Dearly Loved

by Bonnie Blythe

  When she returned her gaze to him, Meredith found him staring at her. Giving him a tremulous smile, she reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Ancient emotions warred with common sense and she experienced a savage urge to cry. With a will, Meredith composed herself, her facial muscles aching with the effort.

  “You’re still so beautiful, Merrie,” he murmured. “I’ve missed your periwinkle eyes and apple blossom skin. And your hair…the colors of the sunrise.”

  “What?” she said faintly.

  “Ambrose, what are you doing in here?”

  Meredith jumped. Erin stood in the doorway.

  “I—the patient is awake.” She turned away, extricating her fingers from David’s hand. “I’m not sure how lucid he is at the moment.”

  “From what I heard, I’d say he’s delusional,” Erin said in a harsh whisper.

  Meredith felt her cheeks flame. She averted her gaze and stood.

  “By the way, you’ve been reassigned to the rooms in Four North. I feel your excellent services could be used better elsewhere. You start tomorrow and will be there the rest of the month. You can thank me later.”

  Meredith clenched her hands into fists as raw indignation flooded through her. David will no longer be under my care! She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. She forced herself to take a calming breath before her temper got the better of her.

  “Merrie?”

  Meredith ignored Erin’s scowl and turned back to David.

  “I’m right here.” She looked into his dark brown eyes and smiled. “The doctors will take care of you. I’ll be here as much as I can.”

  “Kiss me, so I know you’re real.”

  Aware of Erin’s glowering presence, she leaned over and brushed her lips across his cheek, unable to deny him anything at the moment. “I’ll be praying for you,” she whispered.

  She watched as his eyes fluttered closed, his features softening after his exertion. Soon, his breathing became even. Meredith exhaled and stepped around the bed. Without a word, she walked past Erin, out into the hallway, fearful anything she said could result in her unemployment.

  Meredith felt Erin’s cold stare follow her all the way down the hall. Her legs felt like wet noodles as she walked into the employee restroom. She turned on the faucet to block out the noise as the tears she’d held a bay broke past the dam of her resolve.

  Thank you, Lord, that David is awake. Thank you that he’s improving.

  And help him get better soon so I can get on with my life.

  ***

  Finally, something makes sense. David tilted his head, seeing all kinds of medical equipment next to his bed. I’m in a hospital. But he had a hard time remembering why. Gradually, images began to coalesce in his mind. A car accident. A bad one from the amount of pain I’m in. He struggled to stay awake. I never saw it coming. The last thing he remembered was driving through a green light on the way to the KVL building for his first day on the job as sports anchor. The next thing he knew, he’d been plunged into a dim world of blinding pain and blurred thinking.

  Seeing Merrie Ambrose changed all that. The image of her bending over him, the light in her hair, the concern in her eyes fixated in his mind. Her calm, capable presence put him at ease. His eyelids grew heavier. How did Merrie find me? And when is she coming back?

  ***

  After her shift ended in the morning, Meredith took more care with her appearance, though she refused to question her reasoning. She wanted to see David before heading home—to assure her self of his well-being—and didn’t want to be wearing her uniform. After brushing and re-braiding her hair and touching up her make-up, she smoothed the folds of her aqua blue top with nervous fingers, dismayed he could still affect her this way. Take a deep breath, girl. You aren’t sixteen anymore. He’s just a patient who also happens to be an old acquaintance. That’s all.

  When Meredith arrived in David’s unit, she hesitated, surprised to see several important-looking people around his room. A cameraman exited his room with a pretty blonde woman. Meredith recognized her as one of the reporters from the TV station where David would soon be working. When they passed her by, she heard them talking about the boost to ratings they would get from documenting David’s recovery.

  Candy Stripers brought in several floral arrangements while more people emerged from his room. She noticed they came out with broad smiles, no doubt from David’s effusive charm. While thrilled with his quickening recovery, Meredith felt that old insecurity creeping back. When David was at the center of attention, she’d become peripheral.

  Meredith leaned against the wall, ashamed at her petty thoughts. I’m just tired. It’s been an emotional night and I’m not thinking clearly. As much as she wanted to see David, her feet refused to step toward his room.

  She noticed the stream of visitors had slowed for the moment. It would be a good opportunity to pop in, but he’d be exhausted from all the visitation and undoubtedly wanted to be left in peace. It’s probably better this way. With a lingering look at the door of his room, Meredith turned and walked back toward the exit.

  ***

  Once home, Meredith busied herself with repairing the damage Bitsy had done to her backyard. Who knew an animal could make such a mess! Chewed shrubs, holes in the flowerbed, and other conspicuous evidence of a puppy’s presence kept her occupied all morning. It served the dual purpose of banishing uncomfortable thoughts—at least for a time.

  Two hours later, Meredith washed up in her bathroom. When she caught sight of her disheveled appearance in the mirror, she took a closer look at her reflection. Are my eyes really periwinkle? I’ve always considered them gray, sometimes blue, depending on what I wear. The apple blossom skin description surely only applies when I wear makeup, because otherwise I’m pale as pasteurized milk.

  And her hair. She was a true strawberry blonde, with long, naturally kinky curls. As a kid, she’d hated her unruly hair. Now she could appreciate its versatility and often wore it in a French braid or pinned back with a pretty clip. Okay, maybe my hair is my best feature—but the colors of the sunrise? Meredith tried to remember what medication David had been on, along with any possible side effects that might make him delusional.

  She frowned at her mirror image. Who am I kidding? I’m completely un-extraordinary. Any appreciation my looks may engender are always diminished by my quiet—make that boring—disposition. After all, I’ve had like five dates in the last two years. Pathetic. Meredith blew out a ragged sigh, determined not to become depressed. I know of at least someone who needs me. She looked out into the bedroom to witness Bitsy running in circles, chasing his tail.

  Even if that someone is really just a glorified hamster.

  ***

  That evening, in the break room before the start of her shift, Meredith sat on the couch, staring into the middle distance. Should I see David before my shift or wait until after? Or not at all? Before leaving home, she’d seen a piece about him on the evening news. What had affected her the most was seeing David so alive, so vibrant once again. Her memories had been dull in comparison to the real thing.

  They’d shown video of him smiling obligingly before the camera. He’d been surrounded by his admirers, promising a quick recovery, so the sports anchor he was replacing could get started with his retirement on the links. The woman reporter Meredith had seen earlier made a cutesy comment about the volume of email they were receiving on David’s behalf, primarily from female viewers. Meredith rolled her eyes. They were really milking this thing.

  But they'd descended on him way too soon. He nearly died in a car accident, for crying out loud! Give the man time to heal before making him start granting interviews to the public at large.

  Rosa entered the breakroom. “How’s it going, Mer?”

  “Okay. How are you doing?”

  She stretched. “Too pooped to pop. I can’t wait to hit the sheets.” She plunked down next to Meredith on the couch. “Have you heard the latest about our loc
al celeb?”

  Meredith shook her head. “Erin decided I was needed somewhere else. I haven’t been able to look at his chart to monitor his condition.”

  Rosa smiled. “Well, he was my patient today and he’s doing fantastic. All his tests are coming back normal and if all goes well, he should be released in a week.”

  “That’s great news.”

  Rosa stood and opened her locker. After digging through her purse, she plugged a couple of coins into the soda machine. She popped the tab and gave Meredith a sidelong look. “By the way, he’s been asking for you. You didn’t tell me you knew him.”

  Striving to ignore the flush of pleasure at Rosa’s words, Meredith stood. “Thanks, Rosa. I think I’ll head up there right now.”

  ***

  Meredith entered the Med-Surg unit, aware of butterflies in her stomach. She smoothed a curl back into place and took a deep breath. When she looked up, she saw Erin just arriving at the desk.

  “If your planning to visit your lover boy, don’t waste your time. Rosa said he’s sound asleep.”

  Biting back a stinging retort, Meredith proceeded to his room anyway. Inside, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dimness of the room. David was indeed asleep. She moved silently around the space, adjusting the blinds, tidying his table, and other automatic duties, glad general visiting hours were nearly over.

  The air smelled sickly sweet from the floral arrangements crowding all the available space. She went to his bedside and pulled up a chair next to him. She sat with her chin in her hands and watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, shutting her mind against a torrent of speculative thoughts.

  David’s eyes opened. Meredith swallowed when his gaze zeroed in on her.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you,” she said.

  David reached out a hand to her. She scooted closer to the bed and enveloped his hand with her own, giving him a cautious smile.

  “You’re not disturbing me. I was starting to wonder if I’d only imagined you.”

  Meredith felt trapped by his searching gaze. Her heart lodged in her throat. “I... wasn’t sure if you’d remember me.”

  A frown marred David’s brow. “Of course I remember you. I have great memories of our times together.”

  She bit her lip, finding it difficult to hear over the pounding of her heart. Which memories?

  He sent her a weak grin. “So you’re a nurse here? I think someone must’ve told me that.” At her nod, he squeezed her hand. “I always knew you’d do something noble with your life.”

  Meredith lowered her gaze. “I heard about your new position at KVL.”

  David motioned toward his knee with his other hand. “Now that soccer is a thing of the past, I’m glad to have something to fall back on...literally.” A wry smile tipped his mouth. “I guess I always knew my career would have to end someday. So I interned at a local TV station off-season for a few years after getting my degree in Broadcast Journalism. It’s coming in handy sooner than I thought, that’s all.”

  Meredith heard a trace of sadness in his voice. Her mind floundered about for something encouraging to say.

  David toyed with her fingers. “I’ve missed you, Merrie.”

  She stiffened at the treacherous feelings his touch invoked. Oh, really? “I go by Meredith now.”

  His smiled faltered. “I liked calling you Merrie, hoping you wouldn’t be so serious all the time. But it makes sense that no one seemed to know who I was talking about when I asked about you. They probably thought I meant M-A-R-Y.” He took a breath. “So, tell me what you’ve been up to besides ministering so graciously to the infirmed.”

  Meredith colored under his gaze. Had he been aware of all her constant hovering while unconscious—of the caresses and whispered prayers? “Well, I um, work a lot, live in a house in an older neighborhood, and have been recently adopted by a stray puppy.” She shrugged. “You know me. Always the wild one of the bunch.”

  David laughed. “You may have everyone fooled by that ‘quiet type’ personality, but I know the real Merrie Ambrose. Stubborn, opinionated, occasionally sweet and kind.”

  “Well, I can see that you haven’t changed,” Meredith said, relaxing. “Always projecting your personality faults onto others.”

  “Ouch! Still calling a spade a spade, I see. So, what about a husband and kids? Any of those in your life?”

  She shook her head. “What about you?”

  “Are you kidding? Who’d want a broken down has-been like me?”

  Meredith smiled at his jest. She wondered how many proposals of marriage were included in all of that female fan mail the news spoke about.

  She glanced at the clock on the wall. “My shift starts in a few minutes. And judging by the amount of visitors you’ve had today, you need your rest.”

  “Are you still going to be taking my temperature?” he asked with a hint of his old flirtatiousness.

  “Nope. I’m in a different unit now.”

  “Can you visit me during your break?”

  Meredith wondered if he really wanted to see her or if he poured on the charm out of habit. Luckily now I’m immune to it. “Because I work nights, you’re usually asleep during my break.”

  “Then wake me up.”

  “You’re recovering from a serious accident and need to rest, David. Besides, the other nurses’ won’t appreciate having me underfoot.” Especially, Erin.

  David squeezed her hand. “Please, Merrie, you’re the only familiar face in this crowd. I’ll tell the nurses that I specifically requested your presence, that it’s necessary to my well-being.”

  Meredith could only imagine how that would go over with Erin. But when could she ever say no to David Steller? She’d been there during his grief over losing his parents. She’d be here now—as long as she could stand it.

  She smiled. “I’ll be back in a few hours then.”

  “Thanks, Merrie.”

  ***

  Meredith went about her rounds with an air of distraction, glad that the workload was lighter tonight. Talking with David affected her in a way she wouldn’t have imagined. Sure, she’d been a sucker for him in high school, but that was so long ago. A twelve year absence should’ve at least tempered the attraction—and heartbreak should’ve killed what was left.

  I’ll have to be on guard and not interpret David’s friendliness and charm for something more—especially now when he’s so vulnerable and I’m familiar, convenient, and present. Of course, she’d do everything in her power to see him heal. Beyond that, she’d resist the impulse to open her heart to him again.

  Meredith’s resolution was tested as her break neared. The desire to see David overwhelmed her. It didn’t matter that she’d scarcely thought of him over the past several years. He was back in her world, and for better or for worse, she had a need to see him. The moment her break began, she went to his room.

  Meredith found him fast asleep, and decided not to honor his wishes by waking him up. She brought the chair close to bed and sat down, keeping her hands firmly in her lap. Gazing at his form, she found it hard to believe he was once again in her life, as intrusive as the first time, with as much aplomb as ever. A reluctant smile tugged at her lips.

  She said a prayer for him, giving thanks that he survived the accident, as well for his continued recovery. After some hesitation, she included a prayer for herself, for wisdom of feelings, her ambivalence about him. It was almost a certainty that when he’d recovered, her usefulness would be at end and he’d cheerfully go on his way, unaware of the hurt he’d leave in his wake—just like before.

  Having my heart broken over David Steller once is more than enough, thank you very much.

  Four

  By the time Meredith walked in the front door the next morning, she felt drained from the emotional battles she’d fought in her heart and mind. She craved sleep, sleep, and more sleep.

  Bitsy greeted her with his usual enthusiasm and proceeded to roll over and do several
of his tricks, seemingly needful of her praise. She felt a pang of guilt that he was home alone so much. She stopped to pet him, planning to take him to the park before her next shift.

  After several wet puppy kisses that made it past her guard, Meredith opened the bag of Chinese food she’d bought on the way home from a twenty-four hour corner restaurant near the hospital. As she arranged a plate, she noticed the light on her answering machine flashing. Leaning across the kitchen counter, she hit the Play button with the end of a chopstick.

  “Hi, my name is Clayton Roberts and I’m responding to your ad about the West Highland Terrier. I have reason to believe he’s the one we lost. Please give me a call…”

  Meredith grabbed a pen and managed to scribble the phone number on a napkin before the message ended. She sank onto the chair, aware of the click and whir of the answering machine while it reset itself. Her appetite fled as the call exerted its full import.

  Bitsy has to go away.

  She glanced at him. The little dog lapped at his water dish, then looked up at Meredith with a dripping white beard. Bitsy would no doubt love anyone who feeds him and gives him a modicum of attention. There’s nothing special about me.

  But even in the short time she’d had him, he’d eased the clinging feeling of loneliness permeating her life of late. For a minute, she fantasized Bitsy would reject this Clayton guy, staunchly remaining by her side. Or that Mr. Roberts would discover Bitsy was the wrong Westie.

  Meredith sighed. I have to face the fact I’ll be dogless very soon. The vet had told her Bitsy was an expensive pure breed and most likely not a stray. A burning sensation developed behind her eyes and tears rolled down her face.

  Bitsy scrambled onto her lap and burrowed into her arms while she sniffled. The familiar ache in her heart deepened when she thought about the loss of a relationship with David, past and future, the death of her parents, the work schedule that made it difficult to socialize. How much more will be taken away from me? Meredith knew her logic was flawed, but right now, all she could do was blubber like a baby.