by Annie Brewer
“So, uh you wanna come to my place? I have more alcohol.” Trey breaks my train of thought. I look at him incredulously. What did he say? I study him for a minute. Do I want to? He could be a serial killer like Noah said. But his blue eyes look innocent. He does have a nice smile. I’m not usually into blondes, which is completely contradicting since Landon is a blonde. Though his hair dark, more light brown. Trey’s hair is really blonde and shaggy. He is good-looking. I don’t really know what to do or say. I didn’t think this far ahead. Do I say yes or ask him to take me home?
“No, I need to get home to my roommate. She needs me right now.” I guess that’s my answer. He pulls out of the parking lot, which is fairly empty now.
“Are you sure? I can show you a good time.” Sleezeball.
“No, really…I need to go home. Maybe another time.” Maybe another time? What am I doing? I need to shut my mouth before other stupid comments fly out. What is Noah doing? He was angry when I left. Guilt seeps into my chest for ruining his night. I just hope he doesn’t do anything stupid.
“So, there’s gonna be another time?”
“Maybe.” Seriously, this guy is pushy.
I’m a grown woman. I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I don’t need Noah fighting my battles or put up a fight for me. I’ve been doing fine all this time. “We could hang out at my place next time, if you prefer.” I narrow my eyes, watching his grin widen.
“Are you always this pushy with women?”
“Nah, I just think you’re cute.” I smile slightly and then give him directions to my apartment, which is not far. It takes no time to get from here to there in this town. “So what’s up with you and that guy? He seemed pissed I was taking you home. He practically threw daggers at me.”
I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to talk about him. “Nothing.” Absolutely nothing and it pisses me off. “He’s my friends’ cousin who moved here from New York a few months ago.” Shit, New York. Are we still going? Maybe I should cancel.
“Well, give me your phone number so I can call you sometime.” Hell no, I’ll get his and not call him. I look out the window and notice we’re in front of my apartment. My mind wanders back to Noah. Is he home yet? Is he still mad? Asleep? “Maddy.” Trey’s voice interrupts and I give him my attention.
“Huh?”
“Give me your number.” Demanding are we?
“No, give me your number and I’ll call you.” He sighs and recites his phone number to me so I can plug it in my contacts. “Okay, well thanks for the ride. See ya around.” I get out and close the door, watching him wave as he drives away.
“Hey.” I turn around to face Landon behind me. I guess I’m not meant to sleep tonight. “Who was that?”
“What are you doing here? It’s one-thirty in the morning.” I ignore his question. It’s none of his business but he doesn’t relent.
“What are you doing Maddy?” Sarcasm or literal? I go with sarcasm.
“I was planning on coming home and sleeping but it seems other plans were made for me.”
“I’m serious. Quit patronizing me, dammit. What is going on with you?” His voice is a little too loud for my liking. I step back, cross my arms over my chest and glare at him.
“What do you want? Can’t you see I can’t give you what you want? I can’t Landon, please…move on.” A look of pain crosses his features. He steps closer to me and looks directly in my eyes, making me nervous.
“I don’t want that Maddy. Not with you. Not anymore. I just want to be friends again. I don’t want the tension hanging over us anymore. And as for moving on? I already did. I knew I’d never get that part of you so I gave up.” He steps back and now I feel guilty for being a horrible person to him for so long. I knew he’d never wait for me so when he tells me he’s cheated on me; I’m not angry or mad. I’m nothing. Because it was my fault he moved on. He’s a guy who is too sex crazed and even though we’d do everything but the sex itself, I knew it was never enough. “Don’t look so surprised Maddy. You’ve strung me along long enough, don’t you think? I won’t bother you anymore.” He slowly walks backward, keeping eye contact.
“Wait!” I shout, he stops walking but looks away. “I’m sorry Landon. I’m really so sorry. I never should have strung you around that long.” He looks up and steps closer to me.
“I’m sorry. I never should have pushed you. Besides, I stayed even when you told me to leave. I was hoping you would give me that part of you but I knew…or I know now I’m not the one for you. I like sex too much and you’re a good girl. Pure and sweet.” His compliment warms my heart and I smile up at him. He’s such a sweet guy when he wants to be, we just aren’t meant for each other. And I realize that now. I lean against the side of the building, thinking about Noah. “Who was that guy?”
“Trey.” I see his expression and know what he’s thinking. “Don’t worry, nothing happened. He just dropped me off from Midnight.”
“So what’s going on with Noah?” He has no dissention in his tone, just a simple question of curiosity. I look out across the parking lot, suddenly chilly.
“Nothing. We went to the bar together but things got weird and I wound up playing pool with this guy Trey. He took me home and now here I am talking to you. What are you doing here this late anyway?” He smiles a sad smile.
“Andi talked to me. She’s a mess. I know you have to be pretty messed up too considering Jim was a father to you. I’m so sorry.” I witness sincerity in his eyes. As much of a dick as Landon is, he’s got a good heart. I hope he finds what he’s looking for one day. I want him to settle down and meet a nice girl, one who makes him happy and want to be a better person. Everyone deserves to be happy. What are we living for if not for happiness…and love?
“I need to go inside and check on Andi. Thanks for stopping by, Landon. Friends?” I extend my hand out to him. He looks at it strangely and then laughs, grabbing me in a hug. “Of course.” I wrap my arms around his waist. “They say you can’t be friends with your exes, but I think its horseshit. We’ve known each other too long.” He pats my back. I can’t help but agree. I guess it depends on the people and the history they share. Our history is long but good, too good to throw away. Well, there are some rough patches but we always made it through. He pulls away. I turn to walk to my door as he says, “Oh yeah, you forgot this.” I turn to see him hold his hand up with my apartment key in it. I laugh to myself. “Here ya go.” He places it in my hand and kisses my cheek.
“Thanks.” I watch him stalk to his car and open the door, but he stands there.
“Maddy?” He starts. “It’s going to be okay. Everything. It always is. And about Noah? Don’t run away from him. He seems to make you happy and if he does don’t push him away. You need someone to lean on, especially now.” How does he know I like Noah? Is it that obvious? He notices my confusion and says, “Yes, I see the way you look at him. I’m not blind. I know you like him. Just be careful and listen to your instincts. Goodnight Maddy.” He gets in, starts the engine and pulls out of the parking space, waving.
Did he just tell me not to run away from Noah, like he approves? Huh, this night has just gotten weird. I shake my head and walk inside quietly. It’s dark. I shut the door and lock it, trying not to strain my eyes while carefully maneuvering my way around.
“Maddy?” I hear Andi’s strained voice and I almost crumble to the floor. I left her alone. I should have stayed here with her.
“Shh, it’s me.” I walk through the dark living room. Our nightlight in the hallway is not bright enough but I find my way, walk into her room and sit on her bed. I can see from the window, the moon giving off a little light that she’s crying. She rolls over on her side to face me.
“Where have you been? You were gone when I woke up.”
“I was out with Noah at Midnight. We had a fight and then I went home with Trey.”
“Who is Trey?”
“He’s a guy I met at the bar. We played pool, he took me home.” I can see th
at I’ve made her worry.
“Maddy, what is going on? Going home with a stranger from the bar of all places was probably not the smartest thing to do. You’re feeling vulnerable and emotional. Guys feed on that shit. You have to be careful. What did Noah do to upset you?”
“He asked about my mom and singing and brought up tough subjects and I didn’t want to deal with that stuff right now.” She scoots over and I get under the covers with her. “How are you?” Stupid question. She just sighs and rolls onto her back, staring at the ceiling.
“Do you love him?”
“What?” Love him? Who, Noah? Landon? Okay, she already knows I don’t love Landon. But uh, I don’t know Noah that well, so why would she ask me that question? We haven’t even gone out on a date or anything. She’s still silent, waiting for me to reply. “Andi, Noah and I don’t know each other that well. I can’t possibly love him. He closes himself off to everyone and when we get close, he pushes me away. It’s like he wants to show himself but he won’t let it get that far. He’s just weird.” She turns her head and in the shadows I can see her eyes a little misty.
“Maybe he needs someone to open his eyes. Maybe he’s struggling with his own demons and needs support. I like him, I think. Well, I don’t know. I mean, he seems nice. Maybe he’s too scared to open up. Just help him through it, he seems to need it.”
“He doesn’t want my help, Andi.” It was pretty clear standing there in the bathroom doorway, he didn’t want anything. That moment still burns in my memory. I know he wanted to beat the crap out of Trey though. It was obvious in his eyes and the way his jaw clenched. I wondered if he was going to intervene at any time, but he just sat there playing on his phone. When he thought I wasn’t looking, I was. I noticed him watching us, watching Trey.
“Maddy.”
“Hmm?” My eyes close but I’m still awake.
“Just don’t give up on him. I think maybe he needs you, even if he doesn’t show it. We all want to be wanted even when we can’t admit it. It’s still nice to be wanted.” My eyes snap open and I shift onto my side. Andi’s eyes are closed now.
“Why are you so adamant about this Andi?” She faces me, her eyes tender, voice filled with emotion.
“Because you need him as much as he might need you. And I see the way he looks at you. I notice the little things. His eyes show a hint of longing and emotion but maybe he’s afraid to be vulnerable or to make the first move. I honestly think he needs a friend, someone who will see past his mistakes and accept him for who he is. Derrick told me he’s had a rough life growing up but he’s trying to fix himself, become a better person…not his dad. He’s not like Landon, that’s for sure.” If I wasn’t so tired, I’d go to his place and apologize for being so mean. Also, if I wasn’t afraid of him shutting the door in my face once he caught sight of me. I would deserve it but still, it would hurt.
“Speaking of..” Andi cuts through my thoughts and I forget she’s actually talking. Boy, Noah really makes my head spin when he’s on my brain. “Landon came by looking for you.”
“Yeah, I ran into him before I came inside.”
“And?”
“We talked.”
“And?” Geez, she doesn’t quit.
“And we realize we’re better as friends. He apologized for being so pushy, we hugged, he gave me back my key and he left.”
“Wait, he apologized?” She acts like the guy has a heart of stone, which sure at times he does. But he’s not the devil. “I believe I just entered the Twilight Zone.” I slap her leg and snort laugh.
“What’s even crazier is that he told me not to run away from Noah, that if he makes me happy to stay with him.”
“Holy shit! That is crazy. What has happened to that jerk? He must have been possessed.” We both laugh hysterically. It feels good to laugh, considering the night we’ve had.
“I want to be friends with him. We’ve all known each other too long. I just know he’s not for me. But I don’t know that Noah is either.” She pats my arm affectionately, sighing. “Don’t worry about that right now. Just be his friend. Don’t rush anything.”
Silence.
“Maddy? Will you stay in here with me tonight?” I glance at her and smile, taking her hand in mine. “I’m not going anywhere, Andi.”
“Thanks.” She tries to smile but it’s strained. My heart aches for her, for her family. Tears sting the back of my eyes.
“Andi, I’m sorry I left you tonight.” She squeezes my hand. “I love you Maddy.”
“I love you, too. Goodnight.” I turn over and fall asleep with thoughts of Noah.
Chapter 28
Noah
Being in the country is pretty peaceful. I’m so used to honking horns, traffic of people in a hurry to get places and graffiti all over the buildings. I wasn’t quite sure how I’d adjust to this change. But thankfully, it’s a pleasant change. One that I’ve needed. I can think. I can hear the voices in my head. “Noah, could you come here?” My aunt calls from the porch. I silently thank her for the distraction. Sitting out on the porch swing causes my thoughts to go rapid in my head and right now, I’d rather not be alone with them.
“Coming.” I jump off the swing and head inside. I smell coffee permeate from the kitchen. I inhale deep through my nose and sit down at the old rusty table. “You need to get a new table, Aunt Linda. This one is falling apart.” Well, not yet but it’s on its way.
“Yes, I agree. There’s a lot I need to replace.” She grabs a coffee mug from the cupboard. “Want some?” I shake my head enthusiastically, making a mental note to replace the table for her. I may as well make myself useful around here. I’ve built a coffee table before; a kitchen table should be no different. “Noah?”
“Hmm?” I look up and find my aunt standing in front of me, staring.
“Are you okay?” She hands me my coffee, pouring herself a cup of tea. I pour the milk and sugar, trying to avoid her gaze. She places her hand over mine and I freeze, letting out a breath. I lean back in the chair. I meet her eyes, they’re filled with concern and I realize she’s the only family I have. I shouldn’t shut her out; god knows that’s all I do. Shutting everyone out ensures that I don’t get hurt or hurt anyone else. So I play it safe.
“I got a letter from my mother.” Her eyebrows disappear under her light brown hair. She sits down in the chair next to me, an unreadable expression on her face. “Crazy huh? After all this time, she wants to be a mother.”
“Wow, what did she say?”
“She apologized for not being a mother.”
“Well, I’m not surprised that she’s finally reaching out. I mean, it took her long enough to be a grown up and face responsibilities. But better late than never, right?” I’m not sure I agree, but I guess being her sister she’s trying to be positive about this. New York is going to be interesting.
New York. My trip with Maddy. Suddenly my face feels hot. I’ve no idea if she even wants to go with me now. I haven’t spoken to her since that night at Midnight. I scratch the back of my neck, my nerves all over the place. I miss her. Even just as a friend. She’s the only friend I have here. It gets pretty lonely. I never had that problem in New York, but I left…moved on.
Maddy made me smile, like maybe life doesn’t have to be so tragic or sad and shitty, filled with alcoholic mothers and absentee fathers. That maybe, just maybe life can be good.
I look at my aunt, over the rim of my coffee cup and say, “I’m planning a trip to New York after Thanksgiving.”
“Really?” I shake my head, taking another sip of the delicious steamy liquid. “I want to surprise her. Maybe we can talk, fix our relationship. If it’s not too late.”
“It’s never too late, Noah. And that’s a really great idea.” She smiles and takes a sip, setting her cup down. She places her hands on the table, fingers spread apart. “I think it would be really good, for both of you.” My lip lifts slightly at the corner. I hope so.
“Don’t worry. I don’t plan on movi
ng back there. Even if we make up and all’s good with the world, which I’m not putting all my hopes into one letter.” She looks taken aback but smiles warmly, patting my hand.
“How did you know what I was thinking?”
I quirk one eye brow and shift in my seat. “Because I was thinking it. I don’t know what’ll happen when I’m there but I’m not going back there to live. I’m trying to forget that life, not run back to it. And right now, this place seems to work for me.” Even though I have no job right now. I plan to get one soon enough and go through school too. I just need a little time to sort through some shit. I live pretty frugally though.
My aunt taps her two fingers on the table top quietly and then she gets up. “I have something to show you.” She stalks out of the kitchen. I finish the last of my coffee and pull my phone out of my pocket, disappointment floods my mind for a split second when I see no texts or missed calls. I guess I was hoping against hope that Maddy would try to contact me. It’s a stupid thought but I can’t tell my brain that, it won’t listen. I just want to apologize to her. She left with jerk because of me and I made her feel like she needed to be watched over. I know she’s a grown woman and can take care of herself, but I just wanted to spend more time with her. I wish she’d talk to me, confide in me.
God knows I can use a friend right now. Spencer is too busy these days to talk. I miss him too. I open my phone, shoving aside all thoughts of the girl who seems to have some crazy hold on me and doesn’t even know it. I make a note.
