Satisfaction

by K. M. Scott

  I turned to look at her. “I wish that was true, but there is. All those years of being told I was meant to hurt never leave me, and I have to find a way to handle the rage inside me from that. I don’t really understand it, but when I talk to this doctor I feel better.”

  “What do you talk about?”

  “You, me, how much I love you and Annalea. My mother and what she told me all my life. My father.”

  A gentle smile spread across her lips. “I think you’re a wonderful man, and I never believed you were meant to hurt. I support you no matter what, and if that means you talking to this doctor to help you see your mother was wrong, Kane, then I’m behind you one hundred percent.”

  With those words, it felt like a thousand pound weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and for the first time since Abbi had agreed to let me give her a ride home that morning, I smiled.

  “I’ve got a long way to go, but the minute I saw Annalea I realized I needed to do whatever I had to so I could be that man you always thought I was. I can’t let the past ruin what our future can be. I want to be there for you and our daughter.”

  Tears filled Abbi’s eyes. “I never gave up on you, but I’m not going to lie. There were moments when I wondered if I’d ever hear you say something like that. I told myself I had to keep believing in you, but in those moments of weakness when I was angry at you for leaving me here, I thought we might never talk like this again. But then I told myself that I had to believe in you.”

  “Thank you for never giving up on me, angel.”

  “I didn’t really have a choice. When you love someone, you can’t give up on them, not even when everything seems lost. You just have to trust that they’ll see the truth eventually.”

  I walked around to her side of the car and opened her door. She got out and for a long moment we stared into each other’s eyes. And then for the first time in so long, I took her into my arms and held her. Suddenly, it felt like I could finally exhale as she wrapped her arms around me. Nothing had ever felt so right as Abbi there in my arms, the two of us standing in the late morning sun.

  She was my Abbi, my angel, and even though we were taking things slow, I believed in us.

  “I love you, angel,” I whispered against her soft hair as it caressed my lips. “I never stopped loving you. Every night and every day, no matter how much I tried to convince myself you were better off without me, I couldn’t stop loving you.”

  She squeezed me tightly and stepped back as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I love you, Kane. I have since that first night we slept on that hard floor in those little rooms of yours at Club X. I could never be better off without you.”

  “See you tomorrow?”

  Abbi nodded. “I’ll be there.”

  “Can I give you a ride home again?”

  Her gentle smile brightened her face, and as she walked in toward the house, she said, “That would be nice. I’ll see you then.”

  “I love you, Abbi.”

  I watched her walk down the sidewalk to the house, and when she made it to the porch, she turned around and said, “I love you too. Tomorrow, right?”

  “Tomorrow.”

  It was a tiny step, but a step in the right direction, nonetheless.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Abbi

  Later that day when I went to see Annalea for my daily afternoon visit, I told her about all the wonderful things her father had done, beginning with saving me from that club to giving us a house to live in to being the dad of the most beautiful child in the world. As I spoke, I hoped somehow my words would stay with her in some unconscious way so no matter what happened, she’d know the man she’d one day call Daddy had been there for me and her in all the ways he could.

  I let him give me a ride home every day, hoping each time he might ask me to go for a coffee or a bite to eat, but every day all we did was reminisce or talk about Annalea’s steady improvement from her episode. Being with him but not truly with him was more torture than being without him all those months.

  Alexandria sat down next to me on the back porch one afternoon as I thought about how much I wished Kane and I could truly be back together, and after a few minutes of sitting there silent, she said, “Annalea looked wonderful today. I love the pictures you take to show me, Abbi. Have the doctors given you any idea of when she might be able to come home?”

  Shaken from my daydreams, I thought about how beautiful my daughter had looked when she smiled up at me a few hours before. “She did. She’s done so well after having that bad day last week. The doctor said it wasn’t a huge setback, though, and maybe she can come home sometime in January.”

  “That’s great news!”

  “It is. I can’t wait for her to be well enough to finally be home with us.”

  She was quiet for a while and then Alexandria asked, “Do you mean us as in you and me or us as in you and Kane? I’ve noticed he’s been giving you a ride home from the hospital every day.”

  “I’d like it to be Kane and me. I think he wants to be a family, but he hasn’t even asked me to go for a coffee yet. I keep hoping he will, but so far, all he seems to want is to give me a ride home from the hospital every day.”

  Alexandria smiled sweetly at me and held my hand. “Then why don’t you invite him in tomorrow? I can make sure Travers and the cook are out of the house, if you’d like.”

  I liked this idea. “That’s great! Thank you. Do you think Tanya would be able to make that pound cake she had for us when I got home from the hospital?”

  “I’ll make sure of it, honey.”

  Kane drove me home from the hospital the next day, and as we talked, my hands shook as I tried to think of how to ask him out on what would be our first real date. He stopped the Mustang in front of the house, but before I could get the words I wanted to say out of my mouth, he turned to me and smiled, like he had something of his own to say.

  “I was thinking maybe you and I could go out for dinner tonight. I can pick you up around seven. Will that give you enough time after you go for your afternoon visit with Annalea?”

  Barely able to contain my giddiness at him asking me out on a date, I giggled and said, “That would be great. Where are we going?”

  Kane thought about it for a moment and then said, “There’s a restaurant Cash told me about that I’d like to check out. I hear they have great steaks. I think you’ll like it. So I’ll see you at seven?”

  Smiling from ear to ear, I said, “Okay. Seven it is.”

  I practically skipped into the house, so happy we were finally moving toward really being back together. Later that afternoon when Annalea and I rocked back and forth together doing our Kangaroo Care, I told her about our date and coaxed a tiny smile out of her with the news. She may not have known how important that night was, but it didn’t matter. Our baby had done what nothing else could.

  Annalea had brought us back together.

  *

  At exactly seven o’clock, Kane knocked on the front door dressed in a dark grey suit and a royal blue shirt. Never before had I seen him look so incredible, and instantly I was happy I chose my favorite pale pink sweater dress to wear that night.

  “You look so different, Kane. I’ve never seen you in a suit.”

  He took my hand and led me out to the car. “It’s a big night. I thought I should dress for the occasion. You look beautiful, Abbi.”

  “We do make a good looking couple,” I joked, instantly worried I might have spoken too soon. What if this wasn’t as important to him as it was to me?

  With the sexiest grin I’d ever seen him wear, he nodded. “We do.”

  We arrived at the restaurant, a steakhouse called Bryant’s Prime, and dinner was wonderful. Never before had I tasted such a tender steak, and each bite was better than the last. Kane and I talked about his sessions with his doctor, and it felt like we were just like we’d been before everything had happened. Looking around, I could proudly say I had the best looking man sitting across from me, and
when he looked at me, I believed I saw love in his eyes.

  I was on Cloud Nine by the time our cheesecake with strawberry topping came, and excusing myself to visit the ladies’ room, I felt like I could glide all the way there I was so happy. But just as I reached the restroom, I saw a familiar face and recoiled in horror. Dressed in a black cook’s uniform, Aaron stood outside the door to the kitchen glaring at me as I approached.

  My past had returned to ruin everything.

  “Little Abbi, all dressed up like some fancy thing. How have you been?” he asked in that threatening tone of his that never failed to terrify me.

  “Get away from me, Aaron.”

  He narrowed his eyes to an angry squint and leaned in close to me. “Who do you think you’re fooling dressed up like that? You’re still the same girl you were with me, no matter what you look like on the outside.”

  I opened my mouth to tell him how wrong he was about me now, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Kane marching toward us. In a second, he was standing by my side and glaring down at Aaron in that way that bastard had done to me just a minute earlier.

  “Leave the lady alone. Now.”

  His hands balled into tight fists and I knew his anger and hatred for my ex seethed just below the surface as he struggled to keep it hidden.

  Kane’s tone left no room for Aaron to misunderstand, but instead of just walking away, he puffed out his chest and said, “Who the fuck are you? I’ll say what I want to my girlfriend.”

  “I’m not—” I began to tell Aaron I wasn’t anything to him anymore, but Kane cut me off.

  “I warned you to leave her alone. Now go before you get hurt.”

  Kane’s threat to harm Aaron worried me. He’d spent all that time away from me because he worried he’d hurt someone for just this very type of situation, and now the first time we were out in public, he’d already warned someone he planned to physically hurt them.

  But Aaron was either too stupid to realize how much bigger Kane was and how much pain he could inflict on him or too arrogant to care and pushed his hands against his chest. “Fuck off! I’ll do whatever I want to her.”

  I watched in fear that Kane would simply pound his fist into my ex-boyfriend’s face, but instead he merely tightened his hand around his collar, lifting him off the floor until his face was level with his and said in a low, ominous voice, “The last time I fucked you up bad enough to send you to the hospital. This time you won’t be that lucky and I’ll be buying the lady here a red dress to wear to your funeral. Do you want that?”

  Instantly, a look of recognition flashed in Aaron’s eyes as he seemed to remember the first time he’d met Kane. Putting his hands up in front of him, he groveled, “No, it’s cool. I thought I knew her, but it was just a case of mistaken identity.”

  Setting him back down on his feet, Kane leaned in close and commanded, “Now apologize to the lady.”

  Aaron gave his best apology and ran off back into the kitchen. Stunned at how well that had gone considering how nasty Aaron had been, I smiled up at Kane. “Thank you. And for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. You could have beaten the hell out of him, but you didn’t. You controlled your demons.”

  Kane took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I’m going to pay the check and let’s get out of here.”

  “Okay, just let me go to the ladies’ room and I’ll meet you out at the car.”

  Shaking his head, he looked at the door to the kitchen and then back at me. “No. I’ll wait at the table. Take your time.”

  I had a feeling it was taking every ounce of willpower for him not to storm into the kitchen and beat the hell out of Aaron, and while I couldn’t say he didn’t have it coming to him, I was happy that Kane didn’t give in to his demons. They wanted him to, but he didn’t, and that was important.

  We rode over the streets of Tampa in silence until I noticed we weren’t going toward the club or our little house with the squeaky door but the Anna Maria Island house instead. Reaching out, I grabbed his arm gently. “Kane, the night doesn’t have to end so soon.”

  He stared straight ahead and frowned. “I think it would be better if I took you home.”

  “Why? Is it because of what happened with Aaron?”

  Kane swallowed hard and shook his head. “I just think it would be better, Abbi.”

  My heart sank at his words. We’d been having a wonderful time and because of me, it had all fallen apart. My past had come back to haunt me once again.

  “Okay. Maybe we can do this again, though?” I asked, hoping seeing Aaron and me together hadn’t made him reconsider.

  “Yeah. Another time.”

  We said nothing more all the way back to the island house, and when he came around to open my car door, I saw how unhappy Kane truly was. His expression had morphed from a frown to a deep grimace, as if what had happened with Aaron had disgusted him.

  I didn’t know if I wanted to know why, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking. As I stepped out of the car, I looked up into his blue eyes and prayed I didn’t hear I was the reason. Pressing my hand to his chest, I took a deep breath and asked, “Was it me?”

  Confused, he shook his head. “What do you mean?”

  “Am I the reason you’re so unhappy? I’m sorry you had to see me with Aaron again. I’m not that person I was with him. I’m not that woman anymore.”

  Kane forced a smile and shook his head again. “I’m not unhappy about you, angel. I’ll see you tomorrow at the hospital, and maybe we can grab a bite to eat for lunch, okay?”

  Relieved, I couldn’t help but smile. “Okay. I had a nice time tonight.”

  Leaning down, Kane kissed me softly. “Me too, Abbi. Good night.”

  I wanted to pull him to me and give him a kiss full of all the love I felt for him, but he turned away and before I knew it, he was gone.

  Disappointed, I walked into the house and sat down at the kitchen table. It felt wrong not to be there for Kane, but was I the reason his mood had soured? Lost in thought, I didn’t hear Travers enter the room until he startled me. As he apologized, I wondered if his presence was a sign for me to take control of my situation.

  “Travers, would you be willing to give me a ride somewhere? I don’t want to impose since I imagine it’s almost your time off.”

  He smiled sweetly. “I’m here to help you, miss, so if you need me to take you somewhere, all you have to do is ask.”

  “I’d like you to take me to Club X. Right now.”

  “As you wish.”

  *

  I knocked on Kane’s door with my heart slamming against my chest. I hadn’t been back there since the day he’d sent me away. What if he sent me away again this time? We’d been making such progress until that whole ugly thing with Aaron. God, why couldn’t my past stay where it belonged?

  The door opened slowly, and I saw him standing there still in his suit looking so handsome. The surprised look in his eyes quickly faded to one of happiness, and with a smile, he asked, “What are you doing here, Abbi?”

  “May I come in?”

  “Sure.” Stepping out of the way, he added, “Is everything okay with Annalea?”

  “Yes. I’m not here as Annalea’s mother, Kane. I’m here as Abbi.”

  Thankfully, he knew the difference and as he closed the door behind me, he said, “Okay. Take a seat. Can I get you anything?”

  I sat down on his couch and took a deep breath. My courage flagged for a moment, but I told myself I had to do this. I had to fix what seeing Aaron had done to Kane and me so we could get back on track.

  “No. I just want to say what I have to say before I lose my nerve. Okay? I know you probably didn’t like seeing me next to Aaron tonight, but I’m not that person anymore. As soon as that business with him happened, your entire mood changed. I can understand that. I guess I don’t look very good when you think about me being with him, but I’m not that broken girl anymore. I don’t want what happened with him tonight to ruin the progress we�
�d made so far.”

  He stood still in front of me as I said my piece, staring down at me with an intense look like the ones he used to give me when we first got together. When I finished speaking, I watched a smile slowly hitch up the corners of his mouth.

  “That’s not why my mood changed.”

  As the stress of worrying began to leave my body, I asked, “Then what’s wrong? We were having a good time, weren’t we, before all that with him?”

  Kane came around the coffee table and sat down next to me. For a few seconds he didn’t say anything, but then finally he spoke and I realized it wasn’t me who’d made him unhappy. It was him.

  “My mood changed because I wanted to beat the fuck out of that son of a bitch. My fingers curled into fists the moment I saw him talking to you, and by the time I got to where you were standing, it took everything I had in me not to smash his face. I knew who he was the minute I saw him, and then when he opened his mouth, I wanted to hit him. The change you saw in me was me being disappointed in myself.”

  “Why?” I asked as he hung his head.

  “Because I thought I’d made more progress than that. All this time working on controlling my demons, and as soon as I saw him I wanted to beat the hell out of him.”

  I reached over and gently touched his arm as he hid his face from me. “But you didn’t, even though he deserved whatever you did to him.”

  “I wanted to,” he said in a muffled voice.

  “Kane, you’re too hard on yourself. I don’t even think your doctor would say you should never feel like you want to hit someone. That’s only natural when you want to defend someone you love. The important part is that you didn’t hit Aaron. Even when he seemed to be asking for it, you still didn’t do it. That’s the important part, isn’t it?”

  He nodded and looked up at me, his eyes full of worry. “I stayed away from you all that time because I was scared to death that I couldn’t control my demons. I just thought I’d do better now.”