The Nanny

by Melissa Nathan

  She held his face in her hands and made him look at her.

  “If you said you wanted to give up work tomorrow and be a house-husband, I’d be the happiest woman in the world.”

  Dick stared at her. “I want to give up work tomorrow and be a house-husband.”

  Vanessa stared back at him. They stared at each other in the dark.

  “Really?” she croaked.

  “You didn’t mean it did you?” said Dick, turning away.

  “I did.”

  He turned back to see the expression on her face.

  “We’d have to do without Jo, of course,” he said.

  “Why?”

  “Well, we’d only have your salary.”

  “I want to get a better salary, move jobs. I was going to tell you tonight.”

  “You want to leave your job?” he asked.

  “Yep.”

  “Why?”

  She shrugged and looked away. “More money. Better job. Want to be appreciated. Meet new people. Stop meeting the morons there.”

  “Because we need more money?”

  “Not especially. I just think it would be nice, don’t you? But anyway, I’d have had enough to pay for Jo now, if only you’d come to me.”

  Dick smiled. “Didn’t I marry well?”

  Vanessa smiled. “Not as well as me.”

  Dick tutted. “Typical. I can’t even beat you at that.”

  She laughed and kissed her husband. They lay back, staring at the ceiling together.

  “But will you want Jo there all the time?” she asked. “Won’t she cramp your style with the children?”

  Dick considered this for a moment. “I don’t actually have a style to cramp.”

  “I mean, you’ll want to be your own boss where they’re concerned.”

  “But they’ll miss her terribly,” said Dick.

  “Mm.”

  “So will I. She’s a pro, and I’ve got a lot to learn.”

  “Yeah. She’d be training you, I suppose, like any job. And it’s nice having her around too.”

  “Hmm,” said Dick. “It would be great to keep her as a sort of part-time nanny.”

  “God. That would be ideal wouldn’t it?”

  “Too good to be true.”

  “Worth asking, I suppose,” pondered Vanessa. “She could always do other nanny work to fill in the time.”

  “Who knows? She might not have to if we don’t lower her salary too much. Then she could sort of be on call if I need her.”

  “Why don’t we offer to just take off the raise we gave her?” suggested Vanessa. “So she’d be doing half the hours, still living in, for the same pay she moved all the way to London for.”

  “Can we afford that?” asked Dick.

  “Of course! Maybe one less holiday, but who cares? You and I will be busy changing our careers. We can have two holidays next year when I’m earning more.”

  “You’re sure?” asked Dick. “I’d be at home all day with home help and you’d be supporting us all, plus a part-time nanny? It’s a massive responsibility, Ness.”

  “At last!” grinned Vanessa. “Recognition!”

  Dick gave her an intense look. “I’ve always recognized how brilliant you are at your job, Ness.” Vanessa searched his face. “I just felt so crap at being bad at mine,” he explained, “I couldn’t be proud of you. Pathetic. And I’m sorry.”

  “Apology accepted.”

  “And I certainly think of you as a real woman.” He moved in closer to the warmth of her body.

  “Good.”

  He sat up suddenly. “Let’s phone Jo now!”

  Vanessa sidled over. “In a bit,” she whispered, stretching her leg over his.

  “Oh if you insist.” He sighed, lying back down again. “I suppose it can wait.”

  Still standing on the bridge, Jo was so angry with Josh she literally didn’t know what to do with herself. She kicked some gravel, then raced over the bridge a couple of times and shouted at the river a bit. She considered running to tell Sheila everything, then remembered she couldn’t, which made her even angrier. She shouted at the river some more, clenched and unclenched her fists, and shouted again. Then she bought a doughnut from the corner shop and ate it in two bites, which actually helped quite a bit. Then she went for a long stompy walk through the fields, getting her shoes all wet and not caring.

  Then she walked home, past the church, where she swore—not too loudly in case the vicar was about—and back over the bridge again where she swore again, rather more loudly.

  When her house came into view she felt even angrier. She stopped and looked at it properly. Really looked at it. And felt a few things shift into a new perspective. She stood there for a while, just looking and thinking before walking toward it.

  She slammed the front door shut behind her before climbing the stairs.

  She sat on her bed. She got up and sat at her dressing table. She looked in the mirror and almost started in shock. She looked like a madwoman. Which made her really angry. There was a knock at her door.

  “What?”

  Her father opened it, and Jo sat rigidly, waiting for him to tell her off.

  “Your mother wants to know what’s up,” Bill said.

  “Oh, you’re talking to me now, are you?”

  He grunted. “If you’re going to be like that—” He started shutting her door.

  “Like what?” asked Jo, spinning round to look at him. “Like I’m allowed to be the one with feelings for once? Instead of the one indulging everyone else’s feelings? Like your feelings? Or Shaun’s?”

  “Eh?”

  “You heard.”

  “I don’t like your tone, young lady.”

  “Well get over it.” She turned back to her mirror.

  “How dare—”

  “I haven’t liked your tone for years, Dad,” she told his reflection in her mirror, “but I’ve just had to live with it. So now you don’t like mine. Okay. I’ll do you a favor and move out.”

  Bill watched her as she furiously did her face.

  “There’s no need—”

  “Oh I think there is,” Jo said. She scrunched up her face and shut her eyes, as if concentrating. “I’m going to try and sort out a part-time job first thing Monday morning. In London. While signing up for a university course.” She opened her eyes.

  “What about your mother? You’re walking out on your mother?”

  “Mum’s fine. She’s already able to walk up stairs with you standing next to her. She’s far more capable than you give her credit for. She’s looked after you all these years, hasn’t she? And I’m not walking out on her—or you—I’m just living my life.”

  “Sounds like being selfish to me.”

  “Well of course it would!” cried Jo, swiveling round to face him. “What’s self-preservation for you is selfishness for me and Mum. I only have to watch you with the remote control to see that. It took Mum having a stroke before she was allowed to watch what she bloody wanted to on TV. Thirty years with a man who doesn’t permit her to watch what she wants on TV. Can you even begin to imagine what that’s like, Dad?”

  The skin round Bill’s eyes thinned. “A man has to be king of his own castle—” he muttered.

  “And what must a woman be? In her own home? Chief servant? You think that’s fair?”

  “Your mother’s not my servant.”

  “No, you’re right,” shot Jo. “That would mean paying her a wage.”

  Hilda appeared behind him. Jo looked at her parents and felt her anger drain out of her body.

  “What happened?” asked Hilda. She still spoke quietly, but her speed was improving.

  “Oh,” sighed Jo. “I had a horrid row with Josh. And now I’m taking it out on Dad.”

  “Did he make you cry?” demanded Bill, his fury transferring outside the family with ease. “He looked the type. Too clean-cut. Too smooth. Never had to try hard in life to get what he wanted.”

  “No he didn’t make me c
ry,” Jo said. “That was Sheila. It turns out Shaun—the perfect Shaun you’re so desperate for me to marry—has been two-timing me with my best friend all the way through our relationship. That’s right, with Sheila. Since before our first date, almost seven years ago. Good thing I didn’t listen to you and refused him every time he proposed, eh, Dad?”

  Hilda gasped. “Josie!”

  “Oh I’ll be fine,” said Jo wearily. “I needed to get rid of him for years, just didn’t know how.” She let out a bitter laugh. “Didn’t want to hurt him. Didn’t want to rock the boat. Hah! Typical!”

  “How did you find out?” asked Hilda.

  “Because I finished with him the other night. Or he finished with me. Not sure which, you’ll have to ask Sheila. Anyway it doesn’t matter.”

  Bill sat down heavily on her bed. “I can’t believe it,” he said.

  “I know, Dad,” said Jo. “Believe it or not, that’s another reason I didn’t finish it sooner. I knew how much you wanted him for a son-in-law. I was trying to want the same things for me as you did. A bit of a pattern, it appears.”

  Bill gave his daughter a baffled stare. “You dated him for me?”

  “No,” said Jo slowly. “At first I dated him for both of us. But after a while…I suppose I was in denial.” She let out another sharp laugh. “Didn’t want to disappoint the men in my life. And I didn’t even notice how much that was disappointing me.”

  There was a pause.

  “Well,” said Bill quietly. “Well.”

  Hilda came slowly into the room and sat next to Bill on the bed.

  “You both seem to have missed something rather important,” she said breathily.

  They looked at her.

  “I came up the stairs on my own,” she said.

  The slam of the front door woke Vanessa and Dick out of their slumber. They heard Josh clatter into the kitchen and make more noise in there than when the children got their own breakfast.

  “Bloody hell,” said Dick. “What’s wrong with him?”

  “Shall we go and see?” asked Vanessa. “I owe him an apology anyway.”

  “Yeah,” said Dick. “And we can tell him about Jo, too.”

  They jumped into their clothes and went downstairs, where they found Josh standing by the kettle.

  “Josh!” greeted Vanessa. “How nice to see you!”

  “I went to see Jo,” he told the kettle. “And she’s a fucking bitch.”

  Vanessa and Dick stopped in their tracks.

  “Ri-ight,” said Vanessa thoughtfully. “I just wanted to say—”

  “You’re better off without her.” Josh turned to Vanessa, his face pale with anger. “I went all the fucking way to no-man’s-land, where I had to be polite to her father—a man who makes the Godfather look like Mahatma Fucking Gandhi—to tell her how much the kids miss her and how much you two need her to save your doomed marriage because Dad’s so scared of you he’s—”

  “Son—” began Dick.

  “Sorry.” Josh took a breath. “Sorry. And guess what? Did she thank me for my pains? Did she buggery. She called me a ‘two-faced hypocritical scrounging bastard with a Peter Pan complex.’” He stopped and laughed. “‘A two-faced hypocritical scrounging bastard!’” he repeated.

  “Why?” asked Vanessa and Dick at the same time.

  “With a Peter Pan complex!” he finished.

  “Why?” they repeated.

  “How the hell should I know?” he asked.

  “Oh dear,” said Vanessa. “What did you say to her, Josh?”

  “Oh it’s my fault, is it?” burst Josh. “Of course! I should have known—it’s always Josh’s fault. Even when I’m the one trying to save the day—especially when I’m the one who’s trying to save the day. Josh the Accident Waiting to Happen. Josh the Guilty until Proved Innocent—”

  “I didn’t mean that,” interrupted Vanessa. “I just thought maybe you’d triggered something, and we might be able to work out why she said that.”

  “Well,” he said, “I clearly said something a two-faced hypocritical scrounging bastard with a Peter Pan complex would have said.”

  He looked at their pained faces.

  “She accused me of living here rent-free while earning a fortune, neither of which is remotely true—”

  “Oh dear,” said Vanessa.

  “I wish they were!” continued Josh. “I wish I did earn a bloody fortune—it might help me deal with the fact that I hate my job and the fact that my dad lives in fear of his wife.”

  “About that, son—”

  “And she said I helped Dad have affairs. Helped him! Said we had some sordid little secret from Vanessa.”

  “Well we did,” said Dick. “When you think about it.”

  Josh stopped.

  “What?” he clipped.

  “Well, we were colluding to keep my money problems secret from Vanessa.”

  Josh stared at his father.

  “Which meant lots of whispered conversations,” continued Dick. “Lots of secret looks—”

  “Dad!”

  “Maybe Jo just overheard us or noticed something. She was a perceptive one, was Jo.”

  Josh stared at Vanessa.

  “It’s okay, Josh,” said Vanessa. “I know all about it.”

  “Crikey,” said Josh. “I was only away for one day. What else did I miss? You haven’t had another baby or anything?” He turned to his dad suddenly. “How come you’re home on a Saturday?”

  Dick explained everything, and for the third time in as many weeks, Josh’s world map was picked up, shaken vigorously, and replaced in a different location—a location offering improved views and amenities that he was sure to appreciate once he’d got over the travel sickness.

  Afterward, Vanessa came over to him and put her arm on his.

  “Josh,” she said. “I owe you an enormous apology. You were right; I have always assumed you were at fault. I’ve been very unfair to you, and I’m sorry. I’m also deeply grateful that you actually sacrificed your own comfort to help your father’s marriage with a woman you hated. Even though I’d have much preferred it if Dick had come to me, I am aware that what you did was unbelievably big and I think you’re…well, amazing.”

  “I didn’t hate you,” said Josh quietly. “I just thought you hated me.”

  “Oh dear.” She sighed. “You thought I hated you, and Dick thought I loved him for his money. And there you both were, plotting to keep me in the picture. You’re misguided fools, but in a good way.”

  There was silence in the kitchen for a while.

  “And that’s another thing!” Josh suddenly exploded. “She said I disgusted her. Disgusted her.”

  Vanessa and Dick watched mutely as Josh picked up Jo’s car keys, muttered something about going for a long drive over a short cliff, and left the house.

  “What shall we do now?” asked Vanessa, after the echo from the slamming door had died down. “When do you think will be the best time to tell him we’ve decided to give Jo an offer she can’t refuse?”

  Dick thought long and hard.

  “Cup of tea?” he suggested eventually.

  “Shall we still phone Jo?”

  “Don’t know.”

  “I’d love one, thanks.”

  “Hmm,” said Dick as he switched on the kettle.

  They stood watching the kettle boil, which, it being the latest Alessi, didn’t take long.

  “I think we should call her just to find out what happened,” said Dick.

  “But do you think it’s fair to get her back in the house when Josh feels like this? I don’t want to alienate him any more than I already have. I want him to feel welcome here.”

  “Maybe we can try and clear it up,” said Dick, taking milk out of the fridge. “Anyway, he’ll be moving into the flat as soon as he can. And I need Jo. They need never see each other again.”

  “I wonder what happened between them?” Vanessa took out the only two mugs not in the dishwasher. “Should I
tell Jo I got it wrong about Josh not paying rent?”

  Dick grimaced. “Do you mind not? I don’t really want our—my—personal financial situation dissected.”

  “Of course not,” said Vanessa, getting out the tea. “Silly suggestion. And I’m sure it’s irrelevant anyway—it’ll hardly have been about that.”

  Dick spooned the tea into the teapot.

  “It was awfully good of Josh to go all that way to get her back for us,” murmured Vanessa, watching Dick pour water into the pot. “I really have underestimated him.”

  Dick smiled. “He’s a good boy, my Josh.”

  Vanessa patted her husband’s cheek. “Just like his dad.” They kissed.

  A retching noise came from the garden. They turned to see Toby framed by the French windows.

  “Do you mind?” he said. “There are children present.”

  “I’ll phone Jo,” whispered Vanessa.

  “I’ll bring you your tea,” said Dick, and watched her go.

  Jo and her parents were sitting at the kitchen table. They’d celebrated Hilda’s first solo stair walk with a nice cuppa and were all feeling much calmer and able to take in all the different pieces of Jo’s news. She and her father hadn’t actually apologized to each other, but he’d made the tea, and when he handed her her cup, she’d said thank you.

  When the phone rang, they all stopped. Hilda wasn’t expected to answer the phone anymore. Bill would have done it, but had just made the tea, yet Jo was emotionally fragile and had just pointed out that he had been selfish for the past thirty years. The phone continued to ring.

  “I’ll get it,” said Jo eventually.

  “Thanks,” said Bill.

  Hilda and Jo exchanged glances as Jo left the room.

  Bill and Hilda strained to hear the conversation in the hall as they sipped their tea.

  Jo was somewhat surprised to hear Vanessa’s voice at the other end of the phone and felt a surge of sisterhood toward her. When Vanessa explained that Dick was selling his shop and was going to become a house-husband and that they wanted her to come back as their part-time nanny for a tiny reduction in salary, she could hardly believe her ears. On the one hand it was too good to be true—a message from heaven, the answer to all her prayers. On the other, she’d just told Josh to fuck off. Not only that, but she’d have to spend most of her working day with a cheating husband, which, especially after what she’d just discovered about her own cheating man, would not be easy. And could she live in such close proximity to Josh? The thought brought an angry flush to her face.