“Maybe I just won’t ever tell him.” I’d thought about it, considered letting him fall so deep in love with me before I’d feign concern and ignorance about our inability to have children. But a lie like that is too big for him not to eventually find out. And besides, lying wouldn’t be fair to him.
“I don’t think that’s an option,” Mom says without having to put the thought into it that I had.
“You’re right… it’s not. But I don’t have to tell him right now, and for the first time in my life, I feel free to be myself with a guy, to not worry about what not being able to have kids will mean for us. Can’t I just enjoy it a little longer without you and Paige and Claire staying up at night worrying about it?”
Mom lets out a chuckle that is somehow mixed up with an exasperated sigh. “A mother’s worry never ends, Kate. And being the youngest, your sisters are going to worry about you whether you want them to or not.”
“But—”
“Yes, Kate… I know. You’re a grown woman now, and we all have to trust that you know what you’re doing, that you know Garrett better than any of us.”
“Thank you,” I say, feeling vindicated but also feeling the weight of what it will be like if things don’t work out with he and I. I don’t expect any “I told you so’s,” but I wouldn’t be able to put off their concerns so easily again.
“But we’ll be here to support you no matter what. You know that, right?”
“I do.” I uncross my arms and lean into my mother. For all of my complaints about my life, I’m beyond lucky to have a family that loves me and cares about me. Not everyone has that, and I do. It’s something, one very big thing, to be thankful for.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
GARRETT
“Garrett Hevener?” One of the nurses who I remember from my first visit with Dr. Cramer a week ago calls me back from the clinic waiting room.
“Hey,” I say, following her through a door and into a back hallway that leads to individual exam rooms.
A week ago, I’d been here to get tested for STDs. It’s not that I think I’ve got something, but if I did, and ended up giving it to Kate, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.
“It’s, umm, good to see you again,” the nurse—I think her name might be Elena or Anna—says with a nervous edge. “I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone who used to be in the NFL up close until you came back to town.”
“Well, it is a small town,” I say, following her into an exam room and sitting in the chair she points to.
“But still,” she says, some of her nerves wearing away, “it’s really quite the thing. My son knew who you were when I mentioned you… well, not that I said you were a patient here—that would be against the law, even to tell him.”
I can’t help but laugh. “It’s fine.” Fine as long as she isn’t telling her kid I’d been here to get tested for STDs.
She takes my blood pressure and temperature, asks a few more questions, the last one being if I’d sign an autograph for her son, which I totally do. I haven’t been asked for an autograph since Minneapolis, so it feels good in a way. And then she’s gone, telling me Dr. Cramer will be in shortly.
I take the opportunity to send Kate a quick text.
Me: Hey beautiful. We still on for tonight?
She’d been busy the last few days and nights, and not seeing her just didn’t feel right. I’d been busy too, doing stuff at the house and beginning to delve into the business end of the farm. I’d been in touch with seed and equipment suppliers as well as figuring out potential buyers for my future yields, many of whom would just piggyback on the buys from my parents’ farm. It was a lot to deal with, but my dad was helping to steer me through the process while Skyler and Matt picked up any slack on the family farm. It was good to be home, good to be so close to my family and finally setting down some roots.
Kate: Yes! Miss you.
Getting her text is like having a package delivered that you’d been waiting weeks for—at least that’s what it feels like. Hearing her voice is better of course, but a text can be almost as good as long as it holds promise of a face to face with her later on. And hearing from her takes my mind away from the potential test results.
I’d been as careful as a guy in his early and mid twenties is when it comes to sex, I suppose, which probably isn’t as good as it should be. There had been drinking, more drinking than I’d ever imagined I’d do in my life, and there’d been more girls too, more than I care to remember. Slipping on a condom had become second nature, but there were always those times when I’d been so blitzed that I wasn’t thinking with my head.
It’s those times that I’m ashamed of, wish I could take back. It’s those times that make me feel unworthy of Kate, a girl who was a virgin until I’d gotten to her, a girl who trusted me with that. I don’t want to disappoint her, and I hope I won’t have to.
I’m about to text her back that I love her when there is a knock at the door, and stern-faced Dr. Cramer walks in.
“Hello, Garrett,” he says, tossing a folder on the counter, wiping his eyes and then sitting down in front of one of those mobile computers. “How you doing today?”
“Doing good, Dr. Cramer,” I tell him. He’s Evan’s stepdad, but that fact doesn’t lend itself to a great deal of familiarity. I still just call him Dr. Cramer, and he remains pretty much all business.
“Good… good. Well, no sense in beating around the bush.” He types something into the keyboard and then studies the screen that pops up.
This is when my nerves hit and my palms start to sweat. It won’t be anyone’s fault but my own if I’ve managed to pick something up, but damn if I’d really rather just avoid this particular bullet.
“Just double checking your cholesterol levels—we did a full panel, pretty much everything along with checking for any sexually transmitted infections,” he says.
I don’t give a shit about cholesterol. “And?”
“And… yeah, cholesterol levels are in line, and there isn’t a single infection to speak of. You’re a sexually healthy young man.” He turns the chair he’s in toward me, then points toward the folder he’d set down. “That’s full of the usual precautions you need to be taking. Not that I need to tell you this, but if there’s a young lady in your life at the moment, is she on any form of birth control?”
“Uh, I think so?” Kate had told me she was covered, but she hadn’t exactly explained the specifics, nor had I asked.
He frowns. “It’s important. I’ve seen too many unwanted pregnancies in my years of practice to count. And if you’re going to ask her about that, you might send her in to get tested as well. Just because you’re clean doesn’t mean she is.”
I actually chuckle at that. “Well, she’s only been with me, so… yeah, I think she’s good.”
“She’d never had any sexual partners before you?” he asks like he doesn’t believe it’s possible.
“Look, Dr. Cramer, Kate’s just a late bloomer.”
“Kate? Kate Kessel?” He raises an eyebrow and looks at me like he knows something I don’t, something about Kate.
If I’d been back in Minneapolis, a doctor would never have asked a question like that based on you giving them someone’s first name. But in a small town like Basin Lake, it’s a completely different story.
“I—”
“No… don’t tell me,” he says. “Not my business.” He shakes his head, closes the open window on his computer and then stands up. “As I said, I’ve printed out every precaution you should be taking in that folder, along with your test results. If you… or you and Kate… have any questions at all, don’t hesitate to make an appointment to come in, okay?”
I stand, and we shake hands. I smile and nod, try to look appreciative, but when he leaves the room, I’m left with an uneasy feeling. What does he know about Kate that he wasn’t able to tell me? I’m not blind to the fact she holds things back, that there are words she almost says before closing her mouth and changing the subj
ect, changing it from things she’d rather keep hidden.
And then there are the bruises, like the one I’d first noticed on her arm at Paige and Evan’s wedding. They were hard to miss when we’d have sex, when I’d see every inch of her. But other than my mention of it at the wedding, I hadn’t felt right about asking again. She’d probably just have told me they were the results of accidents, of clumsiness. They were explanations I doubt I would have believed, a disbelief I’m sure she would have noted in my eyes.
At least there aren’t any new ones, and the old ones appear to be fading now. I suppose I could have just forgotten about them, but I haven’t… I don’t—I still wonder, and when I add that to what Dr. Cramer alluded to today, I can’t help think that the bruises are just part of a bigger mystery, one I hope I can unravel.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
GARRETT
Even though she’s got the Volvo and the freedom that comes along with it, I still pick Kate up at her Mom’s house and drive her to the north side of Basin Lake where the tourists go and a couple of decent restaurants had recently popped up.
“This is beautiful, Garrett,” she says, looking at the lake from our window seats.
“I was going to take you to Spokane, a place by the Falls, but I know you’ve been short on time lately.” If I hadn’t known better, I’d have thought her always being busy was because she didn’t want to see me.
She looks away from me, pulls her cloth napkin off the table and appears to be straightening it on her lap. After another quick look out the window, she says, “This is just perfect, though. Beth and Ben came here last week, and Beth couldn’t stop raving about it.”
“Basin Lake is moving up in the world.” I look around the restaurant that might be more at home in Minneapolis or Spokane with its white tablecloths, wood finishes and ambient lighting.
“It sure is.” Her radiant smile always draws me right into her.
We talk about our day while we look through the menu, me avoiding the fact that I’d gotten my test results back for the time being—it’s not exactly dinner conversation. But she’s avoiding something as well—I can see it in the way she darts her eyes away from me, how she struggles to keep a conversation going after our orders are taken and generous plates of seafood arrive. And then we eat in silence for a few minutes before I can’t take it anymore.
“Did I do something?” I ask after setting my fork down.
I’ve caught her mid-sip of her Coke, and she quickly swallows and then puts her glass down. “Hmm… what?” She shakes her head. “What do you mean?”
Damn. I hope I’m not making something out of nothing, but when I’d been with Paige, I’d known something was wrong but kept trying to deny it, kept trying to fight for us. But I can’t do that again, at least not blindly. “I haven’t seen you for a few days… and now you’re kind of quiet. It just seems like something’s up.”
She closes her eyes for a moment and sighs, then licks her lips like she’s about to say something before sighing yet again.
“Kate?” I reach across the table and put my hand on hers. “Do you not… like me anymore?” I swallow hard at the question, my stomach churning at the possible answer. I’m not sure I’m ready for her to affirm that fear for me.
“No… I mean, yes… I do… I do like you. Of course I do!” She squeezes my hand hard. “I love you, Garrett, but it’s just…” She lets out a long breath. “Paige and Evan came to dinner the other night at our house. I wanted to invite you, but Mom still thinks it’s kind of soon for all of that. And Paige said some stuff.”
My body flushes with heat—this is not the answer I was expecting. “What did she say?” I thought she and I were good now, but maybe not so much.
Kate shrugs. “She started talking about Little Women, about Jo and Laurie and Amy. She’s worried I’m just a replacement for her.”
“What? Little Women?” Maybe I should be embarrassed that I know the story, but Skyler had been obsessed with that book and the movie when we were kids and couldn’t shut up about it. So, I laugh because I know all about Jo and Laurie and Amy—I can’t help it. I laugh so hard that an older couple at a nearby table both turn to look at me and then smile, like they’re glad I’m happy.
Kate looks at me with shocked horror before she finally smiles. “I know. It’s ridiculous, and I told her she must think pretty highly of herself.”
“Yeah.” I’m still laughing and shaking my head. “I’ve been over her for a really, really long time.”
“And I think she really does know that. It’s just that her and Claire get hyper-concerned about me, and in this particular instance, Paige said something really stupid.”
“They worried about that Shawn guy?” I ask, calming some and knowing there might be something more, something Kate hasn’t shared with me yet.
She shrugs. “Among other things.”
“So, you not wanting to hang out until tonight was because you didn’t want to tell me about what Paige said… and nothing else?” I push because I need to be sure. I feel for Kate something I’ve never felt for anyone before, and I don’t want to end up with an obliterated heart.
She nods quietly.
I’m not sure I fully believe her, but it’s enough for now. It breaks that stiffness we’d had and allows us to enjoy dinner and share dessert, one of those really sweet, rich brownies loaded with ice cream.
The brownie was good, but it was made better sharing it with Kate. When we’ve finished, I’m not at all ready for the night to end, not ready to take her home and drop her off with her mom and maybe not see her again for a day or two. And besides all that, I have to talk to her, have to tell her things I shouldn’t do over a text.
“Will you come home with me?” I ask, well aware that Kate doesn’t have to say yes.
“Of course… I’d love to.”
And, for that, I’m grateful.
The north side of the lake is about as geographically far from my farmhouse as you can be within the confines of Basin Lake. So, a minute or two after we’ve left the restaurant and are back on the two-lane road into the center of town, I decide now is as good a time as any to report my test results from today.
“So, you know how I said I was going to get tested at the clinic?” I chance a quick look at her before looking straight ahead through the windshield.
“Yeah. So, you went?” she asks sheepishly, and I’m not sure if she actually wants to know.
“I did.” Just the fact that I had to go must make her wonder things, wonder how many women I’d been with or how stupid I’d been. “And I’m all good. I can show you the results if you need me to.” With whatever she’d been through with Shawn, I’m not sure how much she actually trusts men.
“That’s great.” She touches my arm, and I feel a sense of vindication in that, like I’m not some gross cesspool of male whoredom.
“It is.” I send a smile her way and take her hand, holding it and thankful for one less complication in our relationship.
* * *
“You’ve been doing work.” She goes right to one of the faded wooden pillars between the dining and living room that I’d been sanding down in preparation to re-stain it.
I throw my keys on the table and stuff my hands in my pockets. “I figure I can get some small things done while I wait for the plumber and the electrician to do their thing. This whole house business is going to take years I think.”
She glides her fingers down the ornamental carving within the pillar, one of the very few things about this house that goes beyond the basic. Then she wipes off the loose sawdust I hadn’t yet managed to blow away. “But it’s a labor of love, don’t you think?” Her eyes widen, going up and down the pillar and then returning to me. “It’s great finishing a project, but it’s always fun starting a new one. I think that’s why I loved HFU… we were always working on making something better, more beautiful.”
I walk up to her, pull my hands from my pockets and wrap them around her inste
ad, bringing her close to me. “You’re as beautiful as they come,” I say, going in for a kiss.
She falls right along with me, her lips as hungry as mine, and it’s one that I know is real, not the kind Paige gave me, the ones that were only pretend to her.
Her proximity makes me hard—of course it does—and the idea that we can have sex without a condom is even more enticing, so much so that when we pull away from our kiss, I take her hand and begin leading her up the stairs. She follows willingly, and I don’t waste any time at all once we’re in my room, unbuttoning my shirt, undoing my belt, then the button of my trousers.
“Let me.” Before I can do another thing, her fingers are toying with my zipper and then pulling it down.
And her doing it makes just that simple thing all the hotter.
“You make me feel desperate.” I grab her ass, the fabric of her dress cool over her roundness. I touch my forehead to hers, take a moment and breathe.
“Me too.” She finishes pulling my zipper down, then yanks at the waist of my trousers and rubs my hardness just below my boxers.
I groan. “Damn… Kate. I want you.”
“Unzip me?” She’s wiggled out of my embrace and has turned her back to me.
“Gladly.” I’m hard as a rock and pretty desperate to get her undressed, so I don’t exactly take my time in pulling her zipper down, but I sure as hell don’t miss an inch of her smooth, milky white skin as it’s revealed by the parting of her dress. Stepping forward, I kiss her neck and pull her dress away from her shoulder, desperate for this gorgeous, beautiful girl that makes my brain go fuzzy, my nerves spark like a wildfire, and so hard that I might lose my mind if I don’t get inside of her soon.
“Unclasp my bra?”
I do it, gladly, and then she’s out of my grasp again, peeling the rest of her dress off, then her bra and then her panties and heels. She’s totally naked and all mine for the taking.
Unbroken by Love (The Basin Lake Series Book 4) Page 17
