Unmistakable

by Gigi Aceves

  Brian raises his pointer finger. “Tami gets it like clockwork, every single day.”

  “That’s it. Watch for unusual reactions from Roxy. She’s used to Cody sticking to her like glue, ease on it a bit without actually doing it. Give her a little bit of leverage. Just enough that she has room to move, but not so much they can snatch and grab her. Do you get it?”

  I start shaking my head, surprised as hell Gunny is even suggesting this. “So, basically, we are setting her up to be taken. Gunny, no disrespect, but I can’t do that. It goes against everything I know.”

  “You don’t have a choice here, son. Make no mistake, I fucking hate this, too. Do you think I want to use her as bait? Based on my intel, if we don’t let her do what they ask of her, their next target is Trish. I’ll bet my ass, they told her that too. They’ll hit us where it hurts.”

  Jake’s demeanor changes as soon as Trish’s name was mentioned. He’s clenching his jaw like no one’s business, and the mood in the room skyrockets. Jake, always the planner, asks the question I don’t want to know the answer to.

  “What’s the play, Dad? I’m thinking, let’s put Trish in the hospital. It’s more secure and controlled. Call in Marco and Derek as backup. It won’t raise any red flags, because if they had eyes on us today, they would’ve seen us go to the doctor’s office. For the record, I’m not in favor of using Rox as bait. Is there another way?”

  Gunny stands up and crosses his arms over his chest. “There’s no other play here, Jake, but that. It’s like a fucking chess game; sometimes, you need to sacrifice your queen to win. Look, it’s impossible they’ll do a snatch and grab without establishing communication one more time. Let’s find out what they want, and once we do, we’ll plan accordingly. One step at a time boys. LT, make sure a tracker is in place tomorrow.”

  Standing up, I try my hardest to control the rage that’s starting to make its way up, fueled by my frustration, rams its way out of my mouth.

  “That’s exactly it! How the hell are we gonna find out what’s going on if she won’t work with us?”

  “I have everything in place, Cody. Relax. This isn’t my first rodeo Cody. Relinquish a little bit of that control, alright?”

  Gunny motions for me to follow him outside, so I do. I’m nervous, not knowing what he’s going to tell me. It has to be some form of intervention if he wants to talk to me alone. Can this day get any worse? He’s staring into the darkness with his back to me.

  “I’m not gonna waste your time talking about feelings. I know you’re hurting, and everything I’m asking you is going against the grain of how you guys are trained; but trust me, son; everything’s gonna work out. Trust, Cody…I need you to trust me.”

  “Gunny, you’re asking me to be okay with putting her life on the line, it’s something that’s hard for me to accept, Sir. My natural instinct tells me to protect her, not to push her toward danger. Give me one last chance, maybe, I can still convince her to come clean. Then, maybe, we can use a decoy? I don’t know, just not her. I don’t want an inch of her body getting hurt. She’s mine to protect. Mine.”

  Gunny turns around, takes two steps toward me, and squeezes my shoulder with his right hand. His face a blanket of sadness and concern. This is definitely hurting him, too, but I hope he understands how it’s killing me.

  “Cody, I know what I’m asking of you is too much, but this is your job. Don’t let your emotions take over. The sooner we neutralize the problem, the better. You don’t want a surprise attack, do you? This plan has the least amount of risk for everyone. This may not be what you want to hear, but Roxy will do what she wants with or without us. This way, we’ll keep tabs on her and have a plan in place. ”

  A disheartened sigh leaves my lips. “Again, exactly how are we going to find out since she’s tight lipped about everything?”

  “Don’t worry about that Cody. What you need to focus on, is how to fix this now. Make it convincing, Cody. We need this to work.”

  Before he steps away from me, I ask him one question. A question I know any man in my position would ask of another man.

  “If it were Patti, would you decide on the same course of action? Would you put her in harm’s way? Would you?”

  With tears dancing in his eyes, his answer didn’t surprise me at all. In fact, it made me respect this man even more. He’s so self-sacrificing, he’s willing to gamble the one person that makes his heart feel…

  “I would. It would hurt like a bitch, but as a leader, much is expected of me. What would you, or anyone, think of me when I only protect what’s mine, and sacrifice only what’s yours? Life is full of hard choices and gut wrenching battles, but we have to face these challenges. We can’t hide or run from them. We have to face them, and we’ll face them with pride and honor, with strength and conviction, and a whole lot of hope and trust that HE who sends us to do these hard things, knows what HE’s doing. Don’t forget, Roxy’s a fighter. The fight isn’t over, son. Don’t start waving the white flag. The fat lady has yet to sing.”

  He walks away, leaving me speechless. I didn’t expect less from him, and now, I’m left thinking less of myself. It’s a reality check when my own selfish reasons are thrown in my face. I’m only thinking what’s good for me…for us. It’s hard to look at the bigger picture when all I see is her…all I feel is her…all I need is her….my everything is her. While that realization hits me as a bull seeing a red flag, the selfish nature that exists in each one of us overpowers everything else.

  Brian’s voice interrupts my thoughts. “You can’t blame Rox for this, Cody. She doesn’t have a choice, not when Trish is the one who’s going to suffer.”

  I let out a frustrated sigh. “She has a choice, B. She has a choice to tell me, but she doesn’t. She has a choice to do this with me, but she won’t. We always have a choice. The problem is, my girl always excludes me, because she doesn’t trust me.”

  “If she told you what’s up, would you have agreed to the plan?” Brian asks as he leans on the railing with his arms cross over his chest.

  “I wouldn’t have, but I would’ve seen the logic soon enough. Her telling me would have made it easier. If we’re fighting this as a team, it’ll ease the load somehow, but her not telling me, it hurts, Brian. I want her to tell me everything, good or bad. I want to be the person she runs to, not runs away from.”

  “Sometimes, it’s in the end you realize you’re working together, and not against each other. Give it time, man. How about you go inside and talk to her. Put on your Chris Pine face and pretend all is good. Be convincing, lover boy.” Brian nudges me as we both let out a small smile.

  As soon as I open the door, I find her sitting on the bed, knees close to her chest as her head rests on them. How can I pretend my heart’s not hurting? Just the mere sight of her and an imaginary iron hand squeezes my heart. Suck it up, Cody. Show her your strength. Do your best to lie to her. How fucked up is this situation? I’m upset at her for lying to me, when right at this moment, I’m about to lie to her. God, give me the strength to do this, because I’m five seconds away from doing the opposite. Telling myself, I need to follow orders moves me to do just that.

  Slowly, I sit down on the bed, my back to her. Every time I talk to her, I always face her, my hands somehow touching her, but I find myself doing it less and less. I don’t know if I’m protecting myself from pain, or I’m afraid once I make contact, I’ll just tell her the truth…

  “Are you okay, Rox?” I softly ask.

  My fingers are itching to touch her. My mouth dying to kiss her.

  “Yeah, how about you?”

  Taking a deep breath I begin, “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I just…I don’t know what’s got me all worked up. I think, the stress is catching up to me.” I stop, because I can’t lie anymore; my heart won’t let me. So, I say what my heart wants. “I love you, Rox. I hope you don’t forget that.”

  I can hear her whimpers, and it breaks my heart even more. The pain I’m feeling is indes
cribable. I don’t think I can put my fucking heart back to how it was. We’re both hurting, and it kills me I can’t do anything about it, because we’re each other’s reason for it hurting like a bitch. When I’m away from her, I’m consumed with anger, because she won’t be honest with me; but when she’s near me, I’m consumed with pain. Not pain that’s caused by her, but by this damn situation. God, if there’s any other way, please….please, show me.

  “You know I love you, that’s never going to change. I know it’s been hard lately, but it’ll get better.” Her shaky voice is so low, I can barely hear her.

  “I know. We’re good, right, Roxy?” I ask her still not able to look at her face.

  “When are we not okay, love? We always fight our way through, right? As long as we talk it out, we’ll be okay.”

  She says it with so much conviction, I almost forget for a second the pain in my chest.

  I let out a forced smile. “Yeah, you want to sleep now, love?”

  “I’ve been ready.”

  I stand up and unbutton my jeans, shucking them off, then I shrug off my shirt, chucking it on the floor. I finally turn around with only my boxers, and seeing her face wet with tears almost brings me to my knees. I suck it up. Right now, I don’t want to understand the whys, the how’s, and the what-the-fucks. For now, I just want to hold her. So, I do.

  As I lie down on the bed, she scoots toward me on her own. My arms open up for her as my heart awaits its mate, my body shakes in anticipation of feeling her skin against mine, my lips await the heat only hers can give; but at the same time, my heart bleeds. How can I claw myself out of this hell when the hell I’m living in is the heaven I seek?

  I feel our relationship is a hoax. Can this still be the unmistakable love I thought we once had? Can our love that I always want to protect, survive anything? Can our love that I always put all my hopes on, pull us through the darkness? Can our love continue to persevere, through the hurt?

  I just don’t know anymore.

  Waking up from a restless sleep isn’t the way I want to greet the day. Added to that, instead of enjoying my quiet time with Cody, which we normally do before we start our day, I find myself thinking about the ugly turn my life has taken. My brain is in a never ending merry-go-round with no end in sight. I don’t know whether or not to believe Cody’s explanation that he’s just stressed. It could be they’re just trying to throw me off, or it’s the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Hell, I’m stressed, pregnant Trish is stressed…everyone’s stressed. I don’t want anything going wrong or one of the guys pulling a surprise on me. Trish’s safety….their safety is something I’m not willing to gamble on.

  Wanting so badly to connect with my love, I wait for the perfect time to launch my attack. I slowly let my fingers wander down his flat hard abs, playing along the band of his boxers. He isn’t stopping me, and no tenting action is happening below the waist either. Just when I’m about to give up and start thinking of another plan to seduce him, Cody surprises me and pushes me back, flat on the bed. His action is so fast, I’m left with my mouth open, my breath coming in short gasps.

  He takes off his boxers in one swift motion, then yanks my tank down, exposing my breasts as his hot lips encircle my hard nipple, biting, sucking until I’m writhing in ecstasy just from his lips alone. He rips my panties off and continues his attack on my other breast, while his hands snake from my shoulders, travelling down my back and cupping my ass, pushing me closer to his dick that’s as hard as a titanium rod.

  He lets out a growl. I answer with my soft moans coming from the depths of my soul which are induced by my love and lust for this man.

  “Is this what you want, Roxy? You want me?” He asks as his hot lips cover my neck with open wet kisses.

  “Yesss, oh…” I exhale loudly, making him know how much his mouth drives me insane.

  Grinding against me without penetration is driving me mad and I’m squirming underneath him, needing the most intimate contact. His tongue now plunging inside my mouth, taking mine hostage. Our tongues tangle together in a sensual dance of seduction as he rubs against my hips, thrusting yet not impaling me, teasing me relentlessly, pushing us closer to the edge of insanity.

  “Cody, please…love…I need you inside me,” I breathlessly say.

  “Tell me you need me,” He answers as his mouth finds my nipple again.

  Another moan escapes me, “I do…need…you…”

  Without another word, he slams into me, filling me up, owning me completely. He releases my ass and cages my head with his arms as he runs his fingers through my hair, gripping it, all the while thrusting into me. Slow at times, it’s almost unbearable….and in a blink of an eye, too uncontrollable…too fast, I don’t know where he begins and I end. I enclose his hips with my legs, using my feet to push against his firm ass, to thrust back what he strongly gives me.

  Both out of breath, both needing release, his pace picks up as his assault on my mouth matches each time he plunges deep inside me. He releases my mouth and gazes at me, lovingly, as he weaves his fingers with mine. His eyes are telling me how much he loves me; but his all too powerful thrusts, convey the need to control, not me, but the situation, so I give his hands a squeeze, confessing to him what I truly feel inside…what my heart wants to make him feel.

  “I love you, Cody…so much….oh…God…” My train of thought, momentarily, gets derailed as he continues to hammer away. “You have all of me…love…” Another powerful thrust sends my body close to the edge of oblivion.

  Not a single word leaves his mouth, he just continues to stare at me as he thrusts into me relentlessly. I don’t know if it’s acceptance or punishment his body is giving mine, but for every word that leaves my mouth, his answer is of the physical and unforgiving kind. His eyes convey what his mouth can’t say. As we reach our climaxes together, our hold on each other stays strong, every inch of him surrounds every inch of me. He buries his face in my neck, and that’s when I hear my love’s words that will haunt me forever.

  “I love you, Roxy. Don’t leave me, please.”

  His pained voice stops my thoughts and tears at my heart. That’s when my heart completely shatters into a million unfixable pieces….once again.

  In silence, I cry….

  In the stillness, I hurt….

  In secret, I suffer.

  I hurt so much, I want it taken away from me, but who will do it? Instead of saying it, I once again allow my actions to express what I feel, so I pull him closer to me, holding his head firmly against my neck, not wanting to let go.

  Ever.

  “I won’t ever leave, love,” I tell him as convincingly as I can.

  Even if we’re far apart…no amount of space or time, not the widest ocean or the deepest sea, not the farthest or darkest place can ever separate us. Separation is just a physical reality. It doesn’t exist between us, because in my heart…in my mind, it’ll always be you and me…as one…eternally. I silently say these things, it’s almost an unspoken promise I’m making to my one and only love.

  His silence speaks volumes. I know him too well. It means everything he’s feeling is just beneath the surface, waiting to explode. As much as I want to pacify his mind and heart, I can’t, and because of that, once again….I ACHE.

  He moves away from me without looking my way and leaves me, again. Though my feet are itching to follow him…to run to him, my mind tells them to stay put. The decision has been made…it’s been etch in stone, and turning back can’t even be wishful thinking at this point.

  Two hard knocks echo through the silence, and I don’t know if I feel relief from hearing them or afraid to know why someone’s knocking. Without me answering, the door opens, and in walks my brother. He’s looking at me with his eyes bugging out.

  Turning quickly, he says, “Geez, Rox, put some clothes on!”

  “What? I’m covered with a blanket. If you want to give me a minute, I’ll change into something more suitable.”

  He
nods and leaves the room while shaking his head. I smile at my brother’s reaction, his mouth is as filthy as any Marine I’ve known, but he gets all bent out of shape seeing me with only a blanket covering me. While my mind is making a quick guess as to why he wants to talk to me, I’m more concerned as to why Cody left me. He never does….and in a span of two days, he has done it twice.

  Damien comes back exactly a minute from the time he left.

  “So, what’s up?” I ask directly, needing to get this over and done with.

  “Did you guys iron your shit out? I mean, you and Cody?” Damien counters, looking at me intensely.

  I shrug my shoulders. “Yeah. He said he was stressed out, and I knew that. I’m stressed as it is. Gosh, I think everyone’s stressed out. He apologized, so we’re good.”

  He squints his eyes at me. “Why are you stressed? You know, we’ve got everything under control. Thanks for the vote of confidence, sis.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “Silly, I’m not dogging your ability to protect us. It’s this whole situation,” I say as my hands start flailing around. “The not knowing what’s going to happen is driving people insane. Doesn’t it drive you insane?” It’s my turn to squint my eyes at him.

  He doesn’t answer right away. In fact, he keeps staring at me, then swings his gaze to the floor, then the window, and back at me; and finally, he speaks.

  “I live and breathe stressful situations, Rox. I can adapt to them without batting an eyelash. However, civilians make it ten times harder to execute any plan, because they refuse to listen. Not listening is what gets someone killed, and when someone dies on my watch, it’s like a slash to the heart. It’s hard to lose someone, especially if it could’ve been avoided.”