by Annie Brewer
“I really hope you don’t see your father. But chances of dodging that bullet are very low.” I glance down into my cup. “I know. It weighs heavily on my mind. Especially with Maddy coming.”
She pats my hand affectionately. Her eyes are tender and kind. Emotion stirs in my chest. It must have been nice growing up with a mother that actually gave a shit about you. I hope Derrick realizes how lucky he is. “It’s gonna be okay, Noah. I’ve no doubt Maddy can hold her own against that man.” I don’t doubt her words being true. In fact, I know she can. I just don’t think she should have to. If he starts shit with her, he’ll end up on a stretcher with a fucked up face and broken limbs. I can handle him disrespecting and bullying me. I will NOT tolerate that shit being directed at Maddy. “All I know is he better behave around her. I’ll knock his teeth out.”
She smiles widely, “You’re a good man, Noah.” All of a sudden, all of my energy is drained from my body and I just wanna go home and sleep. “Thanks. I think I’m gonna head home now.” I stand, finishing the last of my coffee before rinsing my cup and leaving it in the sink.
“Baby, I’m gonna go home.” I snuggle up to my beautiful woman and place a kiss on her neck. She looks tired too.
“Oh okay,” She sits up, “I’ll finish my coffee and we can go.”
“No, you stay and enjoy time with your friends. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Her face falls in disappointment, so I go on to clarify, “It’s okay, I’m really tired and you need girl time with Andi tonight. I’m taking too much of her time. I feel like a dirtbag. Stay at your place for the night and talk about me and how sexy I am and I’ll meet you back here tomorrow.” I hold her, rubbing her back, calming her nerves and see a sly grin twitch her mouth up. In reality, she needs to have girl time, and I just need to be alone with my thoughts, they’re a bit muddled at the moment.
“I love you, Noah. Thank you for being so understanding.” She kisses me sweetly, her lips taste of coffee and cherries from her lipgloss. I lick my lips, bid everyone goodbye and exit to the kitchen door.
“See you tomorrow, Noah.” Aunt Linda catches me before I leave. I turn and pad toward her at the table to give her a hug. “Have a good night.” I give her a peck on the cheek as she pats my back.
“Sweet dreams.” She says. And I head home, hoping to crash and erase my distracted mind.
Chapter 46
Noah
Words, they replay in my head over and over, keeping me awake, interrupting my sleep. I’m restless, tired, nervous and excited. I haven’t been home in almost six months, the longest I’ve ever been away. I can’t tell what emotion I’m feeling the most. I love New York, but the memories I left behind are internally battling one another in my mind. I want to show Maddy a great time. I want her to experience in one of the greatest cities, to be everything she’s ever dreamed of. So why can’t I just focus on that? After all, I’m not there to see my father, even though I know it will happen. But at least, I shouldn’t let it bother me until it happens.
After tossing and turning a dozen times, I hastily roll onto my back and let out an irritated grunt. So much for the sweet dreams my aunt wished me, I say aloud. My eyes adjust to the darkness rolling from one side of the ceiling to the other, over and over but see nothing. I bend my arms behind my head and start counting sheep, hoping my mind will succumb to the exhaustion and finally find rest. Of course it doesn’t.
One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four…..
I don’t wanna count freakin’ sheep no more.
So you have to invade my sleep now too? It’s not enough you bother me during the day, asshole? I practically yell, my voice echoing off the walls.
I reach out to Maddy’s empty side of my bed, missing her. I told her to stay at her place tonight and I meant it. But it doesn’t prevent the selfish part of me from wishing she were lying next to me or in my arms, asleep. On nights she stays over here, I’d wake up before her and watch her chest rise and fall with each steady breath she took. I’d memorize the small noises she’d make or the way her mouth twitched every so often. I long for her body right now, to be tangled with mine.
I grab my phone from the nightstand and scroll down to find her name. Taking me back to when we first started dating and how just the glimpse of her name would give me butterflies, a feeling so foreign to me and yet thrilling at the same time. She’ll never know how grateful I am that she took a chance on me, even when I was distant, closed off and rude to her. I only hope that I’m doing right by her. Change is never easy and sometimes it can be both a good and bad thing. I know without a doubt that she’s one of the only good things in my life.
I finally select the text button and start, then stop, changing my message….
Me: I just wanted to tell you, I miss you. I miss your amazing body asleep next to me. But I hope you ladies are having fun together. I love you so much and I’m grateful for you. Sweet dreams, my love.
-Noah, the Lonely
Glancing at the clock that reads 2:40, I debate sending the message. I’d hate to wake her up. But then again, don’t girls love receiving sweet texts late at night? I mean I would think so, but I don’t know, I’ve never been through this with anyone.
Send…
I let out a breath and I lie back down, intent to close my eyes.
Ding!
My phone startles me and my heart races as I reach for it to find a text.
Maddy: I miss you too. Don’t feel lonely, I’m there with you, wrapped in your arms.
Me: What are you wearing?
Maddy: Why don’t you close your eyes and see for yourself.
Me: Oh yeah, I’m enjoying this game.
We text back and forth a few more times before my body finally gives in and succumbs to the darkness in dreamless sleep, clutching my phone in my hand.
Awake and rested, I drive to Aunt Linda’s house for the day dressed in slacks and a gray sweater. I pull up to the house when I realize I left my phone on the coffee table. I consider driving back to get it, but what’s the point? It’s not like I really need it. Everyone I know in this town will be here. Or the ones that really matter, anyway.
I push the door open too eager to see Maddy and forget my phone problem. I quietly sneak through the door listening to her hum as she’s preparing some of the food. She’s alone so I sneak up behind her, wrap my arms around her stomach and kiss her neck. “I’ve missed you, this body…all night.”
She leans into me, I trail kisses down her bare shoulder. Her skin so smooth and I close my eyes, savoring her taste. “I missed you too.” She says, threading her fingers in my hair. When she stops, I nudge my head into her palm so she’ll keep doing it, much like a dog nudges its owner when it wants to be petted. “Where is everyone?” I ask in her ear, softly nipping at it.
“Linda went to the store and Andi went with Derrick to pick up Landon.”
My heart picks up speed knowing we’re alone. But then it drops at the reminder of the plan for self-control until New York. I can still kiss and touch her...just not the sex part, “So we’re alone?” She turns in my arms and smiles, shaking her head. “Yes, we’re alone but I have food to cook.” She kisses me and wiggles free of my grasp.
“Okay, I’ll go watch TV.”
“Wait.” I stop mid-stride and turn. She closes the space between us, wrapping her arms around my neck and kisses me with just enough fervor to make me stumble backward. Her tongue darts out and I drink her devouring her like ecstasy. “I love you, babe.” She pulls back as I’m searching for her bare skin under her shirt. I feel her stomach, not flat but not enough to make a difference in her weight. I don’t need a Barbie doll, thin woman to make me happy, but one who’s comfortable in their skin. Not obsessed with her weight. Greedily, my hands travel up to cup her firm breasts in my hands and I feel my dick twitching. I have to stop this before I cross the line. A line I created. I can wait a week and then I can unleash the passion and desire growing inside of me. I caress her back and back her into the
counter, lifting one leg up to wrap around me. She moans into my mouth. I grab her ass and squeeze, forcing her body to brush up against mine. I’ve never experienced such intense passion and yet it both terrifies and excites me.
What if I fuck this up? She’s the only good thing in my life that I don’t think I could live without her.
I tilt her head back and lick her skin, her sweat, from her neck down to her chest. “Okay, time to work. I need to quit distracting you.” I tease.
“That’s probably wise.” She retorts, laughing. “But wait, I want you to taste test this,” she scoops a bite of her green bean casserole on a spoon and feeds it to me, “what do you think?”
“Mmm…I like it, my amazing chef.” I kiss her cheek and wash the spoon. Her expression changes immediately, I grip her waist, twisting her to the right and the left as if we’re dancing. I see a forced smile, and stop. “Hey,” I tangle our hands to our sides, “what’s wrong?” Her eyes find mine with sadness that pierces my heart. “Maddy, talk to me.”
“Andi wants me to go with her to the hospital, to see Jim.” I frown at her, having no words that could help her situation. I mean, I know what she’s going through in a way. In so many ways our lives are similar, entangled and I know her emotions are all over the place. I have advice for her but I’d be a hypocrite, not taking my own advice and applying it to my own life. Still, this isn’t about me.
Her hands drop mine when she moves away to sit down. I follow her and sit close enough to touch her but keep my hands in my lap. “Do you not wanna go?”
Her expression changes to uncertainty, “I don’t know, Noah. Seeing him in a hospital bed sick is not how I want to remember him. I’m not good at handling this kind of situation.” My heart aches for her and I wish I could take the pain away. I just wanna take her away from it all. But even I know you can’t escape it. Your past, your guilt, your pain, it follows you everywhere. It’s fucking relentless.
“Maddy,” I start, hoping she understands where I’m coming from when I tell her this, I take her hand and look into her tear-filled eyes, “you should see him, once at least. You don’t want anything to happen before you get a chance to tell him how much he means to you, how appreciative you are of everything he’s done for you. The way he was there for you when others weren’t. You can remember the great times together and the times you wished lasted. But the main thing is,” I choke back my own emotions, thinking about my situation and how I never had the chance to tell Lex, my best friend everything I wanted to. It makes you realize how short life can be, but for the ones left behind it can be painful. Maddy scoots closer to me and wipes my tears from my cheeks. It’s such a simple gesture, one I should be making for her.
“I’m sorry, Noah.” She whispers.
“Shh, don’t be sorry. Just take it from me, visit him and tell him you love him. And who knows, maybe he’ll be around for years. Just because the doctor says he’s dying doesn’t mean he’s dying now within weeks or months. But it’s better to be prepared either way. Because I wasn’t.” She curls up to me, her face buried in my chest. My arms move around to comfort her. I feel her heartbeat under my palm through her shirt, into her back. It’s strong but fast. I hold her close, we hold each other.
Once we’re all seated at the table of delicious food and the rest of the gang is here, I take a moment to give thanks for people who’ve given me something to smile about. My aunt and Derrick, Andi, Landon…even though he hated me at first. And of course, my kind and selfless Maddy.
“I have an idea,” Aunt Linda addresses us, “we should all say one thing we’re thankful for, each one of us.” We’re all in agreement, and I can say a number of things I’m thankful for.
“Okay, I’ll go first.” Andi says, standing up. She looks around to each of us, “I’m thankful for my dad, even though he’s sick, I’m thankful for each day he gets with us because I know one day, he won’t be here.” I glance at Maddy who’s staring down at her plate, biting her lip. I can tell she’s fighting back tears, so I grab her hand under the table and give a gentle squeeze for comfort. She stands up next, once Andi has sat down and wipes her face.
“I’m thankful for a family of people who care about me.” Her eyes land on me and I swallow when her gaze grows intense. “And for people who understand me like no other, who accepts my flaws and still loves me for me. Life wasn’t always fair but it’s definitely making up for it.” She squeezes my hand now.
My turn…I stand up, “I’ll keep this short and sweet. I’m thankful for all of you, each of you for different reasons. I’d probably be home eating alone or getting drunk at Spencer’s house,” everyone laughs, but it’s actually a true possibility had I stayed in New York. It’s not a way to spend Thanksgiving. “So thanks for making this holiday and the move a successful one. Maddy smiles as if she’s won a prize when in fact; I’m the one who’s won. I’m thankful for her more than she’d ever know. She’s opened me up, something no other has done, not since Lex and we were only best friends. But Maddy managed to steal my heart and see deep into my soul.
My aunt, Derrick and Landon announce their thankfuls and we soon begin our feast. I make a note to call my mother and wish her a good day. In reality, I hope we can patch things up, move forward and forget the past. Maybe starting over without my father would give us incentive to work on a mother-son relationship. I contemplate asking her to move here, closer to her sister, away from him. She needs a fresh start like me. I know Aunt Linda misses her and wants to be close again, since their relationship became estranged for the same reason ours did.
“Are you okay?” Maddy gently touches my leg, making me flinch, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I smile and lace our fingers together atop my knee. “I’m great.” I lean in and kiss her lightly on the lips. “I love you. Happy Thanksgiving. This food is amazing.”
“You too and thank you.” Her face rests against my shoulder. It’s probably the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had. We finish the evening cuddling on the couch, watching movies, surrounded by our loved ones.
Chapter 47
Maddy
The week has been a blur. Thanksgiving was great but then, the week flew by and was emotional. I took Noah’s advice and went to the hospital. It was really depressing and difficult. He was sleeping but I told him everything. I cried at his bedside. I told him how life isn’t fair and he doesn’t deserve to be sick and how much I loved him and how much I’m hoping he pulls through. I poured my heart out to him. I didn’t hold back. It was nice though, to get it all off my chest. And then I spent the evening with Noah and cried myself to sleep in his bed. But I didn’t care and he didn’t care. He let me cry it all out and then I crashed. But then I was okay afterwards, the next day. I felt relieved and Jim had heard everything I’d said and was thankful for my words.
Now it’s the night before our flight. Well, it’s actually morning now. But I’m so tired from tossing and turning due to nightmares that I don’t know what time it is. I slept maybe a couple hours at most. Nightmares plagued me, breaking me up in cold sweats and panic. I’m not sure what brought it on except possibly the fact that I’ve never flown on an airplane so I don’t know what to expect. Not to mention, I’m a little apprehensive of flying, thanks to too many movies or news stories of plane crashes. It’s also due to Nine-eleven. That still weighs heavily on my mind. That day changed us all.
I sip my coffee at the table, dazed. I’m exhausted, when I should really be excited. I’m finally getting my dream of seeing New York.
“Wait, what happened? Who are you and where did you stash my girlfriend?” I glance up at Noah, confused. He laughs when he sees the crease in my forehead and head tilt, like a deer-caught-in-headlights look. “I just mean, I was expecting to be woken up by your excited squeals and bouncing off the walls attitude.”
I lean back, understanding now. “Yeah, I would be bouncing off the walls in excitement had my mind not decided to fuck with my sleep. I was tossing and turning all
night with nightmares. I’m so tired, which sucks because I want to be excited. I mean, I’m going to New York. I can actually cross this off on my bucket list.” Noah smiles and moves to stand behind me, his hands grasp my shoulders, his thumbs knead my tight muscles, breaking the tension. I drop my head, forgetting what I was saying…or thinking for that matter. Holy shit, his hands are miracle workers. A moan slips from my mouth, my eyes closed while my mind drifts to some very naughty thoughts concerning Noah’s hands and my body or something. He works to my spine and my lower back.
“Fuck!” I yelp from half pain and half pleasure. It hurts so much it’s good.
“Babe, you’re so knotted up. Jesus.”
“Please don’t stop, keep going. I need all these knots gone. Shit.” I groan, hoarsely. I hear him chuckle behind me.
“Is this…turning you on?”
“You’ve no fucking idea.” I hide my grin, but it’s pointless since he can hear it in my voice. He moves his fingers up and down, under my shirt making me gasp and grip the seat for restraint. “God dammit, Noah. Why can’t I control myself around you?”
“Because I’m just that good.” His hands move around to my stomach, slowly moving down…down…and I can’t take it anymore. I twist my body around so fast, I become dizzy. But I ignore it, finding the hem of his shirt and lift. Our eyes, hungry and wanting, showing we both feels the same intense desire. There’s no smiling, no laughing, it’s complete seriousness…instincts taking over all common sense. I trace my fingers along the hard muscles of his chest. I hear him suck in a breath, and then he runs his hand over my collar bone, stopping above my right breast. “I lose control with you Maddy.”
I let out a breath, “That makes two of us.” He lifts me up gently and sets me onto the table, leaning over me. I can feel his shaky breath on my cheek. “What do you want to do about it?” I ask him.
