I open up the passenger door of my truck and throw my groceries in. I’m angry, but I’ll get over it… eventually. It’ll be hard if Kate stays in town, though, and for the first time since I’d laid eyes on her again at Pamela’s, I’m almost hoping she’ll leave and go back to HFU like she’d mentioned she might. That way I won’t have to think what could have been between us every time I run into her. That’s the downside of small towns, having to see someone you don’t want to when things go sour.
I’m just heading around to the other side of the truck, ready to get as far as I can from here when I hear my name.
“Garrett!” Kate yells.
I turn, and she’s running toward me, in a full on sprint, the hair she’d pulled into a ponytail flopping from side to side. Even in her work uniform, a crisp white shirt, black slacks, and an apron with the Forester’s Grocery logo emblazoned on it, she looks beautiful, and it sucks.
“I forget something?” I doubt I sound friendly, but I figure she’s here because I left a second bag of sandwiches and sports drinks behind—I wouldn’t have noticed for as fast as I got out of there.
She stops right in front of me, catches her breath and shakes her head. “No… look, I’m sorry about what just happened in there.”
I lift my brows, unsure of what’s coming.
“I’m also sorry for not calling you back, but… umm, can I just come out and ask you something and maybe you promise me you won’t get mad at me if I do?”
Kate seems to need me to make a lot of promises to her, but I don’t mind, especially if it means there’s some kind of second chance here for me. “Sure, I can promise that. What’s going on, Kate?” With my hands in my pockets, I take a step forward.
With a strained face, she asks, “Am I a replacement for Paige?”
“A replacement?” It’s a legitimate question, but I’m not sure I’ve given her any reason to believe that’s what she is to me. My interest in her has been solely about her, nothing to do with recreating the past I had or didn’t have with her sister.
“Maybe it’s subconscious… or maybe you don’t want to admit it. But do you think it’s possible that you wouldn’t be interested in me if I didn’t look like my sister?”
At that, I pull my hands out of my pockets and gratefully step up to her and draw her into my arms. “Do you think that? You really think that, Kate?” It hurts me just to imagine she’s been feeling that way, so I can only imagine what it’s been doing to her. I’ve been in that place, been second choice, and it feels like shit.
“I’m not sure I do,” she says, easily falling into me. “But other people… other people seem to think maybe you do.”
“And who the hell are these other people?” I ask, pulling away just enough so that I can look into the beautiful eyes I’d only moments ago imagined would only be seen from a very strained distance.
She scrunches her lips up. “My mother. And I don’t think it will stop with just her. If you and I actually get together, then a lot of people will think that.”
I take a moment to digest her words. I’ve always loved Mrs. Kessel—she hadn’t been quite a second mom to me, but she’d been like one of those aunts you really liked. Still, I always got the sense she liked Evan more than she did me, that if she ever imagined Paige getting together with one of us, that she’d been rooting for him. So, while it hurts a little to imagine she’d think I was only trying to replace her older daughter with her younger one, I’m not entirely surprised.
“If we’re going to do this, then it doesn’t matter what they think, Kate. It’s what you and I think. That’s what’s important… and to be honest, I could use a little help with what it is that you’re currently thinking about us.”
She steps back, looking apologetic. “I’m thinking I really want to give us a chance. Mom saying that stuff about Paige threw me, and, to be honest… it’s not the only thing I’m worried about.”
I slide my hands to her hips and tilt my chin down. “And I’m guessing the other thing has to do with the promise you asked me to make you?”
Her eyelashes flutter, then close for a moment before opening her eyes up wide again. “It does.”
“And you’re not ready to tell me what it is?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t want to put too much pressure on us… I guess that’s it.”
I wish she’d just be honest with me, but I’m not going to risk pressuring her and maybe pushing her further away from me. “I’ll go with whatever makes you feel comfortable, but I don’t mind admitting that I really want to see more of you. That day at the farm was pretty amazing… because you were there with me.”
She blushes. “You would have been fine without me, Garrett. I was just along for the ride.”
I shake my head. “It would have been boring as hell without you, and you made so many good points about the house. You even had Chuck impressed.”
She laughs. “Well, as long as I could impress Chuck.”
“Hey… what are you doing tomorrow night?”
She pauses. “Um, I don’t think anything as long as Beth doesn’t have classes where she’ll need me to babysit.”
“Okay, then what would you think about coming to dinner at my parents’?”
“Didn’t we just talk about trying not to have a lot of pressure?”
“We did… yeah.” I slide a finger over my brow and smile. “I guess I just want you to know that I’m serious about you, which means getting you more acquainted with my family, which I know means more pressure.”
She nods ever so slightly, then looks down toward the pavement, as if considering.
I hold tighter to her. “I kind of need you to know that whatever it is you’re holding back from me, I’m in this thing for the long haul.”
“You know all that already?” She looks up at me and pulls at the sleeve of her shirt. “We’ve barely just reconnected.”
I do.
I could tell her my certainty is partially based on the dozens of women I’d met over the years I was away. I’d had relationships with some of them, tried my best to give those who were actually interested in something real a chance, but I’d never felt about any of them the way I feel about Kate right now. But saying that is going to make me sound like a serial dater at best, a male whore at worst, or something else entirely that I’m unsure she’ll be able to have faith in.
“I just know. It’s what I feel.” That’s what I go with, and I hope it’s enough.
“Okay,” she says, her eyes brightening. “I’ll come to dinner and hope your family doesn’t end up hating me.”
“They’ll love you, I’m sure.” Love her as much as I’m growing to.
She nods appreciatively, and I take control of the moment by placing the palms of my hands over her smooth cheeks, holding her still and kissing soft lips that conform so well to my own. I nearly steal the breath away from her, and when I pull back she’s standing still, breathless, her eyes closed.
And with that, I know I’ve got her back.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
KATE
“Are you sure this is a good idea, honey?” Mom has me cornered in the kitchen while Clark and Grandma are in the dining room, debating over some story Grandma had shown him in the newspaper.
“It’s just dinner, Mom, and I haven’t seen the Heveners in forever, so I wouldn’t say it’s a bad idea.”
Mom gets that look in her eyes, the one that is full of concern and worry but also has a pinch of hope, like maybe she’s wrong and I’m right. “And that’s all it is to you?”
“For now.”
That’s a lie.
It had been one thing to resist Garrett when all I had to do was evade his phone calls, but when he came into Forester’s yesterday, just seeing him made me think that all the pain I’d feel when he’d eventually reject me would be worth it if I could just have a few good months with him. They would be months I could remember forever as long as I knew he’d be less cruel than Shawn had be
en when we’d undoubtedly break up. Some feeling inside of me told me Garrett could give me at least that.
Mom stirs up the sauce she’s been simmering on the stove—it’s her turn to cook tonight—then lets out a sigh. “I realize I’ve been a unfair about the idea of you and Garrett in a number of ways, and thinking about it, I’m not opposed to it being more than just a friendship. It’s just that you’ve been through so much, first with Lyle and then with Shawn. Could you really take it if… well, if Garrett does the same thing?” Her voice falters and her chin begins to tremble when she picks up the large spoon and stirs the sauce again.
I wish I had something to distract me other than just leaning against the kitchen counter because I want to cry too. My relationship failures had not been limited only to Shawn. They started in high school with Lyle Hendricks. We started dating halfway into my sophomore year, though it’s unclear exactly when our relationship ended.
Lyle was a self-described naturalist, and we’d go on long walks through the desert trails just beyond town and skinny dip together at the lake at the most remote spots we could find. He had lots of angst, didn’t like the things most people liked and sure as hell hated football. He confided lots of things about his family to me, no big awful secrets, but stuff that he found generally annoying, things he probably didn’t tell anyone else.
After we’d been dating for a year, I’d confided in him too, told him about my diagnosis, that I couldn’t ever have children without intervention and maybe not even then. He had a lot of questions, which I took as a good sign, and I didn’t mind providing him the answers. But when he asked for specifics about my anatomy, it really threw him off when I told him I didn’t have a uterus. Eventually he began hinting at some hippy dippy philosophies about the strains a relationship could be under when one was unable to bring forth life naturally. He spaced these ideas out just enough so that it took me a good year before I really got that Lyle didn’t see me as a complete person.
Of all people, my missing parts shouldn’t have mattered to a guy who talked a lot about never wanting to have kids, said there were too many on the planet anyway and that anyone who had more than one kid was a traitor to Mother Earth. By then, he’d already started growing a scraggly beard and stopped cutting his hair until he could pull it into a ponytail. The look didn’t do much for me, but I’d still been willing to stand by a guy that I was probably the polar opposite of. Maybe I was just that desperate to be loved and scared that none of the other boys in Basin Lake could really accept me.
But my loyalty wasn’t appreciated, and Lyle pulled away, slowly at first, and then all at once it seemed. We’d gone from romantic to friendly to something nonexistent by the time high school graduation came around. Lyle’s rejection was one of the things that had spurred me on to put in my application for HFU. And once I’d been accepted, I got the hell out of Basin Lake.
Lyle was supposed to have gone to Evergreen State College in Olympia on the western side of the state, but he either never went or didn’t stay very long because he comes into Forester’s all the time. He’s without the ponytail or the beard now, but other than a quick shot of nerves when I’d first spotted him, I feel absolutely nothing for the guy. He’s asked me out twice already, flirting with me every single time he comes through my line. Like Shawn, he’s had a change of heart. And like Shawn, I’ve told him it’s too late.
The one thing I’d learned growing up, something that had been instilled in me as a kid, was that you stuck with someone through the hard times. My mom had stuck with my dad when he’d gotten sick, and while I’d been too young to remember all that much of it, I understood that love… real love was more powerful than the setbacks life could throw at you. Maybe Lyle was too young to know better, but Shawn had been old enough, should have been wise enough to know whether his love for me was more than just skin deep.
Garrett is somewhere in between, older than Lyle and younger than Shawn, and with enough life experience that I hope he’d know himself, know what love is meant to be.
All I know is that I care a lot more about what his reaction would be to me. And if he broke my heart and then came back wanting a second chance, I’m not entirely sure I wouldn’t give it to him.
“I’d rather not think about either Lyle or Shawn,” I finally say after replaying the past in my mind.
“Of course not.” She shakes her head like she’d been absentminded, sniffles and wipes some moisture from her eyes. “Sorry to have brought them up. Now, are you sure you don’t want to borrow the car to drive over there?”
“Thanks, Mom, but he’s picking me up.” And just then he texts to let me know he’s on his way.
She turns the heat down on the stove and gives the sauce one last stir. “You know, I’ve been meaning to get a new car. I think the Volvo is finally going to end up with you!”
“Really? You don’t have to, you know. You could trade it in and get some money for it.” That car had been all of ours for as long as I can remember. Mom drove us around in it like she was a taxi service, then loaned it out to us as we got our driver’s licenses, scheduling its use around our busy lives. And the truth is, I’d love to have it.
“I don’t have to do a lot of things, but I want to do them,” she says. “And maybe, just maybe, if you get a car that’s been a fixture in Basin Lake, then it’ll make you want to stick around too.”
There is another flash of emotion on her face, and with it comes some guilt. Of my sisters, I’d been the most difficult. I’d lashed out at those who loved me because I didn’t think my life could be what I’d wanted it to be once the doctors told me I’d never have a kid on my own. Sometimes I’d remind myself that it really wasn’t that bad, that there were things like adoption and IVF if I married a guy with money or really good health insurance. But I’d always dreamed of a simple life in Basin Lake, an effortless timeline where I’d have dated a guy on the football team, graduated, married that same guy and then have as many babies with him as we’d be able to support. I didn’t see myself in some fancy career like the ones my sisters wanted, but at home, taking care of the house and the yard and the kids. It wasn’t for everyone, but it’s what I’d wanted for me.
“If you want me to stick around, then you should be pushing me toward Garrett, not away from him,” I tell her.
She lets out a little laugh, wipes at her eyes again and says, “Maybe you’re right, Kate. You just might be.”
* * *
Mom, Clark and Grandma were hospitable to Garrett when he stopped in at the house. And given time, I think Mom will start to see what I’ve come to believe, that I’m not a fill-in or a replacement for Paige. Garrett might not end up wanting me for other reasons, but I’m fairly confident that, for now, his interest is genuine.
“You ready for this?” he asks when we pull up to his family home, a white farmhouse with black shutters on both sides of each and every window and a red barn with white trim off to the side. The Heveners’ homestead could very well be the picture next to the definition of a traditional American farm in the west, the house and outbuildings surrounded by trees an oasis among hundreds, if not thousands, of acres of crops.
“I think so.” I actually hadn’t been all that worried or nervous until just now because while I didn’t know Garrett’s family all that well, they weren’t exactly strangers to me. “Should I have prepared myself?” I add on teasingly.
“Nah.” He laughs. “I know it can be kind of overwhelming sitting down to dinner with six people you probably haven’t seen in forever. Just wondering if we need a safe word or something if it’s too much.”
“A safe word?” I’m grateful for the laughter that brings me. “Isn’t that for like…” I drift off, not wanting to finish the train of thought.
“Yeah.” A coy grin spreads across his handsome face. “Not that I’ve ever had to use one before or anything.” That same face reddens ever so slightly, and I have to wonder at that.
“It’ll be fine,” I assure him
, putting my hand on his. “I’m ready for whatever they have in store for me.”
“Such a brave girl.” He grips my hand before opening his door, getting out of the truck and then meeting me on the other side, insisting on taking my hand and then closing the door for me.
He’s such a gentleman, a small-town boy turned man who is looking really good tonight. The well fitting jeans he’s wearing are dark and more formal than any pair I’d seen him wear in high school. His crisp gray dress shirt is tucked into those belted jeans, a light camel-colored coat over his shoulders. His thick hair is a little less wavy, combed neatly to one side, his cologne crisp and light, the dress boots on his feet polished black.
This is not his everyday look, but it’s a nice one. I wish I could match the quality of the clothes he probably has from his days in Minneapolis, but I’d never had a lot of disposable income working for HFU. Still, Garrett hasn’t complained about my very dark blue shift dress with small pink and red flowers all over it or my heavy rose-colored sweater or the biker boots that I’d at least polished to match the shine of his. In fact, he’s complimented me more than once and hasn’t stopped looking at me since he picked me up, which has at least given a nice boost to my confidence.
And I’m going to need it.
There’s a lot riding on my reintroduction to his family. Doting mothers and older sisters can get in the way of relationships, maybe without even meaning to, especially if Mrs. Hevener and Skyler think I won’t be able to give Garrett everything they feel he needs or is entitled to.
“It’s so nice to see you again, Kate,” his mother says, offering me a hug once we step inside the house and find ourselves in the kitchen. She’s warm and friendly, but I can tell she’d be a force to reckon with if I ever did something to hurt her son.
“Can I help with anything?” I ask, wanting to be of use, maybe even wanting to impress her.
Unbroken by Love (The Basin Lake Series Book 4) Page 11
