by Annie Brewer
“Dogs. So original, I know.” I laugh, feeling relaxed. “But I get so attached to them, dogs and cats. I love the ones I get to see all the time, and get to know. I get really attached which is hard when they are put to sleep or get sick.”
“I imagine so. What’s your favorite dog breed?”
“Is this twenty questions now?”
“No, you said you wanted to be my friend, so I figured I’d ask you some questions, to get to know a little about you. And maybe decide if we’re friendship material.” I almost laugh or hit him. Who does that? It’s almost like a test to see if we’re a match, but as friends. Whatever.
“Okay then, I get to question you next.” He shrugs. This may be a good thing. “I love the Frasier dog, Eddie. The Jack Russell Terrier is my favorite breed. They’re just so cute and cuddly.”
“Eddie, he’s definitely adorable.”
“Okay, my turn. Why did you move here?”
He keeps his eyes on the road when he answers, “To start over.”
“Are you really a trouble maker like Derrick has us all believing?”
“Do you believe everything you hear?” He looks at me now, catching me off-guard with his question. “I didn’t ask you questions about your past. Questions like “what’s your favorite color” or “number” are welcomed. Questions that open up wounds are not.”
“Fine, is Kasey an ex?” Shit, that totally slipped out, not that I care who she is but I couldn’t help the curiosity eating at me.
He bites his bottom lip, contemplating. His lips are suddenly my focus. “I’m not sure if “ex” is the right word. I didn’t do relationships but we had relations of sorts. But if she had her way, I’d have put a ring on her finger by now.”
“So, you don’t date?” I ask, confused.
“No, I guess you can say that I don’t.”
“Then what do you do?” He tilts his head a little and then shakes it and a small laugh slips out. “So what’s up with you and Landon?”
We pull into the complex. “I don’t know, it’s complicated.” Really, it’s simple but I decided I don’t want to share anything about that with him. Not now. I get out of the jeep before he does.
“Oh now you’re dodging the question, I see.” He leans against the side of his vehicle. Why is that pose so hot, with any guy? I look away before he sees the truth in my face. “Much like you were dodging my question too.” I finally say after forcing my best poker face, which isn’t a good one to begin with.
“He seems like a real ass.” I cross my arms, raising a brow, incredulous.
“And you’re not?”
He shrugs but begins walking and I follow him. “I never said I wasn’t. I know what I am.” He looks at me, grinning. “I also know when I see my kind. He’s arrogant, cocky.”
“You don’t know him. How can you tell just by one or two meetings?” It’s such a stupid question and I want to bite my tongue, he must think I’m a moron. I know one can tell a lot about a person in just one interaction. And I also know Noah isn’t really an ass, it’s just a façade. But why is he hiding who he really is?
“Honestly? I could tell the moment I walked into the kitchen what kind of person he is. He’s got that look about him. He was rude; of course I wasn’t that nice either even though I’d just woken up. But whatever, that’s beside the point. Also, at the pool, he was very territorial…throwing daggers at me because I was looking at you.” I smile to myself, knowing he was watching us. But why?
We stand in front of the front office building. “We’ve known each other a long time, and he’s always been protective of me. He doesn’t like new people in our secured group. And he didn’t like how you were staring at me.” He opens the door for me, I walk through and enter with a gust of air hitting my face.
“Hello Maddy.” James, one of the leasing consultant’s approaches us.
“Hey James. My friend, Noah here wants to look at apartments. He’s thinking of moving here.” James glances from me to Noah and smiles.
“Well, I have plenty to show you. Any preferences? One bedroom? Two bedroom?”
Noah taps his pointer finger to his lip, contemplating. “No, I guess we can just look and go from there.”
“Alright, let’s go.” We follow James to several apartments on both sides of the complex. I mostly stay behind while they talk about whatever they talk about. I notice Noah glancing back at me, making sure I’m still there. If I met his gaze, he winked at me. It made me blush a time or two like a teenager, which was annoying. He really confuses me but also intrigues me at the same time, which is why I keep hanging around him. He’s different around just me. I’m still wondering if he doesn’t date then what does he do? Once the thought crosses my mind I realize how stupid I was for wondering it in the first place. Hello, if he doesn’t date then he does the same thing Landon does, sex, no strings attached, no commitment. I want the opposite, which is why Landon and I aren’t an item. Of course it’s also the fact that I’m not in love with him too.
God, guys are infuriating.
“Maddy?” Noah’s voice pulls me from my muddled head. I look up and see his confused or concerned expression.
“What?” I sound annoyed, but I am.
“You look pissed or spaced out. Are you okay?” Oh, so now he’s concerned all of a sudden.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I push past him, uncertain where I’m going but know I need to breathe. It’s warm, even with my shorts and tank, I feel stifled.
“Wait up!” I hear him call after me. I walk away from the office and I hear his footsteps close behind me. “Where are you going?”
“I’m gonna walk home.” I keep walking, he follows.
“But your car is at my aunt’s house.”
“Shit.”
Chapter 13
Noah
James showed me three one-bedroom and two two-bedroom apartments, all pretty much similar in floor plans; a bedroom or two, living room, storage, kitchen, walk-in closets(which is really not needed for me but whatever), bathroom…I think that was it. But really I don’t need so much space for just me. I just like big living rooms and kitchens. Back in New York, my father paid for a lot of my stuff as far as furniture goes, and his taste is expensive. I just need a place to rest my head, eat my food and watch TV. Hell I don’t even have furniture for it. Bean bag chairs it is and Spencer will just have to deal with it.
On the drive back to my aunt’s house, it’s quiet. Maddy is staring out her window with her head in the clouds. She seems pissed at me. She was reluctanct to let me drive her back to get her car. What is her problem? “So did you like any of the apartments?” She finally speaks, breaking the silence. I glance at her, her expression is guarded but her tone is neutral.
“I think so. I’ll probably go with one of the one-bedroom apartments I saw.” She nods and looks away. “My best friend is coming to visit me in a month or something.”
“I hope he’s more pleasant than you.”
I flinch and narrow my gaze at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, irritated. She doesn’t know me, whether she’s heard shit about my life, she’s no right to judge. But I know she’s right too.
“Nothing.” Is all she says. Did I do something? I shake my head and blink my anger back. I know she’s right. I set out to keep to myself when I moved here. I didn’t want to meet people. Wait, that’s not entirely true. But meeting people meant I had to play nice, and I didn’t do nice. Except the whole purpose for moving here was to change the way I was in New York. The closed off, arrogant, selfish Noah was supposed to be left behind. But is it really that easy, to change? I’m not good with change. I’m not saying I wanted to live my life completely alone but I planned to keep everyone out, the only way I knew how. But that’s no way to live either. The guilt has consumed me and I hate the thought of letting people down again. Letting people in, means letting them down because I am just not good with expressing myself the right way. Spencer is the only one who’s seen me
at my worst, my best and everything in between. “Well, he’s definitely a hand full. But he’s never judged me, never turned his back on me even when he should’ve. He’s always stood by me when other’s would’ve walked away. So,” I look at her, trying to shove my emotions down below the surface. “I’d say, he’s better than me. Someone I should strive to be like.” I notice her blink her eyes and sigh, sympathy flashes across her face. I don’t want her sympathy; I just want her to know my side, parts of it anyway. “Derrick doesn’t know what I’ve gone through. He just thinks I’m some punk kid that causes trouble and while he may be right in part, he doesn’t know all of it.” I realize my tone is harsh.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know you either so I shouldn’t judge you based on what others say or think. That’s not fair.” We sit in front of my aunt’s house but I don’t move to get out of the car and neither does she.
“I’m sorry for my tone, that wasn’t nice.” I look straight ahead at the grass, or the ground or the swing, anywhere but at her. Part of me wants to tell her things, open up. Something I haven’t done or wanted to do in a long time. But I’m miles from ready for that shit. So I keep the barrier up. I never let anyone in female wise, I can’t start now. Though a friendship with her might be hard.
“So I guess you’ll have to buy some furniture for your new place huh?” She’s making small talk with me. No one’s cared to do that. No one but Lex.
I nod once, “Yeah, I suppose I do. For now, I’ll get bean bag chairs. Those are comfy.” She lets out a giggle, a sound that’s comforting and kinda cute. “What? They are.”
She giggles some more and it’s the second time I’d heard a female really laugh, in years. “Bean bag chairs are comfy but shit, I really hadn’t seen them in forever. Derrick had a couple of them and he’d sit and play video games with Landon. They’d sit there for hours blowing shit up or racing or whatever.” I watch her eyes light up and then fade a little. “Boys and their toys.”
“Hey, don’t diss the toys.” I wiggle my finger at her, jokingly. “I never had the Xbox console but I wore the shit out of the Super Nintendo. That was the good stuff.”
“So when is he coming again?”
“Like a month or something.” She relaxes against the doorframe and looks at me. “Well, I hope to meet him. I’ll see ya around.” She pulls on the handle and jumps out, never looking back.
I stare after her and wonder why she took off so suddenly. I thought she was enjoying our small talk. Maybe I just really suck at the small talk. I let out a breath and retreat to the house.
“Well, how’d it go?” My aunt slaves over the hot stove. Whatever she’s making smells good but I don’t stop to inspect or talk. My mind is elsewhere and I just want to lie down.
“Okay, so I looked at apartments and I may have found one. But you’ll have to deal with bean bag chair furniture for now.” I pull my knees up and stretch my arms out over my head. My cell phone lays across my stomach, on speaker, moving up and down with the movements of my breaths.
“Well, I’ll bring a sleeping bag and camp in the living room. It’s fine with me. Don’t go out of your way for my sake.” Just like old times, the camping in the living room. I smile.
“Cool. So how’s it going?”
“It’s okay I guess. Things are slow right now at the site but should pick up soon. I really hope my dad and I get our own company.” Silence makes me wonder if we got disconnected. Then, “How’s it going there? Still a monk?”
“You’re such an ass.” Laughter fills the line and I join in because it feels good to laugh and to talk to him.
“Sorry I had to ask and annoy the hell out of you. It’s not like I can do it on a regular basis.” Thank god for that.
I place the phone on the bed and roll onto my side. What am I doing? Life is just one giant guessing game. My eyes start to get heavy.
“Well, I ran into an ex the other day.” My eyes fly open.
“Oh yeah? Who?” A yawn escapes, making my eyes water. Shit, I need to do laundry.
“Taylor Jackson. Remember her?” As if I could forget someone that was constantly talked about for months. I nod my head, forgetting he can’t see me. I mumble a “yes” and listen as he goes on and on about how they ran into each other and how much hotter she’s gotten but they’re probably not going to cross paths again. We chat a little about this and that and nothing at all. Still, it’s a nice conversation.
When we finally hang up, I let out a long loud sigh. Good god that boy is girl crazy, I tell myself. For a minute I feel envious of him. His family life, his ability to be open and not worry what others think or that his demons in his closet will come back and haunt him or his fucked up childhood will rule his future. Must be nice to be yourself all day, every day.
“Noah?” My aunt taps on the door, informing me dinner’s ready.
I pad out to the kitchen and find Derrick sitting at the table. I join them, quietly. “I hear you were looking at apartments today.” Derrick says, shoveling some food onto his plate.
“Yep, I found a one-bed room apartment where Maddy and Andi are staying.” He smiles.
“That’s cool. They’re nice and reasonable.” We eat dinner quietly, chicken, rice, mashed potatoes and rolls. Only our silverware clanking against the plates makes noise. It’s nice, like a real family dinner.
Days pass before I finally decide on an apartment and fill out the paperwork. I put down a deposit a couple days ago and today I walk into the office to receive the keys to my new place. “Noah?”
I turn around and find Maddy standing behind me, looking frazzled. “Hey, what are you doing?”
“I had to get a new mail key. It seems in a fight between me and it, it won. It’s all bent now.” I look down at the broken key in her hand and chuckle.
“Interesting.”
“So what are you doing here?”
“I am picking up my keys for my apartment. I signed a year lease.”
“Oh, nice. That’s exciting.” And scary.
“Here Maddy.” James walks out of his office, handing her the new mail key. He then hands me my keys as well. “Thank you, James.” I say, he nods before walking away. I glance at Maddy, at her smile. “Wanna see my apartment?” She shakes her head, still smiling.
She follows me outside. We walk to the opposite side of her apartment, like hers mine is also on the first floor. “So how’ve you been?” I ask without thinking.
“Good, I guess. You?”
“Great.” Yeah, I really suck at this. I should find a hole, crawl inside and die there. It’ll be less humiliating than my stupidity. I unlock the door and open it. Maddy steps through. It’s hot as sin. I find a switch for some light.
“It’s like my floor plan. Nice.” The kitchen is on the right, with the living room on the left attached to the dining room. Spencer would approve of the size of living space. I already have an idea in my head of where furniture would be set up, once I got it. A door to the bed room is next to the living/dining room and bathroom. I peek my head in for a quick scan. It’s slightly smaller than my room in New York but bigger than the room at my aunt’s house. Perfect for me, this is all that matters. I hear Maddy mumbling to herself but I can’t hear what she’s saying.
The walls are white and the carpet’s a light beige. I better refrain from eating anything stainable on the carpet, like pasta of all kinds. Do people change the carpet or wall colors while they rent their apartments? Is it even allowed?
“Ugh, I need to go. Andi needs me.” I turn as she makes her way to the door. “I’m glad you got a place.” She turns the knob and stands there for a minute. “I guess I’ll see you around here.” I move to stop her from leaving but what do I say?
“Okay, sure. See ya.” Her gaze drops for a second, but then she looks back up at me and nods, leaving the door open walks out. As soon as I shut it, I let out a “God dammit, what’s wrong with me” and look around at the empty apartment, feeling lonelier than ever
. I lock up and head back to Aunt Linda’s.
Chapter 14
Noah
“Well, that’s all of it.” Derrick sets the boxes in the corner of the living room. I hadn’t heard or seen Maddy for almost a week. It makes me sad that I may have lost the only friend I’ve really made here. Family doesn’t count.
“Thanks Dere.” He nods. I must look like a poor fuck, no furniture, barely any boxes of belongings. I set my bed room stuff in my room. “Hey you wanna go with me to look at some furniture?” I wasn’t planning on getting any yet. But I’m feeling the need to make this place up, feel a little homey. Why wait?
“Well, yeah I guess you’ll need an extra hand. Let’s go.” I wasn’t even thinking along those lines, it was more of a cousin hanging out with his cousin and getting to know him than anything. But I don’t argue.
We take my jeep and drive into town. “Thanks for helping man.”
“No problem. I said I’d help in any way I can.”
“When are you going to get your own place?”
He shifts in his seat to stretch his long legs, getting comfortable. I know how shitty it is to have long legs. We’re about the same height but he’s a little slimmer than me. I have broader shoulders than he does though. He finds the button on the side and moves the seat back a little.
“Next year. I’m off to training for the military.”
“Really?”
He nods and I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or not for him. “Yeah, I’m out of school for the summer and working a job that pays shit. I need something stable. Plus, I’d like to help take on the bastards that try to hurt our country.”
“Wow, I didn’t know you were so patriotic. Right on.” He laughs, “Fuck off. What about you?”
“I’m taking this year off but hope to finish school to get my teaching degree.”
“Awesome. What subject?”
