by Annie Brewer
“Thank you, Noah. I’m really glad you came over. I’ve had my doubts about you. But it’s only because of my love for Maddy. She’s got enough on her plate without adding a guy to it. So my judgment has been removed, but please don’t make me regret it.” She moves to get up and looks at me, “Please.” She walks to the kitchen with her cup. “Are you sure you don’t want any? We drink coffee here as often as we change our clothes.” I make my way to the table and sit down. “Yeah, I’d love some. Thanks.” We make small talk and the tension eases, thankfully. A weight feels lifted, giving me hope that we can be friends. We both care for Maddy and we’re both important to her. We should get along. I know it would make Maddy happy for everyone she cares about to get along.
Once the visit is over, I leave to spend the day with my aunt.
Chapter 38
Maddy
I can’t sleep. I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, hoping my eyes will give up, my body will succumb to the exhaustion but of course it doesn’t. Nightmares take over too much of my consciousness, leaving me restless.
I throw the covers off and grab my blue bathrobe. I heard noises in the livingroom before so I’m assuming Andi is awake. I open my door, finding the TV is still on. I smell coffee, which instantly waters my dry lips. I don’t know if there’s ever a time the coffee pot is not on. We’re a bunch of coffee fiends. “Can’t sleep?” She asks, from the couch, watching a movie. I grab a cup already sitting on the counter as if she knew I’d be awake and craving the steaming liquid. I pour some into the cup and throw in some sugar and milk and sit down.
“No. What are you doing up?” She looks over the couch at me, nodding to the tv.
“I’m watching Blade Trinity.” I take my cup and fall onto the couch, next to her, careful not to spill. “I love Jessica Biel but what does she see in Justin anyway?” I laugh. “What does he see in her?” I’m not a Biel fan. I don’t really like Justin either. I lean on her shoulder and she holds my hand. I realize we don’t hang out as much as we used to and I know that’s my fault. I’m used to hanging out with our group so it’s hard splitting up my time between Andi and Noah. I wish she’d trust him but I know she’s only trying to look out for me.
“So, Noah is a sweet guy.” Taken aback by her unexpected declaration, I pull away from her and give her a bewildered look. When she notices my expression she says, “He came by the other day while you were at work.”
“He did? What did he want?”
“Oh, Maddy he’s very into you. And it seems I overestimated his intentions. He’s had a rough life; he was very open, shocking the hell out of me.” That shocks me too. He’s pretty closed off about his life. “He also gave me his deepest sympathy for my father.” She looks to me and I soon realize I never had permission to tell anyone. Oh, damn.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tell him” She waves her hand, dismissively. “It’s fine. I’m not mad at you. I was wrong about him. He’s genuinely a nice guy, trying to move on from his shitty life. I can tell he wants to change and he really likes you. I just hope it all works out for you both.” I lay my head on her shoulder again, happy for her approval. What a surprise it was. The fact that he went to talk to her without my knowing it, trying to gain her trust means more to me than he’ll ever know.
“He won’t last too long, Maddy.” It takes me a minute to come down from my happy high to realize she’s talking about Jim. “The cancer is really eating the shit out of his body.” Hearing her words sends chills up my spine. I’m too tired to cry but I know they’re bound to come. “It’ll be okay. Shit happens, right? Don’t worry about me. Just take care of yourself and be happy. You deserve it.” She squeezes me affectionately. I know she’s trying to be strong and I also know it’s tearing her apart. I hate it.
“I’m so sorry Andi.” Is all I can think of to say and even that’s not enough.
“People die all the time. It’s life.” She gets up and announces, “I’m going to bed.” I watch her leave and finish my coffee before taking it to the sink. I numbly walk to my bedroom, pull my covers back and crawl in, letting sleep overtake my mind and body.
Since I told Noah about the Halloween costume party, I wanted us to go pick out our costumes. I was thinking of being a slutty nurse or something I’d only allow myself to be once in my life, for fun.
“What do you think I should dress as?” Noah asks me while we’re walking each aisle at Party City.
“Hmm, good question. Do you want to be scary or sexy?”
“I’m already sexy so that would be boring. But then again, I’ve been scary most Halloweens too.”
“Conceited much?” He flashes me a wicked grin. “Nah, just arrogant and maybe overly-confident. Take your pick.” He walks up behind me and rests his head on my shoulder, his breath tickling my cheek. “Unless, I’m wrong?”
I grab his arms and wrap them around my waist, twining my fingers with his. “No, you are very sexy.” I turn my head so I can look into his eyes. “Just don’t let it go to your head.” I kiss him deeply; aware of his thumbs grazing my bare stomach where my shirt rides up a little. I try to ignore the sensations racing through my body. I abruptly end the kiss before I decide to take it further, to the dressing room. Noah walks away, scoping out the horror costumes.
It’s so hard to decide what I want to be. Last year I was a princess. So original, I know. What girl hasn’t been a princess? “Ooooo, I found my costume!” I hear Noah chanting. I approach him. He’s holding a police officer costume with a big smile on his face. “You like?” He beams.
“Well, clearly you do. And um, holy shit, yeah you’d look sexy as hell in that. I’d have a hard time keeping my hands off of you.” I flirt. He winks and looks it over again, happy with his choice. “Did you want to be a cop as a boy?”
“Eh, I just want to feel like I’m of authority. Even if it’s pretend. Not to mention, I get to carry a gun. That’s what I care about.”
“You do know, you don’t get a real gun, right?” I tease.
“Duh, genius, of course I know. That doesn’t mean I can’t pretend. But it doesn’t come with one, so I have to freakin buy it. How dumb. But I get handcuffs and a badge.”
“You’re so cute!” I walk away, wanting to find a costume. Ugh, some of them are so not my style. Umm, I found one. I think. I hold it up, contemplating, just as Noah approaches.
“Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Yes, get that one.” I smile at his reaction, certain I’ve chosen the right costume. “Wait, don’t get that one. I’ll have a hard time keeping my hands off of you. But wait, get it. Fuck.” He walks away shaking his head, I can’t help but laugh at his indecisiveness. He’s like a girl. But I decide I’m getting it.
It’s settled. I’m going as a French maid and Noah is gonna be a police officer. That’s a hot pair, I think. Now I’m really excited for this party.
“Hey, let’s try them on first.” I pull him toward the dressing room. “Okay, you go first. I’ll wait out here and you model for me, you sexy officer.” He kisses my forehead.
“By the way, you can’t model that for me. You’ll send my body into a frenzy. And not to mention, it’s going to be cold outside. Are you sure you couldn’t settle on a better, much longer costume?”
I push him toward the room, shaking my head. “Nope, I’m getting this one. And it’s not like we’ll be outside long. And quit being a Debbie downer. Go.”
“Alright fine. But I won’t have a problem knocking some fuckers out with my fake gun if anyone touches you. I’ll be right back.” I wait outside the door, listening to zippers, bags, and lots of mumbling.
When he finally comes out, I’m struck speechless. He looks hot. He uses his jeans because it doesn’t come with pants, which is ridiculous. But the shirt makes his upper body tight and sexy. The hat is totally geeky but I guess it works for him. Oh, the hand cuffs, we’ll need them one day, maybe.
“Wow, sexy cop. I like.”
“Yeah? Do I look stupid? Because this hat
doesn’t make me feel sexy.”
“It’s all hot Noah. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to beat all the girls off you.”
“It’s okay. You can just use my gun, that’ll scare ‘em.” He pulls me in close and kisses me. “I’m just more worried about the guys I’ll have to beat down.” He kisses my neck and slowly reaches my shoulder. I stop and turn him around to face the mirror. He leans back against me for support.
“I can take care of myself.” I slide my arms around his waist. “You look hot Officer Noah.” He displays a devilish grin.
Once we pay for our costumes, he drops me off at home so I can get ready. I wanted to talk to Andi before it started. When I walk in, she’s sleeping on the couch. She doesn’t seem to make it to her bed these days. I want to wake her but leave her, she looks too peaceful to be disturbed. I take a shower instead.
After my quick wash, I dress in pajama bottoms and a tank top until it’s time to get ready, which is a couple of hours. I walk out to the kitchen where Andi is awake and making a pot of coffee. “Hey.” I say, drying my hair with a towel.
“Hey.”
“Are you going to the party?” She doesn’t look too good and it worries me.
“Yeah, I’m riding with Derrick. Are you?”
“Yep. Got our costumes today.” I enter my bedroom to retrieve the dress. “Here is mine.” Her eyes widen, glancing from me to the outfit. “Holy-“ She whistles, shaking her head. “Damn, that is hot. You’re going to be a cold French maid. But wow, that’s pretty sexy. I love it! What is Noah going to be?”
“A police officer.” I smile. “And it’s pretty sexy too.”
“Nice. You’ll be a hot couple for sure.” She gives me a cup and I pour my coffee, adding sugar and milk.
I sit at the table, preparing myself for a talk. “I need to tell you something.” I’ve been preparing this all week. I think I’m ready.
“Okay.” She sits down with her coffee.
I look into my cup, at the bubbles surfacing, avoiding eye contact. “Well, I think I’m ready. Willingly.
“For?” Andi gives a questioning look, but after a few minutes the light bulb goes off as her changes to understanding. “Oh. Really?” I shake my head. “Well, are you sure? I mean, I think it’s awesome but do you think it’s too soon?”
“No, it won’t change how I feel, whether I do it now or later. And I want to do it now. I’m in love with him, Andi.”Oh wow, I just said that out loud.
She pats my arm, smiling. “That’s great Maddy. He is a great guy and I know he cares for you. God, he better not hurt you. I’ll beat him down.” When I’m with him, I know he’s only looking at me. And when we’re apart, I know he’s only thinking of me. But I’m doing the same thing. He just makes me feel wanted, cherished and like I’m the only one in the room. He knows when to say the right things, and the right things to say. He makes me want to give that part of myself away, that part I’ve been holding onto. I’ve had sex, in high school. But since then, I’ve only wanted to ‘make love’ to the guy who makes me feel loved. He’s what I’ve been looking for, even if I wasn’t looking.
Andi finishes her coffee and sits back in her chair. “I know you’ve had sex before. But I think you should be aware that it might hurt, since it’s been awhile. Take it slow, enjoy the moment and let things happen naturally. Sex is a big deal, hence you waiting so long. But for you, it will be the best experience in the world. And when it happens, I hope it’s everything you’d hoped it’d be.”
“Thanks, Andi. Do you think I’m making a mistake?”
“Do you? If you’re sure it’s what you want, then no, I don’t. Go for it. But if there are any doubts, then wait. But it seems like you got it under control. Ultimately, it’s your decision.” I consider her words, while I leave the room and enter the bathroom to dry my hair with the dryer. The heat on my scalp erases all my thoughts. I flip my head forward, along with the rest of my hair to dry all the hair underneath. I love those commercials where the girl is modeling a shampoo and her locks are so silky and when she moves her head side to side, hair is flying every which way. So when I finish drying it, and get tired of the blood rushing to the top of my head, I flip my hair and shake it. For a moment, I feel like a model, and glorious. But then reality crashes down on me, reminding me that I’ve gotta get ready. I decide to curl the ends a little, just to put a little more oomph in it, right after I put my outfit on.
It’s a one piece black dress with a white ruffle trim that flares at the bottom and around the neckline. It came with an apron, duster and choker but I had to buy a petticoat, thigh highs and I already had black shoes.
“Wow!” Andi says, stunned as she leans casually against the doorway. I smile at her and then glance at my reflection in the mirror. She walks in and sits on the toilet seat. “Do you want me to curl your hair?” I nod thanks, handing her the curler after plugging it in. She waits for it to get warm. “You look hot Maddy. Noah is going to have to keep a close eye on you.” She grins, “But he will feel like the luckiest guy in the bar.” I roll my eyes, keeping quiet, lost in my thoughts. “Maddy.” Andi snaps me out of my trance.
“What?” She drops the curler and it bangs against my head, burning my scalp. “Ouch!” I yelp, grabbing the tender area and rubbing it.
“Shit, I’m sorry. It slipped. I was asking what time he’s picking you up.” Tears prick the back of my eyes.
“Six-thirty.” She curls the right side, flipping it outward. The curl bounces naturally. I turn my head to the side for a better look. Andi always curled my hair before dances or parties. I loved how she styled my hair and thought she should go to salon school to make a career. She loves her job at the bank, though. So I guess that’s where she’ll stay for now.
She inspects my hair to make sure it’s all curled and even. Her blonde locks sit on her shoulders, uncurled. I guess she wanted to make me complete before she worked on herself. “Maddy?” I glance at her reflection, waiting. “Please don’t mind my bitchiness the next few weeks or months. If I snap at you, please don’t take it personal.”
I take her hand and turn to face her. “We’ll get through this…you and me. I’m here for you as you were there for me for so long after all my drama. We need to be there for you mom and sister, but if you need to cry, don’t hesitate. You can’t hold it all in, just go somewhere and let it go.” She hugs me but quickly pulls away.
“Crap, sorry. I don’t want to ruin my awesome job. She gently tugs on my curls. “You’re all done.”
“Thank you, so much. Now you need to get ready.”
When I finish with my make up, I clean the kitchen counter and straighten the living room. Noah should be here any minute and Andi’s taking a shower. A knock at the door stops me from cleaning my room, so I close the door and grab my coat, choker and duster. I slip my shoes on and open the door.
“Wow. Fucking wow. Am I at the right house? I was looking for a smoking hot brunette. Have you seen her?” I laugh, as I wrap my arms around his neck. “I’m not sure if I should be jealous or flattered. But are you here to take me in, Officer?”
“That depends, have you been naughty?”
I lean in and whisper in his ear, “I’ll let you know later tonight.”
“I’m looking forward to it.” He kisses my neck briefly, making me shiver. I tell Andi I’m leaving and lock up. Once we’re outside, my legs catch the cold breeze. But I ignore it.
Noah helps me into the jeep and when he’s inside; he takes the duster and twirls it in his hand. “This is pretty cool. It’s like a real duster.”
“Sure.” I laugh. “Hey, I never did say thank you for talking to Andi the other day. You really changed her view of you.” He kisses the back of my hand as we back out of the parking lot.
“I just wanted her to know I was here for support. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love so deeply. And I wanted her to know how serious I am about you. I don’t want her to think I’d ever hurt you. The way I treated the oth
er girls before you, I won’t do that again.” His eyes show certainty and sincerity when he looks at me. It sent butterflies swarming in my belly.
“Well, thank you.” I squeeze his hand.
We enter the parking lot at Midnight and it is starting to fill up. Normally everything happens after 8 but people arrive early. “I’m starting to rethink your costume idea.” Noah says looking out his window. I notice a few of young people, our age in crazy costumes. I unbuckle my seatbelt, lightly slap his arm. “Just be nice, officer. No fighting tonight.” He nods unconvincingly as we step out of the vehicle. He approaches my side, taking my hand.
“Oh my god Maddy, is that you?” Dale approaches me, dressed up as Superman. He’s a regular at the bar, an old friend, and mid-forties, biker with tats, scruffy beard and beer gut. He’s nice.
“Who’s this clown?” Noah asks in my ear.
“Relax, it’s Dale Stevens. He’s a nice friend.” I smile as he stops in front of me, “Hi Dale. It’s me, little ‘Ol me.” I hug him. “Dale, this is Noah. Noah, Dale.” I notice Noah putting on a fake smile as he shakes Dale’s hand.
“Nice to meet you, Noah. Are you going to take me in? I swear it wasn’t me this time”
“If there’s no trouble, there’s nothing to worry about.” Noah jokes and they easily fall into small talk. I relax against him and take in my surrounding. “Hey babe, can you get us a table? I need to use the restroom.” I nod.
“Yeah, I’ll see you later Dale.”
I grab a table close to the stage, and as I take my phone out of my purse, I text Andi.
“Is this seat taken?” I look up and see Trey dressed as a pirate. I try not to laugh but he just looks ridiculous. Definitely not pulling it off like Johnny Depp.
“Well, hello Trey. I’m sorry to tell you, you are no Johnny Depp. Nice try though.” He pulls up a chair beside me. “You look hot! Want a drink?” Shit, the events from the last time I was here come rushing back and I need to get him away from here. “No, I’m good. And that seat is taken. I have a few more people coming.” He looks around. “I don’t see anyone coming.”
