The Earl of London

by Louise Bay

  “Then I’ll just have to prove to you that I’m going nowhere. I can’t give up, Darcy. There’s no one else for me. I want to marry you. Have kids with you. Write in the sky above Woolton Hall how much I love you.”

  “Please stop.” She scrubbed her face with her hands. “I’ve been independent my entire life. And I’d come to expect things of you. And when you left, I’d never felt so vulnerable. So alone. That feeling brought back every bad memory I ever had. And I can’t live worrying that I’ll feel that again. Please, Logan. You need to go.”

  “Just one more thing,” I said, holding out the file I was holding. “This is for you.”

  “I told you that I don’t want things from you.”

  “I know, but I want you to have this. Whatever happens between you and me, you should have it.”

  Reluctantly she took the file and opened it, flicking through the papers inside. “I don’t understand. What is this?”

  “I’ve transferred some of Badsley’s land to you. Not to Woolton, but to you.”

  She kept turning the page, back and forward. “But why?”

  “It’s just a piece of land from the edge of the estate. From your favorite spot in Woolton where we first met, down to the river where you used to play with Ryder.”

  She turned away from me. “I can’t take this,” she said over her shoulder.

  I stepped closer to her. She didn’t want me to see her upset, and the last thing I wanted to do was to make her cry, but she deserved this. “You’re not taking anything. I’m giving this to you willingly. Now you can be assured that whatever happens, those special places will be preserved. I’m not asking for anything in return. I just want you to understand that I care about you, and whether or not you love me, I will do anything to make you happy.”

  Because I was an impatient, selfish man, I wanted to have won her over, to have changed her mind. But her silence told me I’d done neither. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have come today. I just wanted you to know how I felt.”

  “No. I’m pleased you did. I’m sorry, I just wish I could forget—”

  “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the idiot. I’m the one who fucked this up. This is all me.” Ending things with Darcy had been the worst decision I’d ever made. And I hated myself for it. “But I will put things right. I will prove to you that I won’t get spooked again. I can’t just give up on you. On us.”

  “Logan…” Darcy exhaled a shaky breath.

  “I should go.” I just needed one touch to keep me going. I kissed the top of her head. “I love you. Please don’t be sad. I’m going to make this right.” And I walked away from the only woman I’d ever loved. But I wasn’t giving up on her.

  Thirty-Nine

  Darcy

  How had I let myself be talked into speed dating? I just wanted to be left alone at Woolton Hall, to bury myself in the estate and all its comings and goings. To get back to life before Logan.

  Aurora…she’d had other ideas, which is why I’d just explained for the fourth time this evening where Woolton Village was to a complete stranger.

  True to his word, Logan hadn’t given up. I’d heard from him every day. First in Connecticut. And then he must have known I’d come home about ten days ago, because each day since, I’d received a card or flowers or handwritten notes about his day and how he missed me. I also hadn’t heard the helicopter since I’d come back from Connecticut.

  I was still trying to move on, but I wasn’t sure speed dating was my thing.

  In front of me, the man in the white pleather jumpsuit shifted uncomfortably. “Sorry, it just gets a little uncomfortable. I don’t think I used enough baby powder. But you’re the hottest thing in this room.”

  I tried to keep the smile on my face steady. “Thank you.” The bell rang. Hallelujah.

  “Just to let you know, you’re going down on my sheet as ‘hell-yeah’,” he said with a wink.

  “Good to meet you, Elvis.” He wasn’t going on my sheet at all. The next guy couldn’t be worse, surely.

  “I’m Andrew.” A tall blond man stood in front of me, holding out his hand. Given he was wearing trousers and a shirt rather than fancy dress, it was a better start. “How old are you?” Okay, so maybe he’d skipped charm school. “I’m into older women.”

  “May I ask you the same question, Andrew?” I wasn’t about to admit to this guy I was older than him, even if I was.

  “Twenty-two. I reckon you’re twenty-nine or thirty. Too bad—I’m into women in their forties. Not looking to get married. Fantastic in bed. Winners all around.”

  At least we were matched in that his age was an issue for me, too—I wasn’t into twenty-two-year-olds. “Well, I hope you find her.” I was officially out. I’d given this evening a chance, but if I stayed a moment longer I’d likely never want to see Aurora again. I caught her eye across the room and stifled a giggle at her yawn. I headed over to save her.

  “What were you thinking?” I asked as we stumbled outside, desperate to leave before the next bell sounded. “You said tonight would be fun.”

  “I know. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

  “These are not desperate times.” I’d returned from Connecticut ten days ago and I’d barely left Woolton Hall. It was my safe space, and I knew as long as I stayed there, I’d survive. I might never be happy, but I would pull some kind of life together for myself.

  A life without Logan.

  I thought about him constantly. I replayed the conversation in Connecticut that we’d had on a loop. Even now, I wasn’t sure I’d done the right thing.

  “You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?” Aurora asked.

  I was always thinking about him. “That was a disaster.”

  “It wasn’t one of the better events they’ve put on, but I have met a couple of nice guys that way.”

  “Not so nice that you’re still dating them,” I said.

  Aurora linked her arm through mine as we made our way around the corner to pick up a cab. Right now I could happily have taken Logan’s helicopter back to Woolton. Being in the city felt a little bit too close to him. But we were staying at the Hill Street house tonight and heading back to Woolton tomorrow.

  “No, you’re right, but you have to take a chance on these things or you might miss your perfect match.”

  I admired the way Aurora kept putting herself out there, kept searching for the love of her life. I just didn’t know if I had it in me. I had never loved anyone the way I’d loved Logan and I knew I wouldn’t have that again, so what was the point of looking?

  “You know what I think?” Aurora asked. “I think you already found your perfect match.”

  My stomach swooped. “Sometimes, things just don’t work out.”

  “And sometimes things that are meant to work out have a shaky start. Nothing is ever perfect. Don’t you ever wonder if you should see if what you and Logan had would clear the bumps and get to the other side?”

  I held my arm out for an approaching cab. “I just don’t want to spend my whole life not knowing if Logan will change his mind and leave.”

  “But isn’t that always the risk in any relationship?” she asked as we climbed into the cab. “People divorce because they change their minds.”

  “But I need to be sure.”

  “Impossible. Nothing is certain in this world. Woolton might burn down, there’s a pretty good chance that I will turn to lesbianism, the W.I. might disband—anything is possible.”

  “How can you say such a thing? The W.I. will survive us both.” I hadn’t expected Aurora to suggest that Logan might still be the one.

  Aurora giggled. “That’s probably the biggest certainty in our lives. But things do change, and I think you’ve got to enjoy the good times when they’re offered. I’m not saying that you should just live in the moment with Logan, like you were doing. But he’s not saying that either. He wants more as well. And you love him and now you know he loves you. I don’t think you should t
hrow away a chance at happiness because it might not work out. The right guy doesn’t happen along often, believe me.”

  I knew what Logan and I’d had, or at least what I had felt for him, was special. I’d never loved someone before and I fully accepted I never would again. “I just can’t bear the pain of the people I love leaving me. I’ve had enough loss. And if I love him now, it will only be worse down the road. The pain would be unbearable.”

  “The only way to guarantee that you’ll never hurt is to never love anyone, and I don’t think that’s who you are. You deserve a family, someone who adores you, someone you adore. You have so much to give, Darcy. Don’t let fear be the thing that keeps you from being happy.”

  I was afraid. Afraid of being hurt, scared of being rejected again. My grandparents’ death, my parents’ abandonment—those had been awful, but I’d survived. Losing Logan was a sharper, more piercing pain, and now that it had begun to dull, I wanted to ensure I never felt it again.

  “And you’ve seen what the dating scene is like. You’re not going to find the love of your life at every speed dating event. You used to think you were destined to meet some landowner wedded to the country, but Logan showed you what you really need. That doesn’t happen a lot.”

  “You’re right. The picture of who I thought I’d end up with doesn’t come close to Logan Steele.” I’d thought I wanted the exact opposite of him.

  “I think you were too concerned with checking boxes–you need someone as passionate, as feisty and single-minded as you are. And I think you owe it to yourself to get over your fears, get over this bump in the road and see what’s on the other side. With Logan.”

  In so many ways, Logan wasn’t what I’d wanted, but he was everything I needed. He was strong, funny, focused and hardworking. He was devoted to his family and would move mountains in order to do the right thing. “Do you think that’s why it hurt so badly? Because I loved him so much?”

  “Maybe. I’m not sure I’ve ever really been in love. Not even with your brother, even though I thought otherwise. But now that I’ve seen you and Logan together, I know what true love looks like. I know what I’m aiming for.”

  I cleared my throat, trying not to cry. “Do you really think that?”

  Aurora nodded. “I really do. And I think it’s special and you need to grab onto it. From what you’ve told me, he gets that he made a huge mistake.”

  “But it was a mistake that broke my heart, Aurora.”

  “And one that he’s trying to make up for. I’ve never seen so many flowers and letters. The guy is sorry. He’s showing you he’s not running, that he’s serious about you. I don’t think he’ll make the same mistake again. Don’t lose him because you’re afraid to try.”

  I could change the washer of a tap, convince a planning committee to reject a new development, I could even re-shoe a horse. But perhaps I had been too scared to let myself love Logan Steele enough to forgive him.

  Forty

  Logan

  Nothing had been the same since I’d come back from Connecticut nearly two weeks earlier. I’d lost the woman I loved, and I just didn’t know how to live with that. I wouldn’t give up, but hope was fading. I’d not heard anything from her and I wanted to go home. Mope. Feel sorry for myself. Business was the last thing on my mind.

  “Cancel everything this afternoon. If anything urgent comes in, you can call me,” I told my assistant. There was plenty of urgent stuff sitting in my inbox, but nothing mattered anymore.

  “No problem. I was about to come see you when you called me in. Apparently, there’s someone in reception for you without an appointment, but I’ll deal with them.”

  I nodded and began to log off my computer. “Do you know who it is?”

  She glanced down at her notes. “A Darcy Westbury? I’ve never heard of her. Don’t worry, I’ll get rid of her.” She reached for her phone.

  Darcy? Darcy was here?

  “No! Where is she?” My heart started to pound. Why would Darcy be here? Had something happened to my grandmother? Was she hurt? Or could I let myself hope that she was here to see me, that perhaps she’d changed her mind?

  “In reception, I guess. You want me to see why she’s here?”

  I’d already started across the office. Sure enough, I saw Darcy talking animatedly to one of the receptionists, her beautiful chestnut-brown hair loose and swaying down her back. I yanked open the glass door and our eyes locked. Without saying anything, Darcy silently followed me back to my office. Whatever she’d come here for didn’t need an audience.

  My assistant said nothing as I led Darcy inside and closed the door behind us. “Is everything okay? Did something happen with my grandmother?”

  She shook her head and frowned, two small ridges forming above the bridge of her nose. Had I never noticed that before, or was she wearing a facial expression I’d never experienced? Somehow, I felt cheated. There would be so much of Darcy that I would never know. I was such an idiot.

  “What are you doing in London?”

  She ignored my question and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of my desk. I wished she’d just tell me why she was here. My palms were sweating. I was fighting every instinct I had that told me to touch her, kiss her, hold her.

  “Aurora and I went speed dating last night.”

  I banged my fist against the door, trying to contain my anger into that one single movement. Dating? Fuck. What had I expected? I blew out a breath, then took a seat behind my desk. “Go on.”

  “I stayed at the London house last night, not that I’ve slept,” she mumbled. “I’ve been doing nothing but thinking and missing you—it seems that’s all I do these days.”

  I tried to control my breathing and listen carefully. Had she just admitted to missing me? “What did you say?”

  “I can’t just turn these feelings off. I’ve tried, but I still love you.”

  Her words slid over me like a cool shower on a muggy August day. I closed my eyes and took a breath. When I opened them, she was looking right at me. “So, I decided to come here this morning and tell you.”

  “And what about the guy, or guys from last night?”

  “From speed dating?” She shook her head. “Obviously, they were all awful. None of them were you.”

  Was she prepared to give me another chance? I didn’t want to push her, but I needed to know more. “It’s good to see you. I mean, it always is, but I’ve missed you so much. I wondered if I’d ever lay eyes on you again.”

  “You hurt me so badly. I’ve never known pain like that.”

  Her agony wound around me in a mixture of guilt and shame. How could I have been so selfish? “I know, and I’m so sorry. I want to make it up to you, to prove to you that I’m worthy of your love.”

  She trapped her bottom lip between her teeth. I rarely saw her look so unsure about anything. She was so capable and confident. Had I robbed her of that?

  “What can I do? Please, Darcy. Anything. I’m miserable without you. I’m nothing without you.”

  “Don’t say that. You’re everything I never realized I wanted in a man.”

  My breath caught in my throat. The more she spoke, the more hope filled up my chest, my heart, my soul. Hope for a future. “If you give me a second chance, you’ll never regret it. I pledge to you right now that I will love you forever. My feelings took me by surprise, but I understand them now. I understand what you are to me. You’re everything, and I won’t make the same mistake twice. I love you, Darcy. I’ll always love you.”

  “But you will make mistakes,” she replied and the fist around my heart tightened. “And so will I. We need to get better at working through them. Because I can’t lose you again.”

  I couldn’t hold back any longer. I stood and rounded my desk. I had to be closer to her. “Do you mean…” I could barely form the words. “Have you come back to me?”

  She stood and tipped her head back, her hand sliding over my chest. “I never left.”

  I�
�d missed her warmth, her touch, her scent so much that it was almost overwhelming me. “I’ll never let you go again.”

  “I don’t think I’d survive if you did.”

  I wanted to ask her to marry me right then—I wanted to bond us together, make this permanent, but I knew ever-practical Darcy would think it was too soon. For now, I would settle for having her in my arms. I had some work to do to prove that I would be a worthy husband. But I was confident that I understood my priorities now and it wouldn’t be long before I made her my wife.

  Forty-One

  Darcy

  As soon as I saw Logan, the gray half-moons under his eyes, the way his jacket fit more loosely than it should, I knew he was hurting just as much I was. And now, in his arms, it was as if the world had been put back together. I reached up to cup his face, to check that it was all real.

  “I love you so much,” he said.

  “We need to expect failure—one or both of us are going to freak out sometimes. You’re just not allowed to give up,” I said.

  “I get it.” He slid his hands over my arse and pulled me toward him.

  “Logan, we’re in your office.”

  “Right,” he replied. “My totally private office.”

  “Never going to happen,” I replied. “I’m not becoming the topic of office gossip. That’s my brother, not me.”

  He walked backward toward his desk, pulling me with him. Without letting me go, he grabbed his wallet and phone and slid them into his pocket. “Then we’ll leave. It’s been far too long since I’ve kissed you. Even longer since you were naked in my arms. I can’t wait any longer.”

  “You have work and we have a lot to talk about. A lot to figure out.” We had to be sensible. But I wanted him too. “And a lot of naked time in our future.”

  “Don’t you get it?” he asked. “Work doesn’t matter to me when you’re in the room. I’ve learned my lesson, Darcy. You’re my priority now.”