Dee, Lavada - Nothing to Lose [Blackhawk Brothers] (BookStrand Publishing Romance)

by Lavada Dee

  Almost in a panic, she rolled over so she could get off the sofa. She tensed when Cooper sat up and pulled her back to him. “It’s okay. Nothing’s going to happen tonight.” Taking her with him, he stood up and headed toward the kitchen. “You’re shaking. Come on, honey. It’s going to be all right. I’ve got you. I’m not going to let anything or anyone hurt you again.”

  Tears blurred her eyes. This was exactly what she feared. Cooper didn’t know Mick or how insane he was. Mick had been escalating. How much more out of control had he become since she’d left? “I’ve got to go.” Her voice shook, and she half turned so Cooper wouldn’t see her face. “I told you I wouldn’t leave without telling you first, and I am telling you now.” She stopped and gulped back a sob. “Coop, don’t you see? I have to leave, now, tonight if there’s a bus.” Her eyes begged him to let her go. “Please,” she whispered.

  * * * *

  She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. Coop couldn’t believe how fast the evening had gone south. One minute they were on the sofa, and her long legs were entwined with his and her body was soft and smelling of soap from her shower. Then something set her off, and she tensed. Something they’d been talking about had scared her. He tried to get his mind around what. He held out his hand to her. “Okay, but there aren’t any buses tonight, this I know. I don’t have a schedule, and you have to admit that if Mick’s managed to track you this far, hanging around the station isn’t a good idea.”

  At her nod, he breathed a sigh of relief. For awhile, he had been afraid she was going to insist on trying to get out of Blackhawk tonight.

  She didn’t take his hand. A dazed look had replaced the panic she’d been in a few seconds before. He motioned to the kitchen. “How about a cup of cocoa? I know I could use a cup of coffee. Just can’t get into the cocoa thing like you do.” It was just past nine o’clock, and making a pot of coffee probably wasn’t the best idea, but then again, this could be a long night.

  She didn’t say anything but followed him into the kitchen and started helping him with the drinks. He hated seeing her like this. A sort of resignation had settled over her like maybe she deserved this. He couldn’t let her go. Not like this, hell, not like anything. He felt a bit of panic himself. Not like hers, but more painful than anything he’d ever experienced before. If it was this bad now, what would it be when she wasn’t here?

  She pulled out a chair and sat down. He didn’t like being in the kitchen. The living room felt warmer and more intimate. “Let’s take our drinks back in the other room.” His voice surprised him. It sounded normal when nothing about how he felt seemed normal.

  She took the steaming cup of cocoa and slowly sipped at it. “This is better. I have to think. I can’t keep heading toward Seattle. Maybe backtrack to Wyoming and go south in to Utah or Colorado. Utah will be closer, and there are some good-sized cities there.”

  Again, Cooper was surprised that his voice didn’t show the emotion he felt. “Colorado is going to be getting some bad winter weather. Denver is big, but it’s right up there in the mountains. They don’t call it the Mile-High City for nothing.” He drew in a breath. “Why the about-face? One minute you intended to go to Seattle, the next…”

  “When you asked about how I picked Seattle, I realized I’d researched it on the school computer, and Mick’s brother has access.”

  Cooper watched as Galynn got up and went upstairs. When she came back down with a map, he pushed their cups back so she could spread it out. At least she meant to let him know where she was going. If she doesn’t change her mind on the way. He rubbed his chest. Could a heart really break? His felt like it had already started.

  She leaned over the table, tracing the roads from Blackhawk down to Ogden. “Ogden? Or maybe Salt Lake City?”

  Her voice still trembled a little. “I think Ogden for now. If I can’t find a job and place to stay, I’ll head on down to Salt Lake and then on to Denver.” She sat back and took a big drink of her cocoa. She looked better, and some of her color had come back. The sugar in the cocoa no doubt had a lot to do with it.

  He swallowed and cleared his throat. What could he say to get her to change her mind? How could he just let her go? “Wait for a few days. We can go with the folks to look at that property tomorrow. I’ll get the crew set up, and then I’ll drive you down to Ogden.”

  She shook her head. “No, I don’t want you involved.”

  “Involved, I’m a whole lot more than involved. What happened to ‘I love you’? I meant it when I said it, Galynn, and I’ll mean it tomorrow and next year.” He reached across the table to take her hand. “How can you expect me to just let you get on a bus and leave?”

  Her eyes filled with tears. He couldn’t stand it and got up to take her in his arms, but before he could get around the table, she covered her mouth and ran for the bathroom. By the time he’d recovered enough to follow her, he could hear her throwing up over the toilet. He tried the door, but even in her hurry, she’d made time to lock it. He cursed as he paced up and down in front of the door. When the retching stopped, he again tried the door. “Unlock the door, honey. Let me help you.”

  Her voice sounded muffled. “I’m okay, Coop. Please, I don’t want you to see me like this.”

  He put his forehead against the door, trying to get as close as possible. “You’re killing me with this. What if you pass out? Unlock the door so you can call me if you need me.”

  He didn’t expect her to do what he asked. He heard the toilet flush and then the click of the lock a few seconds later. When he heard water running in the sink, he eased the door open. Her face had again lost all color. She was as white as a sheet. She met his gaze in the mirror. “I’m sorry. I’m going upstairs to brush my teeth. It might be better if I went on to bed. You have a busy day tomorrow and need to get some sleep.”

  “And you think I’m going to be able to sleep without you?” He eased into the small bathroom and took her in his arms. She shuddered against him, and he could feel her heartbeat. Gently he rocked her back and forth, murmuring love words against her hair. He felt her relax, and he moved his mouth down her temple.

  She pulled back. The room receded as their gazes locked and held.

  “Don’t do this. Don’t leave me,” he whispered.

  She closed her eyes, locking him out. He felt her withdrawal, and the pain in his chest radiated all the way through his body. It hurt. He tried to pull her back against him, but with a soft cry, she spun out of his arms and toward the stairs.

  Cooper dropped back down at the table and put his head in hands. The room felt empty, more than empty, desolate. Is this what my life is destined to be, a barren wasteland? Not yet. She was only upstairs, and tonight she’d lie against him. He wasn’t going to borrow misery. Morning always made a difference. Hopefully as the shadows of night fell away, so would Galynn’s resolve to leave him.

  * * * *

  Gray light filtered in the window, heralding a new day. It had been a long night. He was tired, and she looked worse than he felt. Not that it surprised him, first the panic attack and then getting sick. It all had to have taken a lot out of her. They hadn’t made love. Instead, he’d held her. At first he’d tried to get her to talk about it, but she didn’t want to. Somewhere along the line, he’d drifted off to sleep.

  He felt her move and turned his head to find her looking at him. “Hi, you. It looks like it got to be morning.” He traced his fingertips across her lips, aching for more. Has she slept at all? He wanted to ask her, but even if she had, he’d bet she hadn’t gotten much sleep. Her physical condition made her leaving even a worse idea.

  “We need to talk.”

  She shook her head. “No, Coop, there’s nothing more to say.”

  Replacing the tears, there was resolve in her voice and body language. He felt his heart plummet. “So you’re just going to walk out. You’re not going to fight for us?”

  Her voice was a whisper, and he moved closer to hear her. “We wouldn’t wi
n. At least this way I’ll know you and your family are okay.”

  “You think I’m going to be okay not knowing where you are, if you’re happy, if you’re safe? I don’t think so.”

  She swung her legs off the bed, and in one fluid motion stood on the other side of the bed. “I’ve got to get dressed.” She was already at the door, and, before he could stop her, she was gone.

  Again, like last night, the room took on a desolate gloom. So this was it. This is how it would end. He slowly got up. He felt like an old man as he went over to the window. It had started snowing again, big, white, wet flakes. Would there even be a bus out today? He could hope.

  Out of the shower, he didn’t feel a lot better, and he suspected this was only the beginning. Pouring a cup of coffee from the pot he’d made before his shower, he dialed his folks’ number. When his dad answered, he felt more grounded. There was still a world out there, people he loved and who loved him. He sucked in a breath when his voice broke. “Dad, Galynn is leaving, and I need to cancel our trip to look at that property.”

  His dad didn’t answer right away, and Cooper wasn’t sure the line hadn’t gone down. Finally, he heard his dad clear his throat. “I just got the weather report, and they have storm warnings out. We’ll need to wait for a few days…what can we do?” He voiced the same thing Cooper had been thinking. “Does she realize that she may have to wait for this storm to let up?”

  Montana people were used to winter weather, and usually they went about business in spite of it, but when a storm like this hit, they also knew to hunker down and let it pass. Cooper hollered up to Galynn that he was going up to the office to cancel the day’s work and warned her not to try to go out in it. “It’ll blow over, but until it does you could get caught in a whiteout.”

  She came out into the hall and leaned over the balcony. She’d just gotten out of the shower and had a big towel wrapped around her. He felt his groin tighten and shifted to ease the tightness in his jeans. “This is serious. I’m not trying to scare you, but no one goes out in weather like this. Dad said it’s supposed to blow over by nightfall.”

  “Are you going to work in the office?”

  “Yeah, I need to call the crew, and I have some bids to put out.”

  “Wait for me and I’ll go with you. There are some things I’d like to get done before…”

  He glanced at the time. He needed to call the crew before they tried to make it in, though he doubted they’d do that. “Why don’t I go up and make those calls. I’ll be back down in about an hour or hour and a half, and we’ll have breakfast and then go back up together?”

  Chapter 11

  Galynn used the time to pack her things. She’d taken Cooper’s advice and bought a midsize suitcase. When she put the last top in the case, she sighed with relief. She had to push on the top to get the suitcase zippered, but she’d gotten everything in it. She swung it off the bed and wheeled it over to the door. How had she managed to accumulate so much so fast? Of course Coop helped. He had made it a habit of bringing her things. Warm slippers, a book, candy, little things that meant so much. She smiled to herself just thinking about him. She’d never had a man in her life until Mick, and he seemed like an alien life-form in comparison to Cooper.

  Had it only been just a few short weeks since the night Cooper had found her on the road? It seemed like a lifetime ago. Galynn walked over to the window. It had been snowing like this the first morning she’d woken up in this room. She remembered the feeling of rightness, of feeling safe. Life seemed so different here. Maybe that was why she had taken to it right away. Or maybe it was the powerful attraction between her and Cooper? Who knew, but when she left here, she didn’t expect to ever find it again.

  Before coming upstairs, she’d put on some soup to simmer. The aroma drifted upstairs, and her stomach rumbled. She placed her hand over it. After losing most of her dinner the night before, she’d be ready for an early lunch when Cooper came in.

  She smoothed the spread over the bed and took one last look at the room she had come to love. She liked having this time alone. It gave her time to wash her clothes and the bed linens and straighten the house. After Coop had left, she’d called the bus station. There was a bus scheduled for a late afternoon trip going to Salt Lake City with a stop in Ogden. If Cooper wouldn’t drive her to the station, she would walk. This time, she felt strong and healthy, and she had clothes for the weather.

  The phone’s sharp ring startled her. Thinking it would be Cooper, she picked it up without thinking. His mother’s voice floated over the air. “Hi, I wasn’t sure whether to call the office or house. I’m glad I caught you.” Without missing a beat, she went right on. “Cooper says you’re leaving?”

  Galynn took a deep breath. She wasn’t expecting his mother to get involved, or to even to care for that matter. Did his mother know how their relationship had deepened? “Yes, I hadn’t intended to stay this long.”

  “I know this isn’t any of my business, and believe me, I never mess around in my son’s life like this but…”

  Galynn wanted to be anywhere but where she was right now. What do I say to the mother of the man I love? She started to answer, to say something, but Lydia interrupted. “I imagine you’re scared.” At her words, Galynn froze. She hadn’t thought Cooper would talk to his mother about her. A sick feeling hit her stomach, and she barely caught his mother’s next words. “I know I was. I only knew the boys’ father a month when we got married.”

  The line went silent for a second as what his mother said sank in. Before she could answer, Lydia continued. “Cooper is a good man. We all saw how it was between you two.”

  Her hands clung to the phone. “I…” She took a breath and tried again. “There are things you don’t know, things better not to know. It’s because I love him so much I have to leave.” A sob escaped. She took another breath, trying to get through what had to be said. “I’d rather be dead than to see him hurt, but I have to do this.” Her next words were a whisper. “Please…please just take care of him.”

  She almost hung up the phone when she heard Lydia’s voice come over the line. “The weather is so nasty. The buses don’t always run in it. Why don’t you wait? You and Cooper could come for dinner tonight. He has a snowmobile if he can’t get the truck over.”

  Galynn heard Cooper at the door. Maybe it would be good if he went to his parents’ for dinner. That way he wouldn’t be by himself tonight. “Let me get Cooper on the line, and you can ask him.” She held out the phone, mouthing, “It’s your mother.”

  Galynn stirred the soup and poured Cooper a cup of coffee. He looked tired. As soon as she thought it, she realized that “tired” wasn’t enough of a word for how he looked, maybe more like haunted. She knew the look. She’d seen it in the mirror this morning.

  She couldn’t keep her eyes off him as he stood at the counter hunched over into the phone. His jeans were well worn. Soft from washings, they molded against his thighs and butt. An exciting ache tickled low in her stomach.

  He wasn’t saying much, mostly listening. She hoped his mother had let her leaving go. She could tell he wasn’t in the mood for a discussion about it. His voice didn’t show that she had said anything personal. “Thanks, Mom, I just stepped in the house. Let me get back to you on it.”

  A weary sigh escaped as he ran his hand down his face. He took the coffee over to the table and sat it beside the bowl of soup Galynn ladled out for him. “Thanks, this looks and smells good. Let me wash up, and I’ll be right back.”

  While he was in the bathroom, Galynn went upstairs and collected her things. She wanted this last meal to be peaceful? Cooper was wound tight, and she wasn’t far behind him. Peaceful probably would be as good as they could expect. These last few hours were going to have to last her a lifetime, and she wanted to leave with as many good memories as she possible could. Coop was still in the bathroom, and she gave a small prayer of thanks. She hurried through the kitchen and sat her things by the back door. He would
n’t be able to see them from the table and ruin his lunch, but they would be handy to grab and take with her when they went back to the office. She planned to leave straight from there to the bus station.

  She had just taken the garlic bread out of the microwave when Cooper came back into the kitchen. Taking a deep breath, he again told her how good lunch smelled. A few minutes later, he looked up and said, “It not only smells good. It tastes delicious.”

  Galynn smiled, glad she’d taken the time to make it. It wasn’t homemade but the next best thing to it. Tex-Mex chili came in a frozen package large enough to feed a family. It had all the ingredients she liked to use in her own recipe, from onions and green peppers to pieces of tomatoes.

  She relaxed as Cooper chose to keep things normal and not bring up the impending trip to the bus station. They talked about the office, and Cooper told her what he’d gotten done. “I really don’t have to go back up if you’d rather stay home today. We could maybe take a nap and then run over to the folks’ for dinner.”

  Galynn took the last bite of her soup and pushed her bowl back. This felt a bit too normal. Was he in denial? “Can I get you another bowl?”

  “I can get it. How about you?” When she shook her head, Cooper held up the coffeepot. She pushed her cup over closer so he could fill it. She didn’t really want anymore, but she needed something to do with her hands. When he sat back down, he looked over at her. “So what do you think? Want to stay home and play?” A teasing smile played over his lips.

  She’d wanted to wait until after he’d eaten to tell him that she had called the bus station and a bus was scheduled to leave this afternoon. She wanted these last few minutes with him so much it hurt. She got up and started cleaning the kitchen, stalling for time. His gaze followed her, and an uncomfortable quiet hung over them. He continued to eat until he emptied the bowl. When he’d spooned in the last bite, he took a sip of coffee. His voice was low, but it sounded like a shout to Galynn. “Okay, enough. You’ve washed that counter so well I doubt there’s a speck of anything on it. You didn’t answer me about this afternoon and dinner.” He motioned her toward the chair. “Come on and drink your coffee and tell me what’s happening.”