by Annie Brewer
Maddy sleeps, wrapped in my sheets. I slip out of bed and pace the room. I drink a cup of coffee and grip my phone in my hands. I know what I want to do but I’m trying to figure out how. I sit at the edge of my bed, watching my sleeping beauty. The rise and fall of her chest as she’s breathing steadily.
I dial the number and wait. On the third ring, it’s picked up. “Noah?”
“Hey, it’s me.”
“Oh my god, it’s so good to hear your voice.” I shake my head, in agreement. It’s been too long and it’s my fault.
“I got your letter. I just didn’t know what to do with it. I needed time to think.” I talk quietly, my eyes fixed on the girl that changed my life.
“I’m glad you got it. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you, but I’m so happy you called.” I can hear the tears in my mother’s voice and for the first time, I believe her. I want to end her pain and sadness. We were both betrayed by my father, we just handled it differently. I shouldn’t hold it against her anymore.
“I’m coming to visit the first week of December.” I don’t mention having a visitor with me. Maddy will be her surprise.
“Oh Noah, I’m so anxious to see you. Thank you for such great news.”
“Mom, I want to believe you’re doing better for yourself. I want you getting help and staying clean. You need to be on the right track, and maybe you can be happy again. I’m just not getting my hopes up.” I hear her sniffling as if she’s crying. I want to cry too. I always needed my mother but I’m afraid of being let down again. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, but I won’t put all my hopes into something that could change in an instant.
“I understand, my son. I can’t expect you to trust me after everything. But I’ll show you that things have changed.” I notice Maddy stir for a minute.
“Okay, well I’ll be in touch and I hope you have a great Thanksgiving.” It’s about two weeks away and then we’ll be on our way to New York.
“Okay, it was nice talking to you.”
“You too. Have a good night.” I almost hang up but then she says, “Noah?”
“Yes?”
“Thanks for the call. It really made my night.” I nod in agreement. I feel a small weight lift from my worries, but it floats above, waiting…just in case.
“Goodnight mom.” I hang up and stare at the wall, feeling hopeful.
“Was that your mom?” I feel Maddy’s arms wrap around my shoulders and I lean back, letting her comfort me.
“Yeah, I told her I was coming next month. But I didn’t mention you coming. We’ll surprise her.”
She kisses my neck, her hands covering my chest. “I’m so proud of you, Noah. She’ll be so happy to see you.”
“I’m not keeping my hopes up, but she sounded okay. Good, even. It was nice to talk to her.” I clasp my hand with one of hers, thankful for her support. I’m anxious to go but what is helping with my nerves is to know Maddy will be by my side. I kiss her once more before leaving the room.
We spend the evening on the couch watching movies. I learn she’s not a fan of horror flicks. But I finally convince her to watch the first Saw movie with me. I promise to protect her from the Jigsaw creep. We cuddle under a blanket with a bowl of popcorn. I hold her against my chest; squeeze her tight during the scary or suspenseful scenes. She buries her face into my shoulder and I feel like the hero rescuing the Damsel in Distress. But this girl’s no Damsel, my girl is tough as nails. I feel like she saves me more which makes me feel weak. Not that a woman saving a man is ridiculous or anything. It just shows how differently we handled our pasts or problems.
“Well…that was fucked up. I want to watch the second one now.” She gapes at the TV and I grin at her, surprised the movie didn’t turn her off, but pleased.
“Really?”
So we watch it followed by the next 2 and I finally decide to put in a lighter movie before we go to bed. I don’t want her to have nightmares. It’s the perfect weekend but ending all too soon. I’m just grateful for the time we get with each other.
Chapter 44
Maddy
It’s the week before Thanksgiving and two weeks before our New York trip. I have so much to do so while I’m all excited; I’m also overwhelmed and nervous. It’s hard hiding my excitement around Andi. It’s also Derrick’s birthday this weekend. Saturday we’ll be at Midnight. I told Noah I wouldn’t drink so he wouldn’t worry but he insisted on me having fun and he won’t bother me about it. He even said he would loosen up and have a couple drinks too. But after the Halloween party, I only plan to have one or two drinks. I won’t put him through that shit again. I have a habit of going over my limit. I won’t, not again.
I can’t imagine losing Andi or Derrick…or even Landon. The thought makes me sick. But it also put a lot into perspective and it makes sense why I only ever saw Noah with one or two beers at the most when we went out. My heart aches for him after all he’s been through. But letting me in has been the best gift he could give me. I understand and sympathize with him so much more now.
I finish entering a few records for our clients. I make a few calls to our patients, reminding them of their appointments. When a man bursts through the door, frantic and holding a beat up looking pup in his arms.
“I found her on the side of the road. She almost got hit by a car because she was limping, slowly.” I approach him and survey the pup’s injuries. She’s wet and her tattered body is limp. My heart drops. I swallow my emotions and take her from him carefully, not to hurt her more than she already is. “I didn’t know where else to bring her.” He looks defeated.
“No, it’s okay. Thank you. I’ll get my vet to look at her.” I walk away, she whines from discomfort. I soothe her, gently caressing her nappy fur. “It’s okay baby. You’re safe, we’re gonna get you all fixed up.” I find Amanda. She takes her to the room and examines her.
“Thanks Maddy. I’ll fix her up.” I try to smile and walk back to my desk. She had dried blood on her feet and her fur was rough, battered and bruised.
I try to concentrate on my task but my mind drifts back to the helpless little dog. I hope she can be saved, helped. I’d take her and adopt her myself but the last thing we need right now is a pet when so much is going on. I don’t want to burden Andi with anything. As much as I want a companion, it’ll have to wait.
“I’m keeping her here overnight for observation. Steve will be here in the morning. Poor thing was beaten pretty badly.” She leans in the doorway and sighs. “Why do people do such things?” I hold back the tears as I stare at my computer screen, blankly. I’m trying to comprehend it myself. Animals don’t deserve such treatment. They’re so innocent and it pisses me off when such cases arrive, sometimes too late. It breaks my heart to learn there are such cruel people in this world.
“Ugh, I’m so sick of animals being beaten and abused.” My hands tremble so I stop typing and look back at Amanda.
“I know, I saw on the news last week of a dog that was beaten to death with its’ owner’s hammer. I almost threw up.” My mouth gapes at that and I taste bile in the back of my throat. I’m sickened, imagining the dog watching it’s life flash before it’s eyes as the hammer breaks it’s bones and I shudder with disgust.
“Jesus, that was too much Amanda.”
She frowns sadly, “I know. I’m sorry. I cried when I heard about it. People are so fucking cruel.” The problem is, it’s everywhere. You can’t stop it, only pray the animals end up in a happier place than this existence. I blink back more tears threatening to spill over and walk to the back to clock out.
“It’ll be okay, Maddy. Have a good evening. Just pray the dog survives this massacre.” I hug her and leave work to have dinner at Andi’s parent’s house. It’s one heartache to the next.
Jim looks pale these days, very sickly, which is expected but it still doesn’t ease the pain of seeing him like this. He’s weak and his hair is thinning. Chemo seems to be taking its toll on his body.
“So Mad
dy, are you excited about visiting the Big Apple soon?”
I look up from my plate of Chinese take-out we ordered and strain a smile. “Oh yes, it’s always been a dream to go there. I’m trying not to show too much excitement in light of what’s going on though.”
She smiles sadly. “Don’t be silly. You can’t stop living because of our situation. We’ll be fine. This is exciting for you, you’ll love it there.”
Andi watches Jim attempt to eat. The medicine makes him sick so he doesn’t eat very much. I look away before I make it worse on myself. Melanie may be right about living and not dwelling on what’s going on but it’s difficult to watch a man you’ve known your whole life become this shell of a person he once was, so energetic and happy, now something completely different. I know it’s gotta be worse for Andi.
I turn my head and catch Andi playing with her phone, texting someone I presume. Probably Derrick…who else?
“Excuse me for a moment.” She leaves the table. I finish eating in silence.
“Maddy.” I look up as Jim addresses me weakly. “Stop pouting darling. There’s more to life than death. No matter what happens, you must know you’ve always been such a strong and responsible young woman. I only hope you can change things with your father before it’s too late.” His voice is gruff but firm. I take his words to heart, just uncertain when that day will come.
Derrick turns 23. I’ll be 24 in January, though I don’t celebrate it. Birthdays should be fun and memorable. Mine, well it’s memorable, it’s also a day I’ve tried to forget, the day my mother was taken from me and my life changed infinitely. Some birthday present huh?
I lay on Noah’s couch after a short nap and a minor day-mare. We spend the day being lazy before the party at Midnight later. I lay, thinking about Noah and his mother. I really hope she straightens her act up for his sake, if nothing else. I can tell he was happy to speak to her and I wondered why he waited so long to call her, since it’s been over a couple months when he got the letter. It’s so important to have your mother in your life. I would say father too, but just hearing about him, I’m glad he’s not around or I’d feel obligated to say something to him.
“When are we meeting them?” Noah joins me on the sofa. I move to lay my head in his lap. He begins to run his fingers through my hair.
“About 7.” I reply, closing my eyes, loving the feel of my hair being played with.
“Wanna go for a run?” He asks, hopeful.
“Now?” He smirks, “It’s cold.”
“Are you scared of a little challenge?” I lift myself upward, our lips only inches apart. The corner of my mouth lifts, “Never.” And then my lips press against his quickly.
“Ready?” We start outside, dressed in light pants and thin long-sleeved shirts. I put my moves on, distracting him. “Hey, stop it. I know what you’re doing.” I laugh innocently, running my hands up and down his lean chest over his shirt. He squirms, grabbing my wrists to stop me. “That’s called cheating.” I nip at his neck, loving his reaction. Hey, I’m a girl…he should be giving me a head start.
“I’m not cheating. That was a good luck move.”
“Well, in that case,” He grabs me in a hug, shoving his hands under my shirt, caressing my bare back with cold hands. I gasp at the contact and push away but his hold tightens, pushing me against him. “Good luck”. He whispers gruffly before nipping the sensitive part of my ear.
As soon as his grip loosens, I take off running down the path. But in a short time, he’s at my heels. Dammit; I’m trying to breathe through my nose. He passes me, smirking. I will my feet to speed up but I’m not as tall or athletic, which is my disadvantage. Noah senses me a good distance behind, slows down a pace and calls to me. “Come on, catch up turtle.”
I wave my hands in the air, “I’m not equipped for this.” My feet slow on their own, leaving me no choice but to follow their lead and stop. My heart is pounding, and my chest hurts. I plop down on the ground, hugging my body for warmth. Only a few days ago we had snow, which we played in, and threw snowballs at each other. I felt like a kid again.
“Are you okay?” Noah stands above me, reaching out to help me up and pulls me into his warm chest. I wrap my arms around him tight, enjoying the way our bodies mesh together. “Soon we’ll be in New York, alone. No distractions.”
“You’re forgetting Spencer will be there.”
He laughs, “Oh yeah, well we can always kick him out.” I pull back, keeping my body right where it is and tilt my head to the side, “I’m sure one night with us will send him away now that we’re together.” The first time we were talking about him and Andi hooking up. My how things change.
He wiggles his brows, twitching his mouth, “Yeah, because we’re a hot couple who have no self-control.” I moan when he plants wet kisses down my neck. Damn, we really don’t have any control. It’s freezing outside and we’re making out.
“We need to get ready for the party soon.” I don’t use much conviction behind my words, just felt like reminding him. After a minute my head falls back, giving him better access to my neck and he takes advantage. His mouth creates a path from my jaw to my collar bone, leaving chills in its wake. Gripping his shoulders, I slowly lift myself up Dirty Dancing style and at last our mouths meet. I want him, every bit of him. “Noah.” I moan loudly. He dips his fingers under my pants, my panties and caresses my bare ass. Holy-
“Your skin is so soft.” He whispers, digging his nails into my flesh, while he explores lower. I gasp, from pain or pleasure, I’m not sure. Probably both. More kissing and more caressing quicken my pulse, forcing me to grip his shirt in my fists for composure, though I have none.
All of a sudden, rain is pouring down on us with no warning. We break apart as its pelting us, chilling us to the bone. "This is just...awesome." Noah frowns down at me, shielding me from as much rain as possible.
"We needed to get ready for the party anyway." It's like the weather people knew we had somewhere to go in a couple of hours. "We can finish this later." I grab for his hand, leading him back to his apartment.
He gives me a sexy smirk, "Or we can finish this in the shower." I'm down for that. But before I can agree, he yanks my body against his and kisses me with such force, he knocks the breath right out of me. I sink into him, his touch, as our kisses speed up again.
He finally slows down, grips my face between his big, strong hands and caresses my cheekbones with his thumbs. I catch my breath, slowly opening my eyes to see his cheesy grin and huskily sigh, "Or that." He's pleased with my reaction.
His eyes search mine for several seconds, while his thumb brushes my bottom lip. "Sorry, I just love kissing you in the rain."
"You know we could catch pneumonia, right?" He stares at my mouth.
"I've never kissed anyone in the rain. I never thought it was even remotely romantic." I swallow, his gaze returns to mine again with so much desire and love, my breath hitches. "But with you, there's nothing better. Nothing more amazing. You have to know that. I could kiss you all day in the rain and it still wouldn’t be enough. You have to know what you do to me.”
"I do." My reply is weak. But I do know. I know it deep within my soul. He smiles, melting my heart.
“Let’s get inside.” He pulls me against him as we fight our way back to his apartment in the rain.
We walk through the doors at 7, fully dressed and dry after an amazing shower. I try to hide my excitement at the surprise I’ve planned for Noah. It’s Derrick’s birthday, not Noah’s. I know, but I’ve been working on a song for him, a song that tells of our story.
“Maddy.” Linda and Andi approach me.
“Where’s Derrick?” I ask, giving them a hug.
“Right here.” Derrick announces from behind me. Landon’s beside him. He nods to me.
“Happy birthday.” I give him a peck on the cheek.
“Better not let my cousin see that.” He jokes.
“Oh, I saw it. You better watch yourself. I know where you
sleep at night, remember?” He bumps his fist with Derrick and they do their macho manly man greeting. We all slip into an easy friendly converse with one another crowding a table, ordering food and drinks. Noah gently grasps my hand in his, absently stroking my knuckles with his thumb. Tingles shoot up my arm from the feel of his fingertip.
“Are you sure you don’t mind me getting a drink?” I lean in and whisper.
“I’m positive. You order what you want, babe.” He smiles, I kiss his cheek. “Thank you, I love you.”
“I love you too.” He tucks my hair behind my ear, planting a kiss on my forehead.
So I order a beer and a burger. Everyone else orders their drinks and food too. I sit back, watching the people around me, feeling at ease, content.
Noah and Landon even talk politely, making me smile, grateful that they’ve managed to put their machismo to rest and get along.
“Do you realize you’ve been dating Noah almost 6 months now?”
“No, it’s almost 3 months, officially.” I correct Andi.
“Oh come on, you’ve both liked each other since you met. You were just trying to fight your feelings for so long. It may as well be 6 months.” I lay my head on her shoulder and squeeze her hand.
“Toast, I wanna make a toast.” Landon stands with his glass raised. So we all stand with our drinks raised and wait for him to continue. “It’s been an interesting year and an even more interesting few months. We’ve been through a lot, good and bad. Derrick has always been the peacemaker of the group, the best friend I could ask for.” Noah takes my hand, lacing our fingers.
I lean into him and return my attention back to Landon. “I love you man. Have a kick ass year.” We clink our drinks together.
“While we’re at it, I’d like to say something.” I drop Noah’s hand so he can focus. He looks at me, then at the rest of the gang individually. “When I moved here, I didn’t know anyone except my aunt and Derrick. But even you guys were strangers to me. Ii didn’t know you that well. But you took me in, took a chance on me despite my past. I made a lot of mistakes in my life and wasn’t sure if this move would really make much of a difference. But it did and I have you all to thank.” He points to Landon, “Even you Landon.” He returns his gaze to Derrick, “Happy birthday cousin. I hope you have another great year.” We all cheers, Noah wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me in close.
