Wandering Heart
Page 15
"No, and I'm sorry if I let you believe otherwise. It was wrong to deceive you in any way. It wasn't meant to deceive you. But, if I had told you earlier, you might not have hired me. Well, you wouldn't have. And I wanted this job, Angel. I didn't know at the time why, but I knew I wanted to be here."
Angela watched him closely now.
"I told you I was in electronics. I just didn't tell you how much into it I really was. While I was in the service I concentrated on my education. It afforded me an opportunity I would get nowhere else in this world, so I took it. I studied. While most of the guys were out chasing women, I was studying. I got my degree before I left the service. When I first went to work for the firm, Jordan Electronics, I was a lowly employee. Not because I was stupid, but because I felt I needed to learn everything from the ground up. I took one of the lowest jobs, all the time continuing my education. Not just in electronics, but management. It didn't take long to work my way up the corporate ladder. Way up. You see, with hardly any expenses, I was able to invest my money back into the company. Oh granted, it was a small company capable of growing bigger. Much bigger. So, before long I became a somewhat major stockholder. Before I left I was Chairman of the Board of Directors."
Angela's mouth was hanging open. "What happened? I mean, why did you leave?"
"The owner of the company wanted me to marry his daughter. And I gave him every right to think I was interested. She was pretty, intelligent, and at the time there was no one in my life. I simply hadn't the time to find a woman. Everything was fine, until one day I found out all she really wanted was to assure her family's small fortune in the company by marrying the Chairman of the Board. When I found that out, I left. I'm until the major stockholder in that and several other companies. You see I educated myself into making money. But what I really wanted in my life was a stability I never had. I've found that here, working on the farm, where I belong."
"Then you were never destitute?"
"Never. And I apologize for letting you think so. That was wrong. But, you see, I quit trusting people for a long time. I'm happy to tell you that has changed and mostly because of you and Josh."
"Did you love the girl?"
He shrugged heavily. "I thought I did, yes. I'll admit it left a few scars. I quit mostly because of wounded pride though. But, I'm not sorry. And I make it a practice to never look back. So, you see, I can afford the necklace, and I do want you to have it. Happy Birthday, Angel."
She stared, wide eyed at him.
"You see, you and Josh taught me to trust again.I wasn't sure I was capable of trusting again. I was wrong."
"But how could you give so much up?"
He shrugged and shook his head. "It wasn't that much. It was money. That's all."
"I don't know what to say."
He switched on the small radio that Josh had loaned him and smiled. "You don't have to say anything. Just eat your cake, and talk to me. Then I'll walk you home, kiss you goodnight, and I'll go home alone and dream about the rest."
Again she blushed, but this time it was because she knew he was sharing something with her - himself. This was a side of Cooper she never knew existed, and it warmed her to know he could talk about it. It was their first date, and he was treating her like a lady, and she understood it.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Angela woke to the trill of a mockingbird, and the bright sun of an early spring morning.
The office was bubbling over with excitement as Angela walked in. Greg would be starting his tour Monday, and all last minute preparations were being taken care of. Everything was going on schedule and he was in the best of moods with all the office personnel.
Spring was everywhere today.
Everything was going splendidly until Maxine came over to Angela's desk and started raving about what a good time she planned to have with Cooper tonight.
Angela hadn't had time to assimilate all of Cooper's news. Nor how she felt about it. They had spent the entire evening talking and laughing together. Even though he had confessed his secrets, there had been no declarations of love on his part. Not in words at least. There were no commitments. She had no right to be jealous. No right at all. But she was.
Perhaps all the romance of last night was merely an attempt on his part to show her he wasn't serious. Perhaps he wanted to slow things down. And why not? She had practically invited herself into his bed. What was the big difference in her and Maxine, anyway? She had wanted him in her bed, hadn't she?
Maxine smiled as she pulled her chair up to Angela's and parked her carry out chicken dinner atop her desk. "Do you think Coop will like the dress I bought, Angie?"
The chicken smelled wonderful, and Angela's mouth watered.
Opening her meagre sack lunch, Angela nodded dully. "Why not? It's beautiful. What's not to like?"
Maxine purred. "What's he like, Angie? I mean what's he really like?"
"Why ask me?" Angela protested as she bit into the peanut butter and jelly sandwich she had hurriedly made this morning.
"Why not? You know him better than anyone."
"I don't know about that. I mean I don't know what he prefers in women. All I can say about him is that he's a nice man. He is kind, gentle, and easy spoken. I think it's safe to say he's been hurt a few times. Maybe marriage shy."
Maxine grunted. "I'm sure. I've never met a man who wasn't marriage shy. That's no problem."
Angela attempted a weak smile.
"But what does he like in women?"
"How would I know?" Angela shouted a little too loudly. Some of the other girls in the office turned their heads.
"He's bound to have dropped a few hints, here and there."
Angela studied the question a minute. "Well, I know he's not crazy about too much make up. I think he kinda prefers the natural look."
Memories of the night she had dressed for Greg interrupted her train of thought. She could until feel his fingers on her lips as he wiped the lipstick away. Oh, she had to stop thinking like that. Cooper was a dynamic man, but she wanted more than just a romp in bed with him. She had fallen in love with the man. Not just his looks, or his lovemaking, but the man he was. He was a man who could carry on a lengthy conversation with her ten-year-old son. A man, who at the first sign of trouble, could patch a gash in a dog like a vet. A man who could plan a surprise birthday party for someone he cared about.
Maxine cupped her French twist. "That I can manage easily enough. But what are his interests? What does he like to talk about?"
Angela studied Maxine for a moment. She hated admitting it, but she liked Maxine, despite everything. Maxine was herself and put on no airs. That was what Greg found hard to deal with at times. But even Greg had to admit, she was a trooper in getting along with the brass.
"I don't know, Maxine. He has an ongoing love affair with the land. You can see it in his eyes. Whatever you do, don't talk politics. He isn't too keen on that. He's a very uncomplicated man, which makes him more complicated, I think."
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
"The old Coop liked big boobs and no brains, but this one I'm not sure about. He's grown up. Has more sense about him. He takes a lot of pride in his Harley. When he isn't working, or with Josh, he's out in the barn polishing his bike. He can play baseball like a pro. He loves kids, and animals. He's been in the Air Force, too."
"Well, I've got the boobs, honey. And I can be pretty witless at times. But he just doesn't strike me as a shallow kind of man who's not interested in some type of female. He's too deep for that. And quit being such a prude. He's got to be interested in some kind of female."
"Oh, he's interested in females." She let her tongue slip. "I don't think he's had a serious relationship in a while. Maybe he's just picky."
"Well, that's in my favor. But you aren't much help. I suppose he hasn't spent any of his time on you, though. I mean you've been engaged to Greg all this time. Or practically."
Angela didn't comment. She couldn't. Obviously, Greg hadn'
t mentioned their breakup, and she wasn't about to.
"Oh, let's face it, Angie, honey. The only things you know about this guy is that he's a nice guy. I just thought you might shed some light on it for me. I'm looking forward to tonight. And don't you dare fire him 'cause he might be a little late to work tomorrow."
Angela felt a twinge of jealousy, but she squashed it. "No, I won't. I…I hope you enjoy your evening, Maxine." That was probably the most bald-faced lie she had ever told. She didn't hope any such thing.
"Thanks. You know, Angie, you're really not so bad. I hate to say it, but I'm beginning to think a lot of you."
Angela glanced at her this time with open eyes. "Why thank you, Maxine. I've always hoped we could be friends."
Maxine took off early that afternoon. She acted as though she were staging herself for the entire evening. Well wasn't she? Angela wasn't looking forward to going home. But she was a grown woman, and she had to face it sooner or later.
A phone call from Josh surprised her that afternoon about four o'clock. Josh rarely called her at the office and if he did it was usually important.
"Hi, Mom, are you busy?"
"No, Josh, never too busy for my favorite man."
There was a pause at the other end. She knew he was blushing. "I called to ask you if I could go camping with Tim and his parents this weekend."
Angela caught her breath. She never hesitated to let Josh go anywhere he really wanted to, but she hated him going off tonight. She needed some kind of distraction. But it would be selfish to tell him no. "When are they leaving?"
"This afternoon. I already talked to Coop and he said to call you. Is it okay? We'd be back by late tomorrow or early Sunday."
"Where are they going exactly?"
"Cedar Creek Lake. You remember, I went once last summer; they have a cabin down there, and a boat dock and everything. It's not theirs, but they have permission to use it. Can I go, Mom?"
"I wish I'd known earlier. I don't know if you have enough clean clothes."
"Aw heck Mom, you don't need clean clothes for camping. Please, I'd like to go. Tim said the fish swim in schools in the spring."
Angela bit her lower lip, knowing she couldn't say no, but wishing there was some way she could. She wasn't looking forward to a weekend without Josh, too.
"Can I go?"
"Only if you promise to study extra hard next week and bring that math grade up. I spoke with your teacher today and you've been letting other things take priority lately."
"Okay, it's a deal," Josh agreed. "I promise, Mom."
"I mean it, Josh. You will have to hit the books as soon as your chores are done. You might even have to give baseball a back seat until this is accomplished."
"I promise. Gee, thanks, Mom."
"Okay, darling, but be careful. You know how I worry about you. And tell Pat to call me and leave a number I can reach her at if something comes up."
"Okay. And we'll be careful, Mom, don't worry."
So, now Josh would be gone, Cooper would be tied up, and Angela was staring at a weekend from hell. She hadn't had many weekends alone. She should be looking forward to relaxing with a good book, but she wasn't. Or she could hang out at the Palace.
Since Greg left the office early that evening, he let everyone off early. Angela wished him all the luck in the world, and Greg seemed touched by her sincerity.
Angela practically flew home, hoping to catch Josh before he left. But Josh didn't waste any time. There was a note on the kitchen counter, a phone number he could be reached at, the address.
There was no sign of Cooper either.
Angela changed into a pair of soft faded jeans and her favorite John Wayne t shirt, and curled up on the couch to relax. Why not? She wasn't going anywhere. She tried to concentrate on the novel she had bought a couple of weeks ago. But her mind was elsewhere.
It began to rain again, and Angela felt as though her insides had suddenly emptied. Her mind drifted to the first night she had run into Cooper at the Palace. It was raining then, too. Oh why couldn't she get him off the brain?
Her eyes drifted to the window several times, but she made herself sit there and not look. She had seen his light on earlier.
Whatever Cooper chose to do with his life was his business. If he wanted Maxine, there would be no stopping him. She had no right to interfere. But darn it, it hurt. And those words came back to haunt her. "You'll be the first." Not the last.
For once, she wished she could be someone else. She wished she could be frivolous and big-boobed.
She fixed herself some supper to take her mind off Cooper, but it didn't work. She couldn't eat. Her scrambled eggs and toast seemed to scatter all over her plate and stare back at her.
Then she decided she would go to the Palace, enjoy a good movie, and take her mind off Cooper. Even in miserable weather she felt comfortable getting out. Anything to take her away from here, and to help get her mind off Cooper and Maxine.
As she was pulling out of the yard, she saw Cooper's light was until on, and there was no sign of any cars. But Cooper didn't own a car, he owned a Harley.
She shoved the old truck into gear and scuttled along the road slowly. The rain was steady but not hard. She turned her wipers on so she could see, and settled back, listening to the hum of the old truck. There was too much static on the radio. She switched it off.
There was hardly anyone out, even though it was early evening. She only saw a couple of cars on her way into town. Where had everyone gone this weekend?
She automatically parked at the library, force of habit, and walked the distance to the theatre. It didn't seem to matter if anyone recognized her now. She suddenly realized this was probably the first time she had come into the Palace with no curlers or sweats.
She bought popcorn and a soft drink, and went directly to her favorite seat in the balcony. It just wasn't the same anymore. Nothing had changed, but it wasn't the same.
The teenagers weren't there tonight, and, for some silly reason, Angela missed them. There was hardly anyone in the theatre, but thank goodness it was a good movie. High Noon was playing; one of her favorites. She simply wasn't prepared for the music though.
"Do not forsake me, oh, my darlin'." It was beautiful, it was sad, and it made her break out in tears. She felt forsaken.
The stern, pitiful look on Gary Cooper's face mirrored her own feelings. She had read somewhere that he had a bleeding ulcer when he made this film and was in pain. She felt his pain, his agony. She couldn't stop the tears, all through the movie she wailed. There was no one to see her. No one.
Nothing was the same anymore. The soft drink had gone flat, the popcorn wasn't salty, and she was drained by the end of the movie. She felt she had lived those horrible moments with Gary Cooper.
She waited until the next flick started before she got up and left. It was only nine thirty, too early to go to bed.
Her mind kept drifting back to Cooper as she climbed into her old truck and started the motor. The motor purred despite its age. The first few days she had seen Cooper again seemed liked eons ago. How she had mistaken him for a poor out of work bum she wasn't sure. His clothes were always neatly laundered, so he had to have taken them to the cleaners. And that cost money. His bike was expensive. How could she not have known he was a man of means?
Despite everything she wanted to think of him now, she realized that he was a good man, capable of taking care of her and Josh, and the farm, and loving them - if only. Even if he didn't love her, he had a strong affection for Josh. And Josh returned that affection.
Fact was, she was in love with him, whether he was a bum, or a corporate magnet. Even if he was until 'love 'em and leave 'em Johnson', the decision had been made for her. She had told him she loved him, that first night, while they were making love. Perhaps he didn't believe her or he didn't care. Perhaps it had been the wrong time to say it.
Maybe he hadn't changed that much. Maybe he until preferred big boobs and no brains.
She wanted to literally tear Maxine's heart out. This wasn't a part of her nature. But she had never wanted anything or anyone as badly as she wanted Cooper. Not just physically, but mentally. She enjoyed his company, enjoyed his conversations, his presence. All this time, she had been searching for Mr Right and he was living just down the road from her. He had taken care of Josh, and the farm, and her.
They had a strong spiritual connection, he had told her. So where was it tonight? Hadn't it meant anything to him? So, why hadn't he told her he loved her? Why was he dating Maxine at this very moment?
She had to know the truth! If she was a fool, then she had to know it, face it, deal with it.
She started the truck, slammed it in gear and drove toward home with a vengeance. Tears streamed down her cheeks, vile words were under her breath. With bitter determination, she set herself a plan.
She was wrong to spy on him, she knew that much, but she had to do it. She had to know if he was simply stringing her along. If she caught them in the act, she could rid herself of this heavy burden of love, once and for all.
The rain came down harder as she parked the truck on the side of the road, just a half mile from Cooper's bungalow, and walked with grim determination up the road.
His lights were until on, and, as she approached, she heard soft fifties music playing.
She stopped long enough to listen; the soft music only escalated her fears. But there was no female voice in the background. No giggling or laughter coming from the bungalow. Only silence.
She was here and she had to know everything. She sauntered slowly up to the window to peek in. The shade was pulled so she saw nothing. She strained closely to try to hear what might be going on. But nothing. Nothing but music. No movement, no voices.
Perhaps he had gone off and left the lights and radio on. Maybe they weren't back yet.
She caught her raincoat on a bush as she tried to get closer to the window, and it ripped. She pulled and made it worse. In her fury with herself, she took it off and flung it to the ground. At this point, she wasn't worried about him finding it later. She didn't know whether to stay there and wait, or go back to her truck.