Be My Warmth

by Shanade White

  When Flynn discovered that Tani was gone, he was disappointed but not surprised. The night before had been wonderful, no more than wonderful he thought, hugging the pillow where she’d slept to his nose and inhaling her scent. But she had a meeting with Scott and Marissa this morning and only a fool wouldn’t understand how important it was to her.

  She’d been practicing her speech for days, using him as her audience and he was sure that she was ready. The last thing he wanted to do was distract her, but with only a few hours until she was due to leave he felt time getting short and he wanted to talk to her before she left. He showered thinking about the night before and the future, a future that would include Tani if he had his way.

  Now more than ever he knew that he had to leave the canyon, no matter how difficult it was going to be, he’d follow Tani to Colorado and see what happened and he was going to tell her about those plans before she left that day. If they agreed to let her take Devil, she might even have to stay for a few more days, time they could use to plan their future together.

  By the time Flynn finished his chores around the barn, it was almost time for Tani to leave, but if he hurried they might have a few minutes alone. But when he got to Honey Hills, he found Tani waiting on the front porch for him, tears in her eyes, her bags piled around her. Flynn pulled her into his arms thinking that she was crying about leaving him, relieved that she felt as strongly as he did.

  “I don’t want you to go either.” He said, stroking her hair.

  But Tani’s words were not what he expected to hear, “It’s not that, they won’t let me take Devil.” She said, looking up at him.

  It took Flynn a moment to realize that Tani was upset about leaving Devil behind. “You’re this upset because they won’t let you take the horse?” He asked, stupidly.

  “He shouldn’t be forced to live the way he does, it’s not fair.” Tani thought that Flynn would understand, she’d explained to him how unhappy she knew Devil was.

  Flynn was silent for a long time. This was not what he’d pictured happening when they saw each other. He’d imagined her tears would be for him, not a horse. “Oh, I see.” He said, stepping away from her, then added, “I’m sorry you’re so sad to have to leave a horse.”

  Tani suddenly understood then that Flynn didn’t understand and that he was like David, only concerned for his own feelings. It was like something inside her broke in that minute, she’d begun to believe that Flynn was different, that he’d be concerned for her feelings, but it seemed only his mattered.

  Flynn don’t be like this, “I’m sad to leave you too. The time we’ve spent together has meant so much to me, but that horse is in real trouble and no one wants to see that.”

  Just then Tani’s ride pulled up and she knew that her time in Coldwater Canyon was over. She and Flynn stared at each other, the distance separating them in that moment greater than the few physical feet that did. She waited desperately for Flynn to say something but he only stared at her as the driver loaded the bags, finally when she could wait no longer she climbed up in the truck.

  She rolled down the window and leaned out, “Thank you for teaching me what it feels like to be a woman. I really will miss you Flynn, but I think we should say goodbye now. I’ve let a man run my life before and the consequences changed my life in ways you can’t even understand.” Tani forced herself to take a deep breath to keep from sobbing then added. “I hope you get a chance to go out into the world and find what makes you happy.”

  When she rolled up the window she could barely breathe, the driver a man she’d never met had the grace to turn up the radio loud enough to cover the sound of her sobs as they drove away from Coldwater Canyon. Tani knew that someday she’d look back on her time in the canyon and smile, but for now she had a broken heart to deal with, and the disappointment of losing her chance with Devil. But one thing she knew, she was strong enough to survive this, she’d survived much worse.

  Chapter 6

  Flynn was still standing in the front yard when Marissa came out ten minutes later; she’d noticed that he hadn’t moved for a long time and went to investigate. “Aren’t you freezing? You’ve been standing out her for a long time.”

  It took Flynn a few minutes to reply, seeming to come out of someplace deep inside himself. “Oh, I didn’t even notice.”

  “I take it things didn’t go well with Tani.” Marissa observed.

  Flynn snorted, “That’s an understatement, I was trying to say goodbye to her, to tell her that I’m going to go out to Colorado to see her, but she was more concerned with that stupid horse of yours.” Flynn said, still amazed that things had gone down the way they had.

  “And your pride got wounded.” Marissa observed, again exactly right in her assessment of the situation.

  “No, that’s not it. I was… I mean…. I was thinking about asking her to marry me.” Flynn’s announcement shocked them both, but it had been what he was planning.

  “Flynn Montgomery, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Marissa said, shoving him toward the house. “Get inside and get a cup of coffee, you and I are going to have a little chat.”

  Marissa bustled around the kitchen and before long they both had steaming cups of coffee and a homemade sweet roll in front of them. Marissa took a huge bite out of hers. “This is why I can’t lose that last five pounds. Now tell me how you lost your mind.”

  Flynn pushed the sweet roll away. “I haven’t lost my mind, I guess I just thought that Tani and I shared something special, but all she could think about was that horse.”

  “Did it ever occur to you that she thought you shared something special as well, something that allowed her to be vulnerable with you. I know how much she wanted to work with Devil, in fact I’m all for it, but Scott’s being unreasonable about this. You messed up and let your ego get in the way of being there for Tani.” Marissa finished, then waited while Flynn got the picture.

  When the truth finally dawned on Flynn, he put his head down on the table wanting to cry. “I drove her away. What am I going to do?”

  “Well you could go after her, explain what an idiot you were.” Marissa suggested.

  But Flynn knew that it wouldn’t be enough, he’d seen the look in Tani’s eyes, it was going to take more than words to make this right. Then he got a brilliant idea, “I’ll take Devil to her in Colorado.”

  “Scott is never going to let that happen.” Marissa warned.

  “I’ll convince him. I have to.” Flynn said, and jumped up from the table. “I’ve got to go.” Then he threw on his jacket, grabbed the sweet roll and was out the door.

  Marissa got up from the table shaking her head, it looked like there might be another wedding in the future but first she’d have to help Flynn convince Scott that Devil belonged in Colorado. Knowing exactly what she needed to do, she picked up the phone and arranged for a babysitter. She and Scott hadn’t had a night alone in a long time. It was a sacrifice she was willing to make in the interest of love, and the benefits for her weren’t bad either.

  Flynn’s first approach of Scott about Devil didn’t go as well as he’d planned, nothing seemed to be these days. “It’s not happening Flynn. She has no professional education, no reputation, and that horse is worth a million dollars. I’m tired of people taking things that are mine.” He’d practically shouted at Flynn when he’d brought it up.

  “This isn’t like the poachers, Tani’s not trying to take your horse, she just wants to help him.” Flynn countered.

  “What difference does all of this make to you?” Scott asked, oblivious to what had been happening between Tani and Flynn.

  “Well…I care about her.” Flynn finally stammered.

  “Sorry I can’t help you win the girl. Devil is staying right where he is.” Scott declared, closing the conversation.

  Following Marissa’s advice, he waited patiently for another opportunity to approach Scott, finally they met up in the restaurant one morning. “I heard Devil broke
out of his stall last week.” Flynn said, once they’d exchanged enough small talk.

  “Yes, and two weeks ago, he broke away and we had to chase him for miles.” Scott said, hating to admit that Tani might have been right.

  “Hmm, change your mind about Colorado yet?” Flynn asked, then got up and walked out of the restaurant.

  It was easy for Tani to get back into her old rhythm at the ranch, and it was nice to be home in the Colorado mountains which in her opinion were more beautiful than those in California. But sometimes at night she missed Flynn and the way they’d been able to talk about nothing for hours at those boring parties they’d been forced to attend. She missed his smile and the way he smelled; she missed feeling special when she was with him, and more than anything she missed the things they’d done that last night.

  She and Flynn had exchanged a few brief text messages, but when he called she always let it go to voice mail. As much as she wanted to talk to him, she knew that it was a bad idea. While what they’d shared had been wonderful, he’d shown himself to be more concerned with his own feelings than hers. It was possible that she was overreacting, but she felt too fragile to take that chance, her heart had opened with Flynn and for that she would always be grateful. But anything more than that was more than she could handle right now, too big a step could lead her back to that place she’d been before.

  Winter had turned to spring and it was time for the annual spring cattle drive to the mountain pastures. The first grass had begun to grow and the cattle were restless from the long winter. Tani herself was feeling that same kind of restlessness. With the nice weather came more patients and Tani’s day was booked full, but all she could think about was getting on her favorite horse and riding as fast as she could over the trails until they were both exhausted.

  She was just sliding on her riding boots when there was a commotion in the driveway leading to the barn. She could hear a horn honking and yelling, but couldn’t see anything from her bedroom window in the east wing. Then she heard a horse whinny in fright and was instantly on her feet taking the stairs two at a time and bursting out the door. She ran smack into Flynn who was headed up the porch steps and they both went tumbling to the ground, their arms and legs tangled until Tani was lying on top of him, her face right in his.

  Flynn was surprised when Tani came crashing through the front door and ran straight into him. It hadn’t helped that he’d been rehearsing what he was going to say and looking down at the ground, but when the snow settled and she was in his arms, her mouth only a few inches from his, he reacted instinctively and kissed her. She didn’t resist, simply let him kiss her, then to his great joy, she kissed him back.

  When they finally came up for breath, Tani asked, “Flynn what are you doing here.” All thoughts of the horse that had sounded in trouble forgotten in his arms.

  But then she heard the horse whinny and stomp again, “There’s your answer.” Flynn said, with a huge grin.

  Tani looked over to the barn and the trailer parked there with a clearly unhappy horse inside. The trailer looked like it had seen some rough treatment, covered with dents where a horse had made his displeasure clearly known. She looked from Flynn to the trailer several times, unable to believe that he’d done what he had.

  “How did you…. Oh, Flynn…. Is that Devil in there?” Tani couldn’t put a coherent sentence together so great was her joy to see Devil and Flynn.

  “What other horse could have done that.” Flynn said, getting to his feet, then helping her to hers.

  “But I thought Scott was against the idea of sending him here.” Tani, was still reeling to see both Flynn and Devil here in Colorado.

  “It wasn’t easy but I finally convinced him that Devil belonged here with you. The deciding factor was that no one wanted to ride him, including Scott.” Flynn said, pulling her into his arms again, relieved that she seemed to have forgiven him.

  “You brought him yourself.” She pointed out, trying to figure out what that meant.

  “I acted like a real jerk, I should have understood that you were upset about Devil, but I was only thinking of myself. I’m sorry Tani, I guess I need to work on that.”

  Tani looked into his eyes, searching for the truth behind his words and saw not only his sincerity but the dark circles under his eyes. “It must have been a difficult trip, you look exhausted. Thank you, Flynn.” She said, stretching up and giving him a kiss.

  Just then Devil kicked the side of the trailer so hard another dent appeared, Flynn groaned and headed for the trailer, “He’s been doing that every time we stop. That was a new trailer when we left, now it’s ruined. Scott is going to kill me.”

  Tani pulled Flynn to a stop, “I’ll take it from here. Why don’t you go get some sleep, my bedroom is in the east wing, I’m sure someone can show you the way.” She said, stroking his cheek with her fingers.

  Flynn leaned into her hand and kissed her palm, “I think I might just take you up on that offer.”

  Just then Sabrina Terrell came out of the ranch house, took one look at Flynn and ushered him inside chiding him the whole way for driving straight through. Tani shook her head at the look Flynn gave her over his shoulder, but she knew that he was in good hands. Sabrina, much like Marissa, took care of everyone at the ranch and did a wonderful job of it. Satisfied that Flynn was well cared for, she turned her attention to Devil who was still stomping in the trailer.

  When she called his name and approached the trailer, the stomping stopped immediately and he whinnied to her. It wasn’t hard then to get him out of the trailer and into the barn. He was so relieved to be out that he cooperated fully, almost sighing like a person when she gave him some food and shut the stall door. It would take a few days for him to recover from his trip to Colorado but then she’d get him up on the trails and give him a good workout. Now that she had Devil, she was even more excited about the trail ride to come, her only fear was how Flynn would react to herding cattle instead of sheep.

  Once Devil was settled and dozing in his stall, she headed for the riding clinic knowing that she was probably already very behind schedule. But Leslie met her at the door and didn’t even let her get her coat off, “You’ve got the day off.”

  “But I have a full day of appointments.” Tani protested.

  “No, I faked some of those appointments and rescheduled the others. You have the whole day off.” Leslie said, then pushed Tani out the door.

  Tani turned on the porch and asked, “How long have you known that Flynn was coming? How did you hide this from me?”

  “I haven’t known that long and it’s a good thing; it wasn’t easy to hide it from you. Now get going, there’s a man waiting for you.”

  Tani wasn’t sure where Sabrina had taken Flynn and she was too embarrassed to ask so she snuck up to her room hoping he was there. When she opened the door she had to smile, Flynn’s clothes were strewn across the floor as well as several wet towels, clearly, he’d barely managed to take a shower before collapsing into bed. Her heart practically bursting with her feelings for him she crept over to the bed and looked down at him sleeping in her bed, the blankets pulled up to his chin, small snores coming with the rise and fall of his chest.

  He was just as handsome as she remembered, but it wasn’t his looks that had her heart pitter-pattering in her chest. It was the fact that he’d taken the time to not only convince Scott to send Devil to her but to bring the animal himself, a trip that appeared to have been less than pleasant. Needing to be close to him, she stripped off her clothes, blushing as she did, then climbed into bed with him. Flynn didn’t wake but when she brushed up against him, he sighed in his sleep and pulled her to him, wrapping her in his arms. Tani laid in his arms listening to him sleep for a long time, content to be near him, but soon his even breathing lulled her to sleep.

  When she awoke it was to find Flynn watching her, his legs thrown across hers, his hand resting on her stomach. She started to sit up, but Flynn held her down. “Relax, it’s just
me.” He said, smiling down at her. “Did you know that you talk in your sleep?”

  “How long have you been awake?” Tani asked, horrified to think what she might have been saying in her sleep.

  “Long enough to know that I should have gotten here sooner. I really missed you Tani.” He said, the emotion in his voice making it husky.

  Tani’s head was clouded from sleep, a situation that allowed her to be more daring than she normally would have been and she reached down between them to find his already swollen member. Stroking it the way he’d shown her brought a groan from deep in Flynn’s throat making Tani even bolder. “I missed you too.” She said, then feeling him swelling in her hand, she rubbed her breasts against his chest.

  Flynn’s mouth found hers in a kiss that left her breathless, but aroused and fully awake. “Tani, I’m sorry about the way I acted the day you left. I was so wrapped up in what I was feeling, I lost sight of your feelings. It’s just that… well…. I ‘ve never felt like this before.” Flynn said, his hand roaming across her chest, making her crazy with desire.

  Tani managed to formulate and answer even though her brain was fogged with desire, “Flynn you can’t begin to understand what a gift you’ve given me. My life hasn’t been easy but when I’m with you it feels like it might just be possible to happy.”

  Flynn was silent for a long time but his hands weren’t idle, he’d moved down her stomach to her legs and was trailing his fingers lightly over the tops of them sending little shivers all over her body. “Sweetheart, I hope that someday soon you’ll be ready to tell me about your past.”

  Tani wanted to tell Flynn everything, about losing her parents, about it being her fault, and most of all about that terrible night when she’d discovered just how gullible she’d been and what it had cost her. But she just wasn’t ready to risk that. It would be hard enough to admit what she’d done, but if Flynn turned his back on her it would be even worse. As cowardly as it was, she wasn’t ready to lose him just yet, a few more days wouldn’t hurt, maybe she’d tell him after they got the cattle up to the summer pasture.