Promise

by Sarah Armstrong

  Charlie nodded, her mouth downturned.

  Anna swallowed and spoke very quietly. ‘Does she ever hit you?’

  Charlie sniffed. ‘She . . . smacks me on the back of my legs.’

  ‘Can you show me where?’

  Charlie stretched out her leg and twisted to one side. There were no bruises that Anna could see. ‘Has she hit you anywhere else?’

  Charlie shook her head. ‘She says she won’t get the castle for me if I’m naughty.’

  ‘Would you like a hug?’ Anna was desperate to hold Charlie.

  Charlie shook her head and slid down to the floor and leant against the bed, her knees up. Anna slid down too, but left some space between them.

  ‘Last time we saw each other was when the police came. I’m sorry they took you away on your own like that. I would have come with you if I could.’

  ‘Are you staying here tonight?’

  ‘No, I have to go home.’

  ‘I wish you could stay.’ She turned to look at Anna, her eyes wet.

  Anna stroked her face. ‘I wish I could, too.’

  •

  ‘So, are you married?’ Prue sat across the dining table from Anna, her hands resting on the white lace tablecloth. Behind her, a standard fan swept back and forth, ruffling Prue’s short hair and the papers on the table that were weighted with small tins of baked beans.

  ‘No, I’m not married.’

  Prue had made tomato sandwiches for lunch and Charlie ate hers in front of the television. Anna thought about Prue smacking Charlie’s legs. If Prue was hitting Charlie, what could Anna do? Nothing. Nothing.

  ‘And your dad’s in Orange,’ said Prue. ‘What about your mum?’

  ‘Mum died when I was eight.’

  Anna found the urgent, high-pitched voices of the cartoon characters unnerving, and wondered if Charlie did, too. Except Charlie had probably watched hundreds and hundreds of hours of TV before she met Anna. The three months with Anna were only a small blip in Charlie’s lifetime.

  Prue picked up a biscuit and turned it over. ‘She’s been making these circle things. She uses leaves and stuff and even bits of rubbish from the street. They’re voodoo to me. And she knows I don’t like them, so she hides them away, under her bed and outside and stuff. She says you taught her.’

  ‘Oh. A little boy where we were staying . . .’ Anna had to clear her throat. ‘He used to make them. From leaves and berries and things. They’re . . . art, really.’

  ‘Art?’ Prue smiled. ‘I see.’ She put the biscuit back on the plate. ‘She found a little patch of scrub down the park. She’d sit there all day if I let her. It takes me a quarter of an hour to get down there on my walker. Some boys came and hassled her one day, and the guy from a few doors down brought her home. But that little weed patch is where she wants to go.’

  ‘We were living right in the middle of the forest.’ Anna’s tea had gone cold but she sipped at it to have something to do.

  ‘I used to take Gabby camping in the bush,’ said Prue. ‘We had a little tent a friend gave me. Gab loved it. But then she didn’t want to go anymore.’ She looked behind Anna, out the window with its lace curtain. ‘Gabby’ll turn up dead one day. I tell myself that, so when it happens it’s a bit easier.’

  Anna wanted to say, No, she won’t. But she knew it was possible. Charlie was sitting right behind Prue and hearing all this.

  Prue stared at Anna. ‘You know she’s on drugs?’

  Anna nodded.

  Prue shook her head and pushed the biscuit plate away.

  ‘Do you have legal custody of her?’ asked Anna.

  ‘Not yet. It has to go to court.’ She looked over her shoulder at the back of Charlie’s head and sighed. ‘The police are looking into what he did to her. If we’re lucky he’ll go to jail.’

  ‘How do you know they’re looking into it?’

  ‘Jane from welfare told me. She’s our caseworker.’

  ‘Right.’

  Might Gabby go to jail, too, then? Anna didn’t want to ask. How strange it would be if Harlan, Gabby and Anna all ended up in jail.

  ‘So, when will it go to court?’ asked Anna. ‘To make you her guardian or whatever.’

  ‘Parental responsibility is what they call it, I think. Not for a month or two, they say. They came and asked me all sorts of questions to make sure I can look after her. You know, that she’s got her own room and stuff. But I’m not getting any money for her until it goes to court . . .’

  Anna found the envelope in her handbag and slid it across the tablecloth. ‘This is something to help with your expenses.’

  Prue ran her sore-looking fingers over the envelope. ‘Thank you, love.’ She glanced over her shoulder at Charlie and whispered, ‘Gabby rang me the other night. Completely off her face. She reckons she wants to come and live here with me and Charlie.’ She sniffed. ‘She’ll never come.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘’Cause she has all the drugs she wants as long as she stays with him. She even said that to me once. And anyway, she’s only meant to have supervised contact with Charlie.’ She pressed her lips together and looked down. ‘She didn’t come for the visit we had lined up, you know.’

  ‘Yeah, Charlie said. How often do you see the caseworker?’

  Prue shrugged. ‘Oh, she phones every . . . I don’t know . . . every few days. She’s only come over twice . . .’ She tucked the envelope into her handbag. ‘Thanks for that, love. Could you top up my tea? It’s gone cold.’ She grimaced. ‘It’s easier for you than me.’

  ‘Sure.’

  In the kitchen, Anna turned the jug on. A dozen pill bottles were lined up along the kitchen counter. She tried to catch Charlie’s eye but the girl stared at the television screen.

  Anna had to be at the airport in an hour and a half to get back to her dad’s before midnight. He thought she was visiting friends in Sydney and checking out work possibilities.

  She opened the fridge to get the milk. There was a big tub of strawberry yoghurt, a block of no-name cheese, a container of margarine and a cut tomato from lunch.

  She placed the mug of tea in front of Prue, who leant in close to Anna and said quietly, ‘She’s just like her mother, but her mother didn’t turn like this until she was a teenager. That’s what’s got me worried.’

  Anna crouched beside Prue’s chair. ‘What do you mean she’s like her mother?’

  ‘Throwing tantrums. Yelling. Hitting. She bit me the other day.’ Prue ran her hand down the inside of her forearm. ‘She’s a right little shit, sometimes.’

  ‘I guess she’s been through a lot . . . she’s –’

  ‘I know, love. I know that.’ Anna heard tears in Prue’s voice. ‘You don’t have to tell me that.’ Prue sniffed and rubbed at her nose. ‘I just wish you’d managed to not get bloody well caught.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well,’ she shrugged, ‘she was better off with you than here. At least you can take care of her.’

  ‘Have you got any support?’

  She raised her eyebrows. ‘Who from?’

  ‘I don’t know. I don’t know how it works.’

  She smiled. ‘No. You don’t look like you know how it works.’ Prue pressed her hands to the tabletop and heaved herself up. ‘You’re staying for dinner?’

  ‘Oh. I hadn’t . . .’ If she missed her flight, she wouldn’t get to her dad’s this evening.

  ‘Stay.’ Prue held her gaze.

  Anna swallowed. ‘Okay. Thank you.’

  •

  Anna stirred a jar of sauce through the saucepan of pasta. They ate at the dining table, and Prue told Charlie that she was dreaming if she thought Prue was buying her a dog.

  ‘I don’t need another bloody thing to look after.’

  Charlie forked in her pasta and kept glancing up at Anna. As soon as they finished eating, Charlie led Anna out the back door, and told her to sit on the step. Charlie rode up and down the driveway on a fluorescent pink bike, her lips pressed t
ogether in concentration, legs pedalling hard.

  ‘Is your bike new?’ Anna called as Charlie wobbled by.

  ‘Nanna bought it for me.’

  A scrawny man wandered out of one of the units, smoking. He stood in the middle of the driveway so Charlie had to steer around him.

  ‘So, Charlie girl. When ya going to get rid of the training wheels? Aren’t you a big five-year-old?’

  Charlie ignored him and rode to the far end of the driveway. Anna followed Charlie and gave the man a faint smile when he nodded at her. Charlie had stopped at the end of the driveway, beside a rusty washing machine, its hose flopped out onto the asphalt. As Anna approached, the girl tried to step off her bike but caught her foot and tripped over. She fell, legs tangled in the bike.

  Anna ran to her. ‘Are you okay?’ She tried to help her up but the girl flailed her arms at Anna, shoving her away. She scrambled up and kicked at the bike.

  The man called, ‘Temper, temper.’

  ‘Fuck off,’ Charlie said under her breath and marched over to the back step of Prue’s unit. Anna wheeled the bike back and sat beside the girl. After a minute, Anna pointed to a small circle of leaves beside the step.

  ‘I love this.’

  Charlie nodded. ‘It’s like Macky’s.’

  ‘Yes. Just like Macky’s.’

  •

  Inside, Prue was sprawled on her bed, asleep, her breathing wheezy.

  Anna looked at the kitchen clock. Seven o’clock. ‘How about a bath?’

  ‘Are you staying here tonight?’

  She’d missed the last plane. She’d find a motel and call her dad with some excuse. ‘No. But I’ll stay while you go to sleep.’

  Charlie gave a small smile.

  ‘Do you want a bath or shower?’ asked Anna.

  ‘Shower.’

  Anna sat on the toilet while Charlie showered. The girl had definitely thinned down, in just three weeks. She mustn’t be eating much.

  Anna ran a towel gently over Charlie’s familiar smooth back and small bottom.

  A pink Disney princess toothbrush sat in a cup on the bench. ‘Did the police give this to you?’

  Charlie nodded. ‘They gave Nanna a bag of things at the hostible.’

  ‘What happened at the hospital?’

  ‘Nothing really. They stuck that thing in my ear and I had an iceblock . . .’ She shrugged. Anna guessed that Charlie was confusing the two hospital visits. ‘And they talked to me for ages,’ said Charlie. ‘Asking questions about you and Macky and . . .’ she swallowed, ‘. . . him.’

  Was it possible that the court would call Charlie as a witness at Anna’s sentencing?

  Shit. She hadn’t thought of that. If they did, Charlie would inevitably reveal that Anna had breached her bail.

  Holy shit. Think about it later. Be with Charlie now.

  She squeezed toothpaste onto the brush and Charlie submitted to Anna cleaning her teeth. Just brush her teeth for now. There were brown patches on her teeth and her gums bled a bit. Anna would give Prue extra money to take her to a dentist.

  In the bedroom, Charlie found her pyjamas among the clothes on the floor. Anna lay beside her on the bed, a plastic sheet crackling under her. Charlie sighed and closed her eyes.

  Anna said, ‘It’s so good to see you.’

  Charlie rolled onto her side and pressed her back against Anna. ‘I wish Mummy didn’t miss her plane.’

  ‘Yeah. I wish she didn’t miss her plane, too.’ Anna lightly stroked Charlie’s hair. ‘Is that okay if I do that?’

  Charlie nodded and after a minute, whispered, ‘Anna?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘I miss you.’

  ‘I miss you, too. And I love you. So much. I’m going to phone you tomorrow evening, if it’s okay with Nanna. Alright? We can have a chat on the phone and you can tell me more about school. I haven’t even asked you about your teacher or anything.’

  ‘Okay.’

  Anna tucked herself close behind the girl.

  Charlie whispered, ‘Her name’s Miss Blake.’

  ‘Ah. Miss Blake.’ Anna hoped that Miss Blake was kind.

  Charlie sighed and after a minute gave a few familiar twitches of sleep.

  Anna picked up the clothes from the floor and folded them onto the shelves of the built-in wardrobe. All Charlie’s clothes from the cottage were there, as well as some new t-shirts and shorts. Anna found a wet pair of underpants balled up in the corner, and rinsed them out in the bathroom sink and hung them over the shower rail. In the kitchen, she washed up and wiped down the benches.

  She’d have to get some more work in so she could send money to Prue; she had twenty thousand saved but guessed that a lot of that would go on the lawyer.

  She was crouched on the floor, sweeping with a dustpan and brush when Prue called from the bedroom. ‘Is that you, Charlie?’

  ‘No, it’s me. Anna.’

  She stood in the doorway of Prue’s dark bedroom.

  Prue turned on the bedside light. ‘Ah, thank god you’re still here.’ She pushed herself up to sitting and patted the bed. ‘Come in, love. Sit. Is she asleep?’

  ‘Yeah.’ The room smelt like talcum powder and had a floral bedspread covering the window. Anna stood at the end of the bed.

  Prue said, ‘I want you to take her.’

  ‘What?’ Anna felt a rush of anger. ‘You’re kidding, right?’

  Prue shook her head impatiently. ‘I can’t look after her. You can see that, can’t you? And I’ve got other health stuff happening . . .’ She exhaled hard through her nose. ‘I wasn’t going to tell the welfare woman that though ’cause Charlie would end up in a foster home or, you know, a home for girls. I was a foster kid and there’s no way I will let that happen to her . . .’ She shook her head.

  ‘So, you’re wanting me to just take off with her, like I did last time? That’s completely mad.’

  ‘No, no. I mean I’ll give her to you. All above board. Once I’m guardian. I mean, I still want to see her, but I can’t do the day-in-day-out thing . . .’

  ‘You do understand that I’m out on bail, instead of being in jail? And one of my bail conditions is that I don’t see Charlie, let alone take care of her.’ Anna spoke slowly, to try to spell it out. ‘If the cops find out I’ve been here today, I go straight to jail. You do get that, don’t you?’

  It had been a mistake to come.

  ‘We just need to talk to welfare about it, that’s all. It makes sense for you to have her.’

  ‘I’ve been charged with her abduction! It doesn’t matter if it makes sense.’

  Jesus Christ, what if Prue rang up Community Services and told them Anna had been to visit? Her voice rose. ‘Don’t talk to anyone about this, least of all the welfare.’

  Prue struggled to reach the tissues on her bedside table. Anna handed her the box and Prue pressed one to her eyes. ‘Mostly, I’m afraid I’m going to mess her up, too.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Like I messed up her mother. Gabby was such a sweet little girl, and I love her more than anyone in the whole world, and I messed her up.’ She covered her eyes with one hand. ‘You better go, love.’

  ‘Oh, Prue.’ Anna sat on the bed. ‘I want to help you and I would love to look after Charlie. I can’t tell you how much I miss her, but . . .’

  ‘She should of been born to you. Why don’t you have kids?’

  ‘It didn’t happen. You said that there’s more wrong with you than arthritis and asthma. What is it?’

  She shook her head. ‘I’m having some tests done.’

  ‘Okay. What about Charlie’s father? Where is he?’

  Prue shook her head. ‘Gabby says she doesn’t know who he is. I think it was a one-night stand . . . and she didn’t know his name.’

  ‘I can’t take Charlie, but there are ways I can help you. I can give you money, for a start. Maybe money for someone to come and help you. To do some babysitting and some cleaning or whatever you need.’ She cou
ld borrow some money from her dad if necessary.

  Prue nodded, and gripped the tissues. ‘What if I die? She might even go back to Gabby, especially if the man goes to jail. That would be a disaster.’

  ‘You’re alive right now, and she’s here with you. Let’s take it one step at a time.’

  •

  Her dad was watering his rose bush when Anna pulled up late morning. She came to stand beside him. ‘Sorry, Dad.’

  He glanced at her from under his old canvas hat. ‘Bail conditions are not something to be taken lightly, Annie.’

  He walked away from her and played the hose over the groundcover by the front door.

  ‘I know. I won’t do it again.’

  ‘Well, I can’t keep being your guarantor if you do.’ His voice was shaky.

  ‘I know. I won’t.’ The puppy tumbled around the corner. Anna was grateful for the distraction. She knelt and rubbed its ears.

  It wasn’t fair on her dad. He’d made a commitment to the court. Doing what she felt was right just seemed to put the people she loved in the shit. Her dad, Pat, Dave. She wasn’t sure where she and Dave stood now. He’d phoned her only once since she’d visited him. She’d left him a couple of messages. She could hardly blame him for stepping back, if that was what he was doing. He didn’t want a loose cannon in his life. And she was a loose cannon, wasn’t she?

  ‘Dad, do you think they’d ask Charlie to give evidence at my sentencing?’

  He looked into the distance. ‘I don’t know, Annie.’

  Chapter Forty

  Bridget, the solicitor, had a small office in a building near the State Library. Her huge wooden desk took up almost half the space in the room. She shook Anna’s hand and smiled. ‘I know the desk is ridiculous. It’s not mine, I promise.’ She indicated an armchair in front of the desk. ‘Grab a seat.’

  Bridget sat behind the desk and opened a lever arch file. She had black hair even shorter than Anna’s, but much more stylishly coiffed. Bridget gazed intently at the folder for what felt like a long time.

  ‘So, even though you’ve made a guilty plea, you do still have the right to plead innocent and go to trial. If you wish.’ She paused. ‘Although based what I’ve read in the brief from the police, including your record of interview, I do think the best option is to continue with the guilty plea.’