by Annie Brewer
I buckle my seat belt, start the engine and cruise onto the highway with a big smile on my face.
Chapter 37
Noah
“Okay, seriously we need to hike the Grand Canyon one day. How cool would that be?” I pull into a gas station on the way to Wall 2 Wall, an indoor rock climbing gym. It’s our second official date. I’m totally pumped up and can’t wait to spend more time with her. I’m falling for this girl and I’m not sure if I can stop even if I wanted to. We finally kissed and it was magical. It took me to a place I didn’t know existed.
“Honestly, when it’s not so friggin’ freezing, that would be bad ass!” Maddy says, grinning. She’s wearing work out pants and a thin long-sleeved top. It gets hot in those places, but they’re so fun. It doesn’t beat the real thing, but this will have to do for now.
I take her hand and kiss her palm, while keeping my eyes on the road as I park the jeep. “Go get us some gas so we can get this party started.” I let go of her hand and kiss her cheek before chuckling. “Okay, bossy.” I get out of the car and shiver from the cold, considering I’m wearing wind pants and I left my jacket in the car. So I pump gas as fast as possible before I freeze my balls off.
When I get back in the car, Maddy is listening to…”Oh hell, turn this shit off. We do not play Britney in my car.” I change it and shake my head when she sticks her tongue out at me.
“Hey! I like her old stuff. Before she went all crazy.” I turn the music down to carry on conversation.
“I thought we were similar with our music taste. But I’m guessing you were one of those girls that fawned all over the boy bands, like the Backside Boys or N’Stync.” She glares at me.
“Actually, it’s the Backstreet Boys and N’sync. Get it right, but no I wasn’t into them. Not really. Their music wasn’t horrible. I just liked rock and some pop, old Christina and Britney for instance. I mostly listened to Queen, Metallica, Def Leppard, Journey, Aerosmith, Jewel, Sarah, Bon Jovi and so many others.” Oh thank God. I love that we have music in common. Music and reading was always my escape from reality. And from what I can tell, it was hers as well. I open my glove box and pull out my CD collection.
“Do you like Poison?” Her face lights up.
“Pour some sugar on me?”
“Maybe later, baby.” I tease and wink. She wiggles her eye brows, making me laugh. I pop in the CD as we take off down the highway. The gym is forty-five minutes away, which means I get forty-five minutes to hold her hand and listen to her sing like she has no care in the world. She rolls her window down, throwing her arms out in the cold air. I admire her care-free spirit; it’s something I wish I had. Sometime s I wonder if I’d look like that, if I just let go. Of everything.
We sing at the top of our lungs. I glance at her and see her smiling back at me. I smile back. “You should sing at karaoke.” She says over the music.
“Why, am I that good?” I joke. “I’d sing something with you. If you’re scared to do it yourself.” I see it as a challenge. I shake my head, “I’m not scared.”
I concentrate on the road, instead of the unsteady beat of my heart because I’m terrified. Music is so expressive and I’m afraid she’d see through me if I sang a song that even remotely was emotional. Without looking at her, I tell her my decision. “I’ll sing with you. Once.”
“Really?” She holds my gaze, her expression adoration. I can’t look away. Fuck. I’m in so deep, I don’t know what to do. “Yes.” I answer her. “Yes, I will. I don’t like the spotlight, but for you, I’ll do it. Just don’t put in any foo foo girly boy band shit. I’ll walk.” I’m only half-serious.
“Awesome. I’ll let you choose the song.” Her hair falls in her face and I itch to move it, to run my hand through it.
Going downhill, Maddy raises her hands, closing her eyes as if we were on a roller-coaster, descending from the top. I watch her, fascinated by her beauty. The smile on her face widens and she opens her eyes, catching me staring. She drops her hands into her lap. “My parents used to take me down these hills when I was little.” I detect pain in her voice when she mentions them. It hurts to see the pain in her pretty eyes. It makes me sad, knowing her dad needs her. I wish she’d talk to him. I can’t really say anything since I won’t talk to my dad again. Not that he deserves any more than that; at least her dad loves her. In his own way. Mine made it clear he never wanted me. The air in the car feels too tight, so I roll my window down, hoping it helps the suffocation.
“Your parents sound like amazing people.” I say, for the lack of better comments.
We ride the rest of the way in silence, listening to U2 and Bon Jovi. “Hey, there’s a Halloween party at Midnight. They have one every year. Do you want to come?” I hate dressing up. No, that’s a lie. I love dressing up and scaring the shit out of all the neighborhood kids. That was always fun. Spencer and I used to put on the scariest make up and darkest clothes. We were mean.
“Yeah, I’ll go. And I’m guessing you want me to dress up too?” Not that I mind, anything that will make her smile I’ll do it. “You don’t have to. But I was going to go look for a costume so if you happen to find one you like, you should get it.” I can tell she wants me to dress up too. I squeeze her hand. “I’ll go. And I’ll dress up. It’ll be great.”
“Okay, turn here.” I pull into a strip mall, drive past a bunch of shops on my right. I stop in front of a building at the far back corner with the words Wall 2 Wall in big block letters on the sign. “I haven’t been here in so long.” Maddy says, looking at the building.
“I haven’t been here in…well ever.” I retort sarcastically. This should be interesting. We get out, Maddy’s bouncing around like a basketball, clearly excited. I withhold a laugh and take her hand and smile down at her adorableness. I hold the door open for her.
The gym is like any other gym, spacious but with wall to wall climbing foot holds. I see an area for kids as well. It’s like Disneyland. I take a moment to watch some of the people climb. Maddy walks to the counter, she had called ahead so we could get a slot time. We get our equipment on and take a quick introduction class, going over the basic rules. Stay in the facility, don’t climb under other climbers, return equipment, no running, etc. Pretty easy.
We learn about belaying, basically the one who holds the rope for the climber. We’re in appropriate clothing and left everything in the jeep. Maddy just brought her wallet (she insisted on paying, I guess I owe her) and my keys. I’m shifting from one foot to the other, ready for this. My adrenaline is pumping. We stretch as we’re instructed beforehand. Having already seen Maddy stretch before, it’s no surprise that my heart beats a few beats too fast when her firm buttocks is sticking out for the world to see. I want to cover it up, away from oogling eyes. I shake the absurdity out of my head and focus on my own stretching.
“Are you excited?” She pokes me in the stomach playfully. I laugh, the urge to throw her down and tickle her until she pees in her pants is weighing in my mind a little heavily. I’ll save that for later, in private.
“Hell yes.” I stretch my legs and arms until I feel my body is stretched out enough. She finishes and joins me, standing by the instructor.
“Okay, you two look ready to go.” He says.
“Yes, we’re ready.” She says. I take her hand and kiss her knuckle. “Ladies first.” I get the belay and the rope where it should be. She tightens her harness and walks up to the first wall. She lifts her right leg up when she sees a foothold and grabs onto one to the right and pulls herself up. Her left foot finds a place to hold her up. “To the right.” I call to her. She looks up and then left and right. Her foot slips at one point and I tighten the rope. She rights herself quickly, finding another way.
“Shit, my hands are getting sweaty.” I hear her mumble to herself. She climbs and climbs, getting higher and higher. I can see her legs working, the muscles helping her with each push. This girl is a pro. I can’t help but sneak a peek at her ass, since that’s the only thing
I can really see at this point. Concentrate Noah, you can’t let her fall.
I blink and shake my head. She’s up higher now but almost loses her footing. “Are you doing okay?” I see the back of her bobbing back and forth in a nod. She climbs to the right where there’s more holds to grab onto.
“She’s good.” The instructor tells me. I glance at him and smile in agreement. “Yeah, she is.”
When Maddy finishes and climbs back down, I kiss her sweaty forehead. “You were awesome. I can’t say I wasn’t turned on.” I whisper. She laughs at me as I hand her a bottle of water.
“Thank you. It was fun!” I kiss her mouth. “You looked hot from down here.”
“Did you enjoy the view?” She grins. “Well, get up there so I can enjoy it too.” She slaps me on the ass, urging me forward. I tighten my harness as she grabs the rope, look back and wink at her.
About 2 hours later, we return the equipment and tiredly fall into the car. Well, I do. We’re both sweaty though, in need of showers. Or deodorant. I look around for cologne I can spray on myself, feeling self-conscious. My shirt is soaked. But damn, that was so much fun. It was pretty easy for me but I did fall once, or my foot slipped. Sometimes being taller isn’t always an advantage. But nonetheless, it was a successful date. I really enjoy these spontaneous adventures with Maddy.
She’s leaning her head back against the seat with her eyes closed. I look away from her sexy sweaty body, needing a distraction. I start up the engine. “Was it as good for you as it was for me?”
She opens one eye, astonished. “Uh,”
“The date, I was talking about the date.” I mended. She laughs, embarrassed. “Someone’s mind is in the gutter.” Mine totally is but she won’t know that.
“Aside from smelling like ass, it was awesome. Hell, even smelling like ass it was awesome. I just love doing things that normal people don’t think of on first and second dates. Okay, obviously our first date was normal. But still.”
“Well, I enjoyed it immensely. But it still doesn’t beat the real thing.”
“I’m glad you had fun.” Me too.
We drive back in silence. Too tired to make small talk. The radio plays in the background, quietly. She reaches for my hand while she’s looking out the window. It’s a small gesture, but it means so many things. Normally I’m the one initiating the hand holding, so it’s nice when she makes small signals that show she cares. To me, it’s so foreign to just hold a girl’s hand, it’s almost intimidating. But since I’ve come to learn more about Maddy, I know this feels right. I’ve come to realize that I need Maddy, maybe as much as breathing. I need her in my life. Even if we didn’t work out, which I’m hoping isn’t going to be the case. I care about her, shit, I fucking almost want to say the L word. It’s probably too soon. Even if I feel it, I won’t tell her, until I know for sure. All I know is that when we’re apart, she’s the only fucking thing I think about. She’s what I see when I close my eyes at night. Hell, she takes up residence in my mind pretty much all the time. And when we’re together, I even think about her, in my arms, holding me, me holding her, protecting her from getting hurt, wiping her tears when she’s sad, desperate to make her smile, aching to feel her touch, her lips on mine, feeling the butterflies in my stomach when I hear her voice. It’s all so consuming.
Isn’t that love? Fuck, I don’t know. But I’m falling, falling for this girl. Hard.
Maddy falls asleep, her right leg is up on the seat and her elbow is bent, against the door, resting on her cheek. Every so often I glance at her and smile, wondering how I got so lucky to have met her. I moved here with no intention of meeting anyone, much less fall in love. I do, I fucking love Maddy Walker. God. Damn.
I just need Andi’s approval.
When we arrive at the apartments, Maddy’s still asleep. I shake her gently. “Maddy, we’re here. Wake up, sweetie.” She stirs a little but doesn’t wake up. I shake her again with more force. And trail a kiss from her ear to her jaw. “Maddy.” I whisper.
“Hmm?”
“We’re outside your apartment.” She opens her eyes and wipes her mouth. “Oh my god, was I drooling?” I kiss her cheek, ignoring her freak out.
“Nah, you’re good. But you do need a shower.” I tease.
“Ha ha. Yeah, I do.” She answers, opening her door. I get out and help her out and walk her to her door. “Well Noah, this has been fun. I’m going to get a shower and crash. See you soon?” I kiss her forehead. “I look forward to it.” She grabs my face and kisses me hard.
“Me too.” She grins. Once she’s safely inside, I drive all but five seconds or so to my apartment. I shower and crash too.
I check my reflection in the mirror. I’ve been told being in love changes how you look or act. I don’t feel different, except maybe just how I see things. I don’t look different, just tired. I wash my face, fix my hair and dress in a pair of jeans and a gray sweater. I grab my keys and walk out the door. It’s Monday, Maddy is at work. I drive around to her apartment, a little nervous.
I straighten my clothes, wiping my sweaty palms on my pants and walk to her door, knocking a few times. I shove my hands deep into my pockets. Andi answers in her bathrobe. Her eyes narrow when they land on me. “Hey, Noah.”
“Hi.” I say stupidly.
“Maddy’s at work.”
“I know, I actually came to talk to you.” She hesitates for a minute before opening the door wider, gesturing me in. I close it behind me. “Do you want something to drink?” She offers.
“Uh, no thanks. I’m good.”
“Suit yourself.” She picks up her coffee cup and brings it to the couch, so I follow her. The TV is on mute, but I know she’s watching Iron Man. I smile, remembering Maddy’s comment referring to Robert Downey Jr. as her favorite actor.
“So what can I do for you, Noah during this unexpected visit?” She leans against the couch cushions. I sit stiffly, squirming under her scrutiny. Should I tell her I love Maddy and wouldn’t hurt her? No, I should tell Maddy that first. Internally, my mind and heart are battling each other.
“I just want you to know Maddy is a great woman.” Great is an understatement actually.
“I already know she is.” Okay, I must just get on with the reason I’m here.
“I’ve had a rough life. My parents didn’t give two shits about me. My father was more concerned about his status at the New York Post and didn’t have time for me or didn’t care to. And my mother became an alcoholic shortly after my dad divorced her. I was ten. I was alone. I lost one of the only people I ever cared about the night of my high school graduation, which I never got over. I became a complete fuck up because of it, getting into drugs and doing crazy shit I’m not proud of. I hated life. I finally woke up and realized I didn’t want to continue my path of destruction. I wanted to be a better person. I wanted to prove to my parents their abandonment didn’t define me. So I moved here when my mom told me my aunt wanted to get to know me. She’s the only family I have. I’ve dealt with death, pain, loss, guilt, anger, all of it. I’m starting over.” I relax into the couch when I notice Andi is listening intently without judgment. “I don’t know, I really like her. Maddy is the first girl to come along to make me feel anything. I know your thoughts about me being a player, they were a true. I was. But since I’ve been here, it’s all changed. Maddy makes me want to do things I’ve never done. I care for her and it’s not just to get her into my bed.” Her mouth curves upward on one side.
“Why are you telling me this? About your life and your feelings?”
“Because I want you to know, that I would never hurt her. I’ve felt enough pain. I’m sick of the pain. I want something…better, something real and worth living for. I want to smile and laugh more. Maddy makes me smile and laugh. It feels good to do those things. I enjoy making her smile and laugh too. She’s a great listener. I feel like she can understand me, like no one else. I guess I just want your opinion of me to change.”
She purses her lips tog
ether and claps her hands over her stomach, gazing forward. “But why does it matter that I know this?”
“Because I know she wants you to like me and accept me, with her. She wouldn’t want us to date if her best friend didn’t approve. And I get that. I want your approval too.” She nods in agreement.
“Well, Derrick told me you had a rough life, he just never told me to what extent. Damn, I’m sorry about your parents. I saw Maddy go through it, though her family loved her.”
“Derrick doesn’t know all of it. I wanted to keep my past in New York but I guess you can’t escape it for too long.” I stretch my legs out in front me, getting comfortable. “By the way, what’s up with you and my cousin?”
“Shit, nothing anymore. We were involved, but he wants to commit and I don’t,” I don’t blame her on that. “Which is the opposite of Landon and Maddy. She wanted to feel something more than just an orgasm and he didn’t which is why I knew they weren’t right for each other but he was one of her best friends, familiar and comfortable, so they made people think they were together. But I knew she didn’t really want him. And then you came along, and changed her. She was so smitten with you, I just didn’t get it. But now I do. You do understand her and I see you care for her.” She smiles, it looks pretty on her face, her blue eyes bright. “I’m happy to hear you’re serious about Maddy. She’s been through so much. She deserves to be happy.” I can hear sadness in her voice.
“I know she deserves happiness. We all do. And we all deserve to be loved by our parents.” I look at her, serious, “I’m so sorry about your dad. And before you say anything, Maddy slipped one night when I forced it out of her. It’s taken a toll on her. She’s trying to be strong for you but it’s tearing her apart since she loved your dad as her own. I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through. But losing someone close, regardless, is hard no matter who it is. I’m here if you ever need to talk.” She forces a smile, but it looks sad. I guess we all need someone we can talk to.
