by Lori Ryan
He brought his hand to her chin and tilted her face to his, kissing her. Cora kissed him back, feeling his arms pull her closer to him.
Her eyes drifted shut as his tongue caressed the seam of her lips.
Cora sighed, and opened for him as he took the kiss deeper.
It took only a moment for her to realize she had begun to picture Justin in her mind. She’d somehow begun to imagine it was his hands on her, his mouth taking hers.
She squeaked and opened her eyes, straightening. “You should … I should …” She looked over her shoulder, like there might be some excuse in the air hovering for her to pluck it out of the sky.
Ethan looked a little startled, but he recovered quickly, a smile hitting his eyes. “Chicken?” he asked.
“Yes!” She grabbed onto the excuse, even though she had a feeling Ethan took that as a challenge more than anything. She laughed. “Sorry, no. I’m just a little worn out, that’s all. Can we do this another time?”
She flinched on the inside but tried to keep a straight face. How do you say, we can’t do this because I can’t keep the face of my friend/former obsession out of my mind when you touch me?
He looked at her as she stood and began gathering their drinks and the popcorn bowl. “I should have gotten to bed earlier last night. I stayed up late reading. It was a good book, though, and you know how it is. One more chapter, right?”
He gave her a quizzical look but stood, taking the popcorn bowl from her and walking it into the kitchen with her.
“I mean one chapter always turns into two and then before you know it, you’ve read them all and it’s three o’clock.”
She was babbling. She bit her lip and he leaned over to look her in the eye.
“Get some sleep, Cora.”
That was all he said, but there was humor in it. She realized he probably thought she was nervous about having sex with him. He didn’t seem concerned. He seemed like he thought it was a given that they would end up in bed.
Damn, that’s what she got for dating a bad boy. She was out of her league.
When he’d gone and she shut and locked the door behind him, Cora slid down to the floor and banged her head against her knees, trying to knock some sense into herself. She’d just had a perfectly handsome, perfectly nice real-life man kissing her. There was nothing wrong with him. Not a damned thing. He was … perfectly perfect.
Except for the fact that he wasn’t Justin Kensington.
14
Cora had been battling the urge to call Ashley or Julia and tell them what she’d realized about Ethan. Part of her wanted to spill her guts and tell them she knew she was dating the wrong man, but every time she thought about telling them, she felt stupid. Stupid because she couldn’t get over this foolish crush on a man who didn’t want her and stupid because she was about to let a perfectly great guy slip away for some fantasy that could never happen.
So, she was doing the only logical thing. She planned to bury her feelings in a tub of the gooiest ice cream she could find. She’d wash that down with a family sized bag of something salty and oily, then top the whole thing off with chocolate milk. To her, chocolate milk was a comfort food. Ice cold and made with whole milk so it was thick and creamy and rich. Nothing was better.
Cora entered the convenience store at the gas station on the corner, fully prepared to binge shop so she could binge eat. The register was manned by a tall skinny kid Cora didn’t know but recognized from having seen him working in the past. She smiled and headed toward the chip aisle, grabbing a bag of lime tortilla chips.
Dylan and Tommy ran up, greeting her with matching grins.
“Hi Miss Walker,” Tommy said.
“What did one arm say to the other?” Dylan asked.
Cora laughed and met Alice’s gaze behind the boys. Alice mouthed an apology. Cora gave a small shake of her head and followed the boys and their mother to the back where the frozen foods were kept.
“I don’t know. What did one arm say to the other?” she asked, her mind still half on the topic of ice cream. She needed something with caramel.
“Let’s play!” Dylan cracked up and Cora laughed. It was impossible not to. The boy thought he was hysterical.
She was focused on the ice cream selection when she realized there were muffled voices coming from the front of the store. Something about them didn’t sound right. It took her mind what seemed like hours to process that something was wrong.
She looked toward Alice but time slowed to a standstill as her gaze caught on the glass of the refrigerated cases along the back wall.
In the reflection of the glass, she could see two men in ski masks. The shock of gunmetal flashed in their hands as Cora froze in place. This time, there wasn’t any narrator in her head telling her where to find something to save herself and the kids. This was real life and she couldn’t come up with some way to save them all.
Tommy and Dylan hadn’t realized anything was wrong. They laughed and pointed to the popsicles in the case.
The kid working the register started crying and Cora saw the flash of confusion, then fear, on Tommy’s face as he realized something was going on. Whether he’d heard the crying or just felt the electric tension in the air, she didn’t know. Alice and Cora moved together, sweeping Dylan and Tommy into their arms.
All Cora could think was that she needed to cover the boys. She and Alice huddled in the back corner of the store, putting their bodies over the kids. Alice shushed the boys and told them to hold still.
There were shouts, the sound of heavy boots moving on the tile floor. Cora didn’t look back. She bent over the boys, murmuring to them as she prayed any bullets wouldn’t go through her and Alice into the boys. If she and Alice could just take all of them, the boys could walk out of there alive. She had no idea if that was possible. Maybe bullets would just go right through them.
Her stomach lurched and clenched, abject terror gripping at her. Cora braced herself for pain. The only thing she knew about guns was what she’d read in books or seen in movies. Would she hear the shot before the pain came? Or would her life end before she even felt it?
She closed her eyes, tears coming. She thought of her family, of never seeing them again. Of not getting to see her niece or nephew when it was born. God, how she wanted that.
A rough voice barked at the end of the aisle. “Keep your heads down and stay where you are.”
Did that mean they wouldn’t kill them? Would they let them live if no one looked at them?
The sound of the boys’ sobs ripped at her.
Then there came the noise of the door opening and closing and the sound of the men running. She thought it was the men running, but she didn’t dare move.
Alice was telling the boys not to move, and Cora could hear the cashier crying. He was alive. She prayed he wasn’t hurt.
She ducked her head, not daring to turn to look to see if the men were really gone. She heard sirens. Someone had either called the police or the cashier had hit an alarm or something.
She didn’t move until the police entered and she heard her brother-in-law’s voice. Seconds later, she felt his hands pulling her up. Garrett was there with two of his officers.
She felt her legs go weak and started to cry. She didn’t stop for a very long time.
15
Garrett had called Cora’s parents and her sister. One of them must have let her other sister and two brothers know. Ashley had been either smart enough or manipulative enough to bring Justin to the police station with her when she came.
Cora didn’t care why he was there. She’d realized the minute she saw him that he was who she wanted to see. He was who she wanted with her right now.
Justin waited long enough to let her parents and siblings hug Cora, then he pulled her into his arms and held her tight for a long time. Nothing had ever felt so good.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asked, echoing the question her family had asked ten times already.
“I am.”
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Justin crossed to where Alice sat with Dylan and Tommy. He kneeled and looked at the boys. “I heard you guys were really brave. Hey, Dylan, what do you call a cat in a haunted house?”
Dylan glanced at his mom, then shrugged his shoulders.
“A scaredy cat!” Justin said.
There was a pause and then Tommy started laughing, and Dylan followed close behind. Cora offered her hand in a high five to Justin. He slapped it, then repeated it when Tommy and Dylan offered their hands.
Alice pulled her boys to her side. “Garrett said we’re free to go, so I’m going to get the boys home.”
They said their goodbyes and walked out, and Cora hugged herself, thinking she should go now, too. She’d given her statement. She could get a ride home with her parents or one of her siblings.
Justin looked around and pulled her aside, away from her watching family. “Can we talk for a minute? In private?”
Cora looked over to her family. Her mother and Ashley were talking in the corner. Her brothers and father watched her and Justin like a pack of lions. Protective lions.
She shook her head at them and then walked to the other side of the room with Justin.
“I’m pretty sure this is as good as it’s going to get for now.”
Justin looked over her shoulder at her family, then looked at her. His face was unreadable. “I just want to tell you I’m glad you found someone who makes you happy. I’ve been an idiot. Not just with you dating lately, but with everything. I shouldn’t have told you Ethan wasn’t good enough for you. If he makes you happy, then he’s good enough, no matter what I think.”
Cora didn’t know what to say. There was something sad in the way he was looking at her. She wanted to think it might be regret, but she wasn’t about to head down the road of telling herself he might have feelings for her again. She’d told herself that too many times in the past and been disappointed.
Our heroine is developing a brain, dear readers.
He raised a hand to brush her cheek, the touch soft and gentle. “I should have…”
He didn’t finish and she didn’t want him to. Cora shook her head, not able to open her mouth to speak.
He should have done a lot of things.
“I’m glad you’re safe,” he finally said. “I’ll see you Monday.”
With one long look to her dad and brothers, he turned and walked out of the police station.
16
“Okay, talk to me.” Ashley dropped onto the bed, crossing her legs in that criss-cross-applesauce kind of way preschoolers did. “I know what it’s like to be that scared. I’ve been there, remember?”
Cora looked at Ashley. What Cora had been through was a drop in the bucket compared to Ashley’s nightmare. Ashley had been kidnapped and had to fight her way out. She’d had to kill a woman to save herself and it was something that had taken Ashley a long time to come to terms with, but she was doing well now.
“I’m okay, really. I got lucky and they ran.” The police had caught the men who’d robbed the convenience store. They’d been stupid enough to run a red light on the way out of the area. It caught the attention of an officer. When he radioed the plate in, it matched the plate reported by a witness who’d been outside the convenience store. They were in custody.
“Hey,” Ashley put her hand on Cora’s arm and waited for her sister to look up. “What you did took amazing guts. I’m so damned proud of you.”
Cora was fighting tears for the tenth time that day. She’d been so damned scared and it seemed like her body was trying to cope with that with spontaneous bouts of crying. “Thanks, but there wasn’t much of a choice. What was I going to do? There was no way I could run.”
“You could have tried to hide yourself instead of covering those kids. You could have left Alice to deal with it on her own.”
The sound that came from Cora was half grunt, half laugh. Running and hiding had never been an option.
“Now, you need to tell me what else is bothering you,” Ashley said.
Oh hell, the tears came. Ashley was always able to read Cora’s mind. It was a blessing and a curse to have a sister you were that close to.
Cora reached for a tissue and swiped at her tears, then blew her nose. She was an ugly crier. By now, her nose was probably bright red and she knew if she looked in the mirror she would see blotches on her cheeks.
“I think I’m more messed up than I thought.”
Ashley reached out to touch Cora’s hand. “What makes you say that?”
Cora blotted at her eyes again. “I always thought I had my past under control. I didn’t do all of the stuff most people with abandonment issues do, you know? I wasn’t jumping from relationship to relationship or glomming on to some guy and acting like we were ready to get married after two dates.”
Ashley nodded. They’d all gone to therapy as kids. The term “abandonment issue” wasn’t foreign to any of the Walker siblings.
“Then I realized I’d been holding out hope for years that Justin might wake up and see me someday, and Laura pointed out that that’s probably as much of an abandonment issue as the other things.”
“Yes, and you did something about that. You’re seeing Ethan.”
Cora pressed her eyes shut as more tears came. “I think I need to stop seeing Ethan.”
“Why do you say that? I thought you liked him.”
Cora sniffed and reached for another tissue. “I think I’ve known for a while now that he doesn’t do it for me the way he should, but I didn’t want to face it. I like him a lot, but it isn’t more than friendship. When we kiss, I don’t feel what I should. He can’t sweep me away from reality or make my toes curl.”
Ashley sighed. “The toe curl is kind of important.”
Cora only cried harder at that and Ashley reached out to hold her. Sisters were the best.
She took a deep breath and said what she knew she needed to say. “I tried to like Ethan the way I should. I tried to make myself believe he could be the one, but he just isn’t…”
She couldn’t say it. She felt like a fool for even thinking it.
In a move of utter and complete lunacy, our heroine is still stuck on the one man she can’t have.
“He isn’t Justin.” Ashley said it for her.
Cora nodded her head. “It’s so stupid. I’ve never even kissed Justin, but I can’t stop comparing every guy to him. When I met Lice Guy in the restaurant, the first thing I did was line him up to Justin in my head. I hate it.”
Ashley scooted over next to Cora so they sat side-by-side. She wrapped an arm around her. “It’s not stupid. I get it. But here’s the thing. Just because Ethan wasn’t the guy to make you forget Justin, doesn’t mean there isn’t a guy out there who will. One of these days, you’ll meet someone whose kisses will make you forget all about Justin. You’ll be like, Justin who?”
Cora nodded, looking down at her lap. “I just want that to happen now. I don’t want to want him anymore.”
“I know. But I promise, there’s a guy out there for you. I’m an expert, remember?”
Cora laughed and leaned her head on Ashley’s shoulder. They sat like that for a bit until her nose stopped running and the tears had dried up.
“What if this is just me switching to a new abandonment thing? Like, I stopped waiting for Justin, but now I’m going to head into no-guy-is-ever-good-enough territory and find reasons to reject every man who comes along?”
Ashley shook her head. “I don’t think that’s what you’re doing. It’s totally normal to date a few guys before you find the right guy for you. There’s nothing unusual about that. It sucks, but it’s life. Sometimes, even if your mom left you in a park and you spent a few too many years pining for one guy, you’re still just a normal girl floundering in the dating pool like we all do.”
Cora nodded and pressed the now-soggy tissue to her eyes again, taking a few deep breaths as Ashley rubbed her back.
“God, I hate to tell Ethan. He’s got so much
going on with his dad sick and the lawsuit and moving his business. It’s shitty to be like, hey, it turns out you don’t turn me on enough.”
“Has he called? What happened at the convenience store must be all over town by now.”
Cora pointed to her phone on the night stand. “He called and texted a couple of times. I told him I’m okay and I just wanted to sleep for a while.”
“The fact he’s okay with that tells me he knows on some level, at least, that you’re not the one for him, either. When I told Justin what happened, I swear, he launched over his desk and flew through the door of his office to get to you. There was no doubt in my mind he was going to be coming to the police station with me. If you were the right woman for Ethan, he would be banging down your door right now to be sure you’re okay.”
Cora sat up and looked at Ashley. “You’re confusing the hell out of me. I thought you said you thought I was going to meet someone someday who would make me forget Justin. Now you sound like you’re saying Justin has stronger feelings for me than Ethan does.”
Ashley’s mouth twisted as she grimaced. “I think he does. I just think Justin’s too fucked up in the head to realize what he feels. Or maybe it’s just that he’s too messed up to act on his feelings. Either way, I think you’re right to move on. You can’t wait for him forever.”
Cora sighed. “God, I really hate that. I hate all of this.”
Ashley pulled her to her and they sat, sisters, side-by-side. Neither had to say a word. It was enough just to be there together, knowing they had each other’s backs.
17
Cora sat at the last light on the outskirts of town. She was going to tell Ethan that she didn’t think they had a future together as anything other than friends. She’d do anything to avoid this kind of conversation, but she wasn’t the type of person to play games or mess around. She wouldn’t just make up excuses every time he asked her out until he got the point. She would suck it up and have the conversation.
