by Gigi Aceves
“You know, I’m dying to be inside you, but I’ll let you wait. I’ll let you get primed and wet,” I whisper against her lips.
Her sharp intake of breath and the way the pulse on her neck is pumping like crazy are dead giveaways that she’s getting just as excited as I am. Not to mention, she drops the cucumber. So, I go in for the kill.
“FYI, before you grab something, make sure it’s not a damn cucumber next time, love. That thing won’t do anything to satisfy you. This right here…” I grab her hand and put it right smack on my raging hard on. “This is what you need, and I’m willing to give it, all of it.”
She leans toward me with the intention of making contact with my lips, but that’s a no go…negative! I’ll let her sweat it out. I want her to crave me to the point where it’ll drive her insane. So, I lean back slightly.
She whispers, “Please, kiss me.” She practically begs.
For a second, I want to give in, but this strong Marine has self-fucking-control. I stick my tongue out, running it, ever so slowly, on my top lip. Inching a tad bit closer I could almost lick her lips if I wanted to, then I drop the bomb on her.
“You have to wait, love. Keep those legs tightly pressed against each other, because that’s the only relief you’ll have until I have you flat on our bed.”
I reach down to grab the cucumber she dropped, turn her hand palm up, and place it in her hand. She looks at me, her eyes squinting, readily giving me her death glare.
Looking put out and about to pop a vein, she flails the cucumber in front of my face and asks, “What am I supposed to do with this, Cody?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. You can suck it, because…” I point to my crotch. “You can’t touch this.”
I grab her other hand as I lead her away from the produce section. While I’m reciting the pledge of allegiance, I try to calm down my particular body part that I don’t want to be saluting, right about now. I quickly look for LT, needing to know if he was able to look at Roxy’s phone. My eyes land on him. He pulls out his phone, pretending to play with it and gives me a simple nod, then a slight shake of his head…I knew….I knew we got nothing.
As soon as we get home, Cody pulls me straight to our room. I know what he wants. Even though it’s what I want too, now more than ever, I know, I need to distract him from the info he wants to squeeze out of me. I’m sure he’s told LT and the boys about his suspicion, and throwing them off will be hard. The need to protect him and those I love is at the forefront of my mind, but for now…for now I’m going to be selfish and just think of Cody…my Cody.
I let go of his hand as soon as we’re in the room. I slowly start walking backward until my legs hit the edge of the bed. I sit down, kicking off my damn tennis shoes, followed by my socks. I let my fingers sensually travel up my calves, up my thighs, and I stop right when my finger lands on the button of my shorts. Keeping my eyes locked on his face as his eyes follow my fingers, unclasping the button causes him to lick his lips as if he’s starving for a taste. He’s clenching and unclenching his fists, probably thinking when he’ll launch his attack.
I shimmy my shorts down to my feet, then I slowly, lower on the bed. Purposely leaving my panties and top on; I back myself toward the center of the bed. My shirt joins my shorts on the floor, reaching behind me I unhook my bra, letting it fall off my shoulders. Not wanting him to see my girls just yet, I put my left arm over them as I cup my right breast.
Seeing him barely controlling himself sends a shiver up my spine. Not wanting him to suffer further, I make my final move. Seductively, lowering myself flat on the bed, I raise my legs straight up as I take my panties off, exposing my girly bits to my love. Suddenly, I’m getting pulled toward the edge of the bed by big, manly hands anchored on my hips.
“Enough!” Cody gruffly states.
He opens my legs they wrap around his slim waist. His lips crush into mine, and the raging need only seconds ago I could barely control, comes barreling out of me. My tongue intermingles with his in a sensuous way, sending a longing through me that has to be extinguished…needs to be extinguished. His hands that were anchored on my hips, now cradle my head. Reverently, he holds me…passionately, he kisses me. His kisses transcend beyond just mere contact. Every devotion filled kiss skyrockets my heart to a world of blissful ecstasy.
His mouth leaves mine and lands on my breasts…loving them…sucking hard enough it stings, and a heat filled lust seeps through every part of me…coating me. Cody reaches for my hands, puts them on either side of my head, interlocking his fingers with mine. It’s always been like this with us, every part of us that can be connected has to be…needs to be. The contact doesn’t make the need less consuming. It doesn’t alleviate the intense desire, it doesn’t lessen the unquenchable longing, instead every single powerful emotion we have for each other is trapped within us, and it fills us with an abundance of love for each other.
While he worships my body lovingly, the secret I’m keeping from him makes me feel as if a million fire ants are gnawing on my heart. The very thing I hate, the betrayal as I call it, is the very thing I’m doing to save him. So, here I am, standing in an area of gray, not knowing what is the right or wrong thing to do, but knowing one truth.
I love him…
In my mind, I need to save him…
In my heart, this is the only choice I have.
As if sensing the war waging inside me, Cody stops for a moment. As we gaze into each other’s eyes, our bodies remain motionless.
He wants to know…
I want to deny…
Both of us wanting to save the other.
“I love you, Roxy. Let me.”
Our hands are still interlaced. His hold on me…secure. The need for him to control is palpable. I need to be free of his grip on me, because the compulsion to press my palms against his cheeks is so great. It’s killing me that I can’t do it. Maybe…maybe I deserve it for what I’m keeping from him.
“I know, Cody, and I love you so much; I’m willing to risk anything…everything. Let me.”
He shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut, as if he’s blocking what I just said. He releases my left hand, and I feel him inside me….consuming me…owning me. Cody pushes my left leg with his right hand toward my chest, thrusting harder, relentlessly. Plunging deeper…driving us toward the ecstasy of a mind blowing climax. While his left hand finds my right connecting our fingers as he rests them next to my head. His mouth finds mine, devouring me, absorbing all of me. Each stroke of his tongue, every brush of his lips against mine conveys his adoration of me, and I give it back with just as much intensity.
My guilt overpowers me, and I cry…my tears are an unspoken admission of my guilt caused by the secret I’m hiding. Carrying this much guilt is something I’ve never experienced…ever. The emotional baggage is too overwhelming. I break our kiss and bury my face in his neck, as I hold his head tenderly with my left hand. Whispering never-ending I love you’s to him.
His thrusts, at times, are too strong, and at times, too passionately slow. Each loving stroke….every forceful thrust slowly leads us to our peace fueled by love. As his hands slowly slide down my stomach, my back arches, while my heels digging on his firm ass. His fingers work their way down to my needy nub, wanting contact begging for relief. As his finger continuously, without mercy, flicks my clit, my body starts to shake with the need to have my moment. Every time he bears down on me, it’s an expression of partnership where I’m his and he’s mine. He gives what I can take, and I take what he gives.
“I’m so close, love. Find your way back to me….please,” Cody breathlessly says.
His words…his words give me a sense of apprehension…a warning that somehow along the way, we’ll lose each other. Can we find our way back? God, I hope so.
I hold him tight, as close as I can get to him. “I’m right here...take me there, love,” I utter each word with as much truth and conviction as I can possibly put into words.
&
nbsp; Our emotions, mixed with the motions of our love making, hit me hard. An avalanche of fiery lust and never ending passion slams into my heart, and ricochets back at him with fervor so strong, it shatters my heart. We both arrive at the glorious, most euphoric place of bliss, only we can give each other. Reaching the pinnacle of oblivion, the tremors begin, the sexual tension loosens, and the firestorm of emotions between us flow like a raging inferno.
A sexual climax can be achieved with almost any partner…multiple times even. However, if you’re sharing a piece of yourself with the one person you truly love…whom you’re willing to risk your life for, when that culmination of release is achieved; it’s like a volcano erupting. It sends you in a tailspin of love and lust combined; it catapults you to an unbelievable high. It makes your eyes see things you never would…it makes your heart feel everything it should and more. So, my high is Cody. His love sends me to an unexplainable joy… an unfathomable contentment…and an unmistakable completeness.
So, I’m at peace with my decision…my life for his…because every which way I turn, it leads me back to the same thing. I can’t deny my heart…I just can’t. Finally, I get what my brother asked me a couple of days ago. He asked if I truly knew what it meant to give up one’s life for another. I’m proud to say, I finally get it…and I’m glad I do…I’m glad I get to experience it.
So, this is true love… it’s an unmistakable selfless act of one person to another.
Cody leans back and asks, “Rox, you with me?”
I grab his face with both hands. “I’m right here where I want to be…where I need to be.”
He shakes his head slowly. “Then, why do I have a feeling that you’re not?”
Cody’s stare is so intense, I have to catch my breath. His sharp blue eyes drill into mine as if they’re forcing the truth out of me. As much as I’d like to tell him the truth, I know I can’t. He’d stop me for sure…they’d stop me.
“You can’t feel me? Can you feel me, now?”
He’s still inside me, so I squeeze my inner muscles to prove a point, physically I’m here, though my mind may be wandering elsewhere. Thanks to whoever invented the Kegel exercises, because I’m going to kegel my way out of Cody’s interrogation. Cody’s natural reaction is to grind himself against me, and while it brings a smile on my face, I somehow feel a piece of my heart getting chiseled away.
“Love, your Wondergina is evil!” He smiles at me, but his eyes say something else….they believe something else.
Once again, we’re in an impasse, a fork in the road, a battle of the minds. Both strong individuals not wanting to back down, but willing to give up everything for each other.
“Ready for round two, love?” I ask, praying he’ll agree, because I need to savor him.
He pulls back and slams into me without warning…his thrusts are hard and fast. His grip on my hips is solid and unwavering. His gaze…his gaze is dead set on me. His eyes are full of questions, while mine are full of denial. Words are left unspoken, questions remain unanswered, and denials are never given.
His continuous assault on my body is relentless. His frustration evident…my need to satisfy him is strong. He releases his hold on me, leaves my body, flips me unceremoniously, and slams right back in from behind. As our bodies crash against each other, the slapping sound of our bodies, accompanied by our moans of pure ecstasy echo in the quiet. Cody reaches for my neck, he holds my jaw, turns me to face him, and crushes my mouth with his. His tongue is as unforgiving as his cock. His actions are meant to mark me…to own me. Unbeknownst to him…he already does. He owns every single cell in my body…
Every single breath I take…
Every single piece of me…
All.Of.Me.
While he drives us both to the brink of a very emotional freefall, I wait…I wait until we both fall over…until we both succumb to the pleasure of us. We do…together. He falls to his side and pulls me closer to him. Our limbs intertwine, our hearts rapidly beating.
Without warning, he lays me flat on my back and kisses me, affectionately, as his thumb brushes against my cheek. Cody’s eyes are closed while mine remain open. Slowly, he opens them, and his baby blues are the saddest I’ve ever seen them.
“I love you without question. I treasure the moments we’ve had. They’re forever burned in my memory, love. Every time I close my eyes, it’s you I see. This one right here…” He points at his heart. “…you own it. You’ve made it fucking happy. You’ve made it feel so loved; it always feels full…please…I beg you, don’t ever hurt it, never break it.” Shaking his head, he says, “…because this…” he rests his hand flat on my chest. “…this right here is mine to keep…mine to protect. I’ll never hurt it…ever.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to say anything, instead he gets up, puts his jeans on, and leaves. He leaves me alone with only my thoughts as company, and that’s when I feel the most alone in my entire life.
During times when I think I’ve made up my mind, but actually not, is when I need God the most. The problem is, He doesn’t really speak loud enough for me to understand, and I don’t do silence. I can’t understand silence. He gives me a free will to do whatever I choose, but wanting me to choose the right way…the right path. What if both paths are good? Which one do I choose?
Speaking of choosing, I remember the text message, it says to wait for further instructions and if I don’t follow what they want me to do, they’ll kill Trish first and leave Cody last. When I saw both of their pictures on my phone, I wanted to cry…I wanted to tell someone…anyone…but I couldn’t. If whoever sent me that message wants to get my attention, boy, they’ve got it now.
After the most beautiful, emotional, unforgiving, powerful love making between Roxy and me, I feel empty. The knowledge she’s hiding something from me eats at me like a fucking locust. It destroys everything in its path, leaving nothing, but ashes in its wake; and I have a feeling my heart will be just that…nothing, but ashes when all is said and done.
I go straight to the deck to clear my mind. Tami’s busy preparing dinner in the kitchen and being interrogated by her, well, I’m not prepared for that. Being the mother hen of our crazy group, she can sense when something’s wrong. She’s like a hound dog.
I hate being alone when I’m like this, because in the quiet is when I feel every burn in my heart…every doubt in my mind. I let my mind wander to when I got back on base after a week long search for one fucking terrorist in Afghanistan. One fucking long week. What I found out leveled me…it nearly destroyed me.
My superior officer told me my parents were both killed, one shot each to the head, by a lone gunman trying to rob our store. The first feeling that registered in my brain was ‘I was supposed to be there…I was supposed to be protecting them’. Now…now they’re gone. I couldn’t even attend their funerals because I was stuck in a fucking foxhole somewhere, waiting for my mark. A mixture of anger, sadness, and regret swirls in my mind like a damn yogurt! A swirl of emotions, but instead of it leaving a good taste in my mouth; it leaves me wanting to throw up.
I feel angry because I told my dad time and time again to always pack. He has the right to own and carry one. Not that our store is in a bad neighborhood, but fucked up people tend to infiltrate anywhere. An unforgiving sadness, until now, permeated my heart because I was left alone. Loving Roxy and her loving me alleviates the pain, it leaves my heart less cold, less angry. Then, regret finds its way in my heart and the cycle start again.
Now, I find myself in a similar situation, except right now, I can do something about it. I can defend and protect Roxy. This is my redemption, my saving grace, but she won’t let me. She’s taking control away, and it makes my blood boil enough to lose sight of how much I adore her…how much I fucking love her. If I lose her because of this, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her or myself for not doing enough.
I’m so lost in thought I didn’t even sense someone standing next to me.
“Here’s what I go
t, no text, no voicemail, no email. A big fucking nothing,” LT says, with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“They’ve got to her, Damien. You should’ve seen the look on her face. Whatever she saw, scared the fuck out of her. I know it. My heart tells me she’s lying, man. She’s ripping my heart to shreds, here. Tell me to stand down, because I’m ready to start fucking World War III.” Frustration seeps through me and out of my mouth.
LT stands stoic; his emotions are in check, though I know the tidal wave is just about ready to burst. I just confirmed for him the one thing he never wanted to hear.
“We’ll keep an eye on her, Cody. That’s all we can do. Stick to her like…”
I interrupt him, because I know what I have to do. It’s Roxy who, obviously, doesn’t know what she has to do.
Raising my hand, I say, “…like white on rice. I know, LT. Even doing so, they’ve still gotten to her! I’m sure the fucking ball is rolling as we speak.”
“Fine, let the fucking ball roll. She can’t make her move if everything’s tight. If you need to fucking watch her take a shit, do it. Why the hell are you out here, anyway?”
Shaking my head, I say, “I can’t be with her, right now. Maybe, you should go.”
“What the fuck is going on?”
“You know how I lost my parents, yeah? I can almost forgive myself for not being there, because I was busy serving my country. I couldn’t control that shit! I’m wise enough to accept that. But, what your sister is doing to me, fuck! She’s stripping me, inch by inch, because she won’t let me protect her. It hurts right here.” I point to my chest. “It hurts knowing that the one person I want to risk my life for is fighting me at every turn. It’s like a slap in the face. Promise me, when the shit hits the fan and the unthinkable happens because of her, promise me you’ll stand by her, because I probably won’t be there.”
