Reaching for the Stars

by Lola Jaye

  As well as student debts, I had day-to-day bills to take care of. Working part time didn’t help that much, but it did mean I had time to write. However, I had to make another decision as I soon realized there was just not enough money coming in. I would have to apply for full-time work – which would mean no time for writing.

  When I eventually got a full-time job as a Stop Smoking counsellor, a part of me was thrilled. I had got my first paid job helping people face to face and putting my psychotherapy skills into practice. But my new fear was that I would not have enough time to write. However, my dream of becoming a writer remained as strong as ever. So, eventually, and with a little bit of planning, I found a way to fit my writing around my job. I drew up a schedule (yes, I know, another list!) and stuck to it (most days).

  Monday to Friday:

  Work 9.00-5.00

  6.30-7.30 dinner

  8.00-9.00 write

  9.00-10.00 watch TV

  11.00 p.m. – bed!

  Donna Douglas, 34, from London had always dreamed of becoming a pastry chef. She knew that just having the qualifications without any experience would make it harder for her to find work, so she did a spot of planning too.

  ‘During my third year at catering college, I got a job working in a kitchen. I had to arrange with my employers to have two days off a week so that I could continue with my catering course. It meant not having a break, but that was a sacrifice I was willing to make to reach my dream!’ Another thing; self-belief must not be confused with arrogance.

  Many of us have watched audition shows like The X Factor and seen some people argue with the judges when they are told that they just can’t sing. Of course there are some who may go on to improve then come back. But there are also those who cannot see that perhaps singing is not for them. I sound like a cat with a toothache when I sing so, I know. But a couple of these contestants are what I like to call deluded and a bit arrogant. They truly believe they are as good as Whitney, Celine and Mariah. No amount of advice can change their minds.

  So, be realistic about your dream.

  What if your dream is to become a world class pianist, who travels the globe playing in massive arenas? You only started learning the other day and only practise once a week during the summer, perhaps it’s best to alter it a little, to keep some of that dream alive. Perhaps you could play in a recording studio with professional singers, or just play piano as a hobby. Or if your dream is to be a world famous portrait painter but you don’t know how to create paintings…learning to draw or simply applying for jobs in art galleries could be a way of still being around something you love.

  Keep Believing

  Okay, so your dream isn’t to climb Mount Everest even though you are afraid of heights. It’s a realistic one, therefore you must have the self-belief to see it through. You must believe that you will succeed, so that when the going gets tough – your confidence doesn’t do a runner!

  I enjoyed my job as a counsellor, but in the back of my mind (and the front), I knew that writing was where my heart was. There were times when I could have gone for a promotion with more money and responsibility, but I knew if I did that I’d hardly have ANY time for writing. And whilst some people thought I was mad not to try and go for a promotion, I still had that self-belief that I would one day become a writer.

  To Tell or Not To Tell?

  That’s definitely the question. And whom you tell about your dream is a personal decision. When I’m helping people to stop smoking this is often the question I will put to them. Some say telling their loved one they are stopping smoking AGAIN, just allows others to give them a look that screams, ‘Oh, what, again? Yeah right!’ It’s like no one believes they can do it anymore and this can be very de-motivating. Also, the constant pressure and the regular nagging (‘You better not have another cigarette!’) can be a little annoying.

  But then, there are those who think telling others IS a good idea as they would feel that they’d be letting them down if things didn’t work out and they went back to smoking. Some people feel they can use that pressure to succeed.

  I did tell a small number of friends about my ambition to be a writer and most were supportive. But some found it difficult to understand. I could see it in their eyes and I couldn’t blame them for that. It sounded the same as saying I wanted to become an actress or a singer, just like when I was a little girl singing ‘Holiday’ in front of the mirror. So I’d basically play it down as if it were a hobby, with only a few close friends really knowing how passionately I felt about writing and how far I wanted to take it.

  Actress and comedienne, Jocelyn Jee Esien, did decide to tell someone about her dream:

  ‘The only person I told was my sister (who immediately went into agent mode, bless her). I didn’t shout it from the rooftops because I knew that no one would take me seriously and I didn’t want anyone to shatter my dream. Even though my dream has come true (to become a comedienne) I still dream, but bigger, as this is the engine to my passion for acting (is that corny?). Along the way, people would always tell me what my dream should be but I never listened. Now those people are my biggest fans! (How corny am I?)’

  Who you tell about your dreams and goals is a really personal decision. Only you can make it, but it is an important one. Perhaps stick to those who you know will support you and take your decisions seriously.

  If I’m honest, I sort of regretted telling some of the people I told. Don’t get me wrong, they were supportive, it’s just that I began to get fed up with the ‘How’s the writing going?’ question, month after month and in every phone call. That was because, each time I had to tell them, ‘It isn’t.’ And it wasn’t. No agents were calling or writing back.

  5. You Have To Be In It…

  …To Win It

  As corny as this statement is, – it’s a good one, and makes a lot of sense. You see, there were a few times when I would think about what it would be like to just stop trying to reach my dream. It was feeling more and more out of reach and I was so, so tired of the knock backs.

  I needed to do something. Anything.

  So, for me, it was important to keep motivating myself and keep myself within the writing world. I read books by other authors, searched for websites and contacts and subscribed to writing magazines. Because if I totally took myself OUT of the writing world, then there was probably zero chance of me getting anywhere within it. This totally made sense to me.

  For you, it might be an idea to look at a chance to do some work relating to your dream, even if it’s unpaid. As a wannabe writer, I was writing without being paid for years! If your ambition is to be a gym instructor, taking unpaid work in, say the office of a local authority gym doesn’t mean you allow yourself to be exploited. It just means you get to meet others in the business and make contacts that may be useful for you in the future. And if there’s a course you want to do at the local college, grab a prospectus, apply or attend an open day. Funnily enough, Lena (one of the characters in my new book) is so afraid to apply for a course, she carries the application form around with her in her bag. This isn’t a bad thing as she is still ‘in’ it and there is still a chance that she will send it off. The minute she chucks it away, though, there is less chance.

  Carly Antoniades, 28, from London, currently follows her dream of becoming a florist whilst working at a day job:

  ‘I’m in my fourth year of night school, training to become a florist. I also do a lot of work at weekends – at weddings and christenings – which I really love as it involves working with flowers. This way I’m already experiencing aspects of my dream, even though I still have some time to train before I reach it. Plus it’s great fun!’

  I meet many people who, on finding out that I am a writer, say they have always wanted to write a novel. Some have already started one, perhaps a few years ago, and it’s now sitting in their bottom drawer. Others simply say they have a great idea for a book. If I ask what they have done to try and make this a reality, their reply wou
ld be, ‘I have written a few pages.’ There’s nothing wrong with this. Perhaps they have a different dream and the urge to become a writer is not as strong as it could be.

  Getting to the stage of being a writer – like most things – involves living the life that will take them to where they want to be. For example, at six o’clock on Saturday morning, when most of my friends are asleep, I’m sitting in my bed typing up my novel. That’s what I do. What I’m trying to say here is, if you want success as a writer, you have to, as much as you can, live like one. And that means sending off manuscripts, getting rejection letters, and then still finding the get-up-and-go to write the fourth chapter, when someone has just rejected the first three! Snatching moments in the evening after a long day at work – even though you’re really tired – because you HAVE to finish this book before your relative comes to stay next week. There can be a lot of juggling with school runs, doctor’s appointments, dinner, homework, life – whatever your ambition.

  Talk to Others Already Living Your Dream

  The writers of books sitting on my shelf are not people I see every day in my street. If I did, they probably wouldn’t appreciate me walking up to them and begging for advice! That’s why I was so happy to have been able to send author Lisa Jewell a few samples of my first attempt at a novel many years ago. Of course, she was a busy writer and I didn’t want to bother her with more requests, so I found the Internet useful during breaks in writing or when I was finding it hard to focus. Just reading about authors and searching their websites for tips and advice on how they succeeded really helped. So did finding out just how many times they got rejected before landing a publishing deal! Learning about people’s experiences can be really inspiring.

  After searching the Internet on yet another day, I managed to contact an editor of a large publisher. They finally agreed to look at a few chapters of my work. The result was that she liked my writing but could not persuade the rest of her team to make me an offer for the book. What I took away from that disappointing experience was the fact that a real life editor liked my writing and was willing to speak up for me. And this was a much better response than the one a few years before when that managing director had said he didn’t like my writing.

  I was improving.

  I had to carry on.

  So I continued to try and make contacts, sent out chapters to agents and wrote, wrote, wrote.

  We now live in an age where there are lots of social networking sites like Facebook, Myspace and Bebo. You can become cyber ‘friends’ with people already living your dream, so you may find it easier to get opinions from others than I did. There are probably online forums and blogs on your chosen subject too, and again this will give you a chance to interact with others who share your dream. I started a blog a few years ago and I was able to interact with people wanting to become writers (I also used it to moan about not being published – a lot!). I also joined an online writers’ forum where I was able to find out about others in the same position and some who were already published. It was all very useful, reading about those who were getting their books published and others who were in the same position as I was. Having someone you have never even met say, ‘Go for it! You are very talented,’ can be really uplifting.

  Local libraries sometimes run or advertise some great classes too. They’re not just for lending out books. Give them a try. Also, local colleges might run a course in your chosen dream. I found a creative writing class near my home, which meant I was surrounded by others sharing the same dream as me. Writing is a very solitary thing. You are mostly alone when you’re tapping away, and if the person you live with is more interested in taking apart computers (as in my case), it’s pretty difficult to get an opinion on your writing out of them! So spending two hours a week with a group of writers was very useful to me.

  Beverly Weekes, 44, from London, is a mother of four who has recently attended a childcare course in her area. ‘I hadn’t sat in a classroom for over twenty-five years. So it was nerve-racking at first – sitting with all those strangers! But once I really got into it, I started to enjoy it, even though at times, I found the work a bit difficult. I recently found out I have dyslexia and this diagnosis has made me even more determined to succeed!’

  I know it’s not always easy to do these things, to put yourself ‘out there’ and network. But just letting someone know you are trying to do something is a start. They may even know someone in the same position and get you both together. A connection might be made and you will be one step closer to following your dream. Like, for example, Jayne, a young mother, who told Nicola she wanted to do a nursery nurse course but didn’t know how to go about it. Nicola then told Jayne that her sister had just qualified as one and let her have her email address. Jayne then emailed Nicola’s sister and found out more information about the course.

  6. Stay Focused

  Admittedly, focusing can sometimes be the hard part.

  It’s not always easy to be able to just…focus. There’s always something else that needs doing. In my case, the washing up, or watching a certain TV programme and, oh, just having to make THAT phone call!

  Understand that the only way to achieve your goals is to take action because knowledge about something means nothing if you don’t apply it.

  It can also be hard to focus when you’re not feeling very motivated in the first place. For me, it would be just after a rejection letter fell through the letterbox or if I’d just had a bad day. There are lots of things that stop me from sitting down at the computer and getting on with my writing and writer’s block is one such thing.

  Writer’s block is when my ideas just aren’t in my head. I sit at the computer and nothing happens. Instead of getting too stressed out about it, I stop trying to write. I do some research online for the book or do a big spell check – anything to feel like I’m contributing to my dream (remember Chapter 5 above about being ‘in it, to win it’?).

  But if I really can’t do anything, I watch some television, rest my mind and hope the slump doesn’t last too long. At least then, I’ll be refreshed for next time. It’s important to remember that you are human, NOT super-human. Chasing your dream can be really tiring! Sometimes you just need to refuel. And this might mean just having a rest, so that when you go back to your task, your mind is clearer.

  I usually try and set myself a goal of four hours of writing a day (if I am not at my day job). But I know that writing in one whole chunk of four hours would not be the best strategy. So I break the four hours down into chunks and my schedule for the day could look something like this;

  Wake up

  Write in PJ’s for one hour

  Eat breakfast

  Go online (for too long)

  Write for two hours

  Eat lunch (whilst watching a recording of

  Desperate Housewives) Write for another hour or more

  Back to the lists again! If you are finding it difficult to focus, make a list of your goals and what you’d like to achieve and keep it safe. Then you can go back to it from time to time. You can tick things off that you have done, whilst at the same time reminding yourself of what needs doing.

  If I was tempted to go to an all-night club, I’d remind myself that I was not eighteen anymore so the next day I’d probably be too tired to write. Therefore, I’d have to say no that time! I’d tell myself that although I was missing out on a potentially good night, being a writer was what I wanted to be and it was a very small sacrifice to make.

  Simon Watkins, 37, from Surrey, a Global Marketing Manager for a major multi-national technology company, agrees:

  ‘If I have an important board meeting the next day and in another part of the country, I have to make sure I am prepared, mentally and physically. So it’s important that I’m as relaxed as possible the night before as I prepare my notes for the meeting. Things like a ‘lads’ night out’ are totally out of the question. And I’m okay with that, because I like to stay focused on the end result – which
is a job well done.’

  You may have heard the saying, ‘no pain no gain’. And although I sometimes hate this saying (who wants pain on their way to achieving something nice?), it really does make a lot of sense to me. But it can have two meanings. Firstly, that even though times are tough, discomfort is something we may go through on the way to reaching our goal. (In turn that allows us to really appreciate what we have.) Another way to look at it is that you start out knowing you’ll probably have to give up something ‘nice’ along your journey. For example, if your dream is to lose weight, you know you will not be able to eat two chocolate bars in one sitting. Or you may have to skip a whole week of your favourite TV soap because you have homework to do for your new college course.

  Sometimes things have to be sacrificed, which is why you have to keep in your mind the importance of your dream to YOU.

  Chasing your dream means you have to be able to view the future you want at times. You almost have to do this in order to get through some of the challenges you may face. I’ll give an example. When Martin Luther King visualized a time where his children would not be judged by the colour of their skin, he was living in a time when that was just not happening. But he had the ability to see BEYOND what he was experiencing. He was able to imagine a much, much better time. So, if you have a goal, it’s important that you visualize this in your mind and as often as you need to.

  In my case, for example, rejection slips from agents were arriving for me almost weekly. I was working at my day job where almost no one knew I was writing. But I still could visualize the day when I would get ‘that call’.

  I’m going to share something with you. It’s a little exercise I used to do, not every day, but on days when I was feeling less motivated than usual. I’d imagine myself picking up a phone call from an agent who then told me my book had sold to a major publisher. Daydreaming, if you like. But it would be so vivid and so clear I could almost feel the emotions. And this let me focus more on my goal.