The Universe Builders: Bernie and the Putty

by Steve LeBel

  Bernie couldn’t help but ask, “How does she get an ability like that?”

  “She comes from a super-dangerous planet. The creator designed the planet so the creatures faced a constant barrage of deadly, near-random events. He made the creatures slow so the only way they could survive was to anticipate these occurrences. That forced them to evolve a limited future-sight. A few of them, like Sissy, developed even more. She can nudge event probabilities in whatever direction she wants.”

  “So she looks into the future, sees something she doesn’t like, and then tweaks it in her favor,” said Bernie. Lenny nodded in agreement.

  “I don’t understand. What kind of probabilities can she change?” Suzie asked.

  “Well, let’s say she is under a tree, and she foresees a limb that’s going to fall and hit her. She can’t get out of the way in time. Maybe she notices a squirrel in the tree. She could get the squirrel to jump on the branch, changing the angle of its descent so it misses her. Or maybe she sees a nearby vine and makes the wind blow the vine enough to deflect the branch as it falls. She might even strengthen the branch so it doesn’t fall right then, giving her time to get away.”

  “But how do you know she’s doing these things for you and not just for her?” Bernie asked.

  “I went to her planet and looked and looked until I found her. We picked each other, really. Isn’t that right, Sissy?” Lenny grinned as he dragged his fingers along Sissy’s back.

  Suzie raised her eyebrows. “Is she purring?”

  “Yes. She does that when everything is going well,” Lenny said as he continued to stroke Sissy’s fur.

  “It seems cruel to tie a chain around her,” Suzie said.

  “Actually, Sissy’s holding that end of the chain in her teeth. She’s afraid of falling off and getting lost.”

  Suzie’s expression wavered between concern and disbelief. Before she could say anything, Bernie interrupted with “What did you do with your first paycheck, Suzie?”

  “I used it to buy new clothes for work, some jewelry, and I saved the rest,” said Suzie. “What are you planning to do?”

  “Well, I can’t really think of anything I need it for, so I’ll probably just give it to my mom to pay expenses.”

  Suzie obviously liked that answer because she said, “Well, aren’t you just the sweetest thing!” Lenny was obviously unimpressed because, this time, it was his turn to roll his eyes.

  “But you should spend some of your check on new clothes, Bernie. You need more things you can wear for work.” When she saw the helpless expression on Bernie’s face, she quickly added, “I’ll make a list for you,” as she got out a pencil and paper.

  Bernie Goes Shopping

  On Saturday, Bernie wandered downtown, armed with Suzie’s shopping list and money from his paycheck. He’d given the rest of his check to his mom, which produced an unexpected outbreak of tears. Bernie never knew what to do when tears started flowing. They mostly made him feel like he’d done something wrong and the whole world was waiting for him to fix his mistake. He’d never been able to figure out what he was supposed to fix, so he mostly tried to get away.

  Clothes shopping was a new experience for Bernie. His mom had taken care of it before, except for an occasional T-shirt, which he bought. Fortunately, Suzie hadn’t left anything to chance. She even wrote the name of the store she wanted him to visit.

  As he entered the store, a sales clerk approached and said, “Can I help you?”

  “I need to buy clothes. I have a list.”

  “Well, let’s see what you have there,” said the clerk as he took the list. “Do you know your sizes?”

  “Sizes?”

  “Yes, your pants size, shirt size, shoe size.”

  “I usually get a large T-shirt,” Bernie said, pleased to have at least one answer to all these questions.

  “Ho, ho, ho,” the clerk laughed.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “I just read your list. It says ‘P.S. To whom it may concern: Please help Bernie buy nice clothes appropriate for work. Use your best judgment because Bernie has none.’”

  The clerk grinned at Bernie and asked, “Did your mom write this for you?”

  * * *

  The next hour began with measurements of various body parts, followed by multiple trips to the dressing room. After Bernie put on each piece of clothing, he reported to the waiting clerk who conducted a careful inspection. A head nod by the clerk meant that article of clothing went into the buy pile. Gradually, the buy pile grew in size, and eventually, Bernie was allowed to leave, carrying his new wardrobe neatly packed in four large shopping bags.

  Make It Green…

  Bernie spent the day working on sand. Relying on wind and rain to grind rock turned out to be a long process. He got tired of trying to accelerate sand production, and ended up grinding part of the mountain range and sprinkling it over Con-1 and Lab-2.

  Then he turned his attention to Lab-1. He scooped rock out of the center of the little continent until he had a deep round basin with a narrow rim of land at the edges. He took the rocky material, ground it into sand, and sprinkled it on the land and coastal areas of his three continents. Then he scooped water from the ocean and filled the Lab-1 basin. When he finished, his round continent was a narrow ring of land containing a great inner sea. That was the easy part.

  Next, he turned his attention to his small ocean. Using powers only a god could wield, he created new life in the form of a primitive plant. He examined it carefully. He applied putty to hold his creation in place while he instilled a creative urge to bear fruit. And a bit more putty as he added a directive to be abundant and multiply. And, as an afterthought, he left the slowly moving green things with the urge to seek out many paths, both genetically and geographically. He liked variety in his diet, so he would give it to his people as well.

  Lab-2 was next. Here he repeated the process, but he did it on land. This time, he created several different types of plants. One group he gently sent in the direction of vegetables. He pushed a second group to become fruits. A third group he reserved for utilitarian purposes; this group would make homes and shelters and tools. A fourth group was designated for aesthetics, and Bernie gave them the most varied mission of all: Be beautiful. Be graceful. Be a wonder to behold. Bernie smiled because the last group was for Suzie. He had filled several pages with notes and sketches of everything Suzie said she liked in The Museum. He was sure his aesthetic plants would please her.

  Bernie moved his time lever forward, watching to see how his plants responded. They quickly and easily filled both Lab-1’s ocean and the surface of Lab-2 with lush new forms of plant life. Bernie tasted the fruits and vegetables, but found several were poisonous. He pulled the time lever back to the start, made adjustments to keep his plants from veering into any toxic directions. Problem fixed. Another future check revealed some plant life had displaced their weaker rivals. Bernie went back and added more direction, telling them to demand little and to mingle easily with each other. And, for good measure, he told them being a plant was the best thing to be, which usually helped keep things from wandering down other evolutionary pathways.

  After running more future checks, he determined his plants were properly niched. So he moved his water plants from the Lab-1 ocean to the real ocean, seeding the areas all along the coast of Con-1. From Lab-2, where he had grown his land plants, he took some of every species and placed them on Con-1. When he finished, he moved the time lever forward a few thousand years and was happy to see everything had taken nicely and lush green plants had covered his continent. As he scanned the ocean, he saw his water plants in the shallow coastline around Con-1 and also around Lab-1 and Lab-2. The plants had adapted well and were rapidly covering the ocean floor.

  It had been a long day. Bernie had accomplished a lot.

  It was good to be a god.

  Suzie & Sissy

  Suzie was pleased Bernie was over his creator’s block. But all this shoptalk m
ade for boring lunches for her. She looked at Bernie and Lenny as they jabbered on about some theoretical aspect of planet building, something about Jacob’s Laws of atmospheric composition as it applied to the planet’s ability to absorb a range of harmful solar effects. And yada, yada, yada. When they get like this, I might as well not even be here, she griped to herself.

  Oh, there’s Lenny’s little luck charm. What did he call her? Oh, yes. Sissy. She’s a cute little thing.

  Suzie reached over to the small lump of fur on Lenny’s shoulder, stopping two inches away. She said in a soft cooing voice, “Hello, Sissy. Do you remember me? My name is Suzie. I think you’re cute. Do you like riding on Lenny’s shoulder? Are you hungry?”

  Neither of the guys noticed or heard anything. They were now talking about some quantum mechanics thingy and the best ways to avoid intermittent shifts in planetary polarity.

  Suzie’s shimmer flickered with excitement when she noticed two small antennas extend from Sissy’s fur and the tiny creature inching closer to her hand. Suzie kept talking, “Oh, my. Are you curious? Are you coming to see me? I won’t hurt you. Do you have legs under all that fur?” As she talked, Sissy’s antenna cautiously touched Suzie’s finger.

  “Do you like me? I like you. Do you want to come see me?” Suzie cooed.

  Suzie watched, fascinated, as Sissy crawled closer and closer. There was a soft purring, and she felt the vibration as Sissy crawled onto her finger. With her other hand, Suzie began stroking Sissy as she had seen Lenny doing the other day. The purring became louder.

  Sissy was still attached to the chain. Lenny said she was holding it in her teeth because she was afraid of falling off, Suzie recalled. But was that true? She took a closer look. Hmm… Sissy’s fur was too thick for her to see anything.

  The guys had shifted topics and were now debating which planetary types were best for producing the most graceful life forms.

  Suzie continued cooing and stroking. Sissy continued purring.

  “Are you hungry? Do you want some of my lunch? Are you thirsty?”

  One of Sissy’s antennas pointed at Suzie’s unfinished salad. She picked up a piece of lettuce and held it out to Sissy. Suzie watched as Sissy’s chain dropped quietly away and back to Lenny’s shirt. Sissy nuzzled the lettuce, and when her head came back, part of the lettuce was missing.

  Suzie was going to say something to Lenny, but she didn’t exist in the Lenny-Bernie World, which was now discussing how to calculate optimum planetary mass for airborne creatures as a function of intended wingspan. And yada, yada.

  In the next ten minutes, the two of them discovered Sissy liked lettuce, carrots, cheese, and even croutons. On the other hand, tomatoes and black olives were definitely not food, which was just as well because Sissy now had a distinct bulge in her otherwise sleek shape.

  “You’re such a cute little thing. We can keep each other company when the boys get like this. I don’t think you enjoy being left out any more than I do, do you?”

  “Goodbye, Suzie. See you tomorrow,” said Bernie, his words breaking into Suzie’s soft conversation with Sissy.

  “See you later, Suzie,” said Lenny as he moved away from the table.

  Suddenly, a tiny shriek came from her finger. She felt the skin on her finger rippling as whatever Sissy used for legs tried desperately to get back to Lenny.

  “Wait a second, Lenny. You don’t want to leave Sissy behind,” said Suzie as she held out her furry index finger.

  “How did she get there?” Lenny asked.

  “Sissy and I have been doing a little bonding,” she said as she carefully placed Sissy back on Lenny’s shoulder. She brought the end of the chain close to Sissy and the end disappeared into her fur.

  Suzie could hear the purring start up again as she gave her new friend one last stroke.

  Oh, No!

  Bernie was excited when he arrived at work. He’d made great progress on his plants this week, and he was eager to continue. Last night he had an idea for an aesthetic plant he knew Suzie would like. She had been impressed by a color combination she saw when they were at The Museum. And he had figured out how to create something very similar.

  As he entered his universe, instead of blue oceans, white clouds, and green lands, Bernie found a thick gray cloud blanketing his world. Peering deeper, Bernie looked for his plants only to find shriveled husks lying on the ground. In the ocean, dead and decaying vegetation was everywhere. His plants died because the thick mottled cloud covering the planet had cut them off from the precious life-giving energy of the sun.

  As Bernie scanned the planet for the source, he discovered hundreds of volcanoes all over the planet, each one releasing hot lava from the earth below. The land volcanoes looked like small mountains erupting, spilling molten rock and spitting volcanic ash into the air as they grew taller and taller, all the while releasing a stream of soot and poison gasses into the air.

  The ocean volcanoes had used their unending flow of lava to grow above the surface of the ocean. Clouds of black soot spewed from their necks while the ocean at their shores turned to steam wherever the lava found water. And for those volcanoes that had not yet reached the surface, the sea boiled above them.

  Bernie sat in stunned silence. He’d done everything right. These volcanoes should not be here. He’d done nothing to make them happen. Even if he had, they would have shown up when he did his time check. Yet, here they were, and they had destroyed his plant life and poisoned his world.

  He could see no pattern to them. There were thirty-one volcanoes on his main continent, spewing hot lava. He checked the hot magma under the planet’s surface, but it looked normal in every way. There was no unusual pressure under the surface that would cause them to break through.

  Examining one of the volcanoes, he saw the lava flowing straight up to the surface. No fault lines had opened and released it. Instead, it looked as if a round hole had been drilled through the crust, and the lava had simply flowed up through the hole. When he checked the other volcanoes, they showed the same pattern.

  Bernie thought back to his books. Could there be anti-matter particles drifting in his universe? Had his planet collided with them? The particles could create holes as they passed through the planet. Bernie searched the orbit area of the planet, but found nothing. He widened his search until he had examined the entire void. There was just nothing there.

  Turning back to his planet, Bernie went from one volcano to another. At each one, he focused on the lava, reducing its temperature until it became solid rock, essentially corking each volcano. He thought about scrubbing the atmosphere, but since almost all of his life had died, he just moved the time lever forward until the sky was once again clear.

  Bernie sat back in his chair, discouraged. Yes, he’d had more than his share of problems in school, but those problems were of his own making. He almost always knew what he’d done to cause them. This was different. He had no idea how this happened. And there weren’t any teachers around to ask.

  He reviewed his construction notes for over an hour but was no closer to figuring out the problem.

  * * *

  “Gosh, Bernie, I haven’t seen you so down in a long time. Your shimmer is barely flickering,” Suzie said as her friend sat down.

  Before Bernie could collect his thoughts, his napkin unfurled over his plate. Lenny and Suzie watched as a hole appeared in the napkin and a gusher of potatoes, gravy, and other unknown foods erupted from below. The mound grew as the escaping food piled up higher on the napkin.

  “How does it do that?” asked Lenny.

  “You have problems with ants?” asked Suzie.

  Bernie just shook his head and pushed his plate away. “No. That’s supposed to be a volcano.”

  Bernie told them about the volcanoes killing his plants. It was hard to get the words out. At one point, Lenny brightened and seemed about to say something, but after stealing a quick glance at Suzie, who gave him an icy stare, he seemed to forget whatever he was go
ing to say and went back to listening.

  “And my plants were beautiful. I designed them for different functions, and they were performing great. I had water fruits for the fish-kids and fruits and vegetables for the land people. I created plants for shelter. I even created a class of plants for their beauty, like you suggested, Suzie. And now they’re all dead.”

  “Where did the volcanoes come from?” asked Lenny.

  “That’s just it. I don’t know. Something drilled hundreds of holes straight through the planet’s crust, and the magma came up to the surface.”

  “What about anti-matter particles?” Lenny offered. “If you have a handful of those babies, your whole planet can look like Swiss cheese.”

  “That was the first thing I looked for, but I couldn’t find anything anywhere in the universe. Plus all of the holes are perfectly straight. If it was anti-matter, some holes would have been at different angles.”

  “What are you going to do?” Suzie asked.

  “There is only one thing I can do. I have to start over.”

  “From the beginning? That seems extreme,” Lenny said.

  “What else can I do? There must be something wrong with the prefabs. I’m not doing anything to cause these problems.”

  “Bernie, I didn’t want to have to tell you this,” Suzie said as her shimmer’s intensity increased and took on a reddish hue. “I’ve been reading the reports Shemal wrote and sent to your personnel file.”

  “What did he say now?” Bernie visibly tensed up, just as a serving tray rose behind him, positioned as a shield against some an unseen blow.

  Ignoring the tray, Suzie bent forward and said in a conspiratorial whisper, “He said you’re indecisive and show poor workmanship. He also said he may have to fire you before you waste any more supplies.” Suzie reached out and touched Bernie’s hand as she spoke.