“I wish you could have been my first kiss, Jack. But you only like me now because you don’t have to respond right away. That’s okay. I just hope you’re safe. Love always, Sierra.”
I spent hours reading the letters, crying and laughing and feeling like a fool. The man had been fighting a war and I bothered him about my teenage life. My boring, hormonal teenage life.
“I don’t think I should have sex with Bobby Langston just because he asked me to prom. He’s not even my boyfriend. And he’s not you.”
I’d been fooling myself to think it was anyone other than Jack. It had always been Jack, as these letters proved. Which meant there was no getting over him. Not in a few months and not in a few years. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life being in love with a man who’d very publicly made it clear that he didn’t love me.
But keeping the letters had to mean something, didn’t it? He wouldn’t have lugged these letters all around the globe if they didn’t mean something, would he? “No. I can’t go there.” I couldn’t let myself get caught up in reading more into this one action than what his words said. I would take him at his words.
I had to.
No matter how much it hurt.
Jack
“She told you.” Sage dropped her pregnant body into the oversized recliner meant for me.
“That she’s having my baby? Yes, she told me.” I spent all day after leaving Sierra’s house wondering if she really would have told me about the baby, or would she have waited until it was too obvious to ignore. But I knew now, and that’s what I chose to focus on. At least for now.
“And how do you feel about that?” She rolled her eyes at me, already exasperated. “This is like pulling teeth, Jack!”
“How do I feel? I’m happy and scared, and pissed as hell that she told me I could be involved if I wanted to. What the hell kind of shit is that?” Even thinking about it pisses me off.
“You’re upset because she’s giving you an out that she doesn’t have? You can walk away and forget if you want Jack. She can’t.”
“What the hell kind of man walks away from his child?” No man at all, that’s what kind. I would be around for Sierra and our child, no matter what she thinks. I’ll just have to prove her wrong. If she ever talked to me again.
“Millions of men, Jack. Millions in this country alone, never mind the rest of the world. I haven’t seen her since you shouted, ‘I don’t love Sierra!’ But I can tell you what she was thinking. You’re a man who doesn’t want commitment, and a child is a much bigger commitment than a woman. She loves you and wanted to give you the out she thinks you want.”
My sister’s words hit me like a goddamn ton of bricks. She didn’t say that because she thought I would be a shit father, or because she was punishing me, but because she loved me. How is a man supposed to process that? She thought letting me go and raising the child on her own was giving me what I want. “Shit, Sage.”
“Yeah,” she said sympathetically. “It’s pretty damn humbling to be loved so much.”
I nodded, rubbing at the warm, ripping sensation in my chest. Like my heart had been ripped open to bleed all over my insides. It hurt like hell, but there was also a weight missing that had been lodged there for longer than I could remember. Like acknowledging that kind of love had, I don’t know, freed me. I couldn’t articulate it, even to myself. “What the hell am I going to do?”
“You’re a big strong Army Ranger and you’re scared of a little bit of feelings? Come on, big brother. Man up. Go get the girl.”
“The wheels are in motion, Sage.” I needed Sierra to be in a place where she was willing to listen to me so we could have a conversation. “Did you know she wrote to me while was in the service?”
Her wide-eyed stare told me she hadn’t known. “Really?”
“Yep twice a month for every month I was gone.”
“Damn,” she let out a long low whistle. “That’s a really long time, Jack.”
“Yeah, I know.” That was a lot of years. A kind of dedication I couldn’t fathom, despite my dedication to the Rangers and my unit. “I gave them to her.”
Sage nodded as she listened and froze. “Wait, you did what? You kept the letters?”
“I did.” I should have been embarrassed to admit that, but those letters were precious to me. I hoped like hell she didn’t burn them.
“Why?”
My smile was sheepish, maybe even slightly embarrassed to admit it to my baby sister. “I was homesick and those letters kept me sane. Safe. I looked forward to them and I worried if I didn’t get one.”
Sage’s familiar blue eyes widened again as she rubbed her belly. “Oh my god, you do love her! You’ve loved her all along. Holy crap.” With a satisfied smile she shook her head, thick brown hair so much like my own, fell around her shoulders. “You idiot.”
“Thanks for that, sis.” My tone was bitter, but I couldn’t help but laugh at the way Sage could boil it all down so simply. I was and idiot.
“It all makes sense.” She shook her head, palming her forehead like it all made sense.
Well it didn’t to me, dammit. “What?” My heart sped up and I inched closer to the edge of my seat, eager to hear a woman’s analysis of…well, every damn thing.
“Why you slept with her in the first place. I mean she was hot on Halloween, but no hotter than any other night in her skintight jeans and fitted tank tops that showed off double D’s. But that was just your excuse. To do what you wanted to do all along.”
“You don’t have to look so damn pleased about it.”
She laughed. “Oh, but I am. Come on, Sierra has always been a sister to me and it looks like I might get the chance to make her my sister for real.”
“Settle down, kid. She’s not even talking to me right now.”
“Go! You have to make her listen.”
“Calm down, or I’m calling Mason to come get you.” I eyed her belly as a reminder that she was supposed to stay relaxed. She leaned back with a pout.
We sat in a long, protracted silence, both of us lost in our thoughts while the fire crackling in the hearth provided the only sounds in the room. A car sounded in the distance, probably Mason to pick up his pregnant wife. “He hovers like a little hen,” I joked but Sage wore a silly girl-in-love expression.
“He does. Something happens to a man when he’s got a baby brewing that turns him into a super protector, or something. You’ll see.” She tried to stand but the ever-changing center of gravity thanks to my next niece or nephew made it difficult. I stood to help her when the screen door smacked shut.
“Why did you keep these?” Sierra stood there, red hair wild like a halo of fire around her beautiful, pale skin. In her hand was an impressive stack of letters written over more than a decade. She could barely wrap her hand around the stack and that was just a small fraction of them. “Answer me! Why did you keep these?”
“They were, they are special to me. You were my tether to Lucky Flats, to home. Your words, god Sierra, they were everything to me while I was in one god forsaken desert or another.” Sage sat back down and I went to Sierra, grabbed her free hand in mine and held it to my chest. “Sometimes we would move and it would take weeks to get another letter from you and I’d worry that something bad had happened. I thought maybe you’d just forgotten about me. Then another letter would arrive.” I smiled, thinking about the relief that washed over me when I realized everything I was fighting for back at home was still there. That life was moving on.
“You read some of these multiple times.”
I nodded, guilty as charged. “I always got a good laugh out of hearing how you kicked Bobby Langston in the nuts when he forgot that no means no. Your fears about opening up the Double Barrel, and then your excitement when you signed the sale papers.” I held her face cradled in my hands, forehead pressed to hers. “The Blackjack. The guys got a kick out of that, called me Hollywood because I got a drink named after me.”
“Jack,” she said on a h
alf-moan, half-sob. “What does it mean?”
I sighed, heart racing faster than a bullet speeding across the flat desert, faster than a wild stallion across Lucky Flats. Despite that tension, anxiety pulsing through me I also felt calm. Like the moment your shot is lined up and you know it’ll hit the target. Free.
“It means Sierra,” I grabbed her other hand and set the letters on the table so I could hold her close. I needed to have her close to me for this. She laid her hands flat on my chest and a small sigh escaped. “I am in love with you. I love you, Sierra and I’m so damn sorry I didn’t realize it before now.”
One lone tear slid down her cheek, but her lush lips parted in a seductive smile that only reinforced how I felt about her. “You do? But…you said that-,”
“I know what I said,” I told her, pressing a finger to her mouth, unable to hear her remind me of what I said. “It was bullshit. I was scared and I lashed out.”
“Scared? Of what?”
I laughed. “Of being in love, what else?”
“You mean it? You love me?”
“I do.” Another smile crossed her lips at my words, her shoulders relaxed as her body leaned into mine. I couldn’t let another moment pass without putting my mouth on hers, letting my tongue slide across her bottom lip and then her top lip. Tasting her full, lush mouth from corner to corner before sweeping in to lash my tongue across hers, dancing together in a tango we’d done many times before. The kiss heated up and her hands tightened, grabbing the fabric of my shirt along with a few hairs and I speared my fingers through her hair. “I love you,” I groaned against her lips.
Sierra pulled back, green eyes wide and wet but her mouth smiled like the clouds had parted just for me. “Well that’s good Jack Winchester. Because I love you too.”
Epilogue
Sierra – 1 year later
“Finally, she’s asleep.” I crept into the bedroom Jack and I had been sharing for the past year, talking as quietly as possible because our daughter, Gabby, slept like an assassin. Always ready to wake up and jump into action.
Jack smiled up at me from his spot on the bed, wearing nothing but boxer briefs as he leafed through a cattle ranching magazine. “I can’t blame her.” His gaze heated and he pulled me closer, wrapping a hand around my waist. “A few minutes of those beautiful breasts and soon I’m knocked out too.”
I laughed, shivering when his tongue slid across the tops of my baby boobs. Yes, pregnancy had made my already gigantic boobs even bigger. “Maybe, but I’m especially happy today because this is our day.” He looked at me in confusion but I knew he remembered because he’d walked around all day with smile. And whistling. The hands had given him hell at lunch at the way he practically burst with happiness. But I was ready to play the game because playing with my man was the best thing ever, so I took his wrist and guided his fingers between my legs to where my panties clung to my wet pussy.
“Ah yes,” he groaned and slipped one long digit deep. “I remember now, our day.”
Two full months had passed since I gave birth to Gabby, who was a spitting image of her daddy with a shock of chocolate curls and the biggest, bluest eyes you’d ever seen. She was the most beautiful baby in the world, at least as far as I was concerned. “I thought you might,” I told him as he scooped me up and laid me out on the bed, blue gaze raking over body hungrily.
“I’ve been looking forward to today for a long, long time sweetheart.” Jack bent over me, pulling the silk ribbons keeping my nightgown together to unleash my breasts. Big hands kneaded the pale round globes, pulling a moan from deep in my throat. “You’re so beautiful, Sierra. Absolutely stunning.” He kissed me everywhere as he pulled the nightie off, leaving no inch of skin untouched by his mouth.
“Jack,” I moaned because there was nothing else that existed in the moment other than this man. My heart. The love of my life.
“These panties are so wet, let me help you out of them,” he said, hooking his fingers through the sides and pulling them down my legs. “That’s better. You’re so pink and wet. Just for me.”
I nodded. “Just for you, Jack.”
There were no more words for the next hour, just panting, groaning and moaning, not to mention the sounds of our slick bodies slapping together in a frenzied joining that exposed every nerve ending. My heart soared and my body pulsed with orgasm after orgasm until I couldn’t stand it. “Sierra, baby.” His grunts turned me on. I loved watching Jack come undone and as soon as I could make my legs work, I planned to lick him all over. “I love you, sweetheart.”
I grinned because hearing that never got old. I pulsed around him and he grinned. “I love hearing you say that,” I moaned.
“What? That I love you? Because I do, love you Sierra.” He punctuated his words with a kiss behind my ear, a pinch of my nipple and a swipe of a tongue across my nipple.
“Mmm, I love you too, Ranger.” We kissed, caressed until we were both too sated, too tired to keep our eyes open. I was pretty sure I slept with a satisfied smile on my face because loving so hard that we fell asleep was about the happiest I could get with this man.
Our life together so far had proven what my girlish heart had always known. Jack and I were meant to be together. He was made with me in mind and I’d been created just for him. Despite our hectic work schedules, we managed to have dinner together every night, which had gotten easier in the later stages of pregnancy when standing for long periods of time became impossible. I’d taken that time to work on becoming a better mom—and hopefully wife—by learning how to cook more than fried chicken and salad.
I experimented with all types of meals for Jack and I, then later for the ranch hands as well. I’ve added about a dozen new dishes to my repertoire, but luckily Jack had put his foot down and hired a housekeeper and cook who came in and did laundry and cooked breakfast and supper for the boys. Now that I was home all day, almost every single day, I managed to whip up soup or sandwiches for lunch so Margaret could spend some time with her husband.
This was a type of domestic bliss I hadn’t expected when Jack held my face and told me he loved me the first time. But we were happy, crazy in love and we still couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Things were perfect.
And despite thousands of hints from Sage and Tammy, I was happy just as we were. Two people in love living together and raising our daughter. I didn’t need the ring to be happy. I wanted it but I realized that it was just a symbol. I trusted our love.
Gabby’s cry sounded through the monitor as I sank into the mattress, not ready to leave the hot embrace of my man’s arms, but prepared to do so all the same. I tried to move away but Jack’s grip tightened and he kissed the back of my neck.
“I’ll get her. You stay right here. Like this.” He pulled the sheet down to the foot of the bed, leaving me naked and exposed. “Just like that,” he grinned as he slipped on his boxers and went to check on Gabby.
I stretched out my body wearing a broad grin because I knew what he had in mind based on that dark look he sent me, not to mention the way his cock tented his shorts. And I knew I would be ready because the sight of my big strong Ranger hold our tiny daughter in his arms, was enough to get me fired up and ready for liftoff in under a minute.
But as I waited. And waited. A better idea struck.
I would get started without him.
***
After spending all day—between feedings and diaper changes—in bed, Jack left me in bed with Gabby and went down to the kitchen. I knew he was planning to cook because the only thing that made me hotter than watching him be a dad, was watching him in the kitchen all shirtless and muscled. I washed and dressed Gabby before throwing on a pair of jeans and loose blouse before we went down to join him. “What’s on the menu today?”
He gave me that sexy smile over his shoulder and winked. “Something delicious. Have a seat.”
I nuzzle our daughter, both of us riveted by the sight of his graceful moves as the house filled with delicious
smells. Garlic and herbs, steak and butter. My stomach growled until finally he set the food on the table and picked up Gabby. “Hey princess.” He pressed a soft kiss to her ebony curls and inhaled that sweet baby scent. “Too bad you can’t eat this food because your dad did a bang-up job.”
Gabby just looked up at the man with familiar eyes. She was mesmerized by the sound of his voice, his big body and shock of black hair. They were quite the pair, both equally fascinated with one another. But when he sat her in the nearby bassinette, she made baby noises to voice her displeasure. But she didn’t cry.
“Beer?”
I shook my head. “Still breastfeeding,” I told him, ignoring the heated look that landed on my chest. “I’ll get it.” The fridge was closer to me so I grabbed a beer for him the pitcher of lemonade for me.
“Thanks, babe.” He winked and his gaze never left me as I sat down and took in the feast he’d prepared.
“This looks amazing Jack. Maybe I should make you go two months without sex all the time.” I laughed at the narrowing gaze he shot me. “Or not.”
“This isn’t for the sex but I do have some caramel for later. This is because I love you and watching you eat is an erotic experience.”
I rolled my eyes because he always said that. Fifty years with Jack and my ass would be as big as the newly named Rockin’ CW, the name we’d finally settled on for the ranch. “I do love my meat.”
He groaned and smiled, still watching me as I unrolled the silverware from the napkin and placed the napkin on my lap. “What?”
“Nothing.”
Yeah, right. I didn’t believe that for one second. “Bread?”
He slid the bowl filled with rolls over to me, blue gaze still fixed on me. “I made your favorite Hawaiian rolls.”
“I love a man who respects my carb addiction,” I told him and pulled the towel off the top, gasping in surprise at the deep blue velvet box inside. Instead of my rolls. “Jack?” My heart began to race so fast it was all I could hear. Could this be the moment? The one I’d convinced myself I could live without if I had to, but desperately wanted?”
Cowboy's Barmaid: A Small Town Military Romance (Lucky Flats Ranchers Book 2) Page 10
