by Annie Brewer
“I’m sitting there, asshole.” Noah approaches us.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you going to arrest me?” He stands up, eye level with Noah. I have to stop this.
“Trey, just leave. I don’t need you starting shit tonight.”
“I’m not going to fight. I just wanted to sit down and talk to a pretty girl.” He says, keeping his eyes on Noah. “Oh wait, does this have to do with the first time we saw each other? Were you jealous that I got to take her home and not you? I asked her about you and she said you were friends.” Son of a bitch, I want to slap him. Now he’s asking for a beating.
“You should really walk away unless you want your ass handed to you.” Noah says, challenging.
“Is that a threat?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake.” I stand up and get in-between them. “Trey, please just leave. I should have never let you take me home that night. It was a mistake.” I tug on Noah’s arm but he doesn’t budge. “Noah, please don’t let him get to you. He’s not worth it.” His face seethes with anger that radiates off his body.
“We’re here, let’s get this party started!” I let out a relieved sigh when I see Andi, Derrick and Landon.
“Oh my god, Maddy what are you wearing? Noah, you let her walk out like this?” Derrick jokes. I give him a quick hug and whisper, “Noah’s pissed. You need to keep a fight from breaking out.” He looks up and sees Noah and Trey in the same position. Men and their damn testosterone. Derrick walks up beside Noah and claps him on the back, “Hey Noah. I love your costume.” He smiles, trying to break the tension. “How are you gentleman doing tonight?”
Finally, Noah looks away, acknowledging his cousin. “Hey Dere, love your cowboy get up.”
“Thanks. I make these jeans look sexy.” As soon as Trey walks away, but not before giving Noah a “go to hell” look, Derrick says, “What the hell is going on?” I tell him about our Trey encounters, all 3 of them. “Damn, he sounds like a psycho.”
“You look hot.” Landon approaches me, resting his arm on my shoulder. He’s dressed as Zorro, mask and all.
“You too, Antonio.” Noah and Landon finally made peace, shaking hands and whatever else guys do. It was a couple weeks ago. It was nice to see them finally getting over their issues.
Andi dressed up as Sandy from Grease and she looks hot. Even though she has blonde hair, she got the wig to match her all-black attire Olivia Newton-John wore at the end. “Okay, here we go. Let’s drink the shit out of tonight.” She brings a pitcher to our table with cold glasses.
I notice Noah’s uncertain, uncomfortable expression. I fill my glass to the brim. Maybe a buzz will loosen me up a bit. I had put in a song for karaoke but it doesn’t start for another hour. “I love your costume, Maddy.” The DJ, Mike had told me as I hugged him. He’s dressed as himself, so original.
As a couple of hours pass by, I’m feeling a bit tipsy. I order water to help with my buzz. I don’t feel like throwing up tonight, but I just want to feel great. Andi and the guys went off to talk to people and probably dance or playing pool. Noah hasn’t touched his drink, hardly and he looks bored. I ask him every so often if he’s okay but all he says is “yeah, I’m fine”. I wanted him to have a good time and socialize but he’s being a total downer.
I set my glass down and get up. “Dance with me?” I extend my hand out to him. He takes it, letting me lead him to the dance floor. A slow song is playing so it’s the perfect opportunity to find out what his deal is. He embraces me, his hands on my hips and my arms are around his neck. “Hey, are you okay?” I search his face but find no emotion.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You keep saying that, but you don’t look fine. And you have hardly touched your beer.”
“I’m not a big drinker, okay?” I try not to take offense to his tone. That explains why I only see him with one drink when we go out. I guess it’s part of his past he’s trying to change? “It’s okay to have a little fun, Noah.”
“I don’t need alcohol to have fun, Maddy.” Touché. But still, what’s with his attitude?
“Sorry, you just look bored. I want to know that you’re enjoying yourself, is all.” We’re still dancing, but it doesn’t feel like he wants to.
“I’m fine, Maddy. You seem to be having fun for the both of us.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” He looks away from me and I bite my lip to keep my mouth from spewing out shit I’d regret later. And right at that moment, my name is called for karaoke. “We’re not done. I’ll be back.” I walk up to the stage, hearing chants and whistles from the crowd. It’s more from my outfit than from me singing, even if half the people here know me. I feel like I’m on display and my legs are cold.
I momentarily forget which song it is, but once the music kicks up on the speakers, I recognize it’s “Who Will Save Your Soul” by Jewel. Even a little buzzed; I sing my heart out-slightly off-key. And when I sing the chorus, I glance at Noah watching me. His expression is neutral. I can’t help but wonder why he’s acting so weird, distant.
All is fine until a drunk guy appears on the stage and starts freak dancing in front of me. I can’t help but laugh. This shit happens here once in a while. It’s a bar full of drunk, horny bastards that like to get a little crazy. Noah’s face is none too pleased, so I stop laughing and walk away from old man. I’m singing, ignoring this guy but he’s groping me and it messes up my performance.
“No touching the singers please.” Mike says into his microphone. But he pays no attention, as his hands reach my ass and I gasp into my microphone.
“Get off her fucker!” Noah is up on the stage, moving him away from me before I can blink. He stumbles and nearly falls on his face.
“Noah, what the hell?” I finish the last part and hastily return the mic to the stand. I stalk off the stage, pissed. “Noah, what is your problem?” The question sounds absurd in my mind and I know I need to back off but I’m livid.
“My problem is some drunken ass was groping you while you were singing. It was disrespectful, not to mention, sick. Why are you pissed at me?” Why am I? Oh yeah, because of his sour puss attitude all night. That was the last straw. I shove past him and sit down, grabbing my glass for more. I take a big swig.
“Wanna play pool? Either of you?” Andi asks us. I shake my head. Noah glares at me while I take another drink. “No thanks Andi, I’m out of here. I’ve had enough fun for one night.” I look up as he’s putting his coat on.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Fun? What fun? You’ve been a god damn sour puss all night.” He turns to leave and I hold back tears. I grab my coat and run after him. “Noah!” I catch up to him and grab his arm.
“Go back inside, Maddy, before you get cold.”
“Screw the cold. Talk to me, please.” He stops walking. “I shouldn’t have come here.” I wrap my arms around myself, shivering. I almost take his advice and go inside, but I need to know why he’s so mad. He sees me shivering and wraps his coat around my shoulders. We walk to his jeep.
“Why? I thought you’d have fun.” He crosses his arms in front of him, leaning against the door.
“Fun? You think watching you get drunk and men grope you is fun?”
“Oh for god’s sake, it’s a bar. It happens.” Maybe not as bad as tonight, but I don’t say that. “And, I can take care of myself. I don’t need rescuing.” Okay maybe that was a lie, at least when I’m drunk that is. “You could have had a few drinks. No one was stopping you.”
“Someone needed to watch out for you.”
“And again, I don’t need-“
“That’s not the point, Maddy.” He paces, making me nervous. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.”
“What?” My hear races, scared of him telling me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and breaking my already fragile heart. I couldn’t handle it. “You know what? If you want to leave, then leave. Maybe I’ll have more fun anyway.” The hurt mixed with anger flashes in his
eyes and I want to punch myself in the face.
I turn to leave. “Fuck, Maddy. I left that life behind me.” I turn at the sound of his voice and see his eyes soften, and finally see the emotions surfacing. “I drank a lot and got into fights at bars. I came here to start over. I had a lot of rage deep inside of me I was desperate to get out. I didn’t care who I hurt, I had no feelings except hate, rage, anger, all the bad feelings I had.” I see the pain all over his face and it breaks my heart. I step closer to him, reaching for his arm but he pulls away. “Don’t. You don’t get it, I can’t stop the pain. It hurts so damn much. It’s consuming me. I thought it’d go away, but every time I walk into a bar, or watch you drink, it reminds me of that night.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I can’t be around it, Maddy. I can’t.” He leans back against his jeep, holding him up from breaking down. I’ve never seen him so emotional. “I had planned on giving up the bar scene. I can’t lose more people I love to that shit.” I gasp at his confession, even though he didn’t directly say it, I know what he meant.
Chapter 39
Noah
I heard my mistake and saw it registered on her face when it was said. I hadn’t yet told her I loved her but I may as well tell her now, the cat is pretty much out of the bag. I wanted to have fun tonight and enjoy being around Maddy and her friends. But all I could think about was that night, that claimed my best friend and it was my fault. And then seeing old man drunkie all over her on the stage made my rage take over my common sense, especially when he grabbed her ass. Maybe I overreacted, but I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to tear his limbs from his body.
She reaches out to touch me and as much as I want to feel her touch comfort me, I can’t do it right now. I have to tell her what she deserves to know. My aunt was right; I need to be honest with her and open up to her. It’s bad enough that I want to feel her body against mine so badly it hurts. But I first need to open up my soul to her. I love her enough to let her in, all the way. Something I’ve never done.
I take a deep breath and look away, spotting a guy puking in the bushes on the side of the bar. “I need to be honest with you. I lost my best friend this way. It was our graduation night, we were at a party. She got really drunk, I was buzzed, on my way to drunk. Well we got into an argument, I left her and when I came back, she left. She drove herself home, or she tried to but didn’t make it. When I found her, she was in a ditch and her car was practically on top of her. I got her out and she was barely alive. She said a few words and then died in my arms, before the ambulance finally showed up. I’ve never been able to forgive myself.” She takes my hand, tears welling up in her eyes. “I’ve lived with the guilt for years, the regret, anger…and all of that turned to something that I can’t control.” I look away, wiping my eyes. Frustration builds up and I walk off, surprising her. I pace around, trying to get my shit together.
“Noah.”
I turn to face her, I run back to her and take her face in my hands and look deep into her hazel eyes. “Maddy, I don’t know what’s happened to me. But you’ve changed me in more ways than I ever anticipated. I’m so fiercely, ridiculously, amazingly, and without a doubt in love with you. I can’t breathe or think straight. I can’t function. I can’t sleep at night. You’re the only girl that’s ever awakened the butterflies in my belly and made me nervous. I love you and I don’t want to lose you. And it scares me when you drink so much. I’m in so deep; the thought of something happening to you makes me sick.” I stroke her cheek as her tears fall. I kiss her cheek bone, she closes her eyes.
“I love you, too Noah.” I look up, astonished to hear the words. “What?”
“I said I love you too.” My smile widens my face and I grab her in a hug, wrapping her tightly to my chest. “Say it again.” I tell her.
“I love you, Noah.”
I lean my forehead against hers, “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you some time ago. It’s hard to think about that night without breaking down.”
“I know how hard it is to relive your past. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all that grief. And I thank you for letting me in. ” I pull back and smile. I know she understands me, I always knew. We’re similar in a lot of ways.
“I love you; I think I’ve always known. I just…never dealt with my emotions well except the bad ones. But you undid me, I don’t know how. But you did.” I look into her eyes and kiss her cheek and then her jaw line and then my lips linger on the corner of her mouth. I lean her into my jeep and cover her with my body. She doesn’t seem to mind as her hands grip my shoulders. I want to lose myself…in her. I want to show her what I’ve been feeling for so long but couldn’t express. But I don’t want to rush it. I’m content to just hold her in my arms. My mouth finally covers her in passionate rhythm, while our tongues mingle, tangled in the other.
“Noah.” She breathes. “Take me to your place.” I full back and search her eyes for any sign of jest or maybe that I was imagining her saying those words. “I want to leave, with you.”
“Are you sure?” She nods. I kiss her, with my eyes still open, memorizing every bone structure of her face, the shape of her pupils, the curve of her nose, the long length of her dark lashes, the thin shape of her brows. I take it all in. She looks at me with adoration. I thread my fingers through her incredibly silky, curly hair. “Let me go tell Andi we are leaving.” I nod slowly, kiss her once more and move away so she can leave.
I open my door and stand there looking around the parking lot, quiet and dark. The only light illuminating is the street light on the corner and right in front of the bar. But looking out into the distance is pitch black. My mind is spinning like a top at the admittance that I told her I loved her. And she actually loves me back. It all feels surreal; my feelings, her, everything.
“Sorry, I won hottest costume. I had to accept my “prize”.” She kisses me. I knew she’d win, not that I knew they did actual contests with actual prizes. But to me, she was the hottest woman in the bar. But I may be biased.
“It’s okay. What did you win?” We get in the jeep and buckle up.
“A free day at the spa. Isn’t that awesome? I didn’t even know they were giving away anything. But hey, I’m not complaining.”
“Well, congrats for the win. I could have told you, there’s no other winner.” I lean over and kiss her cheek. I pull out of the parking lot, heading onto the gravel road that leads to our apartments. I’m taking the back way, the longer way. I clasp my fingers in hers, after shifting gears.
“They probably felt bad my song was interrupted since I was groped on stage. It’s not the first time a drunk old man hit on someone while they were singing.” I don’t think it should happen at all, to anyone. That’s disrespectful, period. I may have behaved like a jealous asshole, but I didn’t appreciate someone else’s hands all over her, especially an old fuck who just wanted to fuck her and didn’t care about anything else.
“Sorry, I have a jealous streak in me. I should have warned you, although I never had a reason to be before, so all this is new to me.” She brings her hand up around my head and runs her fingers through my hair. I lean into her gentle touch, craving the feel of her touching me.
“It’s okay. I kinda like it.” She confesses and I can’t hide my smile. It’s a peaceful night, one I’d take her to the country side and lay under the stars, if it wasn’t so damn cold. “Are you okay? You’re kind of quiet.” Maddy observes. I give her my best reassuring smile, squeezing her hand gently.
“I’m more than okay. Just thinking about taking you to the boonies, laying a blanket down on the ground, providing a picnic of your favorite foods, being miles away from cars and noise, and just lying under the stars together. I always wondered what that’d be like.”
“Oh, that sounds wonderful.”
“It will be, everything you dreamed of.” I pull up to the apartment complex, and there’s a spot right in front. I put the car in park and shift my body toward Ma
ddy’s, gazing into her face, her eyes. Our eyes scan each other’s with such desire. A smile pulls up at the corner of my mouth; I lean in and kiss her ear, teasingly. And then I get out of the car and open her door, helping her out. I wrap my jacket around her shoulders for extra warmth.
“I’m okay, Noah. I’m used to the cold.” I’m getting used to this chivalrous act, it feels good, putting someone first. It’s always been about me, Noah the selfish jerk. And I never thought I’d change.
I close and lock the door once we’re both inside. Maddy is standing a couple of feet away, fidgeting with her hands, like she’s nervous. If she only knew the nerves that were fluttering in my stomach, but I’m not even sure why we’re nervous. Though we’re both quiet, I can tell we’re uncertain of the next step. I’ve never told anyone I loved them before. What do you do after that? I sound like a freakin’ high school pussy.
Does she know what she does to me? Does she know how beautiful she is? And not just on the outside, but her soul, her heart is what I love most. Does she know how erratic she makes my heart beat with just a simple smile, laugh, or one touch? Maybe not, I’ve never told her. I was too scared, too cowardly.
“Come here.” I finally find my voice. She closes the gap. I grab her hands, and kiss each palm while keeping my eyes locked on hers. “Do you know what you do to me, Maddy?” She tilts her head to the side. “I’d like to show you, if you don’t mind.” She smiles, shyly.
“Noah, I want you to.” I cock my head to the side now in confusion. She braces my face between her hands and looks straight into my eyes, I can’t breathe. “I want to.” She says again. “With you.” She kisses me and I understand fully, what she wants. I pull back and then press her up against the wall near the door. My hands slowly travel downward, and move up her thighs. We’re both breathing unevenly. A moan escapes her throat. She tilts her head back and I take that as an invitation. I kiss her neck and throat, leaving hot trails of fire in its wake all the while moving my right hand closer to the panty area. Another moan and it sends pleasure through my own body, knowing how I affect her. She grabs my face and kisses me hard. My hand moves to her ass, caressing the soft skin just above her tail bone.
