by Gigi Aceves
I start shaking my head. “Cody, meet my mom. Nurse Anna, meet my love.”
Cody’s lips tip slightly upward, and I know, he’s about to say something really really bad. A giggle escapes my mouth, enjoying this moment with my mom and him.
“Mom, I just got her. Although I know she’s been here this whole time taking care of me, I know, you’ve done more than her. You’ve put up with my shi…I mean, you’ve put up with my grouchiness, and still even with that, you’ve been patient. I’m glad you’ve seen that side of me, but I hope, you’ll also see the man she fell in love with. I’m calling you ‘mom’, hoping it’ll soften your heart, please, don’t disappoint.”
My eyes start watering, hearing Cody calling my mom… ‘mom’. He truly is healing my heart and building it back to how it was, piece by piece. Until he opens his mouth again, and I’m tempted to smack him upside the head.
“So, if you’ll excuse us, we need our privacy. Please, close the door on your way out. Thank you.”
Then, my love looks at me wearing his heart stopping smile. Right there, I know we’re going to be alright. It’s going to be a long road ahead, but with us staying true to each other and for each other, I know we’ll come out of it better than we started.
Mom clears her throat, breaking our spell. “Cody, thank you for your kind words. Thank you for loving her when we weren’t there. Thank you for looking after her, for making her happy. Thank you for forgiving me and my kids. I know how much you hate John, and being associated with him, made us guilty in your eyes.”
Cody’s cocky grin disappears as sadness covers his face. “I shouldn’t have blamed Roxy. I shouldn’t have blamed him, for that matter. He wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger, after all. So, there’s nothing to forgive. In fact, I’m the one who should be asking for forgiveness, because you witnessed the hurt I’ve caused your daughter, and for that I’m sorry.”
My mom walks toward us, pulls me away from him as she cups his face. “We all make mistakes, Cody. What’s important is when we go back to the heart of it all, where it isn’t about you or about her, but it’s about the two of you, together. It’s going to be a tough road ahead, painful memories will surface from time to time, hold her as she holds you, but don’t forget to hold on to Him as well. For His strength can bear anything, okay?”
I watch them hug each other, but after, my mom insists on him resting for a little bit. He doesn’t fight it, but he refuses to let me go. He whines, so I climb in the bed, on his good side, so he can hold me. Even in his sleep, if I try to unclasp my hand from his, he instinctively holds on to it.
I’m back where I belong, nestled in his open arms as we both sleep, and hopefully, dream of good things about us.
It’s the day of Cody’s release, and I’m nervous as hell. My nervousness is brought about by my own insecurities regarding my father. We haven’t really talked about him or the sacrifice he made. I know he wants to know how I can easily forgive someone I called the ‘bastard’ all my life.
“Love? What’s wrong?”
My ever vigilant and observant boyfriend asks me as he looks at me with eyes that says ‘you better spill it girl’. Learning from my mistakes, I decide to go for broke and tell him the truth – the absolute truth.
“I know we haven’t really talked about, um…my dad,” my mouth opens without looking at him for fear of what I’d see.
“Eyes on mine, love. Unless you want the floor to answer you, your eyes need to be looking straight at me.”
I lift my eyes up, looking at his hopeful and understanding ones which give me the push to open my mouth.
“I know you hate my dad. I get that, because I’ve hated him for a long time, too. But, by him taking a bullet for you, that erased all my hatred, because he saved you for me. He knew I loved and needed you more in my life. Just as he understood, accepted, and valued your place in my heart, I have to give him that same understanding, too. In that, I realized my dad wasn’t as cold hearted as I thought he was, that I came from something good. His saving grace was the one action that earned him my forgiveness and my love. I…I hope…”
Putting his finger up, he crooks it, signaling for me to walk toward him. I do, stopping right in front of him, he rises from the bed, and looks directly at me as he lets his finger graze my forehead down my nose and over my lips; his palm lands perfectly still on my chest.
“I’ve forgiven him, Roxy. I understood his intentions, I think, the moment it happened, but my anger just overruled everything, you know? Before you ask, there’s actually nothing to forgive. We both wanted to protect each other, how can I be mad about that? However, I owe you an apology for telling you I don’t love you, because baby, it’s not true. I hope…”
It’s my turn to interrupt him. “Cody, I understood why you said it. I expected it, not because I believed it or that I deserved it, but because I understood the reason why. I did so, easily because I love you, and that love helped me to understand you, just as you understood why I did what I did. Thank you for understanding me.”
Holding my cheeks with his hands as he stares into my eyes, he says with conviction, “Thank God, we can understand us.”
Smiling at me, he blows a sigh of relief at the same time I do.
Grinning at me, he says, “How about let’s end this with a kiss?” He does the motion of turning a key on his lips and head and throwing it.
Looking at him questioningly, he smiles and says, “We’ll never talk about that topic ever again, Roxy. It’s done. It belongs in the past, and we’re looking ahead, alright.”
I nod in agreement and that kiss he asked about is happening now.
It’s been two weeks since my bandages were removed, and a week after my knee surgery. My very last surgery, thank God. My vision still isn’t perfect. My doctor says it may take a solid five months to gain it all back, but at least, I can see a lot clearer. I’m only having issues when I look at something far away. Recuperating has given me time to reflect and think. I haven’t had this kind of time in a long while.
To others, it may seem that all my physical ailments should’ve caused me my greatest worry, but actually, they haven’t. What causes me my greatest anxiety is the state of my heart; it’s slowly, but surely, on the mend, thanks to my love. I can still remember the day we got back together. It’s something I play in my mind before I open my eyes each day. I consider that day, by far, one of the most special days in my life. Roxy forgiving me is something I’ll never forget. Learning to forgive her father and myself for hurting her is crucial in my healing.
While I wait for her to get ready, so we can go to the hospital for my therapy. I remember our first night in our bed together with nothing, but a blanket covering us. We’re completely naked, both, physically and mentally. With our hearts open and exposed. My greatest fear is she’ll be afraid of my touch. Talking about it helps, though hard in the beginning, once we started doing it on a regular basis, it got easier each day.
“Is this, okay? Me holding you?” I softly ask, not wanting to scare her.
She nods in response as she thumps on my chest twice.
I run my hand over her arm tenderly, asking her once again if it’s okay. She gives me the same answer, followed by two thumps on my chest.
“Love, mount me, please? Are you okay with that?”
She takes a deep breath, I close my eyes along with her while I pray for God to give her the strength. He does, as always. She swings her leg carefully over me, cradling my hips. I run my hands over both of her arms, letting my fingers explore every inch of her, from her arms, to her shoulders onto her neck, and down the middle of her breast, waiting anxiously for her to stiffen, but she doesn’t.
“I’m going to touch my girls, now, love. Is that okay?”
With her eyes still closed, she gives me a nod, followed by another set of thumps on my chest. Softly, I massage both her breasts, pressing on her nipples with my thumbs and pointer fingers. Reluctantly, I let them go, my fingers continue
their journey down to her stomach. I’m sure by now, she can feel how hard I am for her. I’m willing to wait, though; only when she’s ready….only then will it happen.
She starts moving, rocking her hips back and forth over mine. My hand moves lower and lands above her clit, gently pressing on it, then around in circles, applying a little more pressure until her rocking motions increases as she lets out a series of pleasure induced moans.
“Love, tell me what you need.”
“I…I want…” She stops and that’s when I notice twin tears trickle down her face, all the while her eyes remain tightly closed.
This isn’t going how I want it. I don’t want her to confuse me…us, what we lovingly do with that son-of-a-bitch. So, while I’m dying to be inside her, I put my needs last if waiting equals healing to her.
I anchor my hands on her hips, giving her a little squeeze, needing her to know we need to talk about this. Her crying could mean a lot of things, for all I know, they are tears of healing or tears of her shutting down.
“Talk to me, love.”
She opens her eyes, but avoids mine, training her eyes on her hands that are flat on my chest.
“I’ll wait, however, long it takes, Roxy, until you’re ready, but I need to know where your mind is, love.”
“I know…I know you’re not him. I know your hands are not his,” she looks away and stops.
“Then, why are you crying? Am I doing something wrong? You want me to do something different?”
She shakes her head and locks eyes with me. “I’m crying, because even with what he did to me, how he tainted this loving act we both share and enjoy, I can distinguish your touch from his. Where his was meant to break me, yours heals me. Where his was meant to abuse, yours is delicate, tender, and loving. When you touch me….every time you touch me, I feel how you treasure me. Thank you, love, for healing me, again…for loving me…again. Thank you for us.”
I’m speechless after that, while my eyes are still locked with hers. For the longest time, I thought she couldn’t separate my touch from that animal’s. I thought she’d never figure it out, but she did. From here on out, I’ll treasure her even more….love on her more….make her forget the bad, and help her remember the good….only the good.
“I love you, Cody. Can you love on me, now?”
So, I do…I did. I loved her slowly, moved in her tenderly, and covered every inch of her body with my lips, affectionately. I did all these, and will continue to do them because my love for her is truer…purer…and more unmistakable than the day I first loved her.
Her voice calling me clears my Roxy induced mental coma. Looking down, I find myself in a situation needing her immediate attention.
“Are you ready, love?” Roxy peeps through the door of our room.
“Yeah, can you help me real quick?”
Squinting her eyes she asks, “Help you with what, exactly?”
Trying to hold a smile, I answer, “I need you to zip me up, love. I can’t really bend that far, and my jeans are…” Pointing at my ankles. “down there.”
I wait until she’s directly in front of me before I stand, ever so slowly. Her jaw drops the moment her eyes land on my most prized possession, or should I say her most prized possession, commando style.
“Seriously, Cody! You have a hard on!”
I smirk at her. “I have a what?”
“Your dick is hard!”
Licking my lips I answer, “What is hard?”
Putting her hands on her hips, biting her lower lip as she looks at my dick, probably thinking how she can tuck him in my pants, gently. Inside, I’m dying, but I enjoy playing with her like this.
“How am I supposed to zip you up when that thing…” she points at my hard cock. “…is hard as a damn torpedo, waiting to explode!”
Cocking my head I ask, “Torpedo, huh? You know the combo to help it detonate sooner. Want to put in the code? Or maybe slide in the key card? What do you say? Take your pick, love. I’m cool either way.”
Suddenly, I hear heavy footsteps coming our direction, and Brian’s low voice yelling.
“Cody, it’s go time! Jake just called, the quads are ready to say hello to the world.”
“Fuck!” I mutter under my breath, while eyeing my love to help me with my pants. Forget about the hard state of my dick, stupid idiot can’t calm his shit down.
Roxy hurriedly ducks down and reaches for my jeans, right as Brian pushes the door, seeing both of us in an awkward position. His jaw drops open and his eyes swing from Roxy’s head to my eyes.
“What the fuck?”
“Hey! It’s not what it looks like, really. Will you quit looking and step outside?”
Shaking his head, he says over his shoulder, “You do know, you still have a bum knee, right?”
“Shut the fuck up, Brian! Now, I’ll have a damn bum dick,” I mutter that last comment under my breath.
Seriously, the quads are being cock blockers already, even before they take their first breathes. If this shit is going to happen on a regular basis, I’m gonna have a talk with them. They can’t stomp on my playground!
After Roxy zips me up, I hold her cheeks, and kiss her softly on her lips.
“You do realize, you just got cock blocked, right?” I ask her with a smile on my face.
“I don’t think so. I think it’s more, you got Blow Job Blocked. I, my love, got rescued from it.” She slaps my hand and says, “Tag you’re it. Race you to the car! Last one there has rotten balls!”
I laugh and start shaking my head as I walk with a limp.
I yell out, “Rotten balls my ass! You don’t even have balls!”
Six months later
After months of therapy, both physical and mental, and waiting for my eyesight to improve, I find myself standing on a porch located three hours away north of Los Angeles in the mountains above the Santa Ynez Valley wine country. My eyes can’t begin to cover the expanse of mountains around me, where the Appalachia meets the wilderness of Southern California.
We’ve rented a Farmhouse for a week for our wedding and honeymoon. Our nearest and dearest will share the farmhouse with us, while our friends will stay at a bed and breakfast down in the valley. With a beer in hand, I watch the sun set between two mountains as I replay everything that’s happened in my life with Roxy. It’s hard to go down memory lane without touching the most painful parts of us. At times, I find it consoling, knowing we were able to get over it with our love intact, and at times, I find it too painful when I realize that during the toughest time of her life, I abandoned her. It’s a constant struggle to convince myself it was all part of God’s plan. The memory of my proposal is still as clear in my mind as the day it happened.
I know, she’s going to read the box of letters her dad apparently left her on her birthday. Why she wants to torture herself, I’ll never know. I suppose, because most of the letters are birthday cards from past birthdays. That’s why I decided to propose to her today, so I could replace bad memories with good ones. I find her in our room on the bed, a small chest with its lid open on her lap, while reading a card. I lean against the wall, watching her as she cries again over lost time and wasted moments, while I wait for her to find ‘the’ box. Ten cards in, and she finds it. For the longest time, she just holds it, then I decide to walk toward her. Kneeling on the floor, looking up at her sweetly perched on the bed, I tip my head for her to open it.
“Go on, love; open it.”
Deliberately, she does and the moment she sees the French set halo diamond engagement ring nestled safely inside, she cries yet again.
“I chose this moment to ask you to marry me, to be my wife, to be my hope and to be my everything, because I want you to always remember when you cry tears of regret or pain, soon after tears of joy will escape those precious eyes. You’ve made me a better man, love. Will you make me a complete man…please, say yes?”
She tosses the chest full of her dad’s cards aside, drops on the floor, and lat
ches on to me as though I’m her savior, causing me to land flat on my back and my love on top of me. Instinctively, we interlace our fingers as she moves our twined arms over my head, connecting us in one of the most intimate of ways. Over and over again, she shows me how much she loves me by her words and her lips. Right then, I knew, I made the right choice asking her this way.
“Yes! Yes, to being your wife…yes, to marrying you…yes, to being your hope as you are mine and yes, to being your everything, because you’re most definitely mine.”
That night ended the way I planned it. No fuss, no elaborate preparations, just my love and me on the floor loving on each other, sharing ourselves with each other.
My perusing comes to a halt when LT stands next to me armed with his own beer.
“Nice place, bro. It’s so peaceful here.”
I smile as I take a long pull from my bottle. “I’m just glad Roxy approved it. It took me months of damn research to find this place. She’s always loved the outdoors, so this worked out fine.” I laugh out loud after remembering what happened yesterday. “You were there when she started running around singing ‘The Hills Are Alive’, Julie Andrew’s style, right?”
Chuckling as he remembers that episode, he says with a slightly sad tone, “I’m just glad she’s smiling again, Cody. For a while there, I thought I’d never see it.”
Our eyes lock in agreement about feeling the same kind of fear when it comes to Roxy. I’m glad to share the same concern with him. It gives me a sense of security knowing someone will catch my love when I can’t.
“Thanks for forgiving me, LT. I know, I fucked up.” I break our stare down, swinging my gaze toward the mountains.
“I was mad at you, make no mistake about that. Because, whenever she’s hurt, I hurt too, and my mom hurts more. I’ll stop at nothing to protect those two. They’re my life, but at the same time, I got why you were mad too, and now…” Looking at his watch. “…actually tomorrow, she’ll be yours to protect and cherish. I know, you’ll do it well, and without question, so there’s no fear right here…” He says, tapping his head. “…and this….” He says, tapping his chest. “…this is at peace. I want you to promise me that when it comes to your soon to be wife, which is my sister, and your soon to be mom, which is my mother, you’ll stand toe to toe with me to watch over them.”
