The Nanny

by Melissa Nathan

Jo nodded.

  “You’ve got to move on,” he continued. “But it has made me realize how damaging infidelity is. Trust is everything,” he said quickly before changing the subject.

  The more they talked, the more conscious Jo became that Shaun had never come up in conversation. Over the days they managed to talk about pretty much everything, but somehow they never talked about their love lives. It was like an unspoken code, but the more they chatted and the closer Jo felt to Josh—and she felt increasingly close to him—the more she felt she was somehow misrepresenting herself. Yet she could never find the appropriate moment to mention Shaun without feeling that it might come out sounding gauche and pointed.

  She brought this up at her weekend therapy session with the girls.

  “So let me get this straight,” clarified Pippa. “You’ve managed not to even skim over the fact—even in passing—that you’ve had the same boyfriend for the past six years. And still very much have him.”

  Jo nodded.

  “I keep waiting for the right moment,” she insisted, “but it’s hard to say ‘Pass me the dishcloth, I’ve got a boyfriend.’”

  “But if you’re just friends,” said Rachel, “surely it comes up in conversation?”

  “I know,” agreed Jo, “you’d think so, but somehow every time I want to say it, I feel like it would look like I’m trying to put him off or something, which would make me look really arrogant.”

  “Are you just friends?” asked Rachel.

  “Of course,” insisted Jo.

  “Hmm,” said Pippa. “How come you didn’t seem to have any problem finding the right moment to tell me?”

  “You asked,” said Jo.

  “That’s true.”

  “And I didn’t fancy you.”

  “Aha!” exclaimed the girls.

  Jo grinned. “He hasn’t even asked if I’ve got a boyfriend,” she said, “so he’s obviously not interested.”

  “Would it make a difference if he did ask?” asked Pippa.

  Jo thought about this. Then she thought about Shaun. She shrugged miserably.

  After a pause, Gabriella had a question.

  “What does theez Josh the Dosh loook like?”

  Jo closed her eyes. “Ioan Gruffudd.”

  The girls took a moment to show their appreciation.

  “Oh my God!” cried Pippa. “You’re living with Hornblower?”

  “Yes,” confessed Jo. “Without the breeches. And a bit more sultry.”

  There was a long silence.

  “Well,” said Pippa. “I think it’s all very simple. As soon as you start blowing his horn you chuck Shaun.”

  “Oh God!” Jo said through the laughter. “I’ve got a boyfriend! A boyfriend who’s coming to stay.”

  “Looks like that’s when Josh will find out then.” Rachel grinned.

  Jo winced into her wine.

  “Don’t worry,” said Pippa. “You’ve got days before Shaun gets here. You’re bound to find an appropriate moment.”

  For the first time in their short acquaintance, Pippa was wrong. During the next few days with Josh, the subject was on the tip of Jo’s tongue many times, but every time she could see the conversation veering in that direction, it somehow directed itself elsewhere. The last thing she wanted to do was offend Josh. And the thing just before the last thing she wanted to do was put him off, just in case he was interested.

  The longer she left it, the harder it got, because every time she thought of Josh’s belief that trust was everything she felt even more unable to tell him. She was caught in a stalemate and didn’t know how to get out of it.

  She started making all her calls to Shaun in the car and told herself it was because it was the only place she got any privacy. In many ways that was true. Josh was in and out of her room all the time; in fact they left the door open between their rooms until bedtime.

  She hadn’t really forgiven Shaun for acting like her teacher instead of her boyfriend when she’d told him what had happened the night Josh had arrived, but they’d reached an unspoken truce. He’d said he missed her, and she’d said she was looking forward to his visit. And she was sure it would all be better when she saw him. She started counting the days with nervous anticipation.

  One evening, when Vanessa was out working late and Dick was asleep in the lounge, Jo sat watching television in the conservatory wondering how long Josh would be in the bathroom. When the doorbell rang, she heard Dick answer it. She was very surprised when he came in and presented her with one of the policemen from that night.

  “Look who I found on the doorstep!” said Dick. “One of those nice men who attacked my son.”

  “Oh yes,” said Gerry. “Sorry about that.”

  “Not to worry,” said Dick. “He’ll be over it in, ooh…months. Tell me, were you the one who smelt of dog crap or were you the other one?”

  “I was the other one. Definitely the other one.”

  “Excellent. Excellent.”

  He looked over at Jo, said “Well, I’ll leave you both to it,” and did so.

  “Hello,” said Jo, baffled.

  “Hello there,” said Gerry, walking a couple of steps toward her. “I just wanted to see how you were. You seemed in rather a bad way the other night.”

  “Oh God I know. I’m so sorry about that. I’m fine now. Thanks ever so much.” She started fiddling with her hair.

  “I’ve got this for you.” He produced a card. “It’s Victim Support. Sometimes people get a delayed reaction to shock.”

  “Oh,” said Jo. “Thank you.”

  She took the card and smiled at Gerry. He smiled back at her and stepped forward to lean against the counter near her. She read the card and nodded several times. When she finished reading it, she started reading it again. Then she filled the little pause that followed with a few more nods.

  “So, no more bumps in the night?” asked Gerry.

  “No. Thanks.”

  “Good. Good. And you feel easy in your bed?”

  “Yes—”

  “At night?”

  “Yes. Thanks.”

  “Anyway, the thing is, I was just wondering—”

  The door from Jo’s bedroom opened and Josh walked in. As soon as he saw Gerry, he seemed to freeze. Gerry seemed to freeze, too. They both froze. Jo had frozen a while ago.

  “Look!” she told Josh. “It’s…from the other night…”

  “Ah yes!” exclaimed Josh. “The nice man who beat me up.”

  “Gerry,” said Gerry, putting out his hand. “Call me Gerry.”

  “As in Tom and Jerry?” asked Josh, shaking his hand.

  “No,” said Gerry, “with a ‘G.’”

  The two men nodded at each other and continued to shake hands very firmly and with great determination. When they stopped, Gerry took a small step away from Jo. “I was just asking Jo here if she was alright,” he said casually. “And if she felt safe,” said Gerry.

  “Oh I see!” exclaimed Josh suddenly. “Like customer relations! Wow! I never knew you guys did that.”

  “Well, we don’t do it as a rule—”

  “But you’re a maverick are you?” asked Josh. “A bit of a rebel, eh? You don’t give a damn who you hurt, you’re gonna do this customer relations shit.”

  Jo stifled a laugh. She watched the two men stare each other out. She’d never seen two men confront each other after fighting.

  “I just gave Jo a Victim Support card,” said Gerry calmly. “Sometimes people get a delayed reaction to shock.”

  “Really? I didn’t,” said Josh. “Mine happened right while I was being attacked.

  “Ah yes, sorry about that,” said Gerry. “Genuine mistake.”

  “Thank you. That’ll help my genuine pain.”

  Gerry turned to Jo, almost turning his back on Josh.

  “My number’s on the card too,” he told her. “If you ever need to chat, just call.’

  “Thanks ever so much,” Jo said quickly.

  “Not at a
ll,” said Gerry. “And if you ever fancy a night out sometime…” he coughed over Josh’s snort. “Unless”—Gerry suddenly turned to face Josh and pointed to both of them—“you two…”

  “God no!” said Jo and Josh together. Jo noticed Josh said it far more loudly than her.

  Gerry smiled at Jo. She grimaced. Now was the time to tell him she had a boyfriend at home. A boyfriend she’d been with for six years. Who was coming to stay. There was even a pause for it.

  And there was still a pause for it.

  But how would it look to Josh to mention Shaun now? What a horrible way for him to find out. And would it make her look callous to let Gerry down so heavily, when he was probably just being friendly? Or would Josh think she was lying to Gerry and there was no boyfriend and she was therefore a detestable untrustworthy woman? Either way, she’d have to fill that pause somehow.

  “I have some girlfriends,” she heard herself say, “who’d love to meet some…friendly guys…”

  She saw Gerry visibly droop.

  “So if you have some friends…” she said, her heart going out to him.

  “Oh great!” said Gerry. “The more the merrier! Well, I’ve got your number from the other night.”

  Jo nodded, looking at the floor, and flicked her hair back off her face.

  “I’ll see myself out,” said Gerry, making to leave.

  “Well you saw yourself in,” muttered Josh, as Gerry passed him.

  “As I recall,” Gerry muttered from the kitchen door, “so did you.” He turned to Jo and gave her a big smile that made him look almost handsome. “Bye then,” he said. “Speak soon.”

  Jo and Josh listened as Gerry walked down the corridor and shut the door behind him.

  Jo decided suddenly that it was the perfect time to mention Shaun, the moment she’d been waiting for! She could say how awkward that was because of her boyfriend, who she’d been with for six years, who was coming to stay, who was called Shaun. Had she really not mentioned it? Gosh. Funny that. She could have sworn she had—

  “Well,” said Josh. “Wasn’t that decent?”

  Before she had a chance to answer, he’d vanished back to his room.

  Chapter 11

  Vanessa sat in the Monday morning status meeting hunched over her coffee, wondering why they didn’t sell it in pints. Tallulah had woken her twice in the night, once at four and once at six, and it had taken her an hour to get back to sleep both times. Unlike all the other passengers in the train that morning, she’d been grateful when it stopped for ten minutes between stations because it gave her a clear run to do her makeup, catch her breath, and remember her name.

  She’d sat opposite a teenager who was obviously on her way into town for a shopping day. She’d been unable to tear her eyes away from the young girl, trying to remember the teenager she’d been, able to do things purely for her own happiness in blissful ignorance of how selfish that would one day seem. It was as if the minute she’d become a mother, the definition of the word “selfish” had become gender-specific. A man could play golf all weekend and still be a family man. A woman could earn money all week, spend every spare moment with her children, and be selfish because she wanted both. One day she’d write a tome on the subject. When she had time.

  “And that’s it,” finished Tricia, Vanessa’s junior. Vanessa stared at Tricia and was only a little surprised to find Tricia staring back at her. The girl must have finished updating.

  “Thank you, Tricia,” said Vanessa, and proceeded to update everyone on the VC project so far. She was so tired she failed to notice an increasing intensity in Anthony Harrison’s stare. And she was completely unable to surmise that he was matching up certain key facts about her to certain key facts about his dream last night.

  “So,” she concluded, “I’ll be seeing Miranda Simmonds, the marketing director for VC, again tomorrow, and after we’ve chatted, I’ll be able to brief the creative team. Shall we say nine a.m. Wednesday?”

  “We can’t do nine, I’m afraid,” said Tom. “We’ve got a meeting with Happy Kids.”

  “Afternoon?”

  “Elephant plasters.”

  Vanessa sighed. They had to get the ball rolling soon.

  “How about 5:30?” asked Tom. “That way we don’t lose another day, and I get to miss bathtime with the twins. So everybody’s happy.”

  Vanessa managed a tight smile.

  “And we can go for a quick celebratory drink afterward,” added Anthony.

  Vanessa didn’t have the energy to argue. She made a note to tell Jo that she’d have to pick up Cassie from choir practice.

  After the meeting Anthony caught up with her in the corridor. “I look forward to being briefed by you.” He brushed past, his hips almost touching hers.

  “Oh. I’ll look forward to giving it to you. I mean—”

  “Terrific.”

  Jo ironed happily, humming to herself while Josh read some notes, his foot resting on the kitchen table, a cat nudged up against his heel. When her mobile rang, Jo went into her bedroom to answer it.

  “There you are!” shrieked Sheila. “I thought they’d eaten you!”

  “Sheila!” screamed Jo, coming back into the kitchen. “Oh my God, how are you?”

  “Neglected, you old bitch.”

  “God, sorry. I’ve just been so busy.”

  “Obviously. Far too busy to phone me.” Jo could sense a steel rod beneath the fluffy tone.

  “Sorry, Shee.”

  “So! I hear you’ve got a new friend.”

  “Eh?” Jo tucked the phone under her ear as she continued with the ironing.

  “Shaun told me. Some bird called Pippa. Does that mean I’ll be getting even fewer calls now?”

  Jo stopped ironing. “Shee, please. Don’t give me a hard time. It’s not been easy. I—”

  Jo was interrupted by the doorbell. She looked over at Josh. He glanced up and started moving his foot off the kitchen table. When he had to hide a wince, Jo motioned for him to stop trying.

  “Shee,” she said, “I have to go. There’s someone at the door.”

  “Right,” said Sheila. “Bye.” And she’d gone.

  “Sorry,” said Josh. “This bloody leg.”

  The doorbell interrupted again and Jo rushed to the door. She opened it to Agnita, the smiling Polish au pair who worked nearby and who came to the Fitzgeralds’ twice a week to do any ironing that wasn’t the children’s. Jo was convinced Agnita never wore knickers and today, as she followed her down the hall, it was more than usually obvious because she’d chosen to wear skintight white leggings. Jo found herself drawn to her amazingly pert, round bottom and scolded herself for being grateful that Agnita’s face had the bone structure of an archaeological find.

  She glanced at the clock and saw that she had ten minutes to spare before picking up Tallulah. She imagined what Pippa would do in the same situation. She went into her room and and dialed Sheila’s number. Damn. Busy. She left a message explaining that she was terribly sorry she hadn’t been able to talk and she had loads to tell her. Then she tried Shaun. Damn. Also busy. She left a message telling him that she couldn’t wait until he came and visited. Then she paced round her room and went back into the kitchen. She wasn’t surprised to see Josh’s fingers hovering above his keyboard, his eyes fixed on Agnita’s bottom.

  “Busy?” she asked pointedly, making sure he saw her smile.

  He grinned. “Oh yes.”

  Unaware, Agnita smiled pleasantly up at Jo, and Jo smiled extremely widely back.

  “Right,” she told them both. “I’ll be off to get Tallulah.” She turned to Josh. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  Agnita smiled, and behind her Josh looked ostentatiously despondent. Jo slammed the front door behind her, wondering what the definition of “flirting” was.

  As he heard the door slam, Josh sighed heavily. With some effort, he lifted his foot off the kitchen table and limped out into the back garden, where he settled himself on a bench
. After a moment, he took out his mobile and dialed his father’s number at the shop.

  “Hello?” said Dick.

  “Dad, it’s me.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  Josh gave himself a moment.

  “Impotent. You?”

  “Resigned.”

  “Don’t say that. You took a risk, and it didn’t pay off. I’m still going to try and help.”

  “How?”

  “Just leave it to me.”

  Dick sighed. “I can’t believe I got myself into this mess.”

  “Dad, stop torturing yourself.”

  There was a pause.

  “It would have all been okay,” said Josh, “if it wasn’t for that screw up that night.”

  “Why couldn’t you have just used your key?” asked Dick.

  “’Cos someone forgot to tell me the nanny lived off the kitchen, didn’t they? I thought I was going to be beaten to death.”

  “Well where do you think the nanny lives?”

  “I don’t know! Under the stairs? We don’t have nannies in bachelor pads. More’s the pity.”

  Dick let out a sigh.

  “And then,” continues Josh. “Vanessa goes and gives her a raise! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want the girl to starve, but—”

  “I know. It’s not ideal, Josh, and I’m sorry. After everything you’ve—”

  “No, Dad, I’m sorry. I just…wanted to help. I messed up again.”

  “Josh, you’re helping by just being there.”

  Josh stayed silent.

  “Son, you are not responsible for my…for this.”

  More silence.

  “I better get back now,” said Dick. “Bye, son.”

  In the record shop, Dick put down the phone, picked up his jacket, and locked the door behind him for the third time that morning. Josh wiped his face furiously on his sleeve, limped back into the kitchen, and resumed his work.

  Chapter 12

  It was teatime and Jo had invited Pippa and Georgiana over to play. Sebastian James joined them because his mother was at a vital Pilates lesson. Jo was obliging Zak by wearing a cat outfit, which consisted of a black-and-white furry cat hat with cat ears, cat mittens, and a proud black-and-white cat tail, while he painstakingly drew her. Over tea and Marks & Spencer chocolate squares, Zak filled in his drawing of Jo as Catwoman, Jo filled Pippa in about Shaun’s visit, and Sebastian James filled his nappy.