If You Loved Me

by Vanessa Grant

  "Are all Mr. Lucas' planes out searching now?"

  "Yeah, even Luke. He was on a charter flight but his passenger volunteered to stay up and help spot—makes it easier to search with two people in the plane."

  "They'll land at sunset then—if they don't find the missing plane first?"

  "They sure can't search at night." The young man pushed his glasses back up his nose. "It's tough enough now—such a dark day they could easily fly over the missing plane without seeing it. They'll come in just before dark."

  "Can you show me exactly where the missing plane was headed and where your planes are searching?"

  She followed him over to a map on the wall.

  "This is Lyell Island," he said. "That's where the missing plane was headed. Luke's searching north of Lyell right now. The other planes are further south."

  "And the logging camp?"

  "Here, on the north end of Lyell."

  Laurie thanked him for his help.

  "My girlfriend will get a kick out of hearing me on the radio."

  "Tell her to listen to the six o'clock news. If I'm lucky, I'll get back in time to get it on."

  Back at the studio she edited the recording and was sorting the last of her papers into order as her countdown began on the big studio clock. She introduced the news and moved into the lead item, describing the official news on the missing aircraft as obtained from JRCC. Then she announced, "A few moments ago I talked with Barry Stinson of QC Air about QC's involvement in the search." She cut in the interview.

  "Sounded good," said Nat when he came in after the broadcast. "But what about Lucas?"

  "I'll catch him when his plane lands just before dark."

  When Laurie left the studio, Nat's office was empty, Ellen's typewriter covered and her desk empty. In Studio I, Harry had finished programming the automatic disc jockey and was getting ready to leave. Laurie locked the door behind her, thinking of the interview she hoped to get with Lucas... of Bev's visit... of the party she was to attend that evening, and a missing plane somewhere south of her.

  At the McDonald house, she left her purse and recorder in her car because she'd be heading for the seaplane docks just before sunset.

  The house had become a second home to her. When she had returned home to Masset after a two-year business administration course on the mainland, her parents had hoped she would go into her father's hotel business. Instead, she found a job with the radio station at Queen Charlotte City, a two-hour drive from her parents' Masset home. Her father was disappointed, but pleased when she agreed to take lodgings with the McDonalds, long-standing family friends. Now that she was going to marry Ken, her father had decided her new job was a good thing.

  Laurie found Bev curled up quietly in the easy chair by her bedroom window. As teenagers they had been opposites: Laurie slim and dynamic with dark curls; Bev softly rounded and quiet with long, ash-blonde hair. When they were both fifteen, Laurie was the one who urged Bev to accompany her on a forbidden wilderness trip, Bev the one who tried to talk her out of it.

  Later, both girls left the Islands—Laurie to take a business course and Bev to train as a nurse. The locals were surprised that Laurie was the one to return and settle near home, while Beverly stayed to make her life in urban Vancouver. Bev's decision hadn't surprised Laurie. Her friend had always dreamed quiet dreams of the excitement of the big city.

  Bev's soft adolescent curves had become slender curves, but her curtain of beautiful ash-blonde hair had not changed, nor the serenity of her face.

  "Hi, Laurie. How's it going?"

  "Busy. You look tired—are you up to a homecoming party tonight?"

  "Who's coming?"

  "A few school friends, a couple of neighbors. Mom invited Harry Devon, but I think Jenine will keep him away." Harry was an old high school boyfriend of Bev's and Janine his wife.

  "How's Harry? And Jenine, of course."

  They laughed together and Laurie said, "Expecting their second child. Harry's got a pot belly."

  "Too much beer, or too much Jenine."

  "I invited John."

  "The sexy baritone from the station? I'm looking forward to meeting him. But I want to know the important stuff. I can't believe you and Ken are getting married. Tell me everything."

  Laurie let Bev push her down, smiling, ready to talk. "Remember when we were kids? I used to moon after him, but he never even saw me,"

  "He saw you. He called you my wild friend. He never knew what you would do next."

  Laurie had always been in scrapes in her teens—climbing to the top of the ruined old cannery on a dare, running away for a marathon hike through the bushes—but none of her trouble had been over boys. When she was small she'd worshipped Ken. Later, she loved him. Back then Ken never asked her for a date. Most of her dates were double dates with her brother, Shane. Even when she left the island to go to college on the mainland, the boys had been friends, never lovers.

  "When Ken came back from the mainland and found me living in his home, he noticed me then." She had been older, more mature. The wildness that alarmed Ken had been gone for a long time. She wasn't beautiful, but she had learned enough to make Ken notice her, to be the kind of woman he wanted. She'd waited for him.

  Bev said, "He's my brother and I love him, but what about you? Ken's always wanted a quiet life. He'd be happy to teach the same subjects to the same students year after year, live in the same house, go to the same parties. Forever."

  "Being around someone like Ken who's satisfied with his own life is good for me. I've settled down since... since the crash."

  "Does your dad approve?"

  "Dad's wants me to quit work and raise a family." Laurie wasn't ready for that, but maybe once the children came.

  Bev said, "You once told me you wouldn't marry a man unless he made the earth move for you."

  "I like the earth stable under my feet."

  "Ken doesn't move your earth?"

  Laurie laughed. "The earth moves all the time. Spinning, going around the sun." As a girl she'd dreamed of Ken touching her, making her forget everything, everyone. She was grown up now. She was no longer the wild young thing she had been, and she knew that the earth didn't move for a man and a woman.

  Chapter 2

  "I like that dress," Ken said.

  Laurie enjoyed his admiration as she walked down the stairs to him. She knew the softly knit burgundy clung to her breasts and waist, liked the feel of its flared skirt brushing her legs.

  "I wore it last month. It's not new."

  "I liked it then, too."

  He kissed her when she came into reach. "Mother wants me to circulate, keep the guests happy. But later, when the dancing starts we'll find somewhere to be alone." He took her arm and led her towards the other guests.

  "Yes," she agreed. "Later." After her interview with Lucas.

  She'd deliberately chosen a dress that was both attractive, and comfortable enough to wear on a late-night excursion to the seaplane base.

  The music would have disturbed the neighbors if they hadn't been at the party, too. Even the Australian sailor had found someone to invite him. He seemed to be making progress with a pretty redhead whose name Laurie couldn't remember.

  The early stages of the party were devoted to eating and conversation, with food laid out buffet style. Laurie helped Mrs. McDonald carry dishes from the kitchen and kept the punch bowl full. Each time she moved into the large living room, her eyes found Ken.

  This time he was by the window. They smiled at each other, knowing that when the dancing started they would have their time together.

  She kept an eye on the sky and when the sun dropped low on the horizon, she helped close the curtains. Then she slipped quietly away, going out the back door and letting her car roll down the driveway before she started the engine.

  She tried to avoid working evenings or weekends, but tonight was different. She couldn't ignore a missing airplane. Although she felt guilty sneaking away, she knew that if
she went openly Ken would argue, spoiling the party for both of them.

  Halfway down the ramp to the dock, she spotted the Beaver circling over the harbor. Although the area near the dock was partly sheltered from the strong winds that had whipped the ocean into whitecaps, she knew enough about seaplanes to know the pilot had a challenge.

  She stood on the wharf beside Barry Stinson and watched the plane fly away from them in a slow circle, then silently back, losing altitude quickly. The landing looked amazingly smooth for the state of the sea.

  "Do you fly?" she asked the boy beside her.

  "Not yet, but Luke says he'll teach me—he's a certified instructor. He's the best pilot on the islands."

  Laurie moved towards the plane as a broad, muscular man climbed out. He wasn't tall, but neither was she, so he seemed to tower over her. She saw weariness in his eyes when smiled at Barry. The instant he saw Laurie's microphone, his eyes turned cold and he pushed past her without a word as she introduced herself.

  She should have been talking, asking him questions, but his hard face silenced her. She noted that his fair hair was sun bleached, or perhaps it was starting to grey. She put him down as a man to be wary of, and decided the passenger behind him was a better bet.

  Dave Hall's face broke in a smile when he saw her. He was one of the most skilled carvers in the Haida Nation and he was Nat's father-in-law. She had interviewed him several times in the past.

  "Hello, Dave. Is there any news?"

  He shook his head, his sharp old eyes seeing something far away from her. "Too many bays. Too many trees. We found nothing."

  She drew him out, getting details of the search, bringing out the drama of a flight that started as a routine charter and ended in a fruitless search. When she finished the interview, Dave walked over to shake hands with the pilot before leaving.

  Laurie watched as the pilot and Barry Stinson secured the Beaver. When Barry started to fuel the plane, the pilot said something to him and turned away.

  Laurie stepped out to intercept him.

  "Will you be searching again tomorrow, Mr. Lucas?"

  "Turn off the recorder." His voice was cold.

  Her smile died and temper took its place. "Mr. Lucas, my listeners are worried about that missing plane. Those missing men have friends and relatives in this area." She could see that he wouldn't say a word with the recorder on so she switched it off and put it in her pocket.

  He stared at her with eyes that seemed to see right through her. "There's a plane out there somewhere. The passengers may be dead. They may be injured. If I stand here and speculate into your microphone, it isn't going to change anything. The most constructive thing you can do right now is get out of my way so I can get some sleep."

  "You're going out again in the morning?" Of course he was. That was why Barry was working to refuel the plane. This man's face was hard as granite, but he did care about those missing men.

  When he started up the ramp to shore, she followed.

  "Is Dave Hall flying with you again tomorrow to help search?"

  His hands were thrust in his pockets, his shoulders hunched against the wind. Her dress whipped against her body, making her shiver.

  "This is no weather for flying," he growled. "As welcome as another pair of eyes would be, I'm not about to ask Chief Hall to take his life in his hands by going up again tomorrow."

  The wind howled around them and she had to raise her voice to be heard. "Are you going alone?"

  "Yes, I'm flying alone." He walked away and she followed, almost running to keep up. She could imagine that plane on a mountainside somewhere, the men waiting, hoping for rescue, hearing the sound of an engine come closer, then move away.

  "I'll come with you!" she shouted against the wind.

  He turned and eyed her coldly, her dress and her high heels, her face carefully made-up for the party.

  "Stay on the ground. Keep your listeners happy and leave the searching to people who know what they're doing."

  She should have been furious, but his face stopped her angry reply. He had been flying for hours, searching for a wreck. He was on his way home to get some sleep so he could fly again. He looked exhausted and depressed by the futile search.

  He didn't look back as he climbed into a pick-up truck, but she called after him, "Have a good sleep, Mr. Lucas. And good luck!"

  If he heard her, he gave no indication.

  She walked slowly back down the ramp to where Barry was still fueling the seaplane. He grinned up at her through his wet glasses.

  "Barry, what time does he take off in the morning?"

  "At dawn."

  "This time of year, that must be..."

  "About four in the morning. The days are getting long." He took the fuel nozzle out of the filler hole and got to his feet.

  Four o'clock was only five hours away. Lucas would not get much sleep tonight, and tomorrow he would fly a search pattern alone.

  She couldn't get the image of those missing men out of her head on the drive back to the party. She saw them helplessly trapped in a seaplane, crashed in a wild growth of trees on an isolated coastal island.

  Six years ago, Shane's plane...

  It was six years too late to save Shane.

  She parked outside the house and put her recorder in the glove compartment. In the morning, she would go to the station and edit the interview of Dave Hall so that it could air on the news. Meanwhile, she'd get back to the party and hope Ken had not missed her.

  Someone had put on a lively polka in her absence. The Australian sailor was whirling Mrs. McDonald around the room and Ken's mother was laughing and wheezing, plainly having the time of her life. As Laurie watched, the music stopped and the two dancers collapsed in a heap on the sofa amid a rousing applause from the other guests.

  She felt someone close behind her and stiffened as Ken put an arm around her shoulder.

  "Where have you been?"

  She didn't want to finish the evening arguing with Ken again about her work at the radio station. But when she turned to face him she was surprised to find no sign of the anger she expected.

  "I saw Bev go upstairs a while ago. I figured you'd gone up after her, but I didn't think you'd be so long. Let's dance."

  "Let's," she agreed, moving into his arms.

  Sooner or later she would have to tell Ken where she had been tonight, but it didn't have to be this minute. Right now she could relax, try to forget about airplanes, storms... disaster.

  Someone turned the lights down. The room dimmed to a romantic haze and Ken slipped both his arms around her. She concentrated on the pleasant feel of his arms, slowly relaxing. It has been a wild day and now was the time for romance. Soft, moody music filled the half-lit room and the dancers moved slowly, each couple in a world of their own.

  Slowly the magic seeped in through her nerves and she was able to move in a haze, forgetting the events of the day. She let her arms slip around Ken's neck and he drew her closer.

  "I want you to myself," he murmured in her ear. He spread his fingers so that each one touched her back separately, moving his hands on her so that she felt his suggestion although no one else could notice. "Let's find somewhere we can be alone."

  "We can't walk out on Bev."

  When Ken asked her to marry him, she'd said yes. They'd known each other forever so their love was quieter than the fantasy novels, filled with real life and moments snatched from their busy schedules. Booking evenings together was challenging with the demands of her job. Sometimes she wished they could be over the moon crazy in love, but she knew that wasn't real life.

  "We'll go up to the cabin," said Ken. "We can stay the weekend, come back Sunday night."

  The McDonald cabin was isolated enough that they could be certain of privacy. Mr. McDonald had always kept the cabin fully provisioned for hunting and fishing trips. Since his death, Ken had continued using the cabin. Everything they needed would be there.

  She wanted to feel close to him, but she
couldn't get the images of an airplane crashing to the ground out of her mind.

  When he bent his head, she turned her lips away and kissed his cheek and they swayed together with the rhythm of the music.

  Luke Lucas had looked exhausted from the search, but his eyes had raked every detail of her scornfully. She had taken twenty minutes from her party to ask him questions, while he concentrated his efforts on trying to find a missing planeload of men. He had searched all through the evening and would search again in the morning. She could have pushed him, might have got a few words out of him, but she had let him walk away from her because she why he didn't want to talk to her.

  To him, she must have seemed like a frivolous party girl.

  "Let's go," Ken murmured in her ear.

  Soon she and Ken would spend all their nights together, but not tonight. She was haunted, too frozen inside to share herself with the man she loved. And there were the practicalities. She needed to get the interview with Dave Hall to the newsroom before morning so that Anna, the weekend announcer, could play it on Saturday's news.

  She said, "Bev's come home for her visit. We can't just walk out."

  The music stopped and they stood, arms around each other, until the next piece started. Ken started to move, but the sudden shift to loud, wild music stopped him. Someone complained loudly at the change and was shouted down.

  Laurie moved with the new rhythm, her body picking up the wild beat.

  "I don't want to dance to that junk," muttered Ken.

  He took her hand and led her away from the dancing. The music had made her restless and she had to suppress the urge to jerk her hand away.

  In the kitchen, the party noise washed over them amidst the chaos of used plates and glasses. They were as close to being alone as they would ever be in this house.

  Ken held out his arms. He was tall and she had to go on her toes when he bent to kiss her. She opened her lips to him.

  There was no way she could do justice to Ken tonight. She tried to relax, to return his kiss, but the restlessness rose in her, wild and irresistible. She needed to get outside, to walk the ocean shore with the wind buffeting her body.