Adapting Desires (Endangered Heart Series Book 3)

by Lance, Amanda

  “The security company can be here the morning of the second,” Aasif said. “The system is already state of the art, but they’ll make sure everything is wired properly and change the security codes if you’d like.”

  Barely acknowledging Emilia’s appearance, Kasper just nodded coolly to everything Aasif said. It remained obvious to her that he had not slept through the night.

  “Is all of that really necessary?” She did her best to make her voice sound as light and playful as possible but suspected she had failed. “With school restarting in a couple of weeks, I doubt I’ll be able to remember everything I need to remember and new security codes.”

  Kasper looked at her sharply. “They will be changed. Your birthday is much too obvious.”

  Emilia rolled her eyes and leaned her head back on the sofa. Since it was such a silly little thing, she resigned to let Kasper have it. “The financial checks have already begun on Mr. Rivas and that young man who looks after the horses. If either of them have made large deposits lately then we will know about it within 48 hours.”

  Kasper just continued to nod excessively.

  Leaning forward, Mrs. Levkin cleared her throat before speaking up. “Mr. Rivas has been working for you for years, and the stable boy is a teenager. I seriously doubt either of them would sell information about you—”

  “It’s an invasion of privacy,” Emilia added. “You should trust the people who work for you.”

  Kasper eyed everyone from Aasif to Mrs. Levkin. Before he even said anything, Emilia could see the wheels turning, his paranoia turning itself on two people he considered friends.

  Emilia crossed her arms defiantly. “Don’t even think about it.”

  He cut her off by abruptly standing up and turning his back to the group. “Will you leave my wife and me alone for a moment?”

  Emilia watched while Frankford rolled his eyes at Aasif as he stood to leave. Mrs. Levkin’s body remained rigid as she opened the door, but she otherwise said nothing. It seemed Emilia would have to be the voice of reason.

  “Kasper, you’re officially being ridiculous,” Aasif said with laughter in his voice. “Everyone in this room is your friend and cares about you. You’re just feeling paranoid because you’re tired and swollen—”

  “Are you all still here?” Kasper yelled. “Why am I required to constantly repeat myself? Get out! Get out! Get out!”

  Emilia sent Aasif a look of apology as he headed for the door. Kasper’s temper was getting the better of him.

  “Ah ha!” he said triumphantly. “At last they listen!”

  Turning his back once again while he waited for Aasif to exit, Emilia was patient with Kasper even then. With his body rigid and his shoulders back, she knew she needed to wait for a moment before approaching him herself.

  “Kasper?”

  “The most important thing…” He paused, wringing his hands together nervously. “The only important thing in my life is you. If that means creating some disillusionment between those worthless—”

  Emilia laughed, the sound finally enough to get him to face her. “I know you don’t mean that. You’re lucky we all love you so much or we wouldn’t bother to humor you at all.”

  “Yes,” he sighed. “I do know that.”

  She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed as tightly as she could. Kasper interlaced his fingers with hers as best he could and sighed.

  “I apologize for leaving you alone in bed last night.”

  After a moment, she responded, “It’s all right. I just wish you would relax.” She rested her head against his back. “Maybe you just need to get out of this house for a while.”

  Clearly curious, Emilia saw him glance at her from over his shoulder. “Is that not what I’ve been saying to you? Our passports are valid, and the house will be looked after, we can go anywhere we want.”

  “No,” she said sternly. “I won’t put off finishing school. I won’t compromise that.” While she said the last part more for herself than Kasper, she felt him nod gently. At the very least, he seemed to understand this. “I was thinking about something less drastic.”

  “Oh?” The sound of his voice revealed just how piqued his interest was.

  Before she started, Emilia swallowed hard. Why was she so nervous? It seemed ridiculous to ask her own husband out on a date and worry about the results, yet the truth of the matter was that she was completely and utterly nervous. Emilia was truly terrified that Kasper would reject not only her but her idea, and she knew her feelings would be hurt in the process. “Claudette and her boyfriend are having a housewarming combination New Year’s party.”

  She felt him tense in her arms. “And?”

  Emilia laughed, her anxiety revealing itself. “And it’s customary to bring kitchenware and plants as gifts.”

  “I don’t think that is a very good idea.”

  Once again she made an attempt at humor. “The kitchenware or the plant?”

  “You know perfectly well what I mean,” he said.

  “It’s New Year’s.” Going with a different approach, she untangled her hands from his and ran her fingers over his stomach. “It’s an excuse to be happy. What’s wrong with celebrating it?”

  “It is entirely last minute for one.”

  “As if that makes any difference.” She smiled and rolled her eyes. “Last time I checked we didn’t have any plans anyway.”

  “I—I do not feel comfortable,” he said hurriedly. “Especially with the current circumstances.”

  “We’ll go together. Claudette and her boyfriend will be there, and you’ve met them a few times now.”

  “That’s not the point.” He inhaled sharply. “I am sure it is at a venue we are both unfamiliar with, and certainly there will be people there you do not know. Almost anything could go wrong under those circumstances.”

  “I understand that you’re worried, but I seriously doubt anything will happen. What is Cyrus going to do? Pose as Baby New Year? As long as you go with me I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

  He ignored her sarcasm and offered something practical. “We could have our own celebration here,” Kasper offered. “We can watch that monstrosity of a ball drop, drink champagne, and eat oysters—”

  “We did that last year.” She tugged on the loop of his belt and tried not to sound desperate. But why was she feeling so desperate? Was it just the feeling of being cooped up in the manor or something more? “And while it was wonderful, I don’t want to do the same thing every year. I know that probably makes me sound spoiled—”

  “No,” he said sadly. “You should have everything you want.”

  “We don’t have to go for long,” she said, not bothering to cover the urgency in her voice. “Just an hour or two to say hello to everyone—”

  He shook his head intently. “Once they catch him I’ll make it up to you. We can have a party in the spring if you’d like, or another masquerade for Mardi Gras…”

  Emilia dug the tip of her toe into the ground. “What if they never catch him?”

  This was something Kasper had not considered. Even if they were lucky and Cyrus was already dead somewhere, it was entirely possible that he was buried six feet under, rotting in the ground or under an icy body of water somewhere where he would never be found.

  “I’ll double my efforts. Whatever it takes for you to have peace of mind.”

  “I’m not the one who needs peace of mind,” she replied. “And you should know by now that you can’t throw money at all your problems, Kasper.”

  “That’s what money is for,” he scoffed as he reached out for her, the look of hurt on his face when she pulled away difficult to ignore.

  “I’m serious, Kasper. What if you hire all the world’s bounty hunters, assassins, and investigators and they still never find him?”

  Kasper went back to wringing his hands. “We’ll think of something.”

  “Are we going to stay cooped up for the rest of our lives?” she asked, obviously frustrated
. “How long are we supposed to look over our shoulders?”

  “No.” He shook his head disdainfully. “You won’t have to worry about any of that. Let me bear the burden of the anxiety for both of us. With school and the jumpstart of your career, you have enough pressing matters to concern yourself with.”

  “Kasper,” she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “This is something we’re both going through. I won’t try and pretend like I can ignore it while you struggle alone. We’ve talked about this. Marriage is a partnership. You and I need to stick together.”

  “I would follow you anywhere, Emilia Ward,” he said softly. “You know that.”

  “Then you can follow me to this party.”

  He smiled wryly. “Anywhere but there.”

  “Okay.” Emilia sighed and pinched the side of her forehead. “I guess I could just go by myself—”

  “What? Certainly not!”

  Emilia rolled her eyes in an attempt to imitate his drama. “I’ll go over there for an hour, say hello to everyone, and be home before midnight. For a housewarming present I’ll, ah, I’ll buy them a nice set of knives, so if anything does happen at least I’ll have a variety of weapons on me.”

  She heard him grind his teeth together. “Humor is hardly appropriate in this situation. For all we know Cyrus could be waiting just outside the property and you want to go gallivanting around? Why are you so casual about this?”

  She retreated back to the sofa and folded her legs beneath her. How could she describe this without sounding like a complete idiot? “Fear is its own mind game. The same kind that Cyrus was playing when he tried to keep us apart. If either one gives in to it, he wins. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want any part of that.”

  Kasper tapped his knuckles against the fireplace mantle. “Well, isn’t that a nice theory?”

  “Don’t patronize me, Kasper!”

  “Oh, I’m not,” he scoffed. “I just find it amusing how motherhood and anxiety go hand-in-hand, and yet you want the one position but you are so ready to dismiss the responsibilities that go with it. It is as if you want to be in a play and do not want to learn the lines!”

  “I—” Emilia stood back up, her mouth hanging opening in shock. “I can’t believe you just said that to me.”

  “What do you expect?” he yelled back. “I want you. Not a child, a dog, or your halfwit friends, but you, Emilia! The only thing that truly matters to me is you and your safety—”

  She held both of her hands out in protest. “How did we get from talking about going to a party to the adoption issue?”

  “That seems to be what everyone around here is talking about.” Kasper threw his hands up in complete frustration. “I don’t like how you are going around here, whispering in everyone’s ear, and then have the audacity to talk to me about the partnership of marriage!”

  “What are you talking about? You sound completely paranoid.” She looked away from him and to the door. The oversized room suddenly seemed too small for the both of them. “I’m so sick of having these stupid fights where we don’t get anywhere.”

  “So am I,” he admitted sadly, his anger seeming to be gone from him as quickly as it had arrived.

  “Okay,” she said with a sigh. “I’m going to go upstairs and take a shower, and then I’m going to Claudette’s.”

  His rush for the door was postponed by her own agile feet making it there first. “Emilia—”

  “No,” she said sharply. “You can’t lock me in this house or keep me under your thumb, even if you do think it’s for my safety.”

  Silently, they stared at each other for a moment, the unspoken words between them meaning everything and nothing, until she turned from him and stiffened her shoulders, slowly making her way up the stairs.

  Kasper held his breath until he heard one of the bedroom doors shut softly. If the lack of noise meant that she was madder at him or not, he remained unsure. Instead of over thinking it, however, he made his way to a bar stool in the kitchen and watched the wind whip up snow off the top of the banks. Every so often he could catch the sunlight reflecting off enormous icicles hanging off the stable roof and the naked trees. It was so lovely that for an instant he almost called for Emilia to join him for the view. He even wanted to suggest a walk under the icy trees, but when he recalled how they left things, he only became intensely sad and recoiled at the thought immediately.

  Instinctively, Kasper knew he should apologize, offer to escort her to the little party she wanted to go to—lest she should find someone else to. Regardless, his guilt was elsewhere, blossoming from the center of him. For a moment, Kasper pictured it like a matryoshka doll, his harnessed guilt contained by all his other emotions for Emilia. He had become so immersed in his happiness with Emilia that Kasper had let his guard down considerably. If he had been smarter, the sort of dependable husband he promised Emilia he would be, then Cyrus would have been dead and they would have one less thing to worry about.

  Yet he did not take the proper precautions, and because of it the animal that was his cousin was on the loose—infectious, rabid, and a threat to the people he cared about. Because of Kasper’s lack of responsibility, there was cause for more fighting, which he did not enjoy in the least.

  A walk did seem inspirational then, ideal really. So rarely could Kasper enjoy them during the warmer months that he knew he had to soak up as much of the outdoors as possible. And now that his nose functioned properly—even bore a slightly more regular shape—he considered that perhaps he may even enjoy the exercise that much more.

  Grabbing his long black coat and leather gloves he usually only reserved for driving, Kasper took one last look in the direction of the bedroom door and sighed. With any luck, they both just needed some time to cool off.

  ***

  Using her index finger, Emilia traced the leafy pattern on the bedspread. When that became boring, she switched views, tilting her head to the other side and doing it again with one of her thumbs.

  Before the knock on the door came, she knew it would be Mrs. Levkin. Or at the least she hoped it would be. Emilia had simmered down a great deal, yet she had the feeling if she saw Kasper again too soon it would rise up again, flare like a sickness that had no cure. Additionally, Mrs. Levkin was the only person Emilia could ever really talk with about Kasper.

  “Come in.” Emilia stiffened but didn’t bother sitting up. She had expected to cry after her fight with Kasper, but hadn’t. Is that the kind of marriage they would have now? The sort of relationship where fighting would be so commonplace that it would make them indifferent? Claudette had described her parents’ relationship to Emilia several times. From what she understood it was a constant boxing match, fight after fight until they were both knocked out. Though Emilia couldn’t picture it with Kasper, she knew people fell out of love with each other all of the time, grew up, changed, and moved on. Was it possible that the same thing could happen to them? If it was possible, what could she do to change it?

  “Are you all right, dear?”

  Emilia blinked hard and looked toward the window. After a call to Claudette, she learned that a trip to her friend’s new home couldn’t happen. As an alternative, she had spent the day doing her best to avoid Kasper through books and bad TV shows. Now, the dull light of sunset was just starting to creep through the curtains and reflecting rainbows off of brass candlesticks.

  “Yeah. Sorry about that.” Emilia smiled sadly and got up to close the blinds. The last thing she wanted in her current mood was pretty patterns of light trying to make her optimistic. “I wanted to apologize to you earlier. No one likes to hear people fight, and if you were on the phone or anything…” Emilia trailed off and settled herself in an antique chair. Mrs. Levkin waved her concern away before taking a seat across from her.

  “Nonsense. I wasn’t doing anything important anyway.” The older woman looked from the window before looking back to Emilia nervously. For the first time since Emilia had known her, Mrs. Levkin didn
’t seem to know what to say. “The tree looks very nice.”

  Emilia smiled faintly at the memory. “Thanks. I had help.”

  Her attempt at changing the conversation having failed, Mrs. Levkin sighed. Since they were going to talk about it anyway, there didn’t seem to be any sense in avoiding the topic. “I know it’s none of my business, but—”

  “No,” Emilia interrupted happily. “By all means.”

  Mrs. Levkin leaned forward and clasped her hands together, making it obvious to Emilia that she had been looking for permission to broach the subject. “He is trying very hard.”

  Emilia nodded. “I know that.”

  “You’ve been trying very hard too,” Mrs. Levkin added. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

  “Have I?” Emilia shook her head, laughing out loud at how ridiculous it all was. “Sometimes he makes me feel like a kid, like if he keeps me feeling down just enough he can control me.”

  Once again, Mrs. Levkin waved. “That isn’t true and you know it.”

  Emilia sucked at her bottom lip, almost certain that if she said it out loud she would finally start to cry. “He said I wouldn’t make a good mother.”

  Visibly startled, Mrs. Levkin pulled away. “What?”

  “He more or less said that I wanted to adopt for the novelty of it, that I didn’t understand everything involved in being a parent.”

  “More or less? Maybe you just misunderstood.” Even through her smile, Mrs. Levkin’s face was lined with worry. “Either way, I’m sure he didn’t mean that. It was probably in the heat of the moment.”

  “You’re probably right,” Emilia said sadly. “But what’s scary is that he ever had the idea to begin with. It makes me wonder what else is going on in that dark head of his.”

  Chapter 12

  There was no question that fighting with Kasper was terrible. Still, while math was never Emilia’s best subject, it seemed the worse the fight was, the better the sex was after. That had been an unexpected surprise of their relationship—a pleasant one at that. Yet what if that was just a crutch that was holding them up? A band-aid to their problems? Even though this particular aspect of their relationship bothered her, Emilia still couldn’t imagine discussing it with the older woman. Regardless of her respect for Mrs. Levkin, the idea of talking about the sexual element of her marriage felt downright awkward. Instead she tried bringing up the reasoning behind the fight itself.