by Annie Brewer
I think he’ll be okay. Life has its way of working out for some. I think of Jim and my heart constricts. Maybe not for all though. I force a smile on my face and interact with my family. It’s a happy time, no frowny Fran is allowed.
An hour passes by, an hour of dancing, singing, drinking and celebration. It’s a good night. “How are you doing?” Linda sits beside me, watching the dance floor flood with bodies during a karaoke break.
“I’m good.” She pats my arm and I smile at her, a real smile.
“Maddy to the stage please.” Mike pulls my attention to the front. My heart leaps up in my throat in a ball of nerves.
“That’s you baby girl.” Linda says, patting my back now. I know what’s coming and for whatever reason, my throat goes dry.
“Can I have a glass of water?” Andi hands me a drink.
“Oh Maddy, I know you’re not nervous.” I hold up a finger for Mike to wait while I chug half the glass of water. I better not have to pee while I’m singing.
“What are you singing, baby?” Noah kisses my cheek.
“You’ll see.” I leave his side and walk to the stage. My hands start to sweat so I wipe them on my pants before reaching for the Mic.
“You got this, do your thang.” I smile at Mike, even though my body is trembling which makes no sense. I’ve been up here dozens of times and I’ve never been such a tight ball of nerves. I glance at the crowd, the eager and anxious faces, waiting for me. I catch Noah’s gaze, he winks at me and then mouths “I love you”, which makes my heart soar with butterflies. My nerves finally ease a little as I bring the Mic up to my mouth. “Tonight is a special night. It’s my best friends’ birthday. He’s 23 today.” I point to where a very embarrassed Derrick is shaking his head. He hates attention unless it’s from his friends. People shout ‘happy birthday’ and hoot and holler. His face turns red.
I laugh into the microphone, “Sorry Derrick, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.” I clear my throat, “Okay so the real reason I’m up here is for someone else. I’ve been working on a song I recently discovered and when I first heard it, and listened to the lyrics, I knew I had to sing it. It’s called “Then You Look at Me” by Celine Dion,” and I find Noah staring at me in wonder, once our eyes meet, they lock. “This is our song Noah, I love you.” My voice breaks at the end with emotion and in his eyes I see some emotion as well. Mike starts the song; I prepare for my first verse and sway to the music. I look straight ahead, into the crowd but not really seeing them. I close my eyes, soaking up the melody with my head down, and finally bring the mic to my mouth after the third count…
Laugh and cry
Live and die
Life is a dream, we are dreaming.
Day by day,
I find my way,
Look for the soul and the meaning.
Then you look at me,
And I always see,
What I have been searching for.
I’m lost as can be,
Then you look at me,
And I am not lost anymore.
My body sways to the music, my eyes open a little glossy as I pour my heart out into the song. Lyrics always make me emotional, especially the powerful ones. All of Celine’s songs are powerful, but this one is my favorite.
As the next verse starts, I walk to the end of the stage and sing with so much passion, closing my eyes every so often, feeling the story deep within my soul, like it’s my own. During the musical break, Noah moves to the front, watching me with so much adoration and love, I move down the steps to stand in front of him. It’s as if a force pulled us together for this moment. I don’t usually sing off the stage but tonight, it’s only Noah and I, nothing else exists.
As I sing the last verse, I grab his hand and look deep into his green eyes, into his soul and pour my own soul out at his feet. He swallows but keeps his gaze fixed on mine.
And you say you see,
When you look at me,
The reason you love life so.
Though lost I have been,
I find love again,
And life just keeps on running
You look at me and life comes from you.
When the song ends, he captures me in a tight embrace. “God, that was amazing.” He whispers into my hair. There’s cheering and clapping going on around us but I don’t hear it. I only care to hear one person’s approval, only one person’s opinion of my performance matters. “I’m telling you,” He pulls back with damp cheeks and I brush away the drops with the back of my finger. “You would be damn good on stage. A real one.” His grip on my back is firm, protective.
“I appreciate it but I only want to sing for one person, only one matters.” My hands run up and down his chest. “Besides, I can give you private shows.” A smirk lifts at the corner of his mouth.
“Well, I can’t argue with that. What do I have to do to get one now?”
“Nuh-uh, not yet. We still got some celebrating to do.” He frowns but kisses a spot below my ear.
“Okay, I’ll wait.” We spend the rest of the night singing, dancing and having a great time. And for once, I don’t need alcohol to accomplish that.
Chapter 45
Noah
“I can’t believe it’s Thanksgiving already.” Maddy squeals beside me on the couch. She’s painting her toe nails bright pink to match her fingernails. She does a better job than me, that’s for sure.
“Yeah and next week we’re on a plane to New York.” She looks up and smiles, her eyes lighting up her oval-shaped face. I love making her smile. She looks down and blows on her feet to dry the nail polish. I had never painted nails before so I was curious and tried painting hers, but smeared some on the edge of her big toe. I think I used too much at once, not realizing you’re supposed to rub the brush on the bottle to take some off. I felt stupid for not knowing that, but Maddy kissed me and thanked me for trying. I guess it’s the sentiment that counts.
“Are you nervous about seeing your mother?” She places the lid on the bottle, sets it on the table and holds her feet up to air dry.
“I’m nervous I might run into my father. But I can’t expect it not to happen.” And really I don’t want him to meet Maddy. He’s not a nice man to people who care about me. He’s talked a lot of shit to Lex so she hated coming around when he was there.
“It’ll be fine, babe. Just ignore him if you happen to cross his path.” Easier said than done, but I smile, enveloping her small hands with mine.
On the outside, Maddy appears to be a delicate flower, so small and bruised. But I’ve never seen a stronger, fiercer woman ready to take on the world. She’s taught me so much, even after the shit life has thrown at her; she never let it beat her down. Which is more than I can say for myself.
“I have to go to Linda’s later and help prepare the food for dinner tomorrow.” She grabs the remote to flip through the channels.
“Okay, that’ll work. I need to finish the table today for my aunt.”
Maddy nips at my ear lobe, driving me fucking crazy. I feign boredom, concentrating on my book instead, though my insides are bouncing all over the place. I just don’t want to give into my urgencies because that is what the old me used to do. I want to prove that I can keep it in my pants once in a while, control my sexual fantasies. But when her hot breath is all I feel on my skin, it’s hard to think rationally.
“What are you reading?” Her voice is seductive, sweet and making every cell of my body tense up. She’s trying to entice me, distract me as she runs her finger up my arm. It’s not working, it won’t work.
“It’s a book of dragons and wizards.” My eyes are glued to the pages but the words blur together, in nonsensical gibberish. Shit.
“We should take a shower, I know I need one.” Oh fuck, how can I resist that invitation? Jesus, I feel the twitch between my legs so I shift in my seat, holding the book in my lap to cover myself. She blows in my ear, her breasts rub against my shoulder.
I will not give in. I will no
t give in.
“Am I distracting you?” I will not give in. This is just a ploy. A grin lifts at the corner of her mouth and I know she’s enjoying my reaction.
“Nope, I’m just reading my book,” I hold it up for proof, “I’m almost at a kick ass action scene.”
Her eyes fall to the book and then back up to my face. “You know, you’ve been on the same page for a while now. I know you’re not that slow of a reader.” Damn, she’s onto me…and observant. “Kiss me.” She whispers. God, how I want to. I can just lean or turn my head a fraction of an inch and our lips would be touching. She wants it, I want it. Jesus, I want it, her, so bad. I let my eyes trail down her face and stop at her pink, kissable lips that are so enticing. As much as I want to kiss her, I know that if I start, I won’t want to stop. And then it would lead to other things. And hell, I love those other things, maybe too much. I avert my gaze but grasp her hand, stroking her palm.
“What’s wrong Noah?” I trace the lines; aware of her response from the tingles my finger is giving her. I hide my smile. “Noah,” I meet her curious stare.
“I love making you squirm.”
“Let’s take a shower and you can make me squirm all you want.” I drop her hand, folding my own hands in my lap. She eyes me skeptically. “Or not.” She grimaces.
“Sorry, I’m just not in the mood for a shower.” God, I’m such a liar, but a good one at least. I reach for her hand but miss when she moves to stand. “Maddy.”
“I’m going to take a shower…by myself apparently.” She sounds hurt and I feel like a jackass.
“Wait.” I grab her by the waist and spin her around to face me. “Are you mad at me?”
Her lips are a thin line as she thinks about my question. Her body is stiff in my arms and I’m desperate to change it. “I wanted you to kiss me or touch me but you were too busy “reading” to care.” She’s got it all wrong though. I’m just trying to be a decent guy, for her. Not the sex-crazed maniac in New York. I want to cherish her, not feast on her flesh like a rabid dog.
My hands cup her face, forcing her to stare into my desperate eyes, to understand me. “Baby, I love you. It’s not that I don’t want to touch you or kiss you. Jesus Christ, you’ve no idea how much I want to. Believe me, there’s nothing in this world I want more.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Maddy, lately all we’ve done is acted clingy and needy and horny around each other. We’re like a couple of teenagers with raging hormones. I wanted to give you space because I know what a big deal sex is to you. I don’t want to jump your bones every time you touch me or my body is screaming for physical contact. I have to control my urgencies now instead of allowing it to control me. And I’m okay with that. “I finally notice a grin emerge and she wraps her arms around me. “Just because I have a dick doesn’t mean I have to use it twenty-four-seven.” She giggles, relaxing against my body.
“I’m sorry, I haven’t been helpful either. I’m not really a nympho but with you, I always want to touch you, feel your skin against mine. I liked sex in high school but it never felt this good, with anyone. Now I can’t think of anything better. But you’re right, we should learn self-control.” I kiss her nose, watching it scrunch up.
“I feel the same way, babe. Believe me. But you know, I think we should control our sexual urgencies until we get to New York. Can you last that long?”
Her palms move up my chest, distractingly. I try not shudder or indicate any effect whatsoever, as my nipples harden. “So, you’re saying,” she starts, making circles on my ribcage, making me flinch because it tickles. My heart rate speeds up. What was I saying? “we should wait to be intimate for 5 days,” Oh right, she’s doing the talking. “And then we can unleash our sexual beasts within us, right?”
I swallow, searching for my voice and blink a few times. “Yes,” I bit out hoarsely. Damn her hands are the devil. “That’s correct.”
She grips my shoulders and says, “Can we do other stuff?”
“Yes,” Her smile knocks the breath out of me. “What did you have in mind?”
“Just…stuff that involves our mouths, tongues and hands. Or whatever.” Sweet baby Jesus. I can’t help but wonder what this “whatever” she’s referring to. She pulls away but I grab her hand. “Where are you going?”
“To take a shower.”
“So we’re okay. You’re okay?”
She squeezes my hand, “Oh yes, I’m okay. And we’re definitely okay.” But I’m not.
“One more thing before you go...”
“What?” I close the distance, grip her face between my hands and tilt her head back to look at me. My thumbs rub circles on her cheekbones as my eyes scan her features once, right before my lips crash down on hers. At first it’s just mouth on mouth, pressing against each other, memorizing the shape and texture, skin against skin. They move slow, perfectly sync, together as one. My hands move around to stroke her back as she fists my shirt for control. I finally speed up the kiss, wanting, no needing this connection with her. Her moist lips part, inviting me in and there’s no hesitation. My tongue slips inside her mouth, tangling with hers. Our hot kisses of passion and desire become intense, hungry. I move my hands up, running them through her silky hair and our kisses slow down.
When our eyes open and our lips part, we catch our breaths but remain in an embrace. “Holy shit.” Her sexy, husky reaction satisfies my ego.
“I know.” She quietly leaves the room for her much needed shower. I think after that, I’m gonna need one too.
“You’re gonna need a hotel for a night.” Spencer says.
“Why? We’ll wait until you’re asleep.”
“You’re loud, I bet…not that I’ve ever heard you, but she may be loud and the walls are thin. I don’t wanna go to bed hearing, “ohhh, ohhh baby yes…yes, oh my god that’s it…fuck, harder”.” I burst out laughing so hard, I fall out of the chair.
“Umm, yeah because that’s what we do.” Maddy says from the doorway.
“Hi Maddy.” Spencer says, appearing embarrassed now. “For the record, I don’t know what you guys do since I haven’t been around you as a couple yet. That was just a guess.”
Maddy sits down beside me, handing me a glass of water. “Oh, thank you baby. I needed that.” I’ve been working on the table since we pulled up to Aunt Linda’s house. As cold as it is outside, it’s warm in the garage, at least when you’re working.
“Uh, I don’t want to know what you gave him that made him so happy.” I roll my eyes at his comment and hear Maddy laughing, “You’re right…you don’t.” She plays along with him. I snatch my phone up and take him off of speaker. “Okay, we’re done for now. Have a great Thanksgiving tomorrow.”
“You too, bro. Looking forward to your visit.”
“Same here.”
“Bye Spencer. Have Turkey Day.” Maddy shouts. When we hang up with him, she kisses me. “This is looking amazing, babe. Your aunt is gonna love it.” I wrap my arms around her waist and lean my head on her shoulder. “Thanks. I just have the painting and finishing left and then I’ll be done.”
We close up the garage and walk hand in hand back into the house. Derrick, Andi and Landon are in the living room watching a movie. I let go of her hand and start toward the mostly full pot of coffee that beckons me. “Do you want some coffee?”
“Oh yes, please. That would be great, thank you.”
“Okay, go join your friends and I’ll bring it in.” She kisses my mouth, stealing my breath. I watch her walk away, admiring the view, the way her ass fills out her jeans. When she looks back at me, I wink; catching her blush and smirk.
I grab a couple of mugs from the cabinet and pour the coffee. I can hear laughter from the other room and curiosity has me straining my ears to listen for what movie they’re watching. I pour in the sugar and milk..”Oh Noah, I’m so glad I caught you. I wanted to have a chat.” I turn sensing my aunt beside me, refilling her cup. “I’ll be right back. Let me take thi
s to Maddy and we can talk.” I leave the kitchen and approach her on the couch. They’re watching American Pie. “Hey Noah.” Andi greets me, keeping her eyes on the movie.
“Hey guys.” I hand Maddy her cup, lean down and kiss her. “I’m going to chat with my aunt for a bit. I’ll be in soon.”
“Okay, no problem. Thanks for the coffee. I love you.” I give her an eskimo kiss before returning to the kitchen.
Aunt Linda is sitting at the table with her full cup, along with mine. “Let’s talk, shall we?” I plop in a chair across from her, the table wobbles a little.
“I’m almost done with your table and then you can get rid of this junk.”
“Thanks, I really appreciate it.” Her expression is unreadable. “How are you Noah?”
“I’m good.”
“Well first I wanted to comment on your persona. You’ve seemed really happy lately. I’m so glad you and Maddy are together. I’ve never seen her so happy.”
“We’re good.” I assure her.
“Are you?” Are we? I think so. Why am I second guessing myself? We’re not perfect but what couple is? We’re perfect for each other. “Yes, we’re great. We’ve had our issues, of course but we’re working on them.”
“Oh good. I’m so glad.” I sit there wondering what her motives are. Surely she doesn’t want to just shoot the shit with me. “Listen, I wanted to chat with you before your New York trip.”
“I’m taking Maddy with me.” This gets her attention. She cocks her head to the side. “Really? I had no idea. Does your mother know?”
“Yeah, I asked her a few months ago, on impulse. But then it just felt right. No, I just recently talked to my mom about me coming. I’m gonna surprise her about Maddy.”
