Official Intelligent Beings: How Our Devices Became Us, And The World Consumed Itself

by Greenfield, Josh

  “Trust me? What about you? You lied about everything—the Alien attack, being on my side, you even tricked me into believing that I was in love with one of your spies! You can piss off and you can piss off good!”

  “That’s enough. Spare me the harsh language. While you might not be ready to hear it, all will be clear in time. Yes, there is something much greater than meets the eye going on.”

  “Save it for someone who gives a damn!”

  “This is to be expected. They all act this way at first.”

  “They? Who is they?”

  “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘they say’ followed by any number of things such as ‘they say you should never put all of your eggs into one basket?’ It used to be quite a common introduction to a number of phrases. Not used much in this day, but I imagine you know what I am talking about.”

  “Sure I’ve heard it, what is your point?”

  “Have you ever wondered ‘who they are?’ And why you might blindly believe what they say?”

  “No, not really. It has never crossed my mind. It always just seemed to be a common expression, nothing more.”

  “But you see, a simple, small, common phrase can hold so much hidden meaning. Not unlike your latest Quack. You didn’t really believe we wouldn’t find out what you were trying to do, did you?”

  Jagz suffered another moment of panic as he realized that they knew about Redd.

  “Of course. We know about the Uncommons,” almost as if he had just read Jagz’s mind.”

  “How could you know about them?”

  “We know about everything. Which brings me back to my point about they. They are us.

  “I’m not sure I follow,” replied Jagz.

  “They are the ones who keep this world running smoothly, the ones who make sure that everyone has their place and enjoys their place, without they there would be nothing but chaos.”

  “If you are referring to the Beings, I’m well aware of what they do for this planet and their supposed purpose here.”

  “Ha! Beings. Why of course you would think that. No, I’m afraid not. Even the Beings are controlled by they. Everyone is.”

  “What?”

  “It has been brought to my attention that the Uncommons have shared with you a bit of information about our little Alien visitor, a slight detour in our initial plans, but nothing that can’t be resolved. You were going to find out in good time anyhow.”

  “Why would you do that? Why would you lie about something like that? It all felt so real, so right. How could you do this to me!”

  “Don’t flatter yourself. You are one of an end-less many.”

  “Like Jon Cleary and Edith Maymoore?”

  “Yes exactly like Jon and Edith! Only difference is that we played the Alien against you in a new way. You see, in the past, long before the world operated as it does today, they needed people to be the face of their grand master plan, needed those who could be celebrated by the many, people that the masses could get behind, follow and believe in, and so we created cewebrities. But what they did not realize was that the cewebrities, if not heavily watched and managed, would get out of hand, become power hungry, believe that they were in control, and eventually crash and crumble and cause major set backs. Every time someone was built up to be the next face of a great plan that they created, the cewebrity crashed and burned and they had to start over.”

  “That was then, but what about now?”

  “About three decades ago, as our world was taking a major shift, as we saw the opportunity to do something great with this world, we had to get creative and think of new ways to make idols that people could get behind. We started finding those that were gaining the respect of their peers and we began influencing their decisions without them knowing. In the case of Jon the farmer, we made him think that he saw Alien life and that those Aliens could be trusted. We had him believe that they shared new forms of farming practices with him that would help the world. Jon believed he spoke to Aliens and believed their information, so much so, that he began spreading their ways to the people around him, but not without some outside help from they or as I said, us. After all, I am the CYO. It is my duty to our world .”

  “Outside help? Beyond fabricating Alien life?”

  “Yes, outside help just like we had with you.”

  “Shera.”

  “Yes. Shera. But if it’s any consolation, she had no idea what she was getting herself into. She really believed that she was on a secret mission to help you spread the truth about an immanent attack on our planet. She followed her mission as well as we could have hoped. She even fell for you, just as you fell for her.”

  “Shera,” said Jagz. “Our love was real.” with a heavy heart.

  “But she has played her part and she will die knowing that she did well.”

  “How could you? You son of a bitch. You can’t just kill innocent people for your own gain. That is twisted, you sick flub!”

  “Don’t worry, she, like you, will be forgotten.”

  “Screw you. I don’t fear death anymore. I just fear for the people on this world that have to live in ignorance of what you are really doing to them.”

  “Doing to them? You act like I am doing them a disservice. It is what I am doing for them that they will be forever grateful for. Of course, they will never know it is me who is doing it. Oh no, that is why we find people like you. I’m just surprised you haven’t pieced it all together yet, considering everything that you have heard today.”

  “Pieced it together? How do you mean?”

  “Let me ask you something. The Uncommons shared a code with you, a code that they wanted you to send out to the world. Schoron, our Being of Technology, the one who has built all of this, has a direct link to someone else, who, I take it, you know a bit about based on your Quack. Chronos, the Greek God, The Father of Time, a most powerful deity. In Ancient Greek mythology, Gods played the highest role there was. Each God had its ruling place in the world, had its power, and every facet of human life—love, birth, death, time, sex, all had a God to go along with it.”

  “Yes, I know a bit about this. But what’s your point?”

  “There is a reason why the ancient Greeks, the most powerful civilization before our current world, had Gods that they believed in and prayed to. It is because people, as we have come to realize, need something greater than themselves to believe in. When you take a society of people that do not believe in a higher power, you are ultimately left with chaos. It happens over and over throughout history. It doesn’t have to be a God that people worship, but it has to be something greater than any of the individuals—a divine source that watches over everything, keeps everyone in line. And so, as man fought against the very idea of a God, of a divine creator, man started to believe that he was in charge of his destiny and started to take the world, and the way in which it works, for granted.”

  Jagz, tried to make sense of this thought long and hard, but came up short.

  Mr. Herd continued, “as man took the world for granted, the world seemed to stop caring. Every-thing started to fall apart. The animals began to die, the crops wouldn’t grow, the water depleted, even the air quality declined. And so a secret group of those in the know, they, began devising ways to bring the earth back to balance.”

  “So it has been you all along?”

  “We had no other choice. We saw what was happening to the soil, to the birds and bees, to our water, and we saw why. For one, the humans did not respect the world; they believed that the world was theirs for the taking. They did not see the bigger picture, they did not care enough that their actions were destroying the planet; they were more concerned about having what they wanted when they wanted it. And we realized that the reason that this was happening was that no one had anything greater than themselves to believe in, nothing to keep them in line, for the greater good. Science and technology were becoming the new religion, but had no defined leader.”

  “So what, the Beings just sh
owed up and magically you had your new Gods?”

  “Oh my. Dear boy, think about it. You know the Alien was a farce, can’t you think outside of the box for a second? It’s like the table you are strapped to. What makes you think that you are strapped down? You may think it, but do you know that you are strapped down or do you just assume because it seems like the chains are tied down?”

  Jagz moved his hands and began to shake his arms. The chains fell off and he was free. He had been free this whole time. He considered lunging for Mr. Herd, but decided to hear him out.

  “You see, what you believe to be true can be just as powerful as the actual truth. The brain doesn’t know the difference. And it was with this very idea that we used to create…”

  “The Official Intelligent Beings. Oh my web, how could I have been so blind? It was right under my nose this whole time, just like the Alien attack, you made it all up.”

  “Precisely. Although, it wasn’t entirely made up. You may be wondering what ever happened to Jon Cleary and the others that went missing. Well, if you were to do your research, which would be impossible because the records have been dest-royed, you would find that there are exactly as many people who rose to fame and vanished as there are Beings who now govern the world.”

  “So what are you saying?”

  “That the missing people who have long been forgotten are the Official Intelligent Beings. And with a little trickery, just like with the Alien you ‘spoke’ with, we were able to convince the world to follow along. The missing people were already at the top of their game. We just helped shape their image, eventually killing off their past identity, turning their followers against them so they would be forgotten, and rebirthing them as one of the Official Intelligent Beings, each in the image of something that the world could really get behind. Our plan has been perfect thus far. Just about every person has gone about their lives as they should, keeping peace on this Earth, save a few. Thanks to the Beings that give the humans something greater than themselves to believe, the world can be preserved and continue forward in harmony.”

  “It doesn’t make sense.”

  “Think about it. It makes perfect sense. Freedom isn’t free. People don’t really want freedom. They want protection, safety. They don’t want to make the big decisions. They want some-one to decide for them, and we gave them just that, we gave them direction with belief, otherwise you would have a bunch of cewebrity nut jobs running around claiming to be living Gods, and well, we’ve seen where that leads. Let’s just say it’s not pretty. Which is what made our plan so perfect.”

  “Perfect? But you are lying to people. At least with the Gods of the past people had a choice.”

  “Ha! In Greek mythology the Gods could exist as invisible beings. People had to have blind faith. It worked for those willing to bow down, but there were so many who did not, there were endless wars and battles for power. And the Gods were all created by a small group of brilliant minds to control the people anyway. Nowadays people need something tangible to believe in, something physical, something that they can see and say ‘that’s real. I can see it for myself. He has powers. I’ll follow him.’ That, we discovered, was the most important part, creating something like an ancient God that humans could see for themselves and get behind. We live in a world where faith isn’t going to cut it. This is where technology truly meets religion.”

  “So what now? Are you just going to kill me?”

  “Oh my. Have you not heard anything that I’m saying? Killing you is the last thing that we want to do. What we want to do is offer you a position that no one has been offered before. We want to make you the missing piece, we want to make you our ninth Being—the final unifying Being—the one who will bring the rest of the world together, just as soon as we take care of the Uncommons, or the Underground Sound, whatever you call them, which we now know how to get to them thanks to you.”

  “And what makes you think I would help you with such a crazy ass plan?”

  “Do you know why we created the threat of an Alien attack and manipulated you into sharing that information?”

  “Not a clue, but I’m sure it was merely for your own personal gain. To get what you wanted by scaring my followers. ”

  “The only way to really unite an entire world, even if most were already doing just fine, was to convince them that their precious planet was being invaded. At every level of existence there is competition. In our past world there used to be states, countries, territories, that all fought at every level. Within the state, there were cities that competed in sports, within the countries, there were states that competed for land, within the world, there were nations that competed for dom-inance. That has all but been eradicated. There are still some who are not, how do you say, ‘team players,’ those that, like you, failed to fit in, failed to stay in line, take their UrDg like they should, those that want to disrupt the common good that we have worked so hard to create. And so, we found out that by convincing the world that their planet was to be attacked, that people would eventually team up and fight for their world, become one, forgetting their differences. Find a common enemy and the people will come to-gether.”

  “That is insane, total web damn insanity!” Confidence rose in Jagz’s voice, about to explode with rage.

  “I can see how it would sound that way, but everything is all in place. Your followers have responded. They believe in you. They are just waiting for you to take a stand, which is why I am here offering you a position to be treated like a living God, to rule the world with your words, to unify all of the beings on this planet, to create harmony amongst woman and man. All you have to do is agree and we will take care of the rest. You will be the final Being, the Official Intelligent Being of Communication, of free speech; your words will reach everyone. ”

  “You think I would consider your wacked out plan for a split second? You have got to be out of your web-damned mind. You aren’t the only one with secrets. I’ve got some of my own and you’d better hope that they don’t catch up with you!” Jagz was on the edge of his seat, ready to pounce.

  Mr. Herd smiled, put his left hand up to silence Jagz and said, “I’ll be right back. I have something you’ll want to see.”

  Jagz waited a few minutes, his head racing as he tried to process what was going on and what he could do to stop it. He thought about the Alien hoax, about the Beings being fabricated, about the position he was being offered, and he wondered about the safety of Redd and the Uncommons.

  Just as he was trying to formulate an escape, looking around the room for any sharp objects, Mr. Herd entered, a slimy smile on his face, and a large box in his hands. From it came an undetectable and pungent odor that made Jagz feel sick.

  “I know that you think you have got this whole thing figured out, but as I said, this is much bigger than you. Your only hope is to do as we say. I’ve got a present for you, a little pick me up. It’s from the underground, if you know what I mean.”

  Bewildered and enraged by Mr. Herd’s every word, Jagz spit into his face.

  Mr. Herd whipped away the little saliva that grazed his face and without flinching said, “okay fine. If you don’t want to open it, I will. I suppose you’ve never had the joy of opening a present anyhow. You couldn’t possibly know what you were missing.

  Mr. Herd opened the top of the box, reached his hand in it, and pulled out what was smelling so horribly rank inside.

  “No, no, no. You son of a bitch, web damn mother of a bastard. I swear I’ll expose you for this. I’ll ruin you!” screamed Jagz when he saw that Mr. Herd was holding the decapitated head of Redd, Jagz’s only hope of escaping any of this.

  Overcome with horror and torn apart in a dark rage, he passed into a deep sleep.

  Chapter 20.

  When Jagz came to, he was in total darkness. He felt nothing, he heard nothing, he was completely weightless, he knew nothing but peace. He had a sneaking suspicion that this was the end.

  I must have been killed by Mr. Herd
, Jagz thought, I’ve never felt this sensation before, but it’s quite nice, peaceful even.

  “Do you even know of death?” Spoke a voice in his ear.

  “Who is there? Where am I? I can’t see a thing.”

  “I am Shade, the Great Being of Death and you are in the vast darkness. But you do not know of death do you?”

  “We give thanks to Shade, for with him we know not of death,” replied Jagz.

  “That is correct. But to answer your question, you are nowhere at all. You simply are.”

  “So I was right. I am dead.”

  “Like you said, you know not of death, so how could you know that you are dead?”

  “That is not entirely true. Today I saw some-thing that I had never seen before. I saw the head of a man ripped right off of his body. I may not know what happens in death, I may be the first of my people to ever witness a death, but I can almost assure you that Redd was no longer alive, and as far as I am concerned, the absence of life means death.”

  “But you are only partially right. It is true that Redd met his end on Earth, but life and death are not opposing means of existence. Life is what you have right now, whether you believe to be dead or not, you have your life. You can communicate, you can think, you have a sense of awareness about your surroundings, you have your presence. Death, on the other hand, is merely an idea that stems from fear of the unknown.”

  “But you have always protected us from Death, how can it be that you have protected us from an idea?”

  “Isn’t that all anyone needs to be protected from? Ideas? Thoughts? Concepts and words lead to sentences, sentences lead to ideas, ideas lead to action, action leads to emotions, emotions such as fear. And it is with this fear that humans used to carry the weight around of death, not seeing it for what it really was. When I came in, I was able to abolish the idea of death.”

  “But you aren’t even real. Like Mr. Herd said, all of the Official Intelligent Beings are just people turned into living Gods, false prophets for the masses to follow, an illusion, a lie.”