Learning to Trust

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  Her eyes were full of excitement. “Congrats, Laurel! So, what else did they offer?”

  “The salary is better than I’d hoped for. They’ve already provided me with a laptop and smartphone, mainly for business, but also for personal use. A fully-furnished apartment has already been secured for both Grace and I, at a discounted company rate. Plus, they’re giving me a company car because they want me to work at one company, but also would like my thoughts and ideas regarding another company they own for sports training and rehabilitation.”

  Hannah jumped up off her bed and ran over to the other side of the room, throwing her arms around me in a congratulatory hug. “Oh my God, Laurel! I’m so happy for you.”

  She leaned back, her hands still on both of my shoulders, eyeing me with speculation. “Your lips are swollen, friend, and did you know you have a love bite on the side of your neck?”

  I flushed almost instantly. “After we discussed the business deal tonight, Garrett asked if he could get to know me better.”

  “What does that mean? Does he want to date you? Isn’t that against most companies’ policies?”

  I nodded in agreement. “I asked the same questions. He says he doesn’t have time to date, per se, but wants to get to know me better as an individual. He works for the main company primarily. He said he was just doing the boss a favor by handling some of the HR work for the new company that I’ll be working for while they restructure that department. So technically, we won’t be working at the same company, but at two different companies under the same parent company.”

  Her next words cut right to the chase. “How are you handling everything? He’s obviously noticed your reluctance to being touched, right? Yet you were making out in the closet…”

  “I froze a couple of times around him and he realized that I’ve had bad experiences with guys, but I didn’t tell him anything specific. He said he’s willing to take his time and earn my trust.” I shook my head, recalling how Garrett made me feel tonight. “He’s very commanding and in control of everything, which usually scares the crap out of me. From him, though, it was comforting and reassuring. I don’t know why, but it was. For the first time, I felt a strong, burning passion deep inside me.”

  Hannah’s eyes grew big with my disclosure. A moment later she was smiling widely. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you’re really into him, Laurel, and from what I saw of him, he’s totally smitten with you.”

  “Really?” I said in surprise.

  “The whole time you were in the room, he couldn’t take his eyes or hands off of you. Plus, no one I know takes thirty minutes to say goodnight.” She paused for a moment. “So, when are you two seeing each other again?”

  I put my dress back in the closet and eyed my few boxes. I really didn’t have much. “He’s coming by sometime tomorrow afternoon for me to fill out the company paperwork for new hires. He said he wanted to save me the agony of spending two days at the main office having to fill everything out, plus he admitted he wanted to see me again.”

  She smirked a little. “He’s definitely into you if he’s going to such trouble. I’m going to have to wait and do all my paperwork when I start work and I’m not looking forward to it. He’s just looking to spend more time with you.” She grabbed my arm, forcing me to look at her. “My only concern, Laurel, is how fast he’s moving. Don’t get me wrong, he’s the whole package of hotness, but something about him just isn’t sitting well. Please promise you’ll slow down and be careful?”

  “I appreciate your concern, it means a lot to me, especially with all that’s transpired the past year and a half.” I took a deep breath, trying to regain my thoughts and composure. “I worry about things, too, but when I’m with him I feel safer than I’ve felt in a long time. I guess I just need to sleep on it and see how I feel about things in the morning.”

  We each climbed into our beds and said goodnight before we drifted off into slumber.

  That night I could not make sense of my dreams or my nightmares. One minute Chase was forcing himself on me and I was screaming at the top of my lungs to be let go and the next I saw emerald green eyes staring intently into mine as strong warm arms encircled me, comforting and protecting me from the outside world.

  Several times throughout the night, I awoke with a startle. I had trouble controlling my fears and each time I tried to fall back asleep, I found myself torn between two different worlds; one I so desperately wanted to leave behind, the other I was starting to crave.

  My subconscious finally made an appearance, taunting me with questions. What do you really know about Garrett? You don’t know how old he is, where he went to school, where his family lives, or anything else about him. Who do you think you are, rushing into things without this kind of information? Are you trying to get yourself hurt again?

  My mind had finally settled enough for sleep, when the alarm clock sounded. I’d never been one to hit the snooze button, but found myself reaching for it numerous times this morning to try and get a little extra sleep.

  My shoulders began to shake gently. “Laurel…Are you okay? We need to get moving if we’re going to get to the graduation practice on time,” Hannah said as she continued to shake my shoulder in an attempt to wake me.

  I bolted upright and glanced at the clock and then at her. She was already dressed. “Oh my god!” I cried. “I overslept!”

  “If you get up now, you can squeeze in a shower,” Hannah said soothingly.

  “Thanks, Hannah. Sorry I’m not moving well this morning. I didn’t sleep well last night. My mind wouldn’t stop analyzing what had happened the past week.” I looked up into her eyes as I said the next part. “Plus, I couldn’t stop having nightmares about Chase.”

  She sat on the side of the bed and gave me a reassuring hug. “Let’s not focus on that jerk right now; we have more important things to do this morning. We can talk about him later. I think with all the activity going on in your life, you’re just tired and probably too keyed up, so these bad thoughts creep into your dreams.”

  I nodded in agreement as I headed for the bathroom. I didn’t have time for putting on makeup or having breakfast this morning. Instead, I opted for a quick shower, faded jeans, sneakers, and a fuchsia t-shirt.

  We made it to the graduation practice with only moments to spare. I’m not sure why we rushed, though, the practice was agonizingly long and boring, mainly standing around and supposedly paying attention to where departments would be seated and in what order each of the departments would be called to walk the stage. I hoped there were signs on Thursday, because I can’t say I paid much attention.

  Afterwards, Hannah and I returned to the dorm room. I checked my new cell phone to see if there were any messages and found a text from Garrett.

  Garrett: Had a business matter that required attention. Will try to swing by in a couple of hours. Will call you before I head your way. - G

  I was surprised to find myself saddened by the delay in seeing him, but also relieved that I had more time to analyze my thoughts.

  Hannah suggested we go out and grab some lunch, but my funds were a little low at the moment. I graciously declined, citing I would eat something in the room. You could tell she was full of energy and ended up texting a few friends to meet her at the University’s Grille.

  After she left, I noticed I had missed a call with my old cell phone, so I checked the voicemail inbox. The message was from my mother. “Hi, Laurel, this is your mother. I guess you’re busy with graduation details right now. Your father and I just wanted to let you know that we will be flying in tomorrow at 11:30 AM. We’ve already rented a car and will go straight to the hotel near campus to check in and change. Since your ceremony starts at three, we’ll go ahead and meet you there. We can spend the rest of the day and evening catching up and having dinner together. We have a flight out Friday morning at nine. Wish we had time to come and spend several days with you, but hopefully we can do that sometime soon. We love you, sweetie.”

>   There was only one thing I hated about graduation, the fact that I would get to spend so little time with my family. At least I’d get to see my parents, though I had hoped my big brother would be done with his finals so he could come, too.

  I was feeling sentimental, so I decided to give mom a call back and share the good news about me finding a job, along with all the perks and my new cell phone number. The conversation was short, since she was on the way to the hospital to cover another nurse’s shift, but I was able to give her all the basic details about my upcoming move to Florida and how I’d negotiated being able to take a vacation to see them soon. She was ecstatic, but shared in the sadness of not being able to see each other for several months.

  I called Grace and let her know that we already had an apartment secured in Orlando and that I would be moving down within a few days. To say she was elated was an understatement. I had to hold the phone away from my ear until her voice settled down to avoid bursting an eardrum. I gave her my new cell number and told her that Evan should have the information regarding the address of our new place.

  My stomach was in nervous knots after getting off the phone with everyone, so instead of eating, I opted for some orange juice and a banana with a spoonful of peanut butter.

  I was still restless and I didn’t want to sit around and think for too long, knowing that wouldn’t solve anything. I always had my best ideas when I exercised and then did some laps in the pool. I hadn’t done any of that in forever, but knew it would be the only thing that would help calm my mind.

  I grabbed my duffle bag, throwing my purse with both cell phones, a few pieces of candy, and my swimming stuff inside. I went ahead and changed into my gym clothes, grabbed my MP3 player, put the earbuds in and started listening to my favorite workout mix: Muse, Flo Rida, and the like.

  I quickly scrawled a cryptic note to Hannah and placed it on the corkboard of our dorm room door so she’d know where to find me.

  “Hannah…needed to analyze. EX = H2O LP @ 1. Will be back soon. Hugs, Laurel”

  My heart was racing at the thought of swimming again, since I hadn’t been inside the competition pool area since Chase. But I needed to get some of my anxiety out and swimming had always cleared my head in the past.

  The exercise room was rather sparsely populated, with only a few students working out with weights, the elliptical machine and one of the stationary bikes. I quickly stowed my duffle to the side and began working out on the rowing machine. It had been one of my favorites to help build arm and leg strength when I was competing.

  The first few movements of the rower and I was already starting to feel just how out of shape I’d become. I decided to push forward and do at least four reps of ten. I followed with some free weights and then the stationary bike for about twenty minutes. It was only when I felt a little lightheaded that I grabbed a small piece of candy from my purse and headed towards the women’s bathroom to change into my suit.

  The pool was a little busier than the gym, with several students enjoying a leisurely swim and joking around with one another. I moved towards the far end of the pool, where a lane was open. I took my hair and twisted it tightly around the top of my head before putting my cap on. I jumped into the perfectly tempered water, wet my goggles, and put them on.

  At first I enjoyed the relaxation the water provided, but as I pushed off the wall and took a few strokes, the competitive side of me kicked in and I began swimming laps.

  I missed being in the water, it had always felt natural to me. I pushed into swimming mode and ran over the job offer in my mind as I swam lap after lap. Freestyle, any stroke, really, was like second nature. Turn after turn and stroke after stroke, my mind reeled and calmed. The offer was good, almost too good, but without another one on the table, I really didn’t have a choice. I needed to get out of here and I needed a job to do it.

  Of course I would continue with the job offer, there was no reason not to. If I didn’t like the company or wanted to look elsewhere for a position, at least this job would give me the distance I needed from the northeast and an opportunity to have something on my resume that was related to my field of work.

  After 200 meters, I switched to breaststroke, just to change things up. I kicked off from the wall and began to focus my attentions on Garrett. I couldn’t understand why he was so interested in me. He was smokin’ hot and could probably have any girl he wanted at his beck and call, so why me?

  I kept swimming and started realizing that my subconscious was right. I didn’t know much about him. In the past, I’d never dated anyone unless I knew where they were from, if they had any siblings, or at least some general information about them.

  My mind tried to reason why I hadn’t asked him anything personal and then it dawned on me that he had control of every situation where we were speaking with one another. I submitted to his every whim and was led in the direction he wanted. I needed to lead the conversation to get answers, but how could I gain the upper hand?

  I continued doing laps, switching back to the freestyle. It wasn’t until I felt like I was being watched and thought I heard my name being called that I stopped, mid–stroke, and looked around. My heart rate was through the roof, fearing I would see Chase, but instead my eyes found Garrett over by the bleachers, dressed in dark jeans, a light blue polo shirt, and sneakers, smiling and waving to get my attention.

  How did he manage to find me here? Nobody could possibly crack my cryptic code. Then it dawned on me—Hannah!

  I dove under and swam the rest of the distance to the wall suspended in the coolness of the water.

  He was standing by the steps, his face and voice stern. “Where’s your cell phone? I thought you understood that you were to have it on you at all times.”

  “I do have it with me, but I kept it in my duffle bag so it wouldn’t get wet,” I countered.

  His facial expression shifted to one of concern. “Are you okay? I tried calling and got no answer, so I opted to go by your dorm room, only to find Hannah. She found your note and helped decipher its meaning.”

  “What’s going on in that mind of yours, Laurel? Hannah told me you only went to the gym and the pool when you had a lot on your mind and needed to think.”

  I started to lean over and grab the towel I left sitting close to the edge of the pool so I could start drying off. Garrett was quick to grab it for me and hand it to me. “You look amazing in the water, very graceful. I think you might give me a fine swimming challenge.”

  “Thank you,” was all I could utter as I focused my attention to removing my cap and shaking loose my hair. I felt the lightheadedness creep up on me and knew I needed to get to my duffle bag quickly.

  “Excuse me, Garrett,” I said as I tried to move to the side and pass by him.

  He shook his head and grabbed hold of my elbow, stopping me in my tracks. “Oh, no you don’t. You aren’t going anywhere until you tell me what’s bothering you and has you doing all this thinking.”

  My vision began to blur and the sound of his voice was starting to wane. “Please excuse me. I need to get to my bag!” I forced my voice to become insistent.

  “Not until you answer my question, Laurel,” he demanded.

  I broke loose of his hold and started to move forward but realized I wasn’t moving; the wet cement floor was coming up quickly to greet me. The last thing I heard was, “What the fuck?” as I saw him move in an attempt to catch me.

  I felt my back against a solid yet yielding surface and could hear strange beeping and dripping noises all around me. I tried to move, but felt a firm grip on my left hand. I flexed my hand and received a soft pressure in return.

  My eyes flickered open to the brightness and starkness of what looked like a hospital. Garrett was standing beside me, holding my hand, his face filled with concern as he looked down in my eyes. I was instantly hypnotized by his emerald green beauties.

  I tried to sit up, but he put one hand on my shoulder. “Stay put until the doctor gives you the al
l clear to start moving around, okay?” His voice was filled with anguish and authority.

  “What happened?” I wondered aloud. I looked down and realized I was in a hospital gown. How embarrassing is this? Thank goodness I’m not in my bathing suit anymore.

  “Apparently, you didn’t eat much today and overexerted yourself swimming like a maniac. As a result, you suffered severe low blood sugar,” he stated with consternation.

  “Where am I and how did I get here?” I questioned, still a little bleary.

  “Lucky for you, your former teammate, Christina, came running when she saw that you’d passed out. She told me you suffered from low blood sugar and suggested I get you to the emergency room. She’s waiting just outside the door; she wants to make sure you’ll be okay. Why didn’t you tell me you have this medical condition?” His face was filled with hurt.

  “I haven’t had this for very long. The campus doctor I was seeing is still trying to figure out all the ins and outs of it with me; right now we’re trying diet and exercise.”

  My face flushed with embarrassment over everything. His hand brushed gently across my cheek. I could see that his face was deeply etched with concern. He leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on my forehead.

  “You scared the crap out of me today, Laurel,” he said.

  “Sorry. It creeps up on me sometimes and hits me out of the blue. But my only reason for omission of the subject was that I didn’t want it to hinder my chances of getting a job with your company. Occasional low blood sugar has nothing to do with my job performance.”

  “There’s nothing that can affect your employment right now, that’s a done deal. I’m just sorry that I wouldn’t let you get to your duffle bag. Maybe this,” he waved his hand in the air regarding the hospital, “could’ve been avoided.”

  Just then, a white-haired doctor came around the corner. “I’m Dr. Milandros. How are we feeling, Miss Hart?”

  I picked my head up off the pillow and looked around a bit to see how my head felt, then shifted my arms and legs around to test and see what lingering effects, if any, were there. “My head feels a little foggy and my limbs are weak. Is that normal?”