Dying To Forget (The Station)

by Trish Marie Dawson

  “How long have you been here?” I ask her.

  She laughs that throaty perfect laugh again. “Oh Piper, I have no idea. But I’ve handled 72 cases. I admit I took a bit of a break after your case." She says the last sentence quietly and looks down at her hands.

  I can’t stop myself from blurting out what I know is true, “It wasn’t your fault.”

  She smiles a face-splitting grin before leaning over to hug me. I notice her hair smells like grapefruit, just like mine. I hug her back and when we release we both have tears in our eyes.

  “You are going to be such a great Volunteer, Piper. You’re a very brave girl.”

  Me…brave? I hope she’s right. Someone else’s life will eventually depend on it.

  CHAPTER 7

  It seems like Therapy lasts forever in Training. I've picked apart my experience with Ryan Burke and Bree's death with our Trainer. And surprisingly, my story isn't that much different from the others in my classes. It makes me feel like less of a failure and more like a survivor, as ironic as that seems. I know what happened with Ryan wasn't my fault now and that not all young men are like him. Does that change things? Well, not yet, I guess. I can still feel a wall around me when it comes to my thoughts about the opposite sex.

  And as for Bree, what happened with her was an accident…careless on my part, but an accident nonetheless. It takes many hugs and sobbing sessions for me to begin to understand this. In time I start to feel stronger but I now have a permanent ache in my heart at the thought of what and who I left behind. I'll never improve if I continue to think about Dad and home, and what I so eagerly left behind in a moment of weakness, so eventually I have to put it away…tucked deeply and safely into my subconscious.

  After seven training sessions Niles thinks I’m ready. We are sitting outside near the fountain where we've met after each of my sessions. After I drag my hand through the cool water, creating little waves that reach all the way around the bowl, I finally look up at Niles, who is waiting patiently for me to speak first.

  “How did you know you were ready for your first case, Niles?”

  “Well, I didn’t. I really disliked my trainer. I felt I had to do something else, or I’d go crazy.” Niles smiles at me as I gawk at his honest answer.

  “Niles Abbott, I didn’t think you had an impatient bone in your body!” We both laugh.

  “I’m serious though, Piper. I do think you are ready. You’ve been through most scenarios and you have a good mind. You can figure out what to do if you get stuck. Plus, the most basic rule you already know. From Mallory.” He says her name softly.

  “Yes. That we can only do our best to guide…and regardless of the outcome it’s not our fault if our Assignments fail.” I sigh heavily.

  I was a failure. Poor Mallory.

  “Exactly, my dear.” He smiles gently at me. “You know, I haven’t seen your friend Kerry-Anne lately. Is she out on her first assignment already?”

  “Yes.” I beam at Niles. “Just after her third training session.”

  He nods with a smile. “Perhaps she will return before you go out for the first time.”

  “That would be nice.” I stare at my naked feet. “I guess I can go to the Consignment Department and let them know I’m ready.”

  “You might still have to wait a bit for the right match, of course.” Niles reminds me and I nod in understanding.

  “Okay. I’ll do it. Feel like walking me there?”

  ***

  More paperwork. I wonder where they get the paper from, considering the only trees I’ve seen are from the giant redwoods by the front gate. I’ve learned to not ask myself questions like these too often, or I’d go absolutely insane. The Station is full of a lot of unanswered questions and none of the staff seem too preoccupied with the why’s, how’s, or what if’s. And they aren't talking freely about them, either.

  Inside the second door of the Consignment Department is a large room with a giant counter-top that runs the length of the wide and open space. There are several partitions, at least a dozen I think, and unlike the Admissions Department there are no lines but individual seating areas in front of each partition.

  Crap, it's the after-life DMV.

  “To sign up, you’ll want to wait in the first line, here,” Niles tells me. There aren’t more than four people sitting in each section. Hopefully this means the wait won’t be long.

  “Okay. Do you have to go?” I ask him, hoping he will stay with me.

  “Yes dear, duty calls.”

  He gives me a wink and turns to leave the building. I stare at the blue diamond pattern of his sweater vest as he walks away. I wonder how long Niles has been here and make a mental note to ask him when I’m done in line.

  I wait only minutes before my name is called. Fortunately, the man behind the counter is much friendlier than Tight Bun Lady was and better looking too. Though his skin is pale, he has bright green eyes and a soft smile. I'm so grateful he's fully clothed, otherwise I'm pretty sure I'd be staring at the muscles he seems to have beneath his t-shirt. I've been allowing myself small moments to appreciate the male form. With a desk between us, I feel safe enough to stare.

  “Name, please?” He actually manages to sound as if he hasn't asked this question a thousand times already.

  “Piper Willow,” I say calmly.

  “Hello Piper, my name is Drew. Give me just one second here to find your file, okay?” He nods at me pleasantly as he shuffles through some papers behind the counter where I can’t see. His wavy blonde hair shifts around his head and tickles his ears as he moves. He shows a full mouth of perfectly aligned, white teeth when he smiles. I try to blink. I really do.

  Stop staring, Piper!

  “Ahh. There you are. A relatively New Arrival, is that right, Piper?”

  Where did he pull this paperwork from?

  I answer, “Yes. I’ve been waiting for the right time to come in, I guess.”

  He waves dismissively. “No need to explain, Piper. Volunteering is a very serious job. Not to be taken lightly. We want you to be absolutely ready.”

  With that comment my fragile confidence goes catapulting at mach-speed to the floor, shattering into a million pieces. I stare down at my hands, defeated.

  Drew senses my change in mood and adds quickly, “Piper, your Training Officer gives you very high marks. And Mr. Abbott speaks very fondly of you.” There's that dazzling smile again.

  “Really?” High marks?

  “Yes and if you feel you are in fact ready, I can process your activation paperwork now.” He smiles and his teeth sparkle against the white of the room.

  I wiggle in my seat and stare at Drew, who is patiently waiting for my decision. “Okay,” I squeak.

  “Are you sure?” He raises a light brown eyebrow at me.

  “Yes,” I say, with a firmer tone.

  I’m ready. I can do this.

  “Good.” He stands and grabs at the pile of paperwork between us. “I’ll be right back.”

  I watch him walk all the way to the end of the counter, which is enjoyable, to say the least, where an older woman with long brown hair is stamping something. She pauses to look up at him before taking the stack of papers. She riffles through them and then stamps several before handing them back to Drew. I try to act as if I wasn’t staring when he returns to our end of the counter.

  “All approved. You're all set to go, Piper.” He smiles at me while dropping my paperwork into something behind the counter.

  Drawers, maybe?

  “That’s it?” I try not to look too shocked.

  “Yep, that’s it. Now check in with the billboard on the back wall to see that your profile is active. That will show when your case is ready, your current status, etc. Don’t worry; it might be a little while before you are given your first case. We take great pains to ensure each Volunteer is matched properly. Take this with you - it will light up in case you aren’t in the building when your new assignment comes in.”

  I
nod at him before standing from the chair to accept the small glass disk that hangs from a long metal chain from his proffered hand. It's clear and I study it to see where it will light up from, but I see nothing inside.

  “Oh, and Piper?”

  I look up at Drew once more. “Yes?”

  “Good luck.” He smiles reassuringly and I start to pick my shattered confidence up off the floor.

  “Thanks.”

  ***

  The glass feels cool and refreshing as I lean against the bay window, watching with absentminded curiosity as the children run around their large playroom. This is where I go when Niles is busy and I’m not in a training session. I looked at my profile in the Consignment Department before heading back outside. It was strange to see my picture on the massive board with my name below it and the status: ACTIVE, WAITING ASSIGNMENT. I was able to find Kerry-Anne’s profile too and it read: ACTIVE, ON ASSIGNMENT. I looked for Mallory’s profile but couldn’t find it on the wall. There has to be thousands of Volunteer’s on the board.

  Not wanting to sit inside the building and just wait, I came here to watch the kids, figuring I have plenty of time before I’m assigned my first case. They have to match me with the right person, after-all.

  I notice that a few of the children from before are missing and there is one that I have not seen yet. He’s thin with very dark skin, dressed in car pajamas and less eager to play like the others are, though they keep trying to engage him in some sort of activity like tag or hide and seek. Eventually he pairs up with another boy, about eleven, and they begin a friendly game of dodge ball against two girls around their age. He can't be over ten years old. Somewhere I hope his parents miss him.

  I laugh watching them and hope that none of them stay at the Station for long. I’m engrossed in their game when a bright reddish-orange light beams me in the eyes, startling me, and I blink in alarm. I back away and see my reflection. My chest is ablaze.

  Am I on fire!?

  I pat awkwardly at the front of my shirt and when my fingers brush up against the necklace I grip it, holding it out in front of me as far as the thin chain will allow. It’s pulsating with light. I instantly relax when I realize I’m not on really on fire. But then my stomach clenches and my heart stops…I have an Assignment.

  Already? Niles! Where are you?

  ***

  My eyes take a moment to adjust to the Consignment hallway after being outside and I have to step around a group of chatting middle-aged women to pass through the doorway where the massive Assignment billboard is displayed. I find my profile immediately, but it says I’m still awaiting my Assignment. I don’t remember if Drew told me what to do when my necklace lit up, and I scan the room for a familiar face.

  “Piper?”

  “Mallory!” I say a silent Thank You in my head as she leans forward to give me an awkward hug. “I was starting to freak out. I’m not sure what to do,” I tell her.

  “Your first?” She looks down at my glowing necklace with reverence.

  “Yes. But I don’t know where to go.” My eyes dart around the room quickly; worried I may get into trouble if I take much longer.

  “It’s okay, Piper. I’ll show you. I just picked up my next case too.”

  She smiles at me and walks us to the first available partition. I feel as if I’m cutting in line, but I follow Mallory anyway. The girl behind the counter is startlingly young, maybe even younger than me. She has her straw-colored hair pulled back in a loose pony-tail and is wearing a bright green shirt with a cartoon character on it that I don’t recognize. She smiles at Mallory kindly.

  “Hi, Mal. Back so soon?”

  “Hi again Krista, this is Piper Willow. She just got her first Assignment and needs her card.” Card…what card?

  “First Assignment?” Krista nods at me with the same look of reverence Mallory gave me when she saw my glowing necklace.

  “Um, yes.” I suddenly feel shy.

  “That’s awesome.” She smiles broadly and asks for my necklace. As soon as it touches her hand, the reddish-orange light disappears and it looks like ordinary glass again.

  Very cool.

  I see Krista fumbling with something behind the desk and then she produces a smooth, rectangular shaped piece of glass, about the size of my palm, much like the pass I was given for the Training Department. Except this one is black. Now I remember from training what card she was referring to.

  "Piper, this is your Assignment Card…please be careful with it, we have only one per case and they are not replaceable." Krista smiles at me while she carefully hands the fragile card over.

  I turn it over in my hand and it has the same organic look as the incandescent floor. As if the color wants to swirl and move inside the glass. Now I'm absolutely terrified that I will trip and drop it, so I clutch it to my chest with both hands.

  “I can show her to the Depot room, Krista. Thanks.”

  Mallory smiles fondly at her before guiding me away from the counter. As I turn and smile at Krista, she gives me a toothy grin and a thumbs-up sign.

  “Your Intake Specialist usually takes you the first time…do you know where Niles is?” Mallory asks me.

  “No.”

  I wish I did. Right now I could use his gentle demeanor and encouraging words. As we make our way through the room which suddenly seems crowded, I listen to Mallory explain the Depot room and its functions. From what I understand from training, it’s an arrival and departure portal. I have no idea how it works and feel too nervous to ask.

  We turn left when we exit the room and I follow Mallory as she guides me to the end of the long hallway. As we stop in front of the last door my nerves jerk in my legs.

  Mallory takes a deep breath. “This is it…the Depot.” She reaches out to hold my hand and squeezes it gently.

  “Are you nervous?” My voice is just above a whisper.

  “Always a little. Are you?”

  “Extremely.” We both laugh.

  Mallory opens the door and I step carefully over the threshold. I am not sure what to expect, but Mallory seems confidant and relaxed while she tugs me next to her as we approach a long wall, flanked by the only two doors in the small room. There are hundreds of slashes on the white wall, and as we get closer, I see that some are occupied by the same shiny black glass that Mallory and I both hold. They stick out slightly from their docking places in no particular pattern and it reminds me of a rock climbing wall.

  “Your card goes in one of the slots - it doesn’t matter which one. And a door will open for you to enter. Inside is pretty dark and the first few moments are uncomfortable, but before you know it, you’re with your Assignment. When you come back, you’ll exit through the same door and remove your card from the wall. It won’t look the same, it will be grey.” Mallory carefully runs her slender fingers over a few of the glass cards that protrude from the wall.

  I struggle to imprint every word she just said into my memory but I'm afraid I'll forget something important.

  “Are you ready?”

  I take a deep breath. “Yes, I think so.”

  “I’ll go first, so you can see what I do…okay?”

  I nod and watch as she slides her glass card into one of the available slots. The door to our right slowly opens and Mallory walks confidently toward it. With her hand on the knob, she looks over her shoulder at me a final time and smiles before closing the door.

  That’s it?

  I stare at the wall, looking for the slot I want to use, and as I reach up to slide my glass card into the spot I've picked, the door behind me flies open. Niles stands in the doorway, looking frazzled.

  “Niles?”

  “Piper! I’m glad I made it before you left!” He takes a deep breath before entering and walks quickly to me. I return his hug and when he steps back he takes another breath before talking.

  “I’m really sorry I’m late. I had a New Arrival to accompany to Orientation. I wasn’t expecting your fist case to come so soon.”

>   “Niles, it’s okay. Mallory showed me what to do.” I smile big at him, hoping my face is full of confidence.

  “That was very kind of her.” He nods approvingly. “I will have to thank her.”

  “She just left on an assignment. She went first so I could see what to do.” I nod at the door she passed through just moments before.

  “Well, when she returns then.” He gestures to the wall. “Which one will you pick?”

  “Oh, I was thinking this one.” I raise the glass key up to the wall and slide it into an empty space. Niles grins as he watches and the door to our left opens with a soft whoosh sound.

  “What?” I send a curious glance his way.

  “That’s the portal I used for my first case.”

  “How do you remember which portals you used?” I’m surprised.

  “Piper, I’ve had many, many cases. More assignments than there are portals. I guess I had my favorites.” He smiles until a funny look spreads across his face.

  “Do you miss it?” I ask quietly.

  “Sometimes, but my job now is equally as fulfilling.” He nods at the door, “Okay, it’s your turn. I’ll be here when you come back.”

  I walk slowly toward the door and Mallory was right, its pitch black on the other side. I glance at Niles and he is nodding with a smile plastered to his wrinkled face, using his hands to ‘shoo’ me forward.

  “Go ahead. You’ll be fine,” he says.

  I stop at the threshold and give him a final smirk. With my hand on the knob, I hear his voice reassuring me once more.

  “Good luck, Piper, I know you will do great.”

  CHAPTER 8