My Almost Ex

by Piper Rayne

  I shrug. “I’m just speaking in hypotheticals.”

  “Oh, well in that case, I’d say that old Lucy and old Adam aren’t a problem because neither one of you are who you were before she walked out. Even if she regains her memory, she’s not going to be the old Lucy anymore. And the old Adam left when the old Lucy walked out on him. Maybe you need to get to know one another again.”

  “Pres!” Cade calls to her.

  She smiles and her hand squeezes my forearm. “Smile, will you? It’s a party.” She walks over to Cade and he takes her hand, leading her down the steps to the fire.

  “Is that Cameron down there with Chevelle?” I hear him ask.

  “Just relax,” she says.

  I turn around and find Lucy inside, cleaning up the taco wrappers and empty beer bottles. She looks up and our eyes catch. She smiles softly and my returned smile makes hers grow wider.

  Presley’s right. I need to be honest with myself. I still love Lucy, and I don’t want to divorce her in two months. But the first thing I have to do is figure out if I love the new Lucy and if she loves me now after all the damage.

  Pushing off the deck, I walk into our house, ready to do things differently.

  “Where’s Brody?” someone on the other side of the firepit asks Cora and Toby.

  “At your parents’.” Toby laughs and finishes off his beer.

  Cora is tucked into Toby’s lap. Presley’s sitting on Cade’s. Everyone else is sprinkled around in their own chairs.

  “Why is he at our parents’ house?” Nikki asks.

  “Because none of you have kids,” Toby says.

  “You better hurry because Marla is definitely ready.” Cora eyes Cade as Presley beams as though maybe that’s a possibility.

  “Huh,” Lucy murmurs. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who heard her.

  “What?” I ask when the conversation turns to Cade and Presley’s wedding plans for next year.

  She turns to me, and the glow from the fire makes her even more beautiful. It takes me back to gatherings after football games in high school when she’d be in my arms like Cora is in Toby’s. I never thought I’d be in the situation we’re in.

  “Why didn’t we have kids?” Lucy asks.

  I shrug, not up for this discussion when everyone is here. The old Lucy had a lot of feelings on the subject. “We got married young. I guess we didn’t think about it.”

  I’m lying and her gaze falls down. She turns back toward the fire, accepting my answer but not believing it, I think. She shouldn’t. I wanted kids and still do. I want the big family I had growing up, and I thought since we married young, we had the opportunity for that. It was the one argument we had and kept coming back to. She wanted to go for her master’s and maybe even her doctorate in education. Having kids would have only delayed that.

  The conversation around the fire turns to bachelor and bachelorette parties.

  Jed raises his hand. “I say Vegas.”

  “Of course you would,” Nikki says, lowering his arm for him.

  “Where else is there?” Fisher asks.

  “I don’t think we’re even having them,” Cade says. “Neither of us feel the need to have one last night of freedom. We don’t see our marriage as a jail sentence.”

  Presley kisses Cade’s cheek, but he puts his finger to her cheek and turns his head, turning the kiss R-rated.

  “Hey, you’re not alone out here.” Nikki throws a marshmallow at him.

  “Should we be upset that we weren’t invited?” Posey screams from the deck, standing next to Xavier and Clara.

  “It was impromptu. We’re welcoming Lucy back the right way!” Cameron yells.

  The three of them walk down and unfold the chairs they brought, well aware of what happens when we all get together—there are never enough seats.

  “I stopped at Mom’s and she’s watching Brody. She told us you were having a party. And Rylan said he better see every one of us at his soccer game tomorrow.” Posey points at each of us. “Hank added even if you’re hungover.”

  We all groan. It’s not that we don’t love the kid, but we’re into football, not soccer.

  “The kid should be playing football,” Jed says.

  “I don’t know, have you seen him throw?” Fisher says. “He’s got stronger legs than arms.”

  No one says anything because it’s true. Although I think that’s only because Rylan’s been playing soccer so long. If there wasn’t such a big age gap, I’m sure he would’ve been a football player like the rest of us.

  “It’s just as dangerous,” Cade chimes in. “And since Rylan has the Greene competitiveness in him, he’s gonna end up with a concussion the way he throws his body around.”

  “Maybe we’ll have a pro soccer player and a pro football player in our family.” Mandi smiles at Xavier. It’s his off-season and he stays up here for most of it, spending time with Clara, his best friend. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks they’re screwing behind closed doors.

  “Did everyone see Xavier’s passing yards this season?” Clara asks.

  “Yes,” we all say in unison.

  “Oh, Xavier plays the pros?” Lucy asks.

  “Yep.” I sip my beer.

  “That’s amazing. What an accomplishment. Congratulations.”

  Everyone grows quiet.

  “Okay, what am I missing?” Lucy asks.

  “Nothing,” I say.

  But everyone’s silence speaks louder than my answer.

  “Adam?” She looks at me, obviously worried.

  “It’s nothing.”

  Everyone’s gaze tips down to their drinks or the fire.

  “Nikki?” Lucy asks.

  I narrow my eyes because that probably means my stepsister has already been a source that’s panned out for Lucy in some way.

  Nikki sighs. “It’s just, um…”

  “Nik,” I say to get her to stop.

  Lucy stands. “Someone tell me.”

  “Adam had a chance to play,” Nikki blurts.

  “Nikki,” a few of my sisters say, as though she shouldn’t have said anything.

  “She deserves to know. How would you all like it if you were living in the dark and everyone knew what had happened except you?” Nikki says, and I can’t argue with her logic.

  Lucy turns toward me. “And I stopped you?”

  “I decided not to go. It was my decision.” I shrug and look back at the fire.

  More silence.

  “Why didn’t you go?” Lucy asks me.

  “Just tell her, Adam,” Nikki presses.

  I look at Cade and he nods, telling me to go ahead, so I look back at Lucy. “Because you didn’t want me to go, but…”

  She holds up her hand for me to stop. “Excuse me.”

  Lucy sprints up the stairs and into the house.

  “Way to ruin the party, Xavier,” Cameron says, and a few of my siblings laugh.

  I follow her because if we’re going to move forward in any kind of way, I might as well lay it all out on the table with her.

  I rush into the master bedroom, shut the door, and crawl up on the bed. Seriously? What kind of person strips someone’s dream away from them?

  A soft knock lands on the door. “Luce…y,” he says.

  “I’m fine. Go back to your family.”

  The doorknob slowly turns, and he opens the door. “I’m not gonna do that.” He steps in and shuts the door. “It’s not what you think.”

  “I took away your chance of playing professional football.”

  He chuckles. “No. It’s not like that.”

  “That’s what they said down there.”

  He sits on the edge of the bed, far enough away from me that he’s not too close, but more intimate than we’ve been. “I didn’t decline the offer because you didn’t want me to go.” I give him a blank look and he exhales. “Okay, partly, but only because you weren’t gonna come with me. Also, it was a chance to play in college, not the NFL. You know
how many college athletes actually make it to pro? Not a helluva lot, so there was no sure thing I missed out on.”

  “But—”

  “What’s the last memory you’ve remembered so far?”

  “Sixteen. Homecoming.” Sadly, I keep waiting for more and nothing comes.

  “In that memory you have, we were pretty in love, right?”

  I nod against the pillow.

  “That love carried through the rest of high school. We were the couple. In Nikki’s segment, do you remember she called us Cory and Topanga? After the show Boy Meets World? We were like every high school sweetheart couple, and I didn’t want us to drift apart because we were going to separate colleges.” He stands and paces beside the bed. “True, you wouldn’t hear about leaving Sunrise Bay. You were going to Anchorage and had decided that you wanted to live the rest of your life in this town.”

  “And you didn’t?”

  “I wanted to get out for a while, but I always saw us here in the end. I just thought it’d be fun for us to see what’s outside Alaska for a bit.”

  “I have to say, I have no idea why you loved me, Adam, I sound like a complete nightmare.”

  He chuckles and sits back down on the bed, taking my hand. My breath hitches when the warmth of his palm meets my skin. “You weren’t. I promise. You were maybe a tad selfish at times, but I made the decision to stay here and be a park ranger all on my own. I could have easily told you no. That was a decision I made.” He squeezes my hand when I don’t look up.

  “You didn’t want to be a park ranger, did you?”

  He smiles—a real smile, and God how I love seeing this side of him. I’ve barely seen it since I returned. The one where all the shit bearing down on us is gone and it’s just me and Adam Greene, the boy I’ve always loved. “I was toying with doing something with my drawing, but I made the right decision. We went to Anchorage for school, me to be a park ranger and to help search-and-rescue on the side. That, along with your job, is what let us buy this place. I love my job. I love being outdoors in nature and how every day is different from the one before. I love getting to save people when they’re in trouble. I want you to know I’ve never regretted that decision. I’ve never felt resentment toward you.”

  “Even when I left you?”

  “Well. It might’ve crossed my mind once, but honestly, don’t hold any guilt over it. It was a long time ago and we’re well past that issue now.”

  I slide my hands from his and sit up, then wrap my arms around his shoulders. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “For everything you’ve been through in the last year. How I could leave you without an explanation seems so heartless. I wish I had the answers you want.”

  “I should’ve done this when you first got back into town.” He pulls out his keys and slides one key off the chain. He opens my fist and places it inside, closing my fist back up as though this is a journey I’ll be going on alone. “Everything in that closet represents our life together, including all your journals. All but the last month of our life together. You must’ve had a new one at that point and taken it with you.”

  I hold the key and it feels like a magic bean, full of possibility and weighted with the feeling of freedom. But I don’t want to get my hopes up like they were before I came to town. So far, all I’ve discovered is I was a somewhat selfish person who put her agenda before everyone else’s.

  “And you should know that I’ll be staying here with you. Not here.” He looks at the room and a flash of pain strikes his hazel eyes. “But upstairs. My family schooled me pretty bad for not staying with you to begin with.”

  “Is Alicia going to be okay with that?” Her name feels like poison in my mouth, but I refuse to be as selfish as I sound like I was and just think of myself.

  “If we’re going to live in truth now, you should know that I broke up with her that day at the diner. We’re no longer a couple.”

  “Oh.” I feel guilty for the surge of excitement that swells through me.

  “I can’t handle this”—he wags his finger between us—“and deal with a new relationship.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I want those words to stop coming out of your mouth. Well, until you figure out why you’d leave a catch like me. Then you can get on your knees and beg forgiveness.” He chuckles and stands. “Seriously though, you need to stop apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong, Lucy. You had an accident and fell off a horse.”

  He walks toward the door, and when his hand lands on the doorknob, I stop him.

  “Thank you, Adam.”

  He doesn’t turn around. “I’ve always been here for you and that’s not going to change now. Then again, depending on what we find out at the end of this, maybe it will.” He opens the door and disappears on the other side of it.

  Adam is still sleeping when I wake in the morning. His sisters are like their own little cleaning crew. They wouldn’t leave last night until the house looked like it did before they came.

  I move around the cabin quietly, not wanting to wake him. When I insert the key in the closet and pull the door open, it makes way more noise than I expected and I freeze, looking up and listening. He’s done me this solid, and I don’t want to cause him more pain by having him look at our wedding photos or whatever else is in here.

  When I hear no movement in the bedroom above, I finish opening the door. I release a breath when I see stacked boxes, none of them labeled. I pick one up and tiptoe back to the master bedroom. I go back and forth from the closet to the bedroom until I can shut the door and lock the now empty closet.

  I open the first box and find a bunch of framed photos. There are a few of the two of us when we were younger. Another one from when we were crowned homecoming king and queen in high school. A few medals and trophies of Adam’s. A newspaper clipping of what an athlete Adam Greene was and how Division One schools were bidding on him due to his older brother Xavier already having a killer start at his college.

  There are a lot of pictures of Adam’s family and one of him and his mom when he was younger. Then I realize these pictures aren’t from our house together—these are from his room. His childhood bedroom.

  It was right after our high school prom and I’d brought him over the framed picture. Marla and Hank were gone. We were allowed to be in his bedroom but with the door open. Since his parents were gone, he shut the door and we laid on his bed side by side.

  He turned to face me, his hand sliding under the hem of my shirt, running back and forth along my bare skin.

  “So they say you’re the next big football star,” I said, reading over the article again from the fall season.

  He took it out of my hands and put it next to his bed. “Forget that. We’re going to Anchorage.” He nuzzled his face in my neck, his hand sliding up my torso toward my breast. “We only have an hour before they get back.”

  “Are you going to hate me in ten years?” I turned toward him and his hand pulled my body flush against his.

  He kissed the tip of my nose. “We’ve been over this. I want this.”

  “I can’t have you hate me. I’d never be able to live with myself.”

  “Relax, I’m good. As long as I’ve got you, I’m happy.” He kissed my lips, but I broke off the kiss right away.

  “You sure?”

  “Yes, now we have fifty-five minutes until they get home.” His hand slid up my back and unclasped my bra. “Whoops.”

  “What if Chevelle or someone comes home?”

  “I’m the only one here and since you were so kind to bring over that framed picture of us, it’s my responsibility to give you a proper Greene thank you.” His lips found my collarbone, and for a moment, I lost myself in his intoxicating touch.

  “Is this the way all the Greenes say thank you?”

  He chuckled into my skin on the way down to my breasts. “Only to special people.” He peeked up through his eyelashes. “In case you’re wondering, you’re the most special of them all.”

  I lau
ghed until he flipped open the button on my jeans. Then he rose on his knees and I opened my legs wider.

  Since we’d first had sex after prom, there’d been no more making out, no more stopping at second base. Hell, we never even stopped at third unless I was giving him a blow job.

  He shimmied my pants down my body with my help and lit up looking over me, as though he couldn’t believe I was his. As though I was the last Christmas gift under the tree—the one he’d asked for hundreds of times but never thought he’d get. I was addicted to that look, drunk on the fact that I’d somehow found my soul mate when I’d only been thirteen.

  The flashback fades, although I remember how his bed squeaked as he pushed inside me after putting on a condom. The way he was so gentle and sweet and loving. The way we fumbled through movements like an unchoreographed dance. Nothing fluid with motion, but a lot of “hold on,” “I got it,” “oh wait,” “maybe we need to.” But that was also the fun. Us finding our groove together. Teenage exploration at its best.

  A knock interrupts my memory and I shove everything in the box, rise from the bed, and inch open the door.

  “Just seeing if you were up.” Adam’s wearing shorts and a T-shirt that hugs the muscles in his chest and arms. “Want me to make you an egg since you like them now?”

  “Sure.”

  I open the door wider and he peeks in, his grin turning to a frown for a moment. “I see you found the boxes?”

  “I did. Thank you.”

  I should tell him that one box brought back a memory, but I hold back that information. I feel as though I’m slowly torturing him on some level by making him relive our life—the same one I chose to walk away from.

  So instead, I smile and follow him to the kitchen, where I help him make eggs for what I think is the first time. I have no idea why my old self had such a problem doing this because I enjoy cooking with Adam. Especially when I get cocky and think I can crack the egg over the pan instead of the bowl and end up with more shell than egg.

  Because he laughs.

  And Adam’s got a great laugh. I hope I appreciated it then as much as I do now.