Suspicion of Vengeance

by Barbara Parker

  She followed him through the hall. "A man is going to die, and you talk about some abstract principle of law, like you were trying to be God, but you aren't"

  He went up the stairs.

  "Tell it to Kenny Clark. See if he understands, because I don't" Jackie hung on to the bannister. "That's what drove Mama away! It's why Alex left! It's driving us all away."

  Footsteps echoed in the upstairs hall. A door slammed.

  Jackie slid to the bottom step, breathing heavily. She had never yelled at her father. Her hands felt weak, and she let them fall into her lap. "Oh, my God." She would have to move out. It was no use staying here anymore, avoiding him, knowing what he thought of her. She hated him equally. Pompous, cold, unbending.

  She would pack her things tomorrow and find an apartment. Pack them tonight.

  Jackie leaned against the dark oak finial post and wondered what to tell Gail. She had promised to call her first thing in the morning. I'm sorry. I tried. She wondered why she should give a damn what happened to Kenny Ray Clark. He was only a punk, a nobody, always in trouble with the law. But she did care. She cared about the damn shame of it all. She thought her father might be right. She wasn't cut out to be a cop. She wasn't sure where she belonged and she only wished she could ask her mother. Oh, Mama, I miss you so much.

  From above her came the light shuffle of bedroom slippers. She looked around and saw Diddy at the top of the stairs. Hanging on to the balustrade, he came down.

  "Hey there, Jackie," he whispered.

  "Hey, Diddy."

  He steadied himself on her shoulder and sat beside her. "What's going on?"

  "Nothing. Sorry if we woke you. Go back to bed."

  "Sounded like a bomb went off" He rested his hands on his bony, pajama-clad knees. "Everything okay?"

  "Fine. Don't worry about it."

  "Alex and your pa used to fight before he moved out. He went to Tampa. And Louise is gone. You're not going away too, are you?"

  She took his hand. "I don't know."

  "I hope you don't. I'd lose track of things." He grinned at her. He hadn't shaved this morning, and his whiskers were white. "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. I heard that at the diner today."

  She smiled at him. "That's a good joke, Diddy."

  "Yeah, it's pretty funny."

  "Go back to bed, okay? It's late." She stood up and tugged him off the step. "I'll see you in the morning."

  "Nighty-night." He pursed his lips, and she gave him her cheek.

  She locked the kitchen door on her way to her apartment over the garage. Not her apartment. Not her house, either.

  She climbed the steps thinking about what she'd do if she could turn the calendar back a month to the moment she'd seen Quintana's Cadillac run the red light. She could let him keep going. Then they wouldn't have come out to the ranch or told her about Kenny Clark, and none of it would have happened like this.

  Maybe not like this, but it would have happened. Some things were just bound to happen, and you couldn't hold them back. If Gail came to her again and asked for help, Jackie knew she'd say yes. It might come out just as bad the second time, but she would still do it.

  CHAPTER 28

  Wednesday, April 11

  Gail and Anthony sat at one of the tables in the dreary waiting room adjacent to the maximum security visiting area. The table was a scuffed white octagon with four blue-upholstered stools bolted to the center post. An industrial fan stirred the air. At another table, a woman with a little girl on her lap gave her son some quarters. Gail watched the boy feed them into a snack machine.

  Ruby was saying good-bye to Kenny. She couldn't hug him; a thick glass window would keep them apart. The guards had apologized. They had been courteous. The prison seemed quiet, expectant. Going through the main gate Gail had heard none of the muffled shouts that had accompanied her previous visits.

  They'd been late getting away from Martin County because of calls to or from the governor's office, the death clerk at the U.S. Supreme Court, people with anti-capital punishment groups. Reporters had started banging on their door at dawn. The execution was leading the news. Copies of the crime scene photos had been published in the New York Post Killer Claims AC Proves Innocence. A reporter from The Wall Street Journal wanted to know about Kenny's prior criminal history, and how much his family was paying to get the services of a top defense lawyer like Anthony Quintana.

  Dorothy Chastain appeared with her lawyer on CNN: "I am absolutely certain that Kenny Clark is the man I saw outside the Dodson house."

  On Good Morning America Governor Ward said, "I have reviewed the evidence. I have talked to experts about this air conditioner question. The defense lawyers are raising a bogus issue. Their real goal is to manipulate public opinion, but I will not back down. The people of the state of Florida believe in capital punishment. So do I. I believe it deters crime. It also affirms the value of life and sets a standard for a civilized society."

  Anthony had pressed the remote; the screen went black. Through his teeth he'd muttered, "Comemierda" Gail thought she knew his moods; this one was icy, dark, and foreign, unlike anything she had ever seen.

  They would hold a press conference this afternoon at their hotel in Gainesville, forty miles away. After that, they would return to the prison. Witnesses were to assemble at the administration building by 5:30 p.m. Rules would not allow the inmate's relatives to view his execution, so Ruby would wait outside with Anthony. As Kenny's lawyer, Gail would be taken with other official witnesses to Q wing. Thinking of what would happen there, she became sick with both shame and anger. Not only had she failed Kenny, her presence at his execution legitimized his death. The defense lawyer was a necessary part of the machine. I wasn't good enough to save him, Gail thought, but because I am here, the system is blameless. There is a lawyer to defend him, a judge to deny the appeal, four guards to buckle the straps, someone to insert the IV's, a physician to pronounce him dead. It's our job. We don't like it, but it has to be done.

  The world had revealed itself as indifferent and random. People had not evolved; they were brutish Neanderthals with cell phones and computers who still clung to primitive rituals of death. Men like McGrath and Beck could walk away with blood on their hands and nothing could be done about it.

  Gail clenched her fists, digging her nails into her palms. She refused to cry.

  Ruby Smith came through the door a few minutes later leaning on her walker. An embroidered bag tied to the front swung to and fro. She kept what she called her necessaries in it. She wore a pretty, flowered dress and a small hat on her pouf of gray curls. Gail rushed over to her. "Ruby, are you okay?"

  Exhausted from walking, Ruby took Anthony's arm and let him guide her onto a stool. "It wasn't easy," she said, "saying good-bye. I can't tell you that Kenny Ray's at peace, but he's resigned. We prayed together, and he accepted Christ. At least he said he did, and I have to believe him."

  She pulled her walker around to find her Bible and magnifying glass in her bag. The old leather-bound book was crammed with notes and bookmarks. "Go on and say good-bye. He's waiting. Take your time. I’ll be right here."

  "Have you been watching the news?" Gail asked. "We were on TV this morning."

  "You were?" Kenny looked at her. His skin seemed too tight for his bones, and his eyes were red and tired. "I'm sorry I missed that. I've had the TV off the last couple of days. It was getting pretty depressing."

  "I know what you mean," Anthony said.

  Gail said, "The Supreme Court could still grant a stay."

  "Well, excuse me, Gail, but I hope they don't, because it wouldn't last, and man, I don't want to go through this again."

  They all smiled, then were silent.

  Kenny knew about Gary Dodson; they had spent an hour talking about it on the phone last night. It had been rotten luck that Dodson had shot himself before confessing. Kenny had made a joke about bad luck being the only luck he'd ever had.

  Gail touched the
mesh that covered the small round hole in the window. "How are you doing, Kenny?"

  His shoulders lifted. "Ruby says there's a purpose to this shit, but I wish I knew what it was. How am I? Aside from not sleeping for about three days straight, and throwing up because of my nerves, I'm fine. Well, to be honest with you, I'm ready to check out. I want to get it over with. Listen. I got a couple of things to say, and I have to make it kind of quick because they're going to take me back to my hotel room in a minute. First, take care of Ruby. Okay? I guess she's all right living at that new place, but if you could look in on her every now and then, I'd appreciate it."

  They murmured that of course they would.

  "And I want to say thank you for everything you did, standing up for me and all. It meant a lot, and I'm not just saying that. Hell, I had it all figured out, this nice little speech, and it's gone. Oh, well." He smiled. "No offense, but both of you look like shit. After this is over, take a vacation."

  Gail pressed her lips together. The muscles in her throat ached.

  Slowly Anthony moved forward until his mouth was only inches from the window. Dark fire glittered in his eyes. He whispered, "Kenny. We know who is responsible for your being here. I swear to you, he will pay for this. There will be justice."

  Kenny glanced at Gail, whose shock must have shown clearly on her face. He said, "Listen, Anthony, I appreciate it, but don't get yourself jammed up on my account, man. I mean, getting even with McGrath or whoever, I don't want that. It's not worth it. Don't let me go in there worrying about you."

  The two men looked at each other through the glass. Anthony made a slight shrug and a smile. "As you wish."

  "Yeah. I got some other stuff to finish saying right now." Kenny took a heavy breath and knitted his fingers together on the table. "If you could tell Tina Hopwood thanks for testifying at the hearing. Tell her I hope Jerrod and Michael stay out of trouble and study hard. Also get in touch with Glen. Tell him to hang in there."

  Kenny leaned on his arms as though they were the only things holding him upright. "Also, last but not least, I forgot to tell Ruby this, but she couldn't do it anyway, so this is your job. There's this cypress tree down on the south end of Lake O, near the boat ramp at Port Myacca. The branches stick way out over the water. You can't miss it. It's about my favorite place in the world. It's shady, and the grass is nice and soft, and if you stand there and don't move the fish will come right up to you. Maybe it's gone, I don't know, but would you take my ashes down there and put them in the water?"

  "I promise, it will be done," Anthony said.

  Gail could only nod.

  "Yeah. I liked that place. It's got some good fishing, if you like to fish." Kenny was silent for a moment. "Hey, listen, could I talk to Gail? I'll wave when we're done."

  Anthony glanced at her, then said, "Of course."

  Kenny watched him go, then turned his eyes on Gail, and it seemed as though he were trying to memorize her face. He leaned closer to the window. "I don't want you to think you didn't come through for me. Ruby said you feel real bad about it."

  "I'm sorry. Oh, Kenny. I wanted ... to get you out of here, and... I thought I could, but... I couldn't. . . . I'm so sorry." Her eyes stung.

  "I wish you wouldn't cry."

  "I'm not." She blinked.

  "Yeah, sure."

  She took a deep breath. "There. See?"

  He smiled and shook his head.

  "But I hate this so much," she said.

  "Yeah. It sucks." He lifted his hand to the window. "Is it okay if I say I love you? I mean, in a spiritual way."

  "Of course it's okay, Kenny. I love you too." Gail put her hand next to his.

  "Well, it's mostly spiritual. Good thing we got this glass between us, Anthony might come over and beat me up. But he's okay. For a lawyer."

  "You're right. He's not so bad."

  "Let me talk to him for a minute. All right?"

  Gail waited in the corridor, able to see Ruby at the table, reading her Bible through a magnifying glass, one finger following the text.

  "Gail."

  She turned, and Anthony was there. He held on to her arm, speaking softly. "Kenny wants me to be the witness. The rules allow only one legal representative. We can't both be with him. He wants to know if you would mind if I do it."

  Gail glanced past Anthony's shoulder. "Really? Why?"

  "I think he's trying to be chivalrous."

  "He doesn't have to do that."

  "Let him," Anthony said. "Kenny needs to make this decision and you have to let him do it. Allow him some dignity."

  "What about you?"

  "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

  She looked at him closely. He needed his dignity as much as Kenny did. "All right. Ruby and I will wait for you outside."

  They went back and sat down. Gail told Kenny that she hated to admit it, but she was relieved, really she was. She didn't want her last view of him to be shared by a room full of strangers. They talked for a while longer, then a guard came up behind them and said they had to leave. Gail leaned close and lightly pressed her lips to the mesh screen.

  "Good-bye, Kenny."

  Anthony put his hand flat on the glass.

  Kenny put his hand in its outline. "You-all take good care of each other."

  "We will," Anthony said.

  At the door, Gail looked over her shoulder. Kenny's eyes were closed. He's glad we're going, she thought. He wants to get back to his cell. Gail could see he was starting to let go.

  "Gail, wait." Anthony pulled her closer to the wall. "There's something I have to tell you." He spoke as if a surprising and long-hidden truth had just dawned on him. "You're such a good lawyer. Better than I am."

  "Don't say that."

  "It's true. Your passion, your devotion. You are fearless. I have never seen such commitment. Not only to your client, but to everything you touch. Gail, this has been missing for a long time in my life. I was wrong to think I had all the answers, or that you should listen to me. This was your decision, and I should have respected that. No matter what happens between us, I will always love and admire you. You are the best woman I have ever known."

  The tears finally slid down her cheeks. "Thank you."

  There were several dozen anti-death penalty protestors carrying signs at the hotel when they returned. Anthony parked around back and asked to use the freight elevator. Gail helped Ruby to her room, took a couple of Excedrin, then went downstairs with Anthony to do the press conference.

  They spent the afternoon resting and waiting for a call from the Supreme Court. At four-thirty they took the freight elevator back downstairs and left for the prison. The clerk at the court had both their cell phone numbers, in case. Ruby's hands were folded on her Bible, which she held in her lap.

  Once again, they reached the small town of Starke, then turned northwest. The land opened up to flat green fields, and the sun was in Gail's eyes. Nearing the prison she saw the cars and vans already lining the road. There were three satellite trucks parked on the grass. They had to speak to a guard to get through the main entrance, a metal arch resting on stone pillars. FLORIDA STATE PRISON. Beyond were the high chain-link fences and coils of razor wire.

  Anthony parked in the lot near the one-story brick-fronted administration building. Two Department of Corrections vans waited nearby to transport the witnesses over to Q wing. Gail saw Detective Kemp hold the door for Sonia Krause. There were some men and women carrying notebooks, and she assumed they were reporters. No one seemed to be talking. Most of them wore dark clothing. How appropriate, she thought bitterly.

  Anthony sat for a moment looking through the windshield, then said he ought to go in. Ruby, who was in the passenger seat, reached over and hugged him tightly and told him not to worry. He kissed her and got out.

  Gail walked with him as far as the front door of the building. "Anthony, are you okay?"

  "Yes, fine." He took a breath and let it out. He embraced her.

  Wit
h nothing else to say, she told him that she and Ruby would be across the highway and he could walk over there afterward in the crowd. She would be looking for him. She added, "I love you." He nodded. His mind was already somewhere else.

  Leaving him at the door, Gail came back down the walk and nearly ran into the Mayfields. Amber's parents blindly continued walking, but Gail and Lacey Mayfield circled each other like dogs, hackles rising. Triumph shone from Lacey's eyes. Her mouth was small and pinched. Gail wanted to pull her hair out by the roots and stomp her bleeding body into the ground. She should die an early and painful death, Gail thought, then immediately was ashamed of herself, imagining that Ruby had overheard.

  She got back in the car. The windows were down, and the breeze came through. Ruby smiled at her through her heavy glasses. Gail curled her hands over the top of the steering wheel and rested her forehead on them. Ruby gently patted her back and Gail fell into Ruby's arms. Twenty-five years ago she would have crawled into her lap and rested her head on her bosom.

  "Now, now. It's going to be all right," Ruby said.

  "I don't know how," Gail said.

  "You did everything you could, don't you know that? Kenny is saved. Maybe not in the way we thought he would be, but soon he'll be walking in a better place."

  "Oh, Ruby. Do you really believe that?"

  "My goodness, yes." Her eyes shone with certainty.

  Gail felt that the world had gone insane, and she along with it. "Well, I guess you're right," she said to Ruby.

  She started the car and drove off the prison grounds. Someone was directing traffic, and she found a place to park. She helped Ruby out of the car and unfolded her walker for her. Some of Ruby's women friends from the church had driven up to be with her, and soon they put her in a lawn chair and gathered around.

  The grassy area opposite the prison was roped off into three sections. One for media. One for anti-death penalty protestors. One for advocates. The publicity had generated a crowd in the hundreds. Gail remembered she had promised some of the TV reporters she would speak to them, but turned her head away, and put on her sunglasses.