Finding Faith

by Tabatha Vargo

  She shyly smiled at me as she sat next to me on the couch. I’d never noticed before how trashy she looked—her hair was too blond, her makeup too dark. Everything about her was just wrong, and I found myself feeling sick to my stomach that I’d ever touched her.

  “I thought I’d stop by and watch you practice. I miss it… I miss you,” she said as she laid her hand on my knee suggestively.

  I picked up her hand and dropped it in her lap.

  “Nah, I’m good, but you’re welcome to stay and listen if you want.” I trashed my empty bottle and went to the cooler and grabbed another.

  She followed me and when I turned around, she threw her arms around my neck.

  “Are you seriously going to turn this down?” she asked as she pressed her tits to my chest.

  I looked down at her cleavage and almost gagged. She smelled like cigarettes and stale hairspray, and I wanted her as far away from me as possible. I pulled her arms from around my neck, turned her, and pinned her up against a wall.

  Excitement filled her eyes and she licked at her lips.

  “That’s what I’m talking about,” she said as she leaned in to kiss me.

  I pulled back. “Hell no. We’re done. As a matter of fact, I think you should go.”

  I was about to release her when I heard Kevin’s loud voice behind me.

  “Damn, man! I thought we were going to practice. Knock that shit off. You can fuck her later.”

  I turned around and started toward my mic again, but I stopped when I came face to face with Faith. The wounded look in her eyes shot right through me. I knew exactly what she was thinking.

  She turned and left the garage quickly, and I cursed and followed behind her. It was going to take some quick talking on my part and a lot of trust on hers.

  “Wait up!” I said as I grabbed her by the arm and spun her around.

  A single tear rushed down her cheek and broke my heart. I reached up to wipe it away, but she turned her head and looked away from me.

  “Faith, nothing was happening. I was telling her to leave, I swear.”

  She swiped at her face and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’s exactly what it looked like!”

  I’d never heard her yell before. More tears spilled from her eyes and I cussed myself for being so stupid.

  “I’m so sorry, baby. Please don’t cry.” I pulled her tighter to me and wrapped my arms around her.

  She tried to pull away and I held tight until she relaxed against me. I felt her body shaking as she cried against my shoulder. I rubbed her back softly.

  “I’m so sorry you saw that, but I swear, Faith, I was telling her no. I was asking her to leave. I’ll go get her right now and she’ll tell you. I promised you that I’d never do anything to hurt you and I meant it. Please just trust me.”

  She looked up at me and sniffled. Even with a red face covered in tears, she was beautiful.

  “This is all so new to me, Finn. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what this is that we’re doing. If this isn’t anything and I’m seeing things that aren’t there then just tell me. I’ll walk away no questions asked.”

  I chuckled softly to myself. She was so far off.

  I captured her face in my hands and softly kissed her.

  “That’s the last thing I want you to do. I know I’ve been quiet lately, but that’s only because I’ve been out trying to get a job and get my life in order. I want to be good for you, Faith, and right now I’m not.”

  It was weird putting my emotions out on the table like that, but I trusted her with my life. She would never hurt me and I felt safe giving my all to her.

  “You are… you’re perfect for me. Since I met you, everything’s better. You make everything better and…”

  I didn’t let her finish. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to kiss her. So I did. She gripped the front of my shirt and I filled my hands with her hips and pulled her closer to me. There’s was no such thing as too close when it came to Faith.

  We held hands as we went back into the garage. The guys, who were lounging on the couch, waiting, rolled their eyes and bitched about me running out.

  “It’s about fucking time, dude. Are we going to do this or not?” Reynolds asked.

  I smiled at Faith as I sat her on the couch. It was then that I was able to actually look at her. Her hair was pulled back and I could see every inch of her face and neck. The top she wore was black and low on her shoulders, revealing even more of her creamy skin. Her tight jeans accentuated every curve and dip of her hips and legs.

  She looked so fucking sexy and sweet that I almost scooped her up right then and took her to my room. Leaning over, I whispered in her ear.

  “You look so sexy tonight.”

  Her cheeks turned pink, and I softly kissed her lips before turning away from her.

  I sang my heart out that night. Not once did I break eye contact as she watched from the couch. Every word I sang was for her, and when she smiled up at me and bobbed her head a little to the music, I felt accomplished. I’d always loved being a part of Original Malice, but something about singing with Faith as my audience made it feel real.

  When practice was over, everyone left but Faith. I promised Amanda that I’d get her home safely, and I would, but I wanted to spend some alone time with her. It had been days since we’d seen each other and I since she’d already snuck out anyway, there was no need to waste a perfectly good night.

  “You have a beautiful voice,” she said as I sat beside her on the couch and pulled her onto my lap.

  She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. She felt so good against me, but I remained in control of myself. My body begged to be with her and my mind spun every time she moved in my lap.

  “You have a beautiful everything,” I said as I captured her lips with mine.

  I’d never been so happy in my life. I’d never made plans for the future. There was never a person in my life that was a constant. I wanted Faith to be that person. We were young, but it didn’t matter. She was the one I wanted and I wanted her until I was no more.

  I made sure to take my time with every move I made. As badly as I wanted to have sex with Faith, I knew I needed to take it slow, and as unmanly as it sounded, I wasn’t really ready to take that step with her. It had to be perfect for her since she was so perfect.

  An hour later, I took her home and walked her to her window. I kissed her again and helped her climb in. Her ass and hips felt amazing in my hands and I had to stop myself from squeezing and pulling her back out against me. She was going to be the death of me.

  Once she was in, she turned around and smiled. “Same time tomorrow night?” she whispered.

  I couldn’t help myself, I chuckled. My little angel was turning into a devil. I didn’t like the idea of her sneaking out, but I also didn’t want to deny her anything. If she wanted to see me, then she was going to get what she wanted.

  “I’ll park at the stop sign. My car’s louder than Kevin’s. Goodnight, beautiful. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  “Goodnight.”

  She kissed me one last time and then slowly pushed her window closed.

  I didn’t even remember the walk back to my car. She made me higher than any drug I’d ever taken and I was becoming addicted to her.

  Thirteen

  Faith

  I was definitely in love. Period. There was no longer any doubt in my mind about that. Finn was it for me. There’d be no other. I understood that the minute I stepped foot into his garage and saw him standing there holding another girl against the wall.

  The look on his face when he saw me could only be described as broken. Pain filled his eyes and his mouth fell open as if he’d just been told someone he loved dearly had died. The moment seemed to pause as everyone around us looked in and tried to figure out why the world felt like it was crumbling.

  I didn’t care. I felt like a fool. Amanda knew everything about me and Finn, and she walked in on the same thing I
did. I couldn’t get out of that garage fast enough. I didn’t want to cry like a big baby in from of a room full of strangers. I’d had enough humiliation.

  When he stopped me and told me what had really been going on in the garage, I had no choice but to believe him. He’d never given me any reason not to trust him and the look in his eyes sealed the deal for me. He was just as heartbroken for me as I was for myself.

  Thankfully, his ex left as soon as we went back inside. Maybe I was being a jealous freak, but I didn’t want her there. She looked like the complete opposite of me and I didn’t want Finn having any reminders of what he could have if he wasn’t stuck with a church girl who was clueless to anything sex related.

  He spent the rest of that night singing sweetly to me in front of everyone, and once the garage cleared out and it was only us, he spent the rest of our time showing me and telling me how perfect he thought I was. It was amazing. He was amazing. I knew in the back of my mind that I was far from perfect, but he truly believed it and as long as he thought I was, then that’s all that mattered to me.

  I spent the next day at school watching the clock. I couldn’t wait to be alone with him again. I’d decided that I was going to throw caution to the wind and do whatever it took to be with Finn. I accepted the fact that I had to lie and sneak out. There was no way my dad was going to allow us to be alone together, and after the whole leaving the movies incident, I was put on restriction until I graduated practically.

  I made sure Amanda brought me a set of clothes to school, and once I heard my parents snoring down the hallway, I shut my door, locked it, and changed. I giggled to myself as I looked down at my bare knees. I’d never worn a skirt that landed above the knee, but there was a first time for everything. The truth was I kind of liked it.

  A few old welts remained, but nothing that was so noticeable that I couldn’t feel comfortable showing my legs. I hadn’t thought about it much, but it had been a while since dad pulled off his belt for me. Not since the incidence where he actually broke skin. I wasn’t complaining. Maybe seeing me bleed is what it took to make him stop.

  The shirt that Amanda sent over for me could never really be called a shirt since it barely covered anything. Instead of wearing it, I threw it in the back of my closet and pulled out one of my sweaters. Doing one last check in the mirror, I decided to leave my hair down and put on a little lip gloss that I’d also borrowed from Amanda. By the time I heard Finn knock softly on my window, I was ready to go and full of excitement.

  We held hands in his car as he drove us toward the coast. He didn’t think I noticed, but he kept peeking down at my legs, checking me out. I liked it. It made me feel attractive. I gasped when he slid his warm palm over my knee and rested it there.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  The truth was I didn’t care where we were going as long as we were together.

  “To our spot.” He grinned over at me and shifted the gears when we hit the interstate.

  He looked so good driving his car. It wasn’t in the best shape, but it purred loudly and vibrated beneath us, letting us know it was powerful. It fit him well since he was such a powerful guy. I felt safe with Finn, like nothing or no one could ever hurt me when I was with him.

  When he turned onto the familiar wooded street, I smiled to myself. I remembered the first time I’d gone down that road and the beach that it led to. That night had been so perfect and it was romantic of him to bring me back there.

  Once we parked and got out, we walked down the beach holding hands and stopping for tiny kisses along the way. I had no idea what time it was. I only knew the water was beautiful beneath the moonlight and Finn couldn’t keep his hands and lips off of me.

  “So I think I got a job,” he said as he kicked at a seashell.

  He leaned over and picked it up for inspection.

  “That’s great. Doing what?” I asked.

  He shrugged like it was no big deal when we both knew it was.

  “Kevin’s dad owns a construction business. I’m supposed to go up there on Monday and talk to him, but Kevin said he’s positive his dad will hire me. It’s not big money, but it’s money.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and continued to walk.

  “I think that’s great.” I slipped my hand through his elbow and pressed my cheek against his arm.

  He smiled sweetly down at me before kissing me on the forehead.

  “So how’s Sister Francis and everyone doing?” he asked.

  I was shocked that he cared enough about my church family to ask about them.

  When he finally took me back to his car, it was two in the morning. He opened the car door for me, but before I got in, I turned and kissed him.

  For someone who once thought kissing was gross, I sure couldn’t get enough of it. He didn’t seem to mind as he kissed me back. His fingers mingled in my hair and I heard myself moan loudly. He pulled back and stared down at me—his heavy breaths landing against my lips and cheeks.

  “What happened to sweet, innocent Faith?” he asked with a grin that showed his dimples.

  “She had a taste of Finn.”

  A tiny growl sounded against my mouth when he pressed his lips to mine. His kisses felt different—harder and desperate. I didn’t push him away. I was enjoying it too much.

  I gasped in his mouth when I felt his fingers against my stomach. He worked his hand up and rested it on my ribs just below my bra. I was embarrassed that he could feel my hard breathing against his hand, but when he moved it down and gripped my bottom, pulling me closer, I no longer cared.

  I moaned when his palm wrapped around my upper thigh. His lips left mine and worked their way down the side of my neck. I leaned my head to the side and gave him working room, and then without realizing I was doing it, I grabbed on to his shirt and pulled him closer.

  “Is this okay?” he asked as his hand moved higher into my skirt.

  The warmth from his hands mixed with the cool beach breeze that was rushing up my skirt felt exotic against my flesh.

  “Yes. Please don’t stop.”

  I couldn’t believe I’d even said that. It didn’t even sound like me, but I was begging him and I didn’t even know what I was begging him for. I just knew that everything he was doing felt right and I wanted more.

  My shoe left a line in the sand as I slowly opened my legs for his hand. My skirt bunched up around my thighs to accommodate my stance. I sighed loudly when his hand moved up higher and I felt his knuckles brush my panties.

  “You like that?” he asked as he brushed his knuckles against me again.

  My knees were starting to feel weak and when I tried to answer him, no words would come out of my mouth. Instead, a tiny humiliating whine slipped past my lips and earned me another dimple-filled grin.

  “I love those sweet noises you make,” he whispered against my lips.

  And then he kissed me again, and again his kisses were harder and more passionate. His tongue moved against mine and tickled the top of my mouth. The noise that I made when he slipped his finger in the side of my panties didn’t even sound human.

  I’d never known anything like his touch, but while I was mentally clueless, my body seemed to understand and moved on its own. My hips rolled for more of his fingers. The dinging from his car door being held open sounded with the throb of my body as I leaned my head back against the cold rusted steel.

  The next thing I knew, my legs were no longer holding me up and somehow, instead of leaning against his car, I was lying in the sand and he was above me. It was as if the things he was doing to me were coming in flashes. The stars above me twinkled with my excitement and the sound of the waves became muffled.

  His fingers moved against me in ways I didn’t know were possible. My body was strung tight and my breaths came out in pants. He kissed me until I was dizzy and then when I thought I was about to lose my mind, his hands disappeared from my body.

  He leaned back and pushed my skirt up more and I lay there needy and gree
dy for more of what he was offering. In the back of my mind, I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I couldn’t make myself stop. It felt too good, but once he started to move down, my body I froze.

  I could remember Amanda telling me about what couples did to each other with their mouths and I couldn’t fathom Finn doing that to me. I leaned up and grabbed him around his shoulders to keep him from moving lower. He looked up at me beneath his lashes and grinned.

  “Just relax. You’ll like this, I promise.”

  Still, I couldn’t make myself relax. Things were moving too fast and I wasn’t so sure I was as ready as I’d originally thought. He softly kissed my ribs and it tickled. I pulled on his shirt again and tried to make him come back up.

  “Finn?” The desperate question in my voice was answered when he kissed me around my belly button.

  I had no idea what I was asking for. My mind was telling me to stop him, but my body was begging for him to keep going. I was so confused and scared. My body was so tense with anxiety and the need for a release I didn’t know existed.

  “Just relax, baby. It’s only fair. I sang for you. Now lay back and I’ll make you sing for me.”

  When his mouth touched me, I gave in and fell back. Sand collected under my nails as I dug my fingers into beach around me. His hands and mouth were all over me, pushing and pulling me over the edge of a line that I’d always been afraid to cross.

  My toes curled in my shoes and my back lifted from the sand as my insides turned to liquid.

  “Let go, Faith. I promise I’ll catch you.”

  His whisper floated in the wind around me and then my body dissolved into the sand. I clutched my cross, the blunt tips of it digging into my palm as I called out my release and sang into the wind. Finn’s mouth never left my body, and his fingers dug into my thighs, holding them to the earth as my body trembled and bucked.

  When I came down, the sound of the waves was the first thing I heard. My arms and legs tingled and felt heavy. Everything was so sensitive that even the cool breeze felt too thick against my skin. In a daze, I stared at the stars above me and tried to understand what had just happened.