Satisfaction

by K. M. Scott

  Life was good. I fucked who I wanted and had an incredible time doing it.

  And then Shay walked in the front door and my entire life changed. Everything I’d been suddenly looked ugly because of how she saw me.

  “Can we go in? I’d love to see what it looks like in there. I’ve heard so much about it, but I never got the chance to go before you guys closed.”

  I looked over at the blond who sat in the passenger seat next of my new McLaren 650S and silently admitted I had no interest in her. Was her name Mandy? Candy? Probably Mandy. Not that it mattered much. She probably didn’t care about what my name was either.

  “Yeah. Sure. I’ll give you a taste of what the club was really like.”

  She caught up with me as I crossed the street and slipped her arm around mine, holding me like I was hers. It had been weeks since I’d last seen Shay, and just the touch of Mandy or Candy or whoever she was on my skin made me miss Shay even more.

  “I can’t wait to see it! I bet you have some super hot stories you can tell about those fantasy rooms, don’t you?”

  “Just one or two, but I was always more about the downstairs part of the bar,” I said as I thought about the times Shay and I visited Kane’s area and tried not to think about that night she found me with Lola in my office.

  I unlocked the doors and walked back into the main bar as memories of all those nights there washed over me. Flicking on the lights, the room changed from pitch black to dimly lit, a perfect setting for what I’d planned to do with Mandy. She stared at me with a look that told me she was more than willing to give me whatever I wanted.

  Who needed a challenge anyway?

  “So you ran this place? That’s so cool.”

  “Just the bar area. My brothers also ran the club with me.”

  Mandy walked over behind the bar and put on her sexiest look for me. “I used to be a bartender when I first left college. I so should have applied here. It would have been great to have a boss like you.”

  Her body language beckoned me to do what I’d had planned to do tonight. Fuck her, forget her, and hopefully forget Shay. But now that she was standing behind the front bar, all I could think of was Shay.

  She was the last person I wanted to think about tonight. I’d tried to drink her out of my head for weeks, and that hadn’t worked, so I thought I’d use the old tried and true way of forgetting a woman.

  Fuck another one.

  Now that wasn’t even working. This was what I got for falling in love. Before Shay, I would have brought Mandy back here and done things to her she would have bragged to her friends for weeks about.

  “Why don’t you come over here, Stefan? We can’t drink since there’s no alcohol left, but we can do other things.”

  The tone of her voice let me know she was right on board with whatever other things I could think up. The problem was I didn’t want to do anything with her now that she was here with me. Falling in love with Shay had turned me into a fucking monk.

  I tried to muster some interest in Mandy as I found myself walking toward the bar—toward her—but neither my head nor my heart cared to do anything with her. She slid her hand across the back of my neck and pulled me toward her to give me a kiss that before Shay would have been a carte blanche invitation to fuck her fifty ways to Sunday. My knees should have buckled from the move she did with her mouth on my tongue.

  But nothing. Even my cock had no interest getting into the game. That made it official. Some manwhore I was. I might as well have been a priest.

  I backed away from Mandy and shook my head. “I better get you home. I’ve got a big day tomorrow and need to get to bed early.”

  She ran her tongue along her lower lip and smiled as she took a step toward me, pressing her breasts to my chest. “I’m usually a little freakier than the bed, but I think even in something as boring as that you could rock my world. I’m game. Are you?”

  Jesus, I should have been game. The woman was offering me whatever a man could want, for God’s sake. But no part of me wanted that anymore.

  Pushing her hand away, I mumbled, “Another time maybe.”

  She tried again to convince me, but it was no use. The manwhore was dead. I dropped her back at the club, where she likely found some normal guy to give her what she wanted, and drove back out to the Anna Maria Island house, sad that who I’d become didn’t work without the one person in the world I couldn’t be with.

  Stefan and Alexandria at the island house (Stefan POV)

  My mother sat down across the kitchen table from me and smiled, but I could see immediately she wanted to talk about something. I had a feeling I’d rather do anything but talk at the moment, but I didn’t stand to leave. She may have practically driven me crazy most days, but she was my mother and I respected her enough to hear her out.

  She looked over at me with those brown eyes so similar to mine and said, “I’m so happy your brother and Olivia finally got married. She’s good for him.”

  I nodded, fully agreeing that my new sister-in-law was exactly what Cash needed. “It’s definitely love with those two, Mom.”

  “What about you and Shay? Now that she’s back, will I be seeing my younger son go the way of his older brother?”

  Smiling, I finally saw where this conversation was going. “Shay and I don’t have any plans for that right now.”

  “You know I like her, Stefan. She’s just what you need.”

  “I know.”

  My mother sat silently for a few minutes as I waited for what else she might want to talk about. Whatever it was, she wasn’t done yet.

  “It’s just that I’ve been thinking a lot about the future lately and I don’t want to leave Shay out.”

  “Out of what?”

  “My will. I began to think about it right before Cassian and Olivia’s wedding. Well, the first one that didn’t happen.”

  I got up and grabbed a glass of iced tea from the refrigerator. “I don’t need your money, Mom. I know you think I’m irresponsible, but I’ve saved up a lot over the years at the club. I’ll be fine.”

  She flashed me a look that said she thought I’d be anything but fine and knitted her brows. “Your father left me money, Stefan, and I promised him I’d see that you boys are taken care of after I go.”

  As I sat down, I chuckled. “Going somewhere?”

  “You know what I mean. I won’t live forever.”

  I hated talking about this. She knew it too, which is why she rarely mentioned anything about her will to me. But Cash and Olivia’s marriage had made her realize her boys weren’t children anymore.

  “Whatever you want to leave me is fine, Mom. I’m sure Cash and I will be pretty flush since we’re the only people you’ll be leaving anything to,” I joked, hoping to lighten the mood at least a little.

  “Remember that I do plan to leave money to my charities too, Stefan.”

  “Okay, but I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

  My mother fidgeted with her hands for a moment and then added, “I’ve been thinking I should leave something for Abbi. I’ve grown quite close to her recently.”

  Nodding, I thought about how much my mother had taken to Abbi in the months she’d been out at the Anna Maria Island house and smiled. “I know. She’s like the daughter you never had, right? I think putting Abbi in your will would be nice. She’s had it hard, I think.”

  “It could help the baby, even though I hope he or she won’t be a baby when I go.”

  I reached across the table and grabbed my mother’s hand. “I’m sure he or she will be older than I am now when you go, Mom.”

  She cleared her throat and quietly said, “I was thinking I’d include Kane too.”

  “Kane? Why?” I asked, stunned and pretty fucking sick of hearing her even think of him at all.

  “I think your father would like it, Stefan.”

  “I think my father left him more than enough when he forced the three of us to work together.”

  My mother took hold of m
y hand and squeezed it gently. “I hate that there’s this animosity between you two. Whatever he is, he’s still blood.”

  I stood up so fast my chair shot out behind me, skidding across the tile until it hit the refrigerator with a thud. Shaking my head, I tried to keep my cool but I wanted to explode. “Did you see the way he acted the night of Cash and Oliva’s celebration? He came here knowing Abbi would be here and couldn’t even bother to stay to talk to her for more than two minutes. Whatever he is, he isn’t someone who deserves all this goddamned kindness you’ve decided to bestow on him.”

  “Stefan, I don’t think it helps to keep all this anger toward him. I know your father wouldn’t want—”

  I held my hand up to cut her off before she said another word about what my father would want. “Don’t go there, Mom. Don’t tell me my father would want him to have the things Cash and I have or he’d want to see us get along. My father never did a damn thing for me other than leave me money I had to work my ass off to get, so don’t. I don’t give a damn what my father would want for his bastard son who he treated better than he treated me. I’m tired of hearing how much Kane has suffered because of his parents and how bad his life was. Maybe it was bad because he shouldn’t have been born. Or maybe it was bad because he killed someone and deserved to go to jail. I’m sure my dear father helped him out with that, even though he never lifted a finger to help me out of any trouble I got into.”

  My hands shook by the time I finished what I had to say, but in truth, I’d only just begun. My mother didn’t want to hear what I had to say, though. She wanted everyone to be happy, but what I couldn’t understand was why. Why did she care at all about my father’s bastard kid?

  “Stefan, please sit down and talk to me. I hate to see you like this.”

  “I don’t want to sit down. I’m tired of everyone thinking Kane deserves more. More money. More attention. More chances. Why? Why do you care? My father cheated on you every chance he got, and Kane’s the living proof of that.”

  Her brown eyes filled with hurt, and a twinge of guilt pinched at me for what I’d said. But it was the truth. Kane was the walking, talking, embodiment of my father’s mistreatment of my mother, and she seemed to want to act like he was one of her own!

  “Honey, I know you’re protective of me, but you don’t have to be. I came to grips with what your father did a long time ago. Kane is no more hurtful to me than anyone else.”

  “He gets away with murder, literally, and then turns around and ignores Abbi for months, and all everyone can do is feel bad for him. Well, I don’t. I can’t forgive him being exactly the kind of person I’ve been accused of being all my life and getting away with it, while I’ve gotten shit for being me every day.”

  “That’s not true, honey. Your father loved you like I do.”

  “Loved me? He barely acknowledged I existed! That’s not love.”

  Stunned at my outburst, my mother stared at me with a look of hurt, but I didn’t care. It needed to be said. Now that I’d finally put my feelings into words, though, I just wanted to be away from her and everyone else who didn’t understand that it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered where my father was concerned. He was gone, and I was left to figure out how the hell to deal with how he made me feel.

  And no amount of my mother telling me he cared would help.

  Cassian and Olivia At Their Condo (Cassian POV)

  It had been nearly an hour since Olivia returned from her doctor’s appointment, but I knew without her saying a word what had happened. I knew the minute she came through the door. The look in her eyes so full of sadness told the story, as it had every other time she’d gone to see Dr. Gentry.

  I poured a glass of wine and sat down on the couch next to her. Handing her the drink, I said quietly, “I thought we might go to that new restaurant you told me about the other day. Does that sound okay?”

  Hanging her head, she nodded but said nothing.

  “We can make the reservation for around seven and then take a drive down to the beach house after. What do you think about that?”

  Nodding, she mumbled, “Okay. Maybe I’ll be hungry by then.”

  I slid my arm around her and pulled her to me. She buried her head in my chest and without another word began to sob, her shoulders heaving from the pain and disappointment of yet another failed attempt at having a baby.

  Seeing her like this every few months made me feel like someone was tearing my heart out of my chest. She wanted so badly to have a child, but each time it ended the same. Once we’d made it all the way to the third month, but she’d miscarried. That time was rough. I didn’t know if she’d ever come back from that.

  This one shouldn’t have been any worse than the last two times, but it felt like an ending. Olivia appeared to finally be giving up. Part of me felt like it was time. Time to give up. Time to accept reality.

  We weren’t going to be parents, or at least it seemed unlikely.

  I was torn between missing something I’d never really had—the chance to be a father—and relief. I’d wanted a child, but if it wasn’t meant to be, I wanted us to be happy in accepting that truth.

  Kissing the top of her head, I whispered against her soft red hair, “I love you, Olivia. No matter what, we have each other.”

  She continued sobbing and then in a voice full of defeat said, “I’m so sorry, Cash. I wanted so much to give you a baby, but we keep trying and it never works. I’m sorry.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you, Olivia, and as long as I have your love, I’m happy.”

  Wiping her eyes, she sat up and let out a deep sigh. “I’m just so tired of trying and failing. I don’t think I can go on like this. Does that make me a horrible person?”

  I held her to me, knowing exactly what she meant. In a tiny place in the back of my mind, I’d wondered if accepting the fact that we’d never have children meant I hadn’t wanted to be a father bad enough in the first place. Had I just been pretending all along? Was this the punishment for not wanting it bad enough?

  “No, it doesn’t make you a horrible person.”

  “Are you disappointed?”

  Her brown eyes filled with tears as she looked up at me and waited for my answer. Taking her in my arms, I held her to me and told her the truth. “Not in you, Olivia. I guess I am in how it all worked out, but never in you. I hate seeing you so unhappy. I’d give anything to change this, but if this is all we ever are, are you going to okay with that?”

  Olivia leaned back and smiled. “I’m more than okay with us, and I’ll be okay about this too. It’s just going to take some time. If you don’t mind, I think I just want to stay in tonight and lay in your arms as we watch movies. Can we do that?”

  I wiped the tears from her cheeks and kissed her softly on the lips. “Of course we can. Just the two of us.”

  She looked away and quietly repeated, “Just the two of us.” I knew by the sadness in her voice that it would be a long time before she was ever okay with that.

  Shay and Alexandria At Stefan’s Condo (Shay POV)

  Watching the sun set over the water usually made me feel better, but all it did tonight was make me miss Stefan more than usual. I’d stayed late at school in the hopes of finding something to keep my mind occupied, but Fridays were difficult to find anyone else on campus after five o’clock and even my work couldn’t keep me from thinking of him.

  Pouring myself a glass of diet soda, I sat down to another night in front of the TV. Not that I couldn’t go out. Carrie had called as she did every Friday afternoon and asked me to join her and a few of the girls to head out to a club tonight, but I didn’t have it in me to pretend to be okay for a group of people.

  I could barely do it for myself.

  An hour of watching shitty Friday night programming left me drowsy, and as I closed my eyes to drift off, I heard a faint knocking sound. Sure it must be down the hall at a nearby apartment, I still couldn’t stop my heart from nearly bursting out of my chest
in excitement at the thought that maybe Stefan had changed his mind and come back to me.

  I hurried to the door to check, and throwing it open, I saw not Stefan but Alexandria standing in front of me. Surprised, I managed to squeak out the words, “Hello. I didn’t think I’d see you here when I opened the door.”

  “How are you, Shay? I wasn’t sure you’d still be here. I’m happy you are.”

  I didn’t know how to take what she said, but Alexandria had always liked me, so I figured she meant no harm. The least I could do was invite her into her son’s home instead of letting her stand out in the hallway.

  “Would you like to come in?”

  She smiled and her brown eyes lit up. “I would, thank you.”

  I closed the door as she sat down on the couch and joined her, unsure why she was here but hoping that it meant there was still a chance for Stefan and me. Whatever her reason for coming by, I had a feeling it would be better for me to do more listening than talking.

  “Can I get you something to drink?”

  Alexandria patted me on the hand and smiled. “No, I’m fine. How have you been, Shay?”

  “I’m fine,” I lied.

  “I’ve missed seeing you since you returned. I had hoped we’d get to spend more time together.”

  I frowned, truly disappointed that Stefan’s leaving meant I hadn’t gotten to spend more time with her. “I know. I did too.”

  We sat there silently staring at one another for what seemed like an eternity before she said, “I wanted to come by to tell you a story.”

  I had no idea where she was going with this. A story about what? My heart sank at the thought that she was about to tell me Stefan had met someone else and had moved on. It was so like Alexandria to want to soften the blow by being the one to tell me.

  “A story? Is it about Stefan? Are you here to tell me—?”

  She held up her hand to stop me. “No, no. I’m just here to talk about the person we have in common. Just a little chat between two people, okay?”