Michael's Awakening

by Jaclyn Osborn

  The stars shone bright in the night sky as I led Gabriel out to the back porch.

  “Oh my god, Michael.” He shook his head, amazed, and looked up at the stars. “It’s gorgeous here. That’s one of the only things I miss about living in the country…” He looked at me with a thoughtful expression and continued, “The stars and the overall sense of peace. Like you’re living in your own little perfect world where nothing can get to you… or hurt you.” His gaze shifted from mine and back to the nature surrounding us.

  Standing out there in the crisp night air, watching him as he admired the sky, I knew that I was in love with him. I had never admitted it to myself before that moment, but it was unmistakable. I loved him.

  Before he came into my life, I thought I was incapable of love. But all of that changed in just a few weeks. Gabriel held my heart in those well-manicured hands of his.

  I couldn’t wait any longer; he needed to know the truth about me.

  “Gabriel.” My arm tightened around him as he turned his head to look at me. “There’s something I need to tell you. And to show you.”

  He regarded me with wary eyes. “This is it, isn’t it? You’re going to tell me what you’ve been hiding.”

  “Yes.” I pulled him to me and kissed the side of his head. His short, blond hair tickled my cheek as I rested my face against him.

  I wished we could have stayed in that moment forever. If things panned out for the worse once I told him, I would lose this angel for forever. My heart screamed and thrashed wildly in my chest at the thought of never holding Gabriel against me again, never seeing that sassy smirk when he gave me attitude, never seeing that blush creep to his cheeks again.

  Pulling away from him, I grabbed his hand and led him back inside the house. His hand shook as I held it, and I looked back at him, concerned. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” He nodded his head. “I’ve just been obsessing for weeks what it was you were keeping from me.” His eyes were glued to mine.

  I had no idea what he suspected or concluded, but it was time to come clean. Leading him to the living room, I took a seat on the couch and gently pulled him down next to me. A million different scenarios played out in my head of how I would reveal everything to him, and I was still at a loss for how to do it. There were no guidelines on what the appropriate way to do this was.

  “If you want to leave after this, Gabriel, I’ll understand.” I met his anxious stare and felt my insides die a little. Please don’t leave me.

  Running a hand through my short, dark hair, I inhaled deeply and took off my shirt.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Gabriel

  Shock– I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Michael’s entire chest was marked with scars. A mixture of burns and deep indentations mutilated his beautiful skin. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at him and reached my hand forward to touch him. He inhaled sharply at my touch, but remained still. Gently, I ran my finger along a jagged scar below his collar bone.

  “Michael…” A tear fell as a sob escaped me. “What happened? Who did this to you?” I lifted my gaze from his damaged chest and found him staring straight ahead with a pained expression on his handsome face. Retracting my hand from his upper body, I took his hand.

  Slowly, his eyes moved to meet my worried gaze. He looked like an empty shell of himself, and it tore through me like a handful of razor blades. Frowning, he stared at me and brought his hand up to wipe a tear from my cheek.

  “Don’t cry for me, Angel.” His voice was barely above a whisper and devoid of emotion. “I don’t deserve your tears. I’m hideous, both inside and out… a beast.”

  I hated the emptiness reflecting in his eyes. A look of hopelessness overtook him, as if he just lost every shimmer of light in his life. Heaviness weighed on my heart as I stared at him.

  This was his secret? Did he think I was going to leave him because he wasn’t perfect?

  “Michael, talk to me. What happened?” I needed to know. Had he been in a gang or something similar and murdered people? Was he into kinky sex and all of these scars were voluntary? Numerous possibilities flashed through my mind and I was going to spontaneously combust with the suspense coursing through me.

  “I was five years old the first time my mother beat me so bad that I passed out from the pain of it.” Michael’s words made my heart stop and my stomach turn. “If she beat me before then, I have no recollection of it, but it wouldn’t surprise me if she had.”

  Oh my God.

  He stared down at our entwined hands as he continued, “I never knew my father. He was living in Texas temporarily for business when he and my mother met. From what my mother told me, he left her right after she gave birth to me and she never heard from him again. And she always blamed me for it. She thought it was because of me that he left. Which was fucking ridiculous, but people will believe whatever bullshit lies they feed themselves if it makes them feel better.” His voice was packed with venom. “As I got older, I began to look more and more like him and I think it made something snap inside of her. As if, one day, all the wires just broke apart and I became the one thing she despised most in the world. Like I was the sole reason for her unhappiness.” A cold expression crossed his face as his words took him back to the horrors of his past.

  His thumb moved in circles on my hand and I brought his hand up to place a soft kiss on his knuckles. Adjusting my position on the couch, I cuddled up beside him, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He froze as I slowly laid my head against his scarred chest and his eyes flickered down to me.

  “How can you stand to touch that?” He sounded disgusted and my heart broke.

  To prove that he didn’t repulse me, I turned my head and placed a tender kiss to one of his scars. “Please continue.”

  I laid my head back on his chest and nuzzled into him. Grabbing his other hand, I began caressing my nails against his skin and patiently waited for him to continue talking. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear all the gruesome details he was about to tell me, but I knew I needed to hear it if we were ever going to move past this.

  His heart beat rapidly as I lay against him and I heard him inhale deeply before continuing his story.

  “I’ll spare you the unnecessary gory details, don’t worry.” He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “The abuse continued for years. We lived in the country where no one could hear my screams when she went on one of her psychotic spells. So no help ever came. I was too afraid to tell anyone about the abuse at school because she always threatened to make the next beating worse if I ever did. I didn’t understand how she could hate me so much, when all I ever wanted was for her to love me. I kept thinking that one day she would embrace me warmly instead of glare at me with those cold green eyes of hers, but that day never came.

  “The older I got, the more her hate for me grew,” his voice shook. “She would only hit me places where she knew I could conceal under clothes. I missed a lot of school because of the abuse. Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to walk for days. She always had an excuse for me, though. She’d call the school and tell them I was absent because I had a weak immune system and was always getting sick. Or that I was an adventurous little boy and was always hurting myself.” He hesitated before continuing.

  Tears were already falling down my cheeks as he spoke. What kind of a mother did that to her child?

  “The more intense beatings happened in the basement.” His voice wavered on the last word, and I closed my eyes as the tears escaped them.

  Be strong, Gabe. For him.

  “She would chain me to the wall down there and hit me with whatever she could find. The more I screamed, the better it made her feel. I think, in her fucked up head, she felt like with every drop of blood she caused me to shed, a piece of her troubles would disappear. As if I was some sort of vessel to purge her sins on.” Michael’s voice grew cold. “The burn marks came from her cigarettes, occasional cigars, and lighters held directly on my skin. The other scars came from
knives, razor blades, sharp tools, whips, and anything she could get her hands on. She was careful not to cut too deep, but deep enough to leave a permanent reminder of how worthless I am. A reminder of how everything was my fault. All I ever wanted was for her to love me, and to be proud of me. Whenever I would ask her ‘what did I do wrong?’ she would glare down at me with hate-consumed eyes and spit at me ‘you were born.’ No matter what I did or how hard I tried to be a great son to her, the flames of her hatred never lessened.”

  I flinched at the images his words created. In my head, I saw a dark haired, green eyed little boy cowering in a corner as the worst sort of pain was inflicted on him. I clutched onto Michael tighter and tried to control the shudders going through me as I wept quietly against him.

  “What ha… happened… to her?” I asked between sobs. I remembered him telling me the first time we had gone out to dinner that his mother had passed away when he was young.

  Michael reached over and gently grabbed my chin and tilted my face up to look at him. Leaning down, he tenderly kissed the tears from my wet cheeks before resting his forehead against mine.

  “Along with being a psychotic bitch, she was also a drug addict. She had a prescription for some medication, which she abused, but just like a typical druggie, she was always on the hunt for her next high, no matter where it came from,” he spoke, his voice disdainful. “One day, she got a hold of some bad shit and overdosed. I was eleven years old.”

  Finally able to compose my sniffles, I asked, “What happened to you after that?”

  “I got put into foster care and shuffled from foster home to foster home until I was old enough to take care of myself. I worked my ass off and got excellent grades in school because I wanted to do something great with my life. I wanted to make something of myself and make a difference in the world, not just be a waste of space.”

  A sudden realization struck me. “That’s why you became a prosecuting attorney, isn’t it? So you could help put the bad guys away.”

  His intense green eyes stared at me with awe. “Yes. Exactly.”

  “You know how you always call me your angel?” I asked and kissed the tip of his nose. “I think you’re an angel, too.”

  Michael scoffed. “I don’t think so, Gabriel.”

  “Think about it,” I continued with my observation. “You have taken a horrible event in your life and now use it as fuel to do good in the world. Also, the Archangel Michael in the Bible was God’s enforcer of law and judgment. And you’re a prosecuting attorney who helps pass judgment on those accused of crimes. You help people.” Even though the religion implied that I was a sinner for loving other men, I liked to believe that was just a misunderstanding. I mean, God himself didn’t write the Bible, a man did. So, that man could have been wrong, right? Regardless, I wasn’t sure what I believed in the way of Christianity, but I liked to think that if there was a God, he loved me for who I was.

  He regarded me with an amused expression. “Since when did you become a fortune cookie?”

  I giggled and laid my head back down on his chest. “You love my wisdom.” I traced one of his scars with an acrylic nail, still trying to grasp everything he told me.

  “There’s something else,” he said tensely. “I have to see a psychiatrist. I started going to him a few years ago when I moved here. At first, I was seeing him three days a week, but now I just see him every Monday morning before work.” He paused. “I bet you really think I’m nuts now, don’t you?”

  I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see me with my head on his chest. “Michael, with the shit you went through, I would be concerned if you didn’t see a psychiatrist. It’s good that you felt the need to open up to someone, otherwise all of that trauma would have bubbled up inside of you until you snapped.”

  “You aren’t leaving me?” The tone I heard in his voice was alarming.

  “Michael,” I tilted my head to look at him, confused. “Why would I leave you? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Another thought hit me, and I couldn’t hide the hurt in my voice. “Or did you really think I was that superficial that I would run for the door when I saw these scars?”

  He looked away from me and I knew that was the reason.

  I rose up from him and his arms automatically reached out to grab me. “Please, don’t go. I’m sorry, Gabriel.” His eyes were panicked as he tried to find the right words. “I… fuck. I just knew you deserved better than this. Better than me.”

  I wasn’t sure if I was more upset or angry at what he thought of me.

  “You’re everything I want,” I confessed with tears in my eyes and scooted away from him. “This kills me knowing what happened to you. It breaks my fucking heart.” More tears streamed down my face and I brought my hand up to hastily wipe them away. “I would never leave you because of this. You told me once before that I was changing you for the better, that I helped you when you were in a dark place. Well, dammit, you have done the same for me!” I admitted with a sob. “You have accepted me for being me and you have never once tried changing anything about me. You’ve taken every flaw other people have seen in me and turned it into something beautiful. Where other people saw oddness, you saw beauty.” My throat tightened and my heart pounded. “I love you. There. I said it. I know it’s a little soon, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I fucking love you, Michael.”

  “You love me?” Michael asked, shocked.

  “Yes.” I looked down and fiddled with my hands.

  Glancing up, I peered at him through my lashes. He was staring at me with an intensity that made my stomach flutter wildly. Desire flared in his green eyes and then he pulled me against him to claim my lips with his.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Michael

  Gabriel loved me. My beautiful angel saw the beast inside me and chose to love me anyway. The realization hit me in the heart and filled me with an indescribable sense of elation. An overwhelming need to claim Gabriel as mine surfaced within my soul and I crushed my mouth to his, letting all of my fears wash away with the touch of his lips against mine.

  Gabriel had the power to break me, but he chose to awaken me instead.

  “I need you, Angel,” I muttered against his hungry lips. He moaned as I nipped at the sensitive skin beneath his jaw.

  “Fuck, Michael,” he panted as I kissed down his neck. “Make love to me.”

  Picking him up from the couch, he wrapped his legs around my waist as I walked to my bedroom. His small, delicate frame fit perfectly against my muscular one. As I walked, he licked my ear and ground himself against me, knotting his hands in my hair. I smiled as I recalled this is exactly how I had carried him the first time we had sex.

  So much was different now, though. I was different.

  Entering my bedroom, I laid Gabriel down on the bed and leaned over him. His eyes were hooded and he bit his bottom lip as I stared down at him. With a shaky hand, he reached up and trailed a hand down my exposed chest. I clenched my jaw at his touch, but remained still.

  “It really doesn’t bother you?” I asked, feeling apprehensive.

  “The only thing that bothers me about it is the fact that it was given to you. But no, it doesn’t repulse me. It’s a part of you. And I love you… every part of you.” Concerned eyes locked on me and I felt my heart soar.

  Crushing my lips against his once again, I rubbed my hands up and down his thigh and stuck my hand beneath the elastic material of his pleather pants. Gabriel moaned and writhed under me and I didn’t know how long I was going to be able to last. It had been too long since I had him.

  Shifting my position for better access, I removed his jacket and shirt and tossed them to the floor. Smirking down at him, I grabbed the top of his pants and began sliding them down his long, sexy legs. Learning from last time, I slipped his heels off first before taking his pants all the way off. He wasn’t wearing underwear so he was completely and gloriously naked. I growled and leaned back down to him, capturing his lips in a heated kiss.

/>   His skin was soft against my bare chest and the sensation was incredible, but I couldn’t stop the insecurity from entering my thoughts as I thought of how revolting I looked– and felt– compared to him. As if sensing my line of thought, Gabriel pulled back from our kiss and caressed a hand down my cheek. “Michael, everything’s okay. We’re okay.”

  I had to believe that his words were true.

  Nodding to him, I buried my face in his neck, finding his favorite spot. His arms came around me and I felt his nails scratch my lower back as he groaned. The sensation his long nails created against my bare skin caused my dick to jerk and a low growl escaped me. Moving down his beautiful body, I licked a wet trail from his chest and down to his lean stomach. Finding his belly button ring, I flicked my tongue against it and swirled it in circles around his navel, knowing how much he loved it.

  My tongue licked from his navel and down to his hip bone, dipping into the sensitive area of his groin. I loved how he writhed under me. His dick was already erect and I inwardly roared. I loved pleasing this man. Taking a hand, I further spread his legs and softly caressed a finger down the crease in his ass. Gabriel stiffened as the muscles in his hole clenched at the contact.

  With my hand still working his ass, I bent my head down and placed a quick lick to his cock.

  “Ah, fuck!” he gasped. He was always so vocal with his pleasure, which sent a deep-rooted satisfaction through me when I heard him.

  Smirking, I gave him another teasing lick before taking him into my mouth. Gabriel’s moans drifted throughout the room as I sucked him. Swirling my tongue in circles across his slit, I used my free hand to stroke up and down his shaft. With my other hand, I slowly pushed a finger through the tight ring of muscles in his ass. He thrust his hips upward, causing me to swallow more of him. I took all of him and opened my throat as he glided in and out of the wet heat of my mouth.