Alien Separation

by Gini Koch

  Other than here, apparently. Go team.

  “Jeff? I have a plan.”

  CHAPTER 36

  PUT THE SONG ON REPEAT, plugged the iPod into the speakers, turned the volume up to my iPod’s version of eleven, and hit play.

  As “Cold” from Tears for Fears hit the airwaves, I contemplated how we’d keep the wagons in place, then counted and realized that a few of them weren’t here.

  “Jeff, we need the rest of the wagons.”

  “Of course we do. I’d complain about the music, but I have a memory. Just hope it works on these things like it did on the Serpent.”

  “Memories light the corners of my mind. Wagons, we need them, pronto. Unless you’re too tired.” I’d learned that the fastest way to get any of my men to do something was to ask if they were too weak, sick, or tired to manage it. This had a one hundred percent success rate so far, sometimes even when I actually didn’t want them to do whatever thing I felt they were too weak, sick, or tired to do.

  “Ha ha ha, aren’t you funny?” He zipped off and was back quickly, pushing a wagon in front of him, ensuring my Manipulation Success Rate remained perfect.

  We used the remaining wagons to brace the wall while the sounds of snakipede heads slamming against the wagon wall slowed.

  Realized I could see well in here, and it wasn’t because I was using my enhanced A-C ability to see well in low light. It was because the cavern was lit from the inside somehow. Figured I’d find out how later, if we continued to have a later.

  I had the iPod and speakers kind of jammed up against the biggest opening I could easily reach. The cavern created a natural amplifier—if it wasn’t in the middle of nowhere, for this world, at least, and if there was any point to it, it would make a great amphitheater. This was wonderful for us—even if we didn’t have Aerosmith or Elton John around to play stadium shows on Beta Eight to sold out crowds—because it was helping send my sonic weapon at the snakipedes with a lot more force than my new awesome speakers could alone. There were enough gaps between the wagons that the sound was able to get out, versus bouncing back and deafening those of us in the cavern.

  Wanted to ask Algar if I could keep the speakers when we got back home, but decided that would indicate a lack of focus on the matters at hand, and cool prezzies had a habit of disappearing if a person didn’t use them wisely.

  As we got the last of the wagons stacked and shoved up against the others, the banging was almost down to nothing. Risked another look through a gap and saw that my musical gambit had worked again—the snakipedes piled on top of each other, deaders on the bottom. If I hadn’t been terrified of snakes and known how deadly these particular ones were, it would have been almost cute. Almost. In a horrifying way.

  The last snakipede landed on it pals and closed its evil eyes as we lost the last bit of natural light outside. Perhaps the snakipedes would freeze to death at night if they weren’t flying or eating. A girl could hope, right?

  Motioned that the Big Birds could relax, which they did, into a big Big Bird heap. I stayed on guard while Jeff picked up the Big Birds one at a time and trotted them back to the others. Presumed they’d ride on a bosthoon each, at least for a while.

  It was a shame that we were going to have to leave the wagons, but we were likely to move faster on foot than we had with the caravan. Even though we had a lot of Lecanora and their animals to get to wherever the tunnel led to. Prayed it led somewhere and somewhere good, versus underwater or right into the lair of evil beings bent on killing us all.

  On the plus side, we had five more of our team with us, along with the strautruch, and that was worth a lot. Wondered if I was going to need to give the Big Birds any adrenaline. Then again, had no idea what it would do to them, so probably best not to experiment.

  Jeff returned after he’d taken the last Big Bird back. “Everyone’s in the tunnel now. Christopher’s leading, and if the messages passed back are correct, he hasn’t found the end yet. What if the tunnel is a dead end?”

  “It won’t be,” I said with far more conviction than I felt. “Are the strautruch okay?”

  “Yeah, I have them on a couple bosthoon. Frankly, we’re all in a lot better shape than we probably have any right to be.” He hugged me. “You did great, baby. As always.”

  Hugged him back and leaned my head against his chest. “You did, too, and so did everyone else. Do you need adrenaline?”

  “No, not yet. I feel fine, honestly. I kind of expected to feel burned out, but I don’t.”

  Did a health check. “Huh. I feel good, too. Maybe it’s surviving death.”

  He laughed softly. “Maybe. So, what now? Do we have to leave your iPod?”

  “No.” Wanted to say over my dead body, but felt that would be giving the cosmos too easy an opening. Unclenched from Jeff and walked quietly to my musical weapons. Removed them from where I had them jammed and backed up slowly.

  The amphitheater setup assisted, of course. It didn’t matter how far back I went, the acoustics ensured that the sound was still flowing out toward the cavern’s mouth. Once we were at the back of this part of the cavern, where the underground stuff really started, I turned the volume down, again slowly, so that the sound tapered off gradually.

  Figured out how, despite our being underground without flashlights or torches, it was light in here—there was lichen or mold or something that grew on the sides and tops of the rocks, and on the ceilings, too. The cavern’s roof was covered with the stuff. Hoped it repelled snakipedes as well as providing light, but didn’t bet on it.

  Finally I turned the volume all the way down, turned my iPod off, and dropped it and the speakers back into my Purse O’ Wonder. Jeff took my hand in his and led me to the tunnel.

  It was quite a ways from the cavern’s entrance, and there were a variety of natural rooms and what looked like other tunnels that branched off from the main path, so I had hope that if the snakipedes woke up and broke down the barrier, they’d still have to spend a lot of time searching for us. The stuff that grew on the sides and top of the rocks was here in abundance, which was nice, because it meant everyone would be able to see.

  Happily, it wasn’t freezing cold in here, either. Considering how cold it had been in the Purple Land the night before, I’d have expected the underground cavern and tunnels to be icy, but they weren’t. Decided the win column was mighty empty, so placed this happy situation firmly there.

  “Wish we could take the time and fit in a quickie.”

  Jeff started that quiet laughing where the person is likely to snort or bust out a guffaw as much as hold it in. He managed to get control of himself. “It sucks to be me.”

  He stopped walking, pulled me to him, and kissed me. Long and hard. In no time flat I was up in his arms, my legs wrapped around his waist, and he had one hand on my butt and one at the back of my head, keeping me close and unable to back away. As if I’d want to.

  Jeff was pretty much the God of Kissing, and, as always, his lips and tongue owned mine. And, as always, I loved it. His kiss was deep and demanding and I was grinding against him, my hands running through his hair and clutching at his back.

  We were both definitely ready and ready to go for it, in the middle of a tunnel that undoubtedly echoed or not, but we also were both aware that we had horrific death on one end and people we had to protect on the other.

  Jeff ended our kiss slowly. He had the best expression on his face—where his eyelids were half closed and he just looked like a jungle cat ready to eat me. I loved that look. It was possibly my favorite look of all his looks, and that was saying a lot. It was the look that made me want to rip our clothes off as fast as possible and just go to Sexy Times Town.

  He nuzzled my forehead. “Duty calls, baby. So, hold all those thoughts and plans for later.”

  Heaved a sigh. “I know you’re right. I just . . . whenever last night actually was, it
wasn’t long enough.”

  Jeff kissed my forehead. “I know. I feel the same. But we have to get back to what we both know we need to be doing instead of enjoying ourselves.”

  “Being mature adults really sucks sometimes.”

  Jeff chuckled as he let me slide down his body until my feet were on the ground. This was never a move that took me out of the mood. Wondered if he was being extra sexy right now as my punishment for taking risks to save the bosthoon and Patrina and Pretty Girl.

  “Yes,” he said with a grin.

  “You’re able to read my mind again now?”

  “Yeah, I am.” He jerked. “I am, actually. And it’s really the first time since we found each other here.”

  “I’m going to suggest my hypothesis, which is that we’re not under or on the Bronze Land portion of the world anymore. I’m betting we’re under the Purple Lands.”

  “Maybe. I don’t have a clear idea where the cavern goes to or which direction the tunnel is heading.”

  “The lands are set up in a lollipop spiral structure. I think that will mean that the closer we get to the All Seeing Mountain, the easier it will be to cross into other territories.”

  “I suppose.” Jeff took my hand again and we started off. “But that’s just the weirdest thing, isn’t it? I’ve never heard of a planet that has regions divided in such an odd way.”

  “Yeah, there’s a lot that’s weird about this place.”

  We walked into the tunnel and stayed at a walk. Neither one of us was tired, but there was no reason to use hyperspeed when we didn’t have to. Better to conserve energy now, because it was a sure bet we were going to need that energy later, and perhaps not all that long of a later, either. Besides, we’d catch up to the others soon enough.

  Only, we didn’t.

  After about five minutes of walking, when I’d guessed we’d at least hear everyone else, if not be at the end of the line, there was nothing and no one. Well, not totally nothing. It was clear they’d been here, if only because there was a lot of bosthoon poop to avoid. On the plus side, it was large and easy to spot, because, thankfully, there was plenty of the moss or lichen or whatever that was lighting the way. But other than stepping around the evidence that others had gone this way before, there was no other proof that we weren’t the only living things in this tunnel.

  “Do you think the moss or whatever that stuff is ate everyone?” I asked Jeff quietly.

  “No. Chuck checked it out earlier. He said it’s just a natural growth, and the katyhoppers confirmed it.”

  “Well, that’s good. So where is everyone?”

  “Maybe they’re out already?” Jeff didn’t sound like he believed this.

  “Christopher ran through this at hyperspeed. His hyperspeed. And he said he went far looking for Patrina, and he found no end. There’s no way we’ve walked as far as Christopher ran, so there’s no way they’re all out already. We weren’t dealing with the snakipedes long enough for all those people and animals to be out of the tunnel by this time.”

  “I have no idea, baby, but they were here when I brought the strautruch to the rest. I put them onto the backs of bosthoon myself. And it was wall-to-wall people and animals as far as I could see.”

  “Well it’s wall-to-wall you and me only right now. Which is creepy. I know that’s obvious, but it needed to be said.”

  Jeff squeezed my hand as we walked on, just a little faster. “We’re together. We’ll find them. It’ll all be okay.”

  Which would have been a lot more comforting if, fifteen minutes later, we had found anything other than more bosthoon poop. The bosthoon ate well, I could verify that. What I couldn’t verify was the presence of the poop creators.

  “Should we speed up?” I asked.

  “Maybe. If something’s happened, I’m not sure that we want to hit it at hyperspeed.”

  “Then use the slow hyperspeed.” Sounded like an oxymoron, but it wasn’t. There was a level of hyperspeed where the human eye couldn’t see it, but it was slow compared to the fifty miles in far less than a minute an A-C really running fast could do. “Because this is freaking me out a lot more than the herd of snakipedes did and, trust me, that’s saying a lot.”

  We sped up and ran on for another fifteen minutes. “We should have found someone by now,” Jeff said, sounding as worried as I felt. “I think we’re beyond the point Christopher went to when he was looking for the lost little girl.”

  Looked around. “Still nothing but the glow-in-the-dark moss, a ton of bosthoon poop, and us.” Looked harder at the tunnel. “But you know, doesn’t this tunnel seem really, I don’t know, regular to you?”

  “I don’t spend a lot of time in tunnels, baby. I wouldn’t know what a regular tunnel is.”

  “No, I don’t mean ordinary regular. I mean the kind of even regular you get from something that’s manmade.”

  “Maybe.” Jeff didn’t sound convinced. “But what man would have made this? And why?”

  “No guess. I’m still waiting to find something beyond poop. Like the slow-moving things that made the poop.”

  “Me too.”

  We trotted on, but other than moss and poop, there was nothing. Until five minutes later.

  If you could call a dead end something.

  CHAPTER 37

  “WHAT THE HELL?” Jeff spoke for both of us.

  “I just want to say, to whomever out there in the Greater Cosmos happens to be listening and enjoying the Jeff and Kitty Show, that just about the last thing we needed right now was a locked room mystery, especially on top of everything else.”

  “A what?”

  “A situation where there’s no way in or out but someone’s either murdered or disappeared. Like, you know, right now.”

  “Ah, yeah, I’m with you, baby. This is not what we needed.”

  We confirmed that neither one of us had seen a side tunnel. And the bosthoon poop was confirmation that the people we were with had come this way.

  Took another look at the poop. “You know . . .”

  “What? I know that look. What’s weird with the poop? I can tell that’s what you think is odd, so there’s that.”

  “Yeah, glad your skills are back to normal. There’s a problem with the poop.”

  “Aside from how much of it there is?”

  “Yeah. We’ve been able to avoid all the bosthoon patties because they were sitting there, all perfectly formed and undisturbed.”

  “If that’s what you want to call perfectly formed, baby, sure.”

  “For cow poop, yes, it’s right on the money. But there are seventy-five head of bosthoon that were in this tunnel, and easily as many Lecanora. A huge pack of chochos and just as big a pride of ocellars. Seven Earthlings, six of whom were not in the lead and also were not A-Cs able to use hyperspeed. All of whom had to walk through this tunnel. And yet, there hasn’t been one place where you and I couldn’t simply step around the bosthoon patties to avoid getting our shoes mucked up.”

  “So,” Jeff said slowly, “what you’re saying is . . . what? That Christopher got everyone in here and they all just . . . stood still?”

  Considered this. “Yeah. If I try to align the number of bosthoon with how far we’ve come I think we’d be at the front of the line, or where Christopher would have been, about here. And maybe the bosthoon didn’t poop until they were standing around, waiting. You know, because Christopher had hit a dead end and didn’t know what to do next.”

  “Okay. Let’s say you’re right. Where the hell did they all go?”

  “No idea. But I’m sure that Christopher did or triggered something, which is why they’re gone.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Because he was the leader and they’re all gone. I’m not saying he’s evil or a loser or anything like that. But whatever happened, we need to figure that he c
aused or created it.”

  “Okay.” Jeff didn’t sound like he really thought it was okay. “So, where does that leave us? Besides nowhere?”

  “Think like Christopher. You know him better than anyone else does. He’s here, leading all these people down a tunnel he’s found and felt led somewhere. You and I aren’t around—we’re trying to hold off murderous creatures, call them superbeings if it helps you get into his mindset.”

  “It does. Go on.”

  “So, he’s here. He’s here long enough for an entire herd of Planet Colorful Cows to each take a dump. Meaning what?”

  “Meaning he was trying to figure out how to turn everyone around.”

  “Probably, at first, anyway. But that’s out, remember, because we have no exit due to there being superbeings at the only exit we know about. Plus, he’s been down this tunnel and he felt it went farther than he’d gone, and I was sure it went somewhere other than nowhere and he didn’t argue. So, what’s his next move?”

  “You mean besides cursing? Ah, he’d call someone using a cell phone that doesn’t work here.”

  “Actually, we haven’t tried our phones. Oh, sure, it’s probably not the greatest coverage out here, but I’d be willing to check to see if someone could hear me now.”

  “Hilarious. I guarantee Christopher didn’t try that. Chuck wasn’t near him, and neither were the flyboys. We had them spread out, with Chuck near the rear, so we had people we could count on keeping the rest calm.”

  “Where were the katyhoppers?”

  “Flying overhead. They fly all the time, and shared with Chuck that they weren’t all that tired, even though they’d done a lot. Apparently they rejuvenate that fluid through flight, too, don’t ask me how, so they wanted to fly for that reason, as well.”

  “So whatever happened, it got the katyhoppers, too, meaning it’s not something triggered by the floor, and it also means the floor didn’t fall out from under them. Though the presence of the poop confirmed that already.”