet.
Damn it. I was acting like a complete fool. Angry with myself, I returned my gaze to the man next to me, realizing that he had said something to me.
“Sorry?” I asked.
“I said, you’re truly beautiful.”
“Why, thank you.”
“So beautiful that I wonder why someone hasn’t already stolen you from here.”
I wanted to roll my eyes at that, but I resisted it. “Maybe I didn’t want to be stolen.”
“Or maybe you’re waiting for the right man.”
I could feel Noah’s eyes on me. My breathing turned shallower, and I could swear I was blushing. The confusing part of me wondered what he was thinking right now. Did he feel anything? Did the feel the high tension in the air that I felt?
I allowed myself one quick glance at him and found him looking between me and the guy next to me. He didn’t look pleased in the slightest, and something in me rejoiced at that. Good. Let him see that I had moved on and didn’t care about him at all.
I checked out the man next to me again. I would turn up my flirting, even though I couldn’t really see anything going with the guy. I hated admitting this, but he could never compare to Noah. He was nice enough, however, he didn’t make me feel anything. My body didn’t long to be in his arms or to feel his lips on mine.
I wasn’t curious to know If his lips were as soft as they looked. My eyes met Noah’s again, and it was then when I saw just how pathetic I was. Snap out of it, Emma!
“How about you?” I asked him. “I’m surprised someone like you is single.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Someone like me?”
“Yeah. You’re handsome.” Not as handsome as Noah, my mind piped in, and I bit into my tongue. Just great.
He leaned toward me with a smirk. “And what makes you think I’m single?”
I recoiled, widening my eyes. “You are not? Then—”
“Hey, relax.” He raised his hands in the air, laughing. “You should’ve seen your reaction. I’m just teasing you. Besides, if I actually had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t be talking with you now.”
I smiled in relief. “That’s good to know. There are already too many cheaters out there.”
His face turned serious. “Why does that sound like you speak from a personal experience?”
I took a sip of my cocktail. “Don’t we all have some personal experience with cheaters?”
“True.”
“But don’t worry. It wasn’t anything heartbreaking or serious. I didn’t love the guy and we were dating only for a short period of time, so… I don’t want to bore you with the details.”
He returned me a smile. “You don’t bore me at all.”
“Wait until I start talking about my favorite TV shows. I’m sure I’d bore you to death with it.”
“Oh, so you like watching TV shows?”
“Like? It’s more like adore. I’m obsessed with TV shows.”
“What kind of shows do you like?”
“Anything that has to do with horror, adventure, or drama.”
He raised his brows. “Horror? Interesting. I didn’t peg you as the type of a girl who likes horror.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. I pegged you more as a hardcore romance type of a girl.”
I burst into laughter. “But why?”
“Because you look that sweet and nice. Not that you aren’t sweet or nice because you like horror.” He winked at me, and I remembered that Noah had told me something similar to this before.
He told me I was a perfect combination of innocent and naughty. I had a sweet, beautiful face that hid how naughty I could actually be in bed. He kept repeating he wasn’t going to let me go ever, yet here we were.
“What’s wrong?” he asked me.
I must have made a face unintentionally. I cast him a one hundred percent fake smile. “Nothing. So, what do you like to watch?”
“I like horror too, but I’m also up for a romantic comedy.”
I did a double take. “You don’t say. Really?”
He flashed his pearly whites at me, which reminded me of how beautiful Noah’s smile was. No, stop this.
“Yeah. Who would have thought? I blame it on my little sister. She forced me to watch them with her when we were teenagers, so they kinda grew on me.”
“That’s so sweet of you. You’re a good brother.”
He shook his head, his smile betraying him. “Yeah, right. My sister would beg to differ. She keeps telling me I’m the most annoying brother ever. What a gratitude for my sacrifices, right?” He took a sip of his whiskey. “Anyway, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Josh.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Josh. I’m Emma.”
“Emma? That’s a pretty name.”
He winked at me, and we shook hands. My mind, the rebel, started comparing Josh and Noah again. Josh’s hand was big and warm, but not as big as Noah. Also, his fingers were rather short, unlike Noah’s. Noah’s fingers were long and whenever he held my hand I felt safe and loved…
The image of Noah’s long fingers brought some less innocent memories to my mind, and my pussy throbbed at this instantly. I just loved Noah’s fingers deep in my pussy, working me to my new orgasm before he rammed into me and owned me and my whole world…
No! What was wrong with me? This was bad. Very, very bad.
The whole night I couldn’t stop thinking about Noah, and now that he was here I was letting myself fall into that old loop. I was letting him mess with me and make me forget the pain he’d caused me. After seven years and a major heartbreak, Noah still had a huge power over me, which was terrible. I wanted to slap some sense into me and remind myself that I was stronger than this.
I couldn’t desire him. I just couldn’t.
I took a big swallow of my cocktail, wishing that the alcohol could somehow magically erase Noah from my mind. This was going
to be a long night.
Chapter 10
Noah
Things were going downhill pretty fast.
Emma started talking with some guy, and my anger went from zero to one hundred in a second. I didn’t remember when the last time was I wanted to smash some guy’s skull this badly. Jealousy wrapped me in its stifling shell, making me see red in front of my eyes.
A wave of possessiveness rushed through me. She is mine.
But then she looked at me and our gazes locked for the first time after seven years. And just like that, I was brought back to that period when she was my whole world and I wanted to give her all. She was my angel and I was never to let go of her.
Even when I made the choice to go to the army and leave her, I wanted to fight for her. I hoped our relationship would survive the years of distance, and we could rekindle our romance. I’d given up on that the moment I realized how fucked up I was becoming, but that fact didn’t lessen this fury even the slightest.
Long seconds passed as we looked at each other across the bar, and all I wanted was to erase the distance between us and take her in my arms. I wanted to feel her curves, get her soft lips on mine, check if she tasted as sweet as she did before. God, her taste. I missed it so much.
Frowning, she broke the gaze, and I was able to breathe again. I couldn’t look away from her, though, continuing to watch her like an obsessive stalker. She was smiling at that guy, leaning closer to him, and the blood boiled in my veins.
I clenched my fists underneath the table, the urge to break something terribly strong.
Jake was the first to notice that something was up. “What’s the matter with you?”
I flexed and clenched my fists again. Breathe, Noah. You can’t lose it here.
“Everything is fine,” I lied without even blinking. He didn’t sound convinced.
“Are you sure, man?” Dominic asked. “You don’t look so well.”
I could feel the blonde next to me watch me intently, and I wished she would just go away already or forget about me and fuck with Jake since she couldn’t stop batting her eyelashes at him.
“Positive. It’s just that it’s a bit too hot in here, and I’m thinking to get out to get some fresh air.”
I wanted to get out, alright, but I wouldn’t be returning here anymore.
Dominic shrugged his shoulders. “If you say so.”
I tried my best to pay attention to them, but my mind was fighting me. They were talking about some football matches, but I didn’t care about this topic at all, only able to think about the fact that Emma was sitting just several feet away from me.
My eyes widened when I saw them shake hands. That asshole was sitting too close to her. He placed his hand on the low of her back and leaned to her ear to tell her something, and I began shaking in barely suppressed anger.
I gripped the table, clenching my teeth so hard that I felt like they were going to shatter any moment. Get away from her, you bastard. Get your fucking hand off her.
“Noah, dude?” Aiden interrupted my flow of violent thoughts, looking at me like I was ready to be transported into a mental institution.
“What?” I barked at him before I could stop myself. I was fuming, my nostrils flaring as my breathing grew faster.
“What is going on? You look thoroughly pissed off.”
Thoroughly pissed off was nothing compared to how I actually felt. I hadn’t felt this way ever since my last combat when I wanted to rip someone’s head off.
Back then, I was so angry that nobody could reason with me. The anger piled up in me to the point that I had a blackout. Only later I found out that I had lunged at my comrade and was close to strangling him to death. Luckily, our other teammates managed to separate me from him, but the incident was a grim lesson I would never forget. I was a danger to others.
Even with medications and therapy I had moments like this when nothing else mattered but letting it all out. I dug my nails into the table too hard, close to drawing blood.
“I must be on edge,” I forced the words out, grimacing at Aiden. “I haven’t drunk in a long time, so the beer must be hitting me hard.”
“Damn, man.” Aiden shook his head.
Jake placed his hand on my shoulder, and I winced. He noticed that I didn’t want to be touched so he removed his hand from me. “Look, if you don’t feel well, you should go home. Since we’re all tipsy, I’ll call you a taxi. How does that sound?”
It sounded good, but a part of me didn’t want to move. I knew it would be best if I left, but that damn part of me wanted me to approach Emma and talk to her. It wanted me to do something impossible, and I was torn. I wasn’t stable at the moment, so there was a big chance I could hurt her, yet I was selfish enough to stay and watch them flirting like some masochist.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I shrugged off his suggestion and took another big swallow of my beer.
Too bad that the alcohol couldn’t quiet the demons in me. And the more I looked at her, the more certain I was that I had to talk with her this evening. I had no idea what I would say to her, but now I couldn’t leave if I didn’t at least try it.
Chapter 11
Emma
I had difficulty paying attention to Josh, who was telling me one of the anecdotes from his work. He was an English teacher and he worked at the elementary school. All the time, I could feel Noah staring at me, which made my heart beat madly.
Every once in a while, I would sneak a peek at him, and I could tell he was surprised and upset at seeing me. Or was he upset that I was talking to Josh?
No, it couldn’t be. That wasn’t so likely since he was the one to leave and stop responding to my letters. He had showed me he didn’t care about me anymore. So, what gives?
Our gazes met again, and I felt the lump forming in my throat. He frowned before he glared at Josh, who was completely unsuspecting as he continued talking about his work, and that was when I knew. He was jealous.
My insides stirred with excitement, even though I wasn’t supposed to feel pleasure at the fact that he felt this way. He didn’t matter, but deep inside I wanted his attention, which was outrageous.
Screw him. He didn’t have any right to be jealous, but if he was going to act this way… Then I would flirt with Josh as best as I could in order to make him even more jealous. That was the least he deserved after everything he had put me through. He deserved to feel some pain after how he just left.
I focused back on Josh and cast him one of my most seductive smiles. “I’m sure the students just love you.” I ran my hand over his shoulder and upper arm and watched him follow this motion with his gaze. If this was Noah, there would already be sparks flying, but with Josh I felt nothing of the sort.
“I can say the same to you,” he responded, his gaze on my lips. “The kids at the kindergarten must love you.”
I chuckled, remembering all those times one of them hugged me or whispered in my ear that I was their favorite teacher.
“Yeah. There is just something special in the way children love. They are so honest—no pretending—and when they like you, they give you their all. It’s really touching.”
He was carrying a tender smile on his face that reminded me so much of Noah’s. He always smiled this way at me when I talked about my dream to work with children. He was always saying I was going to be the best kindergarten teacher ever and that all kids would definitely love me.
He always believed in me and supported me. He even once said that if we ever had a kid, I would be the most understanding and loving mother ever, and just thinking about it now was so painful that the tears prickled my eyes.
No. What was wrong with me? I looked at Noah, who thankfully wasn’t looking at me anymore, and finally let myself see just how amazing he looked. He didn’t have that awkward teenage frame anymore. He was built and looking hotter than ever, especially with that dark and brooding expression he had imbedded deep in his face. He looked dangerous, but that only attrac
ted me more.
I noticed Josh staring at me silently, expressionless, and I raised my eyebrows at him. “What?” Did I say something wrong?
The corner of his lips curled up. “It’s just that you’re so sweet when you talk about children like that. I see that you’re really passionate about your job.”
I wanted to feel anything at his compliment, but I felt nothing. He wasn’t Noah.
“Thank you. And yeah, you can say so. This has always been my dream, and the job at the kindergarten fulfills me.”
My answer was half-ass because my mind was still all about Noah and how good it would be to be with him again. I knew that I couldn’t remain here all night because I wasn’t sure if my will to stay away from Noah would last much longer.
If I kept thinking about him like this, I would give in to that horrible temptation to give him the time of my day again, and that would be the worst mistake ever.
No matter how attracted I was to him now, I couldn’t let him come back into my life. I couldn’t give in to all those fantasies of Noah and me together I had rarely allowed myself over the years. I had to leave as soon as possible. I had to keep my sanity.
For a moment, I felt guilty for leading Josh on only to reject him now. It wasn’t right of me to use him to make Noah jealous, which was frankly a bitchy move.
I felt sorry that Josh turned out to be just another guy on the long list of guys that weren’t right for me. He was decent and much nicer than a bunch of guys I had met, but my heart didn’t beat faster for him. It beat faster for that bastard over there who continued to stare at me even though he was surrounded with girls.
“Look, Josh—” I started, but he interrupted me, smirking at me.
“What do you think of going to some quieter place?” he asked me, raising his eyebrows suggestively at me. I smiled sadly, wishing I could find something to like about him, but the attraction was just not there.
“Look, Josh… I’m sorry. I really enjoyed talking with you, but I have to go now.”
His face fell, confusion on his face almost comical. “Go? Go where?”
“Go home. I’m really sorry.” I placed my hand on his shoulder, wanting to let him down in the nicest way possible. “Thank you for talking with me, but—”
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