“No… I think everything that needs doing has already been taken care of.” She smiles at me, not a bead of sweat or redness on her face, as if the meal we’re about to eat had been prepared effortlessly.
Garrett guides me into the dining room where the rest of the family is already at the table. The woman I recognize as Skyler, Garrett’s older sister, is doing her best to settle down the two children sitting next to her. I can vaguely remember seeing them both when they were babies but now must be eight or nine years old. Growing children, more than anything, are concrete examples of the passage of time.
“Kate Kessel,” Mr. Hevener says, rising from his chair at the opposite side of the table. “This is a welcome surprise for us.” He’s a sturdy looking man, maybe an inch or two shorter than Garrett with the same dark blonde colored hair. It’s cropped so short to his head, though, that I can’t quite tell if it has the similar, slight curl of his son’s.
“Hey, there.” It must be Matt, the brother-in-law, dark-haired and muscular but much shorter than Garrett, who stands closest to us, turns and nods. “I think you were just a kid the last time I saw you.”
“Yeah, it’s been a while,” I tell him, then turn back to Mr. Hevener. “Thanks so much for having me over.”
“You’re pretty,” the boy, Wayne, says. His hair is dark, just like his father’s.
“Manners!” Skyler leans back, stretches her arm out behind the girl, Charlotte, and taps her son on the shoulder.
“He’s just being honest,” Matt says with a shrug.
“He needs to learn how to talk to people,” Skyler hisses back. “I’m so sorry,” she says, barely looking at me.
“It’s fine. Really, it’s a compliment.” I’ve been called worse things than pretty.
“You take the center chair, Kate,” Mrs. Hevener says, seamlessly gliding back into the dining room with a gravy bowl that she sets down on the table. “Garrett, you sit closest to your father, and I’ll take the chair next to my handsome son-in-law and Kate.”
Once everyone is situated, I’m sitting directly across from Charlotte, Garrett’s niece. She’s a pretty girl, blonde with sun-kissed skin like her mother, and she smiles at me shyly. I offer her a wave, one that makes her blush.
There’s a prayer before we eat, which isn’t something I’m really used to. Nobody in my family has ever been really good with the whole God thing. It’s not that we don’t believe at all—we do. It’s just that I’m not sure I believe in the rules and the contradictions, the well meaning people that used to tell my mom that my dad got sick for a reason, that it was God’s will and all a part of his plan. If those same kinds of people knew about my condition, I’m sure they’d say the same thing about me.
“So, you’ve been gone for two years.” Skyler dives right into the questions while plates of food are being passed around. “Garrett mentioned you bypassed college to build houses?” She looks at me as if that can’t be right, that construction isn’t a young woman’s work.
Garrett sets his warm hand on my thigh, a touch I know he’s offering in support.
“I did. Have you ever heard of Houses for Us?”
Skyler shakes her head, and nobody else at the table jumps in to say otherwise.
“It’s a non-profit. We’d build houses for families who couldn’t really afford a traditional mortgage. Sometimes we’d build from the ground up or fix up older houses in a struggling community. I got to see a lot of rural America just doing that.”
“You actually built the houses?” Matt looks impressed.
“I helped,” I qualify. “Like I told Garrett the other day, I worked under the supervision of people who really knew what they were doing, but I’ve learned a lot. There are things I can fix I’m sure plenty of men can’t.”
“She was my extra eyes when we went through the Murphy house,” Garrett says, giving me a big smile as he loads food on his plate. “Even your friend, Chuck, said it was good having her along,” he tells Matt.
“Are you going to be doing something like that here?” Skyler is keeping an eye on the portions of food her children take while also giving me a scrutinizing look.
“Right now, I’m working at Forester’s, and I help babysit Beth and Ben’s kids on the side.”
“Is that right? I haven’t seen you there… at Forester’s.” She says this in a way where I almost think she’s trying to catch me in a lie.
“She doesn’t work there every day,” Garrett tells her, his voice firm and edged with an annoyance like Skyler is the protective type with a tendency to go overboard.
“Those are both good jobs to have,” Mrs. Hevener says, ignoring their disagreement. “They’ll serve you well, especially watching the children. You do plan on having some of your own someday, don’t you?”
And there it is. I haven’t even touched my food yet, and I’m already being asked about life plans and the probability of providing grandchildren to the Heveners. My belly pinches tightly in response.
“Well… I think it’s still a little ways off.” I shift in my chair, unable to look Mrs. Hevener in the eye.
“That’s a big question for her first dinner with us,” Garrett tells his mother in the nicest way possible.
“Oh, I know, but a lot of girls aren’t having kids these days, so why not ask?”
When I dare to look back over to her, Mrs. Hevener settles her eyes on me. She definitely expects me to answer.
“I had mine young,” Skyler says before I make out a reply. “It’s definitely worth it, but it’s not for everyone.”
There’s a slight accusation in her voice, and I turn my eyes to Garrett for some support. His jaw ticks beyond the smile he offers me.
“Of course it’s for everyone!” Matt hasn’t been shy about digging into his food and says this with his mouth sounding half full of something. “Look at those two.” He points his fork toward Charlotte and then Wayne. “Being able to see your eyes or your nose or your mannerisms in a human being you’ve had a part in creating is pretty much the best gift you could ever get.”
Not one morsel of food has touched my lips, and yet I’m feeling sick to my stomach. “I’m sure it is,” I say, taking note of the physical characteristics Wayne and Charlotte share with their parents. The only way I’ll ever get that with a man is through expensive fertility treatments and a surrogate mother, and I don’t care how many times I’ve been told I can adopt or foster or whatever—it just isn’t the same. It’s wonderful and important, but it’s not the same as being able to create a small version of yourself with the person you love.
“Don’t let anyone talk you out of it,” Skyler tells me with some sort of new insistence. “Being pregnant can suck sometimes, but it’s a miracle in itself.”
I close my eyes and attempt to catch my breath. It almost feels like they know I can’t have kids and are intentionally hurting me by throwing the wonder of reproduction in my face. But they don’t know, and even if they did, I can’t imagine them being awful enough to attack me for it.
“You okay?” Garrett takes my hand.
“I need a moment.” I open my eyes, push my chair out and stand up. “I’m sorry… excuse me, but I just need some air.” I let Garrett’s hand slide away from mine, and I walk out through the kitchen and then through the side door, the same one we’d walked in only ten or fifteen minutes ago.
The air is cold and refreshing at first, but, even with a sweater, I start to shiver. I’m beginning to wish I had a jacket, but I can at least catch my breath out here and not feel as though I’m on the very precipice of a panic attack.
“Sorry. They were being overwhelming.” Garrett shuts the door behind him, comes to my side and puts his arm around me.
“They just love you.” I tell myself that’s the reason they all seemed so worried, so invested, in whether or not I wanted to have kids. They must know it’s something that’s important to him too.
“Yeah, well, they aren’t really earning any points by putting so much
pressure on you.” He pulls me tighter, and I lean into him, grateful for the warmth and comfort his body provides.
“But I’m probably not earning any walking out of dinner though, am I?”
“Don’t worry about that, Kate. What they were doing in there was more about me than you—I’m pretty much past their expiration date for starting a family.”
I let out a frustrated breath. “You’re not even twenty-six. Isn’t that still considered pretty young, especially for a man?”
“Not in my family.” He lets out a half laugh. “I think my mother is still under the illusion that I… well, that I’ve never had sex.”
I’d been looking up into those gorgeous brown eyes of his until just then, until my face flushes and I have to look away. A guy as attractive and successful as Garrett has obviously been with a few girls whereas I’d never gotten past the making out stage with Lyle or Shawn. Even before them, anything I’d done with a boy had usually been over clothes and completely innocent.
“They want to marry you off,” I say, my amusement pushing through my worries of inadequacy. “So, I guess this is like an intense vetting process, huh?”
He laughs. “I guess that’s one way of looking at it, but while I like the idea of having the approval from my family about the person I end up with, I don’t need it. They’re all kind of stuck in the small town mentality of things going a certain way—they don’t like hiccups.”
“But you aren’t… stuck in that small town mentality?”
“I don’t think so. I’ve seen a lot more of the world and had my mind opened up and broadened. Things don’t always fit into a perfect box.”
“That’s true,” I lament, wondering if he’d be ready for just how imperfect my particular box might be.
He brings his hand to my chin and turns it toward him. “Is that the only thing that was bothering you, Kate? I mean… I don’t know a lot about that Shawn guy. Maybe you’d planned on having a family with him or something?”
While I’d been the one feeling so insecure about the line of questioning being peppered at me this evening, I just now notice the insecurity that is so very present in Garrett’s eyes. The truth is that Shawn and I had talked about having a family. I knew that he wanted to marry me, and the last obstacle to making that happen was me telling him that having children with me would take a little extra work. I’d actually allowed myself to believe he’d accept it after some initial disappointment—I thought he loved me enough for that. So, maybe there is some residual mourning about that… a trace of hurt, but it’s tempered by my belief that I’d dodged a bullet with the guy who was now willing to cheat on his wife to be with me again.
“No… I mean, yes… we did talk about having a family, but I’m not…” I’m getting flustered. “I’m not upset about losing him, Garrett. I mean, you saw him—he was acting crazy.”
“Yeah.” He offers a slight grin, not able to disagree with my assessment. “But you’re a beautiful girl, Kate. A lot of guys would want you.”
I ease, able to laugh at that. “You trying to pawn me off?” It doesn’t matter how many guys want you—it’s about the right guy wanting you.
“Never.” He leans down to kiss me again, and it’s magic, the kind of kiss that makes your knees weak, that makes you forget all of your troubles. And just then I do.
Even with all the pressure put on me this evening, I forget… and it’s bliss.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
GARRETT
“I’ll see you soon,” Kate tells me before she slips back into her house, leaving me on the porch to miss her already.
I close my eyes, letting the kiss we’d just shared a minute ago sink back in, wishing we could go on sharing it. But we aren’t quite to the stage of spending the night together, and, even if we were, I’d understand her needing some time to herself after what had to be an overwhelming evening for her. While we’d finished the family dinner without further incident, I didn’t like that Kate had been made uncomfortable, enough to have needed that brief escape into the evening air. She’d been peppered with questions, one after the other, my family making a girl who wasn’t even twenty-one feel as though she’d need to offer assurances she’d pop out just the right number of kids to appease them.
Shit—it was too much even for me.
I open my eyes and head back to my truck, but I’m not ready to go home quite yet. Even though it’s chilly tonight, I roll my window down and drive north through a very quiet downtown Basin Lake and then past the neighborhoods dotting the north side of town before eventually reaching my destination, our town’s namesake, and parking on the southern shore.
It’s quiet here this time of night. The water laps at the beach that is sandy in some places and rocky in others, the light of the moon reflecting off the gentle waves. It’s a peaceful place, has always been that way. When I went off to college, I’d hated to leave it. And before that, I’d hated watching Paige leave even more. I’d been so excited that she’d actually agreed to date me before being hit just as quickly with the news she’d be going off to school in North Carolina with Evan. Even then, I think I knew her heart wasn’t mine and never would be. And yet I’d still hoped and tried and wanted everything from her, her body, her mind and her heart. In the end, what I have back is her friendship, and that’s all I need.
It’s Kate that I want in every way, something deep inside telling me she’s what I need. But what if I’m fooling myself all over again into believing that’s what she wants too? Sure, my family had overwhelmed her with their questions, but I can’t help but to be curious as to what her answers would have been. Can she see a family with me someday, or is she not ready for the kind of commitment it would take for that to happen? And how the hell could I blame her if she didn’t?
I want to know both everything she’s thinking while understanding how unfair it would be of me to push her for answers. Allowing someone to reveal themselves to you, layer by layer, takes patience. That’s what Dr. Barnes told me once, but hell if I’m feeling very patient tonight. I could actually really use a friend to talk to, so I grab my phone and dial.
“Hevener!” Andy Lindstrom, my old teammate from the Vikings, answers on the second ring.
“Hey, Andy. I catch you at a good time?”
“It’s always a good time for you,” he says in that usual, electrically charged voice of his, even though it’s closing in on midnight there. “How’s life back on the farm?”
“Farm life is quiet, just the way I like it.”
“Not boring as shit?”
I laugh. “Not really. There’s so much stuff to do from sunup to sundown, mostly work stuff, but I love it. And that offer I put on the farm got accepted. Should end up closing okay as long as everything falls into place.”
“Damn, your own farm, dude? Congrats! I sure as hell wish you were back here with us, though. We miss you.”
“Nah. I would have just pulled you guys down this season. My heart wasn’t in it anymore.”
“Or you just decided you wanted to head home and bang your way through half the female population of Basin Lake. Am I right?”
I laugh it off, rubbing at the back of my neck. While his words are embarrassing, there is some precedent as to his reason for saying them. After Paige had stomped my heart into the ground, first thing I did was head back to WSU and hook up with a redhead I knew had a crush on me. It had been a total rebound, and the relationship didn’t make it a month. And then there were at least half a dozen more through college, easily more than a dozen during my time in the NFL. Those numbers were small in comparison to a lot of the guys I’d been around, but they were a source of personal shame for me. I wasn’t supposed to be that guy. I’d never wanted to be that guy, and I’m not sure Kate would be at all cool with my past behavior if she knew the details.
“Those days are over for me, man,” I tell him.
“Ahh… so what are you saying… you find someone special? You always did seem to want to find that.”
I can feel the smile spreading on my lips just in thinking her name, the one woman among the many who I already feel closer to than any girl or woman I’d ever been with. “Her name is Kate. Kate Kessel. And yeah, she’s pretty special.”
“Kate… huh? She fall all over herself like the rest of them to get to you?”
That earns him a quick, sharp laugh. “Yeah, right. I’m actually the one doing most of the work trying to keep her close.” My lips rise into a lopsided grin at the thought.
“Shit… I sure as hell don’t have time for something like that. She just playing hard to get? Games and stuff?”
“I don’t think so.” I sigh heavily, wiping my grin away. “Just when I think she feels the same stuff for me that I do for her, she puts doubt into my head… not that I think she’s trying to. And besides, she just got out of something pretty heavy, close to marriage. I don’t have any reason not to believe that’s completely over, but who the hell really knows?”
There is silence at the other end of the line for a while before Andy speaks again. “Don’t get yourself wrapped up in complicated, man. You are a football god… remember that. If you really want a girl to settle down with you on that farm of yours, I’ve got a list a mile long of beautiful, completely unattached ones that would jump at the chance.”
I shake my head. “No… I just want this one, Andy. She’s perfect in every way, and I’m going to be in a world of hurt if she doesn’t want the same things I do.”
“And you’re asking me for advice?”
“I guess so… if you’ve got any?” And if he doesn’t, I’m grateful that he’s at least listening to me.
“That’s a tough one for me considering I don’t plan on settling down until I’m old and gray. But for you… if she’s the one, then give it some room.”
“Play games you mean.”
“No… I didn’t say that. Send her some flowers or something and then let her be the one to contact you next. Don’t turn into a giant pussy that can’t stop chasing her if she isn’t interested in being caught.”
Unbroken by Love (The Basin Lake Series Book 4) Page 12
