The Art of Life

by Carter, Sarah

  “I have a boyfriend who loves me desperately and makes sure I am taken care of,” I declare. “Someone who takes care of me for a change.” Opening the doors, I say, “Get in.”

  There is just dead silence as we sit in the car for the first minute. Finally, my mom whispers, “I wanted to say I am sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “Your life,” my mom replies. “I have been a horrible mother.”

  That makes me snort. “Really, that’s a not a news flash.”

  “Just let me talk….please,” my mom says, so I shut up. “When that happened with Howard, I failed you in the fullest extent. The police came and talked to me. They showed me the pictures and at that point I was sober. It made me break down.”

  Now angry, I snap, “You broke down! How did you think I felt? I had nothing! If Jeremy hadn’t come into the picture, where would I have gone? I couldn’t stay with you anymore! It wasn’t safe!”

  “I know, Isabelle, the very next day I went and got help.”

  “What kind of help?” I sarcastically ask.

  “I started seeing a counselor and I have been going to meetings twice a week. I have a sponsor. I have been sober since that day, not one drop of alcohol,” my mom states proudly.

  Slightly dumbfounded, I just stare at her. “Really?”

  “Yes, I know I am not cured. I am far from it, but I am trying. It’s hard but I take it day by day. I keep a journal, now. All I write about is you. How I wish I could make things different. How I wish I could make up for all my mistakes. I miss you. I do love you Isabelle, even if I never showed it.”

  I wipe the tears away that are falling down my cheeks. “Mom….I don’t know what to say. There is just so much hurt in the past. You know I spent a wonderful Christmas with some of the kindest people I have ever met. They are what a family should be, not the crap that we have.”

  “I want to give you that Isabelle. All I am asking for is a chance and that is a big thing to ask of you, I know.”

  Staring out the windshield, I finally whisper, “Jeremy and I are very much in love and I am extremely happy. The happiest I have ever been. I have great, sincere friends. I finally have self-esteem. Things are wonderful right now. I don’t want to mess that up.”

  “You have every right to say no,” my mom says. “I understand. There may be no going back.”

  Not knowing what to think, I just rub my head. “Can you give me a little while? Give me time to think, talk to Jeremy?”

  “He is that important?” She asks.

  “Yeah,” I murmur, “he is.”

  My mom fidgets with her fingers. “Why don’t we do this, why don’t I make dinner on Sunday and if you show up, you show up? It will give you the choice.”

  “That is going to be really horrible if I don’t show up, Mom. I mean, I don’t want you to start drinking again.”

  She puts her hands forward. “I can handle this. I need to be able to deal with things. There is a meeting that night, so if I need to, I can go get some support.”

  Taking a deep breath, I reply, “We will come. I swear mom, you have one chance. That’s it.”

  “I am going to try and do my best to not disappoint you again,” she declares. “So Sunday at like 5:30?”

  Slowly, I nod my head, “Yup, Jeremy and I will be there.”

  “Thank you,” my mom exclaims. “You won’t be disappointed.”

  “I sure hope not.”

  She sits there awkwardly for a second. “Okay, I will see you then.”

  “Bye,” I say, waving. I am so not going to hug her. My mom smiles and leaves my car. When she walks away, I burst into tears. Thank God my windows are tinted. I sit there and cry for a while. By the time I am done, the school parking lot is pretty much empty. Suddenly, my phone rings. I answer it,” Hello.”

  “Where in the world are you my dear?” Jeremy asks. That makes me burst into tears again. “Isabelle!” Jeremy yells frantically, “What’s wrong?”

  Sniffling, I stutter, “My mom…..my mom came to school.”

  “What!? Are you okay? What happened?”

  “She is sober….supposedly, and we are going over there for dinner Sunday,” I sigh.

  There is just dead air space on the other end. “Say that again?”

  “Well, I guess she stopped drinking, and she gave this really good argument on how she is going to change. I don’t know…..I kind of want her to. I want it to be true. What if she could be sober?”

  After another long pause, Jeremy says, “Well, she is your mother. How do you feel about all of this, really?”

  “I don’t know,” I whisper. “If it’s true…..maybe I could actually get to know my real mom. You know, the person beyond the alcohol.”

  “That would make me very happy Isabelle. It really would. Only one of us has a real mother, and it would be great if she acted like one.”

  I nod. “Yeah, it would. I don’t know. I am so scared to get hurt.”

  “I won’t let that happen,” Jeremy reassures me.

  “I don’t think this is something you can protect me from,” I note, “but this is my choice and I making it. I have to bear the consequences.”

  Jeremy sighs. “Alright, are you coming home?”

  “Yeah, I am leaving right now,” I reply. “See you in a few.”

  “Okay, bye toots.” With that we hang up. On my drive home, my head swarms with thoughts. Hope and dread mix together in my brain. This is could be great or an epic failure. We will have to wait and see.

  Sunday comes around and I feel like I am going to hurl. Jeremy tries to keep me calm, which helps. We drive to my mom’s house in silence. When we walk up to the door, we kind of stand there for a second, finally I open the door and we go in.

  “Mom!?” I yell.

  “In here,” she shouts back from the kitchen. We go walking in there and see a whole meal laid out, salad and everything. I didn’t even know my mom knew how to really cook. “I hope you like roast.”

  Skeptically, I say, “Yeah, you haven’t made that since I was really little.”

  Her face becomes serious. “I know. You always liked it when I made it, so I thought that would be a safe bet. Why don’t you sit down. Do you want some soda or juice?”

  “I will take some soda,” Jeremy replies.

  My mom nods and goes to the fridge. “So, how was your week?”

  “Fine,” I say, sitting down. Jeremy takes the seat next to me. “And you?”

  “Do you want the fluffed answer, or the real answer,” my mom asks.

  Shrugging, I sigh, “The real one.”

  “It has been a hard week. I didn’t slip up though. I think I was really nervous about today, but I went to meetings and called my sponsor. I did pretty well and now you are here!”

  There is a weird silence and then I say, “That’s good.”

  “So, Jeremy, I wanted to apologize. We never got a good start. I am sorry for the way I behaved. There is no excuse for that. I owe you everything for taking care of my daughter. If there is any way I can repay you, please let me know. I can give you money. You shouldn’t be solely responsible for her,” my mom states.

  Jeremy shakes his head. “No, I don’t need you to give me any money. If you want to give money, give it to Isabelle. She can have it.”

  “Alright,” she replies. “I can do that.” Seeming very nervous, she starts to fidget with stuff. “Well, we can eat then.”

  Dinner isn’t horribly bad. My mother definitely isn’t the same woman. It’s like a pod person. She is really nice and actually funny. Jeremy is rather cold through the whole meal. Finally, I reach under the table and squeeze his hand. Turning I try to tell him I am okay with my eyes. He gives me a small smile and tightens his grip on my hand.

  At the end of the evening, we say that we will help clean up, but my mom refuses to let us. So, in the end, we just say our good nights. I look at my mom. “Thanks mom, this was nice.”

  “Can we do it again sometime?�
�� She asks.

  Smiling, I reply, “Yeah, definitely.”

  “How about next Sunday?”

  I glance over at Jeremy. He nods his head. “Sure, that would be nice.”

  “Great!” My mom exclaims. “I am so excited.”

  “Me, too,” I reply. Wow, I actually meant that. “But we need to get going. We have to get up early.”

  My mom stands there awkwardly for a second. Finally, she steps forward and hugs me. She hasn’t hugged me in years. I hesitantly wrap my arms around her. It takes a little bit, but I finally fully hug her back. “Thank you for giving me a chance,” she whispers.

  “I really hope this works,” I say. “Keep on track. If you need to talk, you can call me.”

  “Okay,” she sighs. Turning to Jeremy, she sticks out her hand. “It was nice to actually get to know you. You seem like a wonderful guy, who my daughter is very much in love with.”

  Jeremy takes her hand. “Yes, it was nice to get off on the right foot this time. Thank you for dinner.”

  Smiling, my mom shakes his hand. “You are welcome. I will see you guys next Sunday then.”

  “Yeah,” I reply. “Bye mom.”

  “Bye,” she yells at us, as we walk out the door.

  We get into Jeremy’s car and sit there silently for a moment. Jeremy finally asks. “How do you feel?”

  Pausing for a second, I reply, “Hopeful. Is that a bad thing?”

  “Not at all,” he answers. “I think it would be great if your mom actually came around. You deserve that.”

  “Yeah, it would be nice. Thank you for your support,” I say. “I really do appreciate it.”

  “I will always be here for you,” he whispers. Leaning forward he kisses me gently on the lips. I return the affection and it makes the night that much better.

  So, the next Sunday goes well, and then the Sunday after that, and after that, and after that. My mom and I even get together just the two of us. There are days that it is harder for her, and a few times I go over to sit with her. It is nice to have her in my life.

  Weeks turn into months, and suddenly my graduation is here. I can’t believe it. It’s like a million degrees outside on the day of my graduation, and of course we are wearing heavy robes. I think I might pass out from heat exhaustion. Our valedictorian gives a nice speech, but my mind is somewhere else. I got two acceptance letters from two different art schools. Jeremy says we will move to whatever place I want to go. I like how he says “we”. I love how we are a we.

  Don’t get me wrong, we fight. About nothing major, but normal I live with you bickering. Usually, it lasts like ten minutes and then we are done and it’s out of our system. No relationship is perfect. It’s never a story book ending, all rainbows and butterflies, but we love each other and are extremely happy, and that is what counts.

  When we finally throw our caps in the air, it’s exhilarating. My life has changed so much in the past year, and it amazes me that I may miss going to my high school. I think the best part is that Sonya has left me alone since that one day. She won’t even look at me. Honestly, I wouldn’t care if she did. I am past that. I only wish her the best.

  As my fellow graduates disperse into the crowd, I go looking for the one person that matters. When I see him, I run and jump into his arms. “You did it,” Jeremy whispers. “I am so proud of you.”

  “I love you,” I whisper.

  “I love you, too,” he replies.

  Suddenly, I am pulled away from him and lifted up into the air. “Congratulations young lady,” Kent says. “What is the first thing you are going to do as an adult?”

  “I have already been an adult, but I don’t know. Not wake up early tomorrow, which will be nice.”

  “Congratulations honey,” I hear my mom say. Kent sets me down, and I go to hug my mom. “You are an incredible young lady.”

  “Thanks mom,” I reply.

  Josh claps his hand, “Now, for the after party.”

  “Josh!” Everyone yells.

  Whining, he goes, “Wwwhhhhaaaatttt?”

  Confused, I look at Jeremy. “What after party?”

  “Well, it was supposed to be a surprise, but we are throwing your class a graduation party at the club. Eric and Jack have planned the whole thing,” he replies. “Big mouth here just ruined the surprise.”

  Totally excited, I jump up and down, “Really!?”

  “Yes, really,” Jeremy says, smiling. “So, let’s get going. There is going to be food there and everything, and I am starving.”

  The party is I-N-C-R-E-D-I-B-L-E. It is crazy how many people show up. There is music and dancing, and a whole bunch of craziness. Way later that night, Jeremy pulls me aside. “What’s up?” I ask.

  “I need to take you some place. Can I pull you away from your party?”

  “Sure,” I reply, leaning up against him. “For a price.” Jeremy smiles and then bends down to kiss me. It is still exhilarating to feel the touch of his lips on mine. We say good bye to everyone and leave the club. I curl up next to him on the car ride.

  When we get to a hotel, I give him a questioning look. “What are we doing here?”

  “You will see,” he retorts.

  We leave the car with the valet and go inside. I can only follow him. The place is really, really nice. I kind of look around as we walk. The elevator ride up takes us to the top floor. “What in the world are we doing?” I ask.

  “Just come on,” he says, pulling me down the hallway. When we get to a set of double doors, Jeremy whispers, “Close your eyes.”

  I give him a look but then do as he asked. There is the sound of the key swiping and then I hear the door open. “Can I open my eyes?” I ask.

  Laughing, he replies, “No, just wait.” I feel him take my hands and pull me slowly into the hotel room. There is a strong floral smell and that peaks my curiosity. We stop and then he whispers, “Open your eyes.”

  When I do, I gasp. The room is covered wall to wall in tulips. “Jeremy,” I say, “what in the world?”

  “Isabelle,” he murmurs. “I love you more than anything in this whole world. You have brought light back into my life and I could never repay you for that. You are so beautiful, kind, smart, talented and funny. I could never ask for anything more. So, now I have something for you. There is no great speech with it, not yet, just a token of my love.” I watch him take something out of his pocket. Jeremy grabs my hand and places a ring box in it.

  “Jeremy,” I sigh. “What is this?”

  He has a very serious look, “Just open it Isabelle.”

  Very nervously I do. When I lift the lid, tears start streaming down my face. Inside is the ring from the magazine. “Jeremy, we are so young. I just graduated from high school today.”

  “I am not proposing,” he states strongly.

  Looking up at him, I say, “Huh?”

  “This is a promise ring. It is a promise that when you are ready, I will bend down on one knee and ask you to marry me. I want you to wear it on your right hand, so that you have a reminder every day of that promise. I love you Isabelle. Kaitlin’s death taught me one thing that you never know what is going to happen. You have to live your life to the fullest. So, that is my promise. If it is two days, two weeks or two years from now, when you are ready, I will ask you to marry me. So, will you wear it?”

  “Of course,” I choke out, between breaths.

  Jeremy takes the ring out of the box and slides it onto my finger. “I love you baby.”

  “I love you, too,” I whisper. “Now, kiss me.” Jeremy wraps his arms around me and does just that. It is perfect. Everything is just perfect.

 

 

 
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