The Art of Life

by Carter, Sarah

  I whisper, “Yeah.”

  “Okay, then we need to get you out of the shower. Come on.” She grabs my arm and starts to pull up. I stand with her help. “Jeremy, we need towels and something dry to put on her.”

  “Yeah,” he mumbles softly. I watch him turn and leave the room.

  Cassandra holds my hand and helps me out of the tub. I look at her and say, “Did he tell you?”

  “Yeah,” she replies back slowly. “We need to get you into bed. Then we can deal with everything. It’s late and I think you are in shock. Do you need to go to the hospital? Are you hurt?”

  My hand goes up to my throat. “It hurts. He grabbed me and it hurts.”

  She tilts my head up and instantly bursts into silent tears. “Jeremy!”

  He comes rushing back in with clothes and towels. “What?”

  “Oh my God, look at her throat!” She tilts my head to show him.

  “I will kill him. I swear to God, I will kill him.”

  Brushing my hair out of my face, Cassandra says, “Maybe we should take her to the hospital.”

  “No,” I gasp. “No, please, I won’t go! I don’t want to go! Nothing happened. Please! I don’t want to go!”

  “Okay, okay, okay, calm down,” Cassandra says. “So, he didn’t….”

  I shake my head vigorously, “No. My mom came in.”

  “Yeah, I heard,” Cassandra sighs.

  Looking up at her, I ask, “You aren’t going to tell anyone, right? Not even Kent.”

  She chokes back tears and says, “No, I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

  “No, please, I don’t want anyone…..I don’t want anyone to see me differently. I didn’t mean for anything to happen. Maybe if I done something differently, it wouldn’t have happened.”

  Wrapping a towel around me, Jeremy murmurs, “You can’t think that way. You did nothing wrong.”

  I look up at him and we are breathlessly close. “Thank you.”

  “I don’t understand why you didn’t call me!” He cries. “I would have come and gotten you!”

  “You don’t really know me,” I whimper. “I couldn’t have you deal with this.”

  Pulling me hard against him in a hug, Jeremy breathes into my hair, “You are my friend. I will always be there for you, always, no matter what.”

  That makes my sad heart feel little better. “I am all wet,” I finally mutter into his shoulder. “I am getting you wet.”

  “I don’t care,” he laughs in reply. “We need to get you dry and into some warm clothes. I brought you the smallest pair of pajama pants that I have and a long sleeve thermo shirt. That will keep you warm. I also made up the bed for you. Though I really think we should have your throat looked at.”

  “No,” I whimper. “I don’t want anyone to know.”

  Pulling the towel tighter around me, Jeremy says, “Okay, I will drop the subject for now. Cassandra is going to get you dressed, because I think it would be a little awkward for me to do it. I would, in a total non-sexual way, but I don’t think that would make you feel very comfortable.”

  “No, I know you wouldn’t mean anything, but I want Cassandra to help,” I whisper, looking down.

  “Okay baby, I will meet you in the hallway.” He traces his fingers down my face. I flinch a little. I am not scared of him, but I still feel Howard’s hands on me. “Oh, Isabelle, I am so sorry. I won’t touch you.”

  Jeremy turns to walk away, and I grab his hand. “It’s not you touching me.” I start to cry again. “I just…..I feel him all over me. The weight of him, his hands on my throat, I feel it all.”

  “I will protect you,” Jeremy states. “I promise you that. He won’t get to you again.”

  I jerkily nod my head. Cassandra takes the other towel and starts to dry my hair. “Let’s get you into warm clothes.” Jeremy leaves the bathroom, with a heavy sigh. Cassandra is gentle and helps me very carefully. When we finally pull the shirt on, she asks, “Are you doing okay?”

  Those words just make me cry again and I shake my head. Cassandra pulls me into a hug. “His hands, I still feel his hands, all over me,” I whimper.

  “Come on, let’s get you into bed,” she says softly.

  With her arm around me, we leave the bathroom. Jeremy is standing in the hallway. His arms are crossed and his head hanging. When he looks up, there is a very pained expression on his face. “How are you doing?”

  “She needs to lie down,” Cassandra says.

  Waving his hand, Jeremy leads us into the bedroom. I crawl into the bed and lay my head on the pillow. The tears start to pour out again. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. My mom said it was my fault. She said it was because of how I changed myself.”

  “You can’t listen to her,” Jeremy says softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “You know all she is, is a drunk. She probably won’t even remember saying that to you.”

  “I will,” I sniffle. “I won’t ever be able to forget.”

  Cassandra shuffles her foot on the ground. “Maybe you shouldn’t, maybe this will finally distance yourself from her. Josh may be a good person to talk to. His dad was an alcoholic.”

  “No,” I say, shaking my head. “I don’t want anyone to know.”

  “Okay sweetie,” Jeremy says. He carefully puts his hand on my leg. It makes me want to shy away, but I don’t. I know he won’t hurt me. “You should try and sleep.”

  Shaking my head, I retort, “I don’t think I could if I tried.”

  “Oh, well, I brought something for that,” Cassandra says.

  “She shouldn’t take your medication,” Jeremy snaps, a little too harshly.

  With a raised eyebrow, Cassandra replies, “I wouldn’t give her anything like that. It’s melatonin. It’s a natural sleep aid. You can buy it over the counter.”

  “Yes please,” I whisper. “I just want to go to sleep.”

  Nodding, Cassandra turns and leaves the room. Jeremy looks down at me. “I wish you would have called me.” A single tear runs down my face. He reaches over and wipes it away. “I would have come and gotten you.”

  “My first impulse was to call you when it happened, but I would never have wanted you to get hurt.”

  Jeremy snorts. “I can handle my own. I wouldn’t have gotten hurt, but the other guy, well he would probably be dead.”

  “Thank you,” I murmur, reaching for his hand. He takes it and squeezes. “Why does she hate me so much?”

  “I don’t think she hates you,” he replies. “I just don’t think she can see past herself. She is just selfish.”

  I take deep breath. “I wish I knew what it was like to have a family. I have no one, but her.”

  “No grandparents, an uncle or aunt?”

  “Nope, just me and my mom,” I mumble. “Pretty sad.”

  Jeremy opens and closes his mouth. Finally, he starts, “I actually know how you feel….” But he can’t finish because Cassandra walks into the room.

  “Here sweetie,” she says, holding her hand open. “Take this.”

  Sitting up, I take the pill and then the glass of water. After swallowing it, I whisper, “Thanks.”

  “Lie down now, and go to sleep,” Cassandra instructs me.

  I do as she says, and pull the blanket up to my chin. Jeremy stands up. Reaching out I grab his hand. “Please.”

  “You want me to stay until you fall asleep?” He asks. I nod. Looking at me, he smiles. “I am going to see Cassandra out and then I will be back, okay?”

  “Yeah,” I whisper.

  Cassandra bends down and kisses me on the head. “I am going to come and check on you tomorrow, alright?” I give a very, very weak smile. “Night sweetie.” She frowns and walks out. Jeremy follows her.

  My eyes close and I instantly start seeing Howard’s face. I shake my head, and open my eyes back up. I can hear the apartment door shut. Pulling the blanket closer around me, I wait for Jeremy.

  He comes walking back in and turns off the main lamp. The only li
ght is coming from the hallway. It makes my heart beat a little faster. Jeremy kneels down next to me, and leans against the bed. “How are you doing?”

  “I see his face. I can’t concentrate on anything, but seeing his face, feeling his hands on me. It’s too much. He almost did it Jeremy. I started to black out and I was happy about it. I didn’t want to feel him anymore. I didn’t want to experience it. It hurt. It hurt so bad.” I bury my face in the pillow and cry.

  He runs his fingers through my hair and gets caught in a snarl. “Hold on,” he says, getting up. I watch him go with curiosity. Jeremy comes back a few seconds later with a brush. “Sit up for a second.”

  I do and he gets behind me. Carefully and gently he starts to undo the snarls in my hair. “Why are you doing this?” I ask quietly.

  “Because it would be torture trying to do this in the morning,” Jeremy whispers. “Anyway, I have been told it’s calming.”

  “You are so nice to me. I don’t understand why. I mean, I have done nothing for you. Why? Why would you help me?” I ask, turning around.

  Giving me a sad smile, he replies, “Hasn’t anyone ever just done something nice for you.” I shake my head and look away. “That is so sad.” Jeremy wraps his arms around me and hugs me. “I do it because I care about you. I don’t expect anything in return.”

  Silent tears run down my face. I choke out, “Someday I will repay you.”

  “One day you will have to take care of me and I am warning you, I am a big baby.”

  That makes me laugh a little. Jeremy goes back to brushing my hair. It is actually very relaxing and lulling. Maybe it’s the pill or his soft touch, but I start to fall asleep. Before I know it, I am leaning against Jeremy and he is just holding me. For the first time tonight, I feel safe. He makes me feel safe, and with that being my last thought, I fall asleep.

  My dreams are riddled with nightmares. I feel like I can’t breathe. There is a pressure on my chest and I can’t move. I scream and nothing comes out. I am trapped. I am trapped and I can’t move.

  Suddenly, I shoot up in bed, scared out of my mind. It takes me a second to realize that I am alright. I look to the side and see Jeremy asleep in a chair next to the bed. He stayed in here with me? That is so…..sweet. I sit up for a while, just watching him sleep. His breaths are even and it’s relaxing. A warmth spreads through my chest as I look at him. It makes me feel a little better.

  I look at the window and see that it is already morning. Being quiet, I grab the throw blanket on the end of the bed. Carefully, I go over and lay it on Jeremy. Ever so slowly he opens his eyes. “Hey,” he whispers. “You are awake.”

  “Yeah,” I reply. “You look so uncomfortable sitting here. Were you here all night?”

  “Yes, I was, but I am used to sleeping in chairs, many much more uncomfortable than this one.” Opening his arms, he says, “Come here.”

  Not even thinking about it, I sit down on his lap and he wraps the blanket around me. I look up at him. “Thank you for helping me.”

  “You keep saying that,” he murmurs back. “You don’t have to thank me. It’s what friends do for each other. So now, the question is how do you feel this morning?”

  “Empty, hollow, scared,” I sigh. “I had nothing but nightmares all night.”

  Pushing my hair behind my ear, Jeremy says, “I am sorry hon. Do you want something? Coffee or tea?”

  “Tea would be nice,” I mumble. “I am not hungry at all.”

  “You will need to eat something today. I won’t let you get away with starving yourself, even if it’s not on purpose.” He looks at me and says, “I want you to talk to the police.”

  Vigorously, I shake my head, “No.”

  “Isabelle, if you don’t say something, he could do this to someone else,” Jeremy states.

  That makes me pause. “I didn’t think about that. I don’t even know who he is, only that his name is Howard.”

  “Well, the police will probably talk to your mom,” Jeremy says hesitantly, “But I really don’t want you to.”

  Laying my head back down on his chest, I whisper, “I don’t want to talk to her either.” Then it’s as if it all comes rushing back. I instantly start crying. My chest hurts so much as I do. “I didn’t do anything. How could she say those things? I didn’t want him in my room.”

  “Of course you didn’t,” Jeremy sighs, rocking my slightly. “We will just take it easy. Why don’t I make you some tea, and then we can call the police.”

  I just nod. He starts to pick me up and I gasp. “Jeremy! Don’t pick me up!”

  “Why not?” He asks. “Can’t I take care of you?”

  “You don’t need to carry me,” I say, giving him a look.

  He smiles, “Alright, but the offer is on the table. I am just trying to make you smile a little.”

  “I wish I could,” I sigh. “I just can’t. I feel hollow, empty. I feel dirty.”

  There is a moan from Jeremy. “You aren’t dirty. You can’t consider this anything. Just remember, I am the only one that has kissed you. Hold on to that fact. Forget his touch and hang on to the ones that meant something. What he did does not affect how people will react to you. Touching and showing affection is a good thing. You need to hold onto that fact.”

  “Okay.”

  “Come on,” he says, putting me down. “Let’s go into the living room.”

  We walk out there and I sit down on the couch. I watch Jeremy go into the kitchen. He puts a kettle of water on and grabs out a mug. I just watch him silently. Why is he so nice to me? Looking away, tears start running down my face again. I bring my knees up to my chest and put my face between them. A little while goes by before I feel Jeremy sit down next to me. “I am sorry you have to deal with this,” I sniffle.

  “Stop saying you’re sorry. Stop asking why I am helping. I care about you. You are my friend. I am here to protect you. Just let me do that, please,” he pleads back.

  “I want to curl up in a ball and disappear.”

  Stroking my hair, Jeremy replies, “I am not going to let you do that.”

  I don’t lift my head up, I just stay sitting with my face between my knees. My body doesn’t move. My heart doesn’t want me to move. “I am so lost.”

  “What can I do to help? What can I do to help get your mind off of this?”

  “Nothing,” I mumble.

  Suddenly, he snaps his fingers. “I know what I am going to do. I used to do this for someone to get their mind off of…..well, to just distract them.”

  That makes me look up. I watch as he goes to the closet. My eyebrows go up as he takes out his violin case. “I didn’t think you played for other people.”

  “I haven’t played for someone in close to four years, but I want to play for you.” He takes out the violin and bow. Smiling, Jeremy places the instrument under his chin.

  In one fluid movement he starts to play and my heart drops. It is beautiful. I put my hand to my mouth in awe. He plays to near perfection. I forget everything and just listen. Jeremy’s fingers move rapidly on the finger board. There is no way that I would ever have thought he could play like this. When someone mentions they can play instrument, you never think that they could do it so precisely. I have no idea what he is playing, but he plays for a few minutes.

  Finally, he ends and I just look at him. “Jeremy, that is beautiful. Where did you learn to play like that?”

  He sets the violin on his lap and is silent. I don’t say anything, because suddenly it is a very awkward silence. Taking a deep breath, Jeremy replies, “I started to learn when I was in middle school. It progressed from there and that is all I will say.”

  “Well, you are extraordinary,” I say. “Thank you for playing for me.”

  “I want to play you something else. This song actually means something to me.” He picks the violin back up and starts to play. It’s another beautiful song, but you can tell, this time, there is some emotion to it. I sit and watch him. There is an air around him. L
ike this is where he belongs. It makes my heart warm. I feel as though he hasn’t shown this side of himself to anyone in a long time.

  When Jeremy is done, he stops and almost holds his breath. He closes his eyes tightly and sits there like that for a minute. “Are you okay?” I finally ask.

  “Yeah,” he finally sighs harshly. “Sometimes there are wounds that never heal.”

  “I know I promised to not talk about your past, but….if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. Thank you for playing for me. It did take my mind off of things.”

  Jeremy turns and looks at me. “You showed me your art and I showed this to you, but please, don’t tell anyone about it.”

  “Of course, I would never tell anyone anything that you didn’t want me to,” I declare solidly.

  Carefully, he sets the violin back in the case. “I will go make your tea.” Jeremy stands and walks over to me. Bending over, he gently kisses me on the head. It feels really good to feel him touch me. When he walks away, I sit there and stare at his violin. I wonder what scars he was talking about. We both will have scars now. I hope someday mine heal. I hope someday I can help him get his to, too.

  A little while later, he comes back and hands me a mug. I take it, “Thank you.”

  “I am going to call the police now, okay?” He says softly. I hesitate, but nod in the end. Jeremy picks up the phone and dials a number. “Yes,” he finally says, “I need to report an assault.” At the end of the phone conversation, Jeremy is told that we should come to the police station. “Okay, thank you,” he says, before hanging up the phone. “I am going to call Cassandra and have her bring you some clothes, alright?”

  “Okay,” I reply, staring down at my tea.

  An hour later, Cassandra appears at the door. She walks over to me and sits down on the couch. “How are you doing?”

  My chest tightens, but I say, “a little better.” Looking up at Jeremy, I mutter, “He has been helping me a lot.”

  “That’s good,” she says back. “I went and bought you some comfortable clothes. Can I see your throat?” I nod and lift my head. She carefully looks at it. “It is really bruised Isabelle. My uncle is a doctor, can we at least have him look at it.”