by Gigi Aceves
I shake my head. “No, I can’t go. If I do, they’ll hurt him, dad. They’ll kill everyone. I have to stay.”
I want to tell him so badly…‘they’ll kill you first’, but those words don’t leave my mouth…though they stay in my heart and mind.
It’s his turn to shake his head, vigorously. “Do you think they’ll stop when they kill you? I need you to go, so you can tell Jack they need to come down on this place hard, because the head of the operation will be here. You.need.to.go. If you want to save them, you need to listen to me.”
My dad helps me up, and just as I’m about to climb on my dad, the door swings open. The murderous face of one of Satan’s spawns is indescribable. In three steps, he pulls me hard, away from my dad and drags me, again by the hair. My head is throbbing, my side’s killing me, but I still try my hardest to get away by scratching on the hand that’s torturously pulling on my hair. Then, two more guys come barging in and start beating on my dad. Satan’s spawn slams me against the wall, and I fall like a ragdoll on the unforgiving floor. He pins me down with his body, grabbing both my wrists as he continues to terrorize me.
“Trying to escape, are you? I’ve been watching you for a long time, I’ve been wanting to taste you. Now, you’re all mine.” He licks me from my cheek to my neck, and no matter how much I squirm and fight, he has me pinned on the floor.
With his body flush against mine, his hot stinky alcohol breath fans my face. He makes a mistake of releasing one of my wrists so he can unbutton my shorts, giving me enough room to wiggle my other hand in between us. I squeeze his dick as hard as I can, causing him to move away from me while he yells loudly, cursing at me. I crawl backward, away from him. Another guy comes in, yells, and tells everyone to leave the room, except the guy whose dick I just grabbed.
“Hijo de puta! Didn’t I tell you, we’ll save her for later? I need that son-of-a-bitch, here. After I have my way with both of them, you can do whatever the fuck you want with this bitch!” The man yells at his evil twin.
While still holding his dick he says, “Did Jefe call them?”
“In an hour. Meanwhile, rough her up a bit more. I need that fucker to know who he’s messing with. Make her bleed this time.” He sneers at me before leaving the room.
Immediately, I look at my dad. He’s turning his body toward me, slowly trying to be in an upright position. He’s preparing to stand up as soon as throbbing dickhead makes his move. There’s blood oozing from my dad’s mouth, there’s blood everywhere. I move toward my dad, and as quickly as I can, I stand up bracing myself to what Satan’s spawn has in store for me.
He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and says, “You heard him, bitch. I need to make you bleed.”
He lunges at me. I try to knee him in the balls, but he moves quickly to the side and hits my stomach with his closed fist, bringing me to my knees, clutching my stomach in pain. My dad tries to get up, but he was kicked on his back. The spawn of Satan pulls both my legs and drags me across the room as I continue to flail around. He straddles me and starts slapping me until I start tasting my own blood. I’m starting to lose consciousness, I think, because my eyes can’t focus on anything. The next thing I know, my dad launches himself at our tormentor, knocking them both away from me. I hear someone groan, while the other grunts and cusses something in Spanish.
I turn my head to look at the door, my mind knows it’s the way out, but my body doesn’t respond...
I can’t move…
I can’t breathe…
Cody’s face flash before my eyes, and I hold on to that image like a lifeline. In my mind, I can almost hear him tell me how much he loves me…I try my hardest to take my mind to when he told me….
“If for some reason you can’t see me or feel me, you can doubt everything about us, but never doubt my love for you. Trust that my heart’s every beat…each time it pumps life in me…what’s inside, is you. It pulses because of you, and it hangs on for dear life, scared as fuck of losing you. It loves only you.”
As my mind understands its meaning, my heart surrenders to its strength, and tears escape my eyes. Hanging on for dear life is what my heart and mind agree on. His loving words will give me strength…every word will pump life into me, because inside my heart is him. I long for his touch to heal me again; I yearn for his lips to wipe away the ache. I’m scared of dying without seeing him. God…please…I want to see him one last time…please, let my last vision be of his face…let my last breath be in his presence…God…I need him.
The last thing I remember before everything turns black is a flash of light….then….
SILENCE….
We’re at the rally point two blocks away from the warehouse where Roxy is. We’re planning how we’re going to position the teams when Gunny’s phone lights up signaling a call. Everyone’s attention is on him, and I’m afraid my heart will jump out of my body at any given moment.
As he looks at his phone, his clenched jaw reveals the bad news that one call carries. He excuses himself and signals for LT to follow him, leaving Brian, me, and the rest of the team to wait with the same question in mind. What’s it all about? What did he see on his phone?
I follow them closely with my eyes, and as Gunny shows his phone to LT, one word…one word sends my feet moving, leaving my already dead heart behind.
“Fuck!” LT yells as he looks up at the dark night sky.
I reach Gunny, and the moment my eyes land on his phone seeing Roxy’s battered face, her lips bloodied, the corner of her eye black and blue, her cheeks red and swollen, her hair matted and covering half her face, her lifeless body on the floor with her blood stained shirt ripped on the shoulders, and her eyes closed; I don’t know how I remain upright.
Hot searing pain runs through every inch of my body and rockets its way to my chest. I start shaking with so much rage inside me, the rumbling strength of bulls stampeding moves me to run, but not fast enough. Gunny and Brian slam me hard against the side of the Tahoe.
“Get your shit together, son, or this war is over before it even begins. She’s not dead, but she will be if you don’t allow your mind to work. Let what you know kick in, and not what you feel. They’re gonna use any trick they can pull out of their asses to use against us, to rattle the shit out of us, because they know we’re coming. They knew once Roxy was in their hands, the timer started for them. Focus on the mission.”
Chest heaving, wanting to push the man I look up to as a father, my eyes zero in on Brian. He stares me down, and his eyes show nothing, but brute restraint and unwavering control, silencing the thundering bulls inside of me. When its go time, unleashing this beast is the only thing left to do.
“Are you calm enough? There’s more to that picture. Now, open your ears and listen up,” taking a deep breath, Gunny continues. “They want you,” Gunny says, pointing at me.
I shrug Brian off me, waiting on the next intel I’m sure is attached to that ‘they want me’ comment. I know a different plan needs to be talked about before I cowboy up. Giving Gunny a one nod acknowledgement, he continues.
“They want you to go in through the north side. Alone. The last time we checked on Roxy’s location, she’s right in that area, too. Cody, you know situations such as these can change on the flip of a dime. I need you sharp and focused only on one thing, and that’s to bring her back to us.”
Jack clears his throat and says, “Like I said, you’re to go alone, unarmed. I’m going to put a tracker in your boot, hopefully, they won’t check that. Do what they say, but once I see shit’s escalating we’re coming in hot. The tactical shirt you’re wearing has a mic and camera imbedded in it. It’s this button right here, so we’ll be able to hear and see what’s going on. Hopefully, Lady Luck’s on our side tonight. Heat signals are showing where all the targets are. We’ll attack accordingly, boys. Alright, five minutes before show time.”
I stay put while the rest of the team goes in different directions. I’m taking everything attached to me off
since I’m going in naked…no gun…nothing. I’m leaving my Ka-bar tucked away in my boot, though. Standing next to me, LT’s nervous energy is vibrating at full force. He hasn’t said a word since his initial outburst after seeing Roxy’s picture, and I wince mentally, when her picture flashes again in my mind. I thought Roxy not telling me everything made me feel helpless, out of control even, but seeing a picture of her beaten up, nothing could’ve prepared me for that.
“Are you good, Cody?” LT asks with shaky voice. A first for LT, because nothing shook him until Roxy.
“Honestly, I don’t know, man. I thought I had the training to back me up, but now, I understand the reason I was able to control my fear back then was because it was my safety that was in jeopardy. I could control the fear, because I knew what I’m capable of, but now, it’s Roxy’s life on the line, this is a different fucking kind of fear. It leaves me helpless to move…to jump into action for fear of what may happen to her if I don’t do as they say. I don’t ever want to feel this way again, Damien. Not again.”
“Once you’re in there, you’ll know what you need to do. I’m right behind you, bro. Go get your girl. Bring her home. I…”
Gunny flags me after an agent whispers something to him. I’m watching carefully for a change in demeanor, but Gunny’s hard to read, so I wait again….for another damn shoe to fucking drop.
“There’s more…” Gunny says, and LT and I, both turn to look at him.
“The second in command…” Gunny blows out a breath as he looks at me “…his brother was convicted, serving back to back life sentences because of the murder of your parents.” Gunny stops talking as he looks at me, while my eyes stay glued on his. “This is nothing, but revenge on his part, Cody. That’s the intel the FBI just got seconds ago. I asked them to dig deeper, because something about him asking for you didn’t sit well with me. Now that we know, I need you to prepare your mind, because he’s gonna want to break you, and he’ll use Roxy to do it.”
My hands are fisted at my side, and the rage that’s boiling inside me triples as I try to fight the urge to pick up an assault weapon and let it rain on these motherfuckers. I want nothing, but to put a bullet to this fucker’s head just as he did to my parents. If it’s revenge he wants, I’m ready to shove it up his ass after I blow his fucking brains out. This very important piece of information just adds fuel to the already combustible status of my brain. I think, I’m close to losing my mind if I’m not already there. There are only two thoughts in my brain, one to save my love, and two, to avenge my parents. God, forgive me for what I’m about to do….
If my death is the penance in exchange for the justice I seek for my parents, so be it.
Brian pulls me aside, understanding and imploring eyes meet mine. “Cody, revenge is not yours to take. Do not taint who you are, and what you stand for because of hatred and revenge. That’s not why we’re here, man. Your parents wouldn’t want this on your hands, you got that?”
I can only offer my silence, because there’s nothing left in me…I’m running on empty. Everything good about me, about my life has been expelled from my body. While everything in me hurts, I’m finding it hard to see beyond the now, but knowing she’s in there waiting for me, I know I have to dig deeper from somewhere within me to save her. It seems everything is unraveling at a fast pace, putting everything back together seems impossible at this point.
One nod from Gunny, and everyone spreads out to their assigned positions. A slap on my shoulder is a signal for me to move, so I do. As I walk toward my destination, nothing, but pure hatred and anger runs through every part of my body. I can feel eyes on me, but I walk with a steady, confident pace. As I approach the single door that leads me inside…that leads me to her, I’m suddenly shoved from behind. The force causes my shoulder to hit the door. I hear someone cocking a gun, and suddenly, the cold end of the barrel presses against my nape.
“You make one move, I’ll blow your fucking brains out,” a man with a thick Spanish accent says.
I nod as I put my hands up. He knocks twice on the door, someone opens it, then he shoves me inside as I try to acquaint myself to my surroundings. We continue to walk, and three men armed to the teeth approach us.
“Stop right there. Search him,” the one in the middle with a goatee says.
The man behind me starts to pat me down, and I’m praying he doesn’t find my Ka-bar, my tracker, or the camera on my vest.
“He’s clean.”
Thank God, the idiot isn’t as thorough as he should be. The one with a goatee approaches me, and my gut is telling me this is the man who wants me. He’s as big as me, the same height, his arms are tattooed up, and he has a scar from the tip of his ear down to his jaw. He stops right in front of me, eye to eye, toe to toe, we’re both sizing each other up. My eyes are boring into his as he gives me a sinister smile, while I look at him impassively.
“Let’s see how tough you are, motherfucker. I’ll kill her slowly until you lose your fucking mind, you’ll beg me to kill you. But, don’t worry; I’ll let you have your moment with her, then I’ll fuck her in front of you. Is she still nice and tight? Does she scream while you fuck her?”
I’m trying very hard to reign in the beast inside, but this fucker is making it extremely hard for me. I can feel my control is slipping as he continues his tirade, while I’m imagining the different ways I can kill him. First, I’ll beat him to a pulp, then I’ll gut him like a fucking pig. Imagining the ways I want to kill this fucker is better than hearing the shit that’s coming out of his mouth.
He nods at the guy behind me and says, “Go; take him in the room.”
I know they’re taking me to Roxy, and I’m mentally preparing myself, closing off the part of me that will fall apart the moment my eyes land on her face. I need to stay strong…unfeeling…cold…inhuman, because the moment I don’t…the moment I let my feelings take command of my brain, I’ll literally lose my mind. So, I mentally check out…
I check out on my heaven…
My world…
My source…
My love…
I see two men standing outside a closed door, and I know, that’s my stop. I take a deep breath while telling myself this is just another mission. One of the guards opens the door, and I get a good shove from the guy behind me. Swiftly, I scan the semi lit room, and find a man holding Roxy as if she were a baby, rocking her back and forth. As I get closer, my blood that’s been on simmer, quickly shoots to a rapid boil because the guy that’s holding her is the reason my love is hurt.
“John, you have to let me check her. How long has she been like this?” I ask with a clipped tone, trying my hardest to reign in the anger that wants to break out of me in a very violent way.
“I don’t know….” he says in a low desperate filled voice as he runs his finger on her face.
“I’m going to move her now, okay? You gotta let her go.”
Carefully, I cradle Roxy in my arms, laying her down on the floor as gently as I can while my heart is in an unbearable state of rage and agony. I know, Gunny can see what I’m seeing, but I also know, I have to tell them anyway. Vocalizing what I’m actually seeing is the most gut wrenching feeling I’ve ever experienced.
“Um, possible concussion, lacerations, and bruises on her face, pulse is strong. I need a medic on standby.”
I take a moment and look at her again, running my hand over her face, touching her lips, wishing I could kiss all her pain away, but seeing her broken like this, knowing I could have done something, I don’t think I can find my way back to her. She suddenly stirs, blinks her eyes a couple of times, and then, she lets out a gasp. She looks at me with so much love and relief in her eyes, I can almost feel myself being right there with her…how we used to be. When she tries to speak and winces because of the huge cut on her lips, my mind pulls back again….back to that dark place where I don’t feel….where I can’t feel….
ANYTHING.
“Try not to talk, Roxy. Save your en
ergy,” I say, using a clipped tone.
She swallows twice and says, “I lo..love you….” She stops as tears start rolling down the side of her face. “I th…thought I’d never see you again. I’m ss…sorry.”
Schooling my face, I respond, “Don’t worry about it, Roxy. Relax. Just concentrate on breathing. Where are you hurting?”
“Can you help me sit up?” She asks, her eyes begging for more…more of me.
“Lean her on me, Cody,” John says…his eyes are begging too…for forgiveness from me.
I have nothing for either of them….absolutely nothing.
I slowly pull her up toward my chest as I hold her head with my other hand, while she wraps her arms around my waist. Gently, I move her toward her dad, and as I’m about to let her go, she leans back. I look at her, and she kisses my lips tenderly. I freeze, nothing…there’s nothing I can give her. I gaze into her eyes and I find myself drowning in them. Seeing the bruise on the side of her eye brings me back to the present, and once again, I pull back. It’s too painful to see, but extremely hard to ignore. The anger I feel toward her is too hard to control, and while I try my hardest to understand her, my brain just can’t make sense of her betrayal. I lower my eyes, and abruptly stand up, ignoring what just happened. Just then, the door swings open, and I stand, protectively, in front of her. Facing off with the guy who stared me down a while ago.
“Sit.” He points at the chair another person brings in.
I comply, because I don’t want to rock the boat, too early. The motherfucker’s sidekick ties my hands from behind, and as soon as my ass hits the chair, he reams on me, hitting my nose with his elbow, making me bleed. A gush of blood trickles down my face. He pulls me up and slams my shoulder hard against the wall. Fuck! The wall he picks to slam me against is the one closest to Roxy, and seeing me in this state is enough for her to lose it.
“Noooo! Stop please! Daaadd make them stop….” Roxy wails in between her sobs.
