Entangled

by Annie Brewer

  We both lie back down and I grab her arm, wrapping it around my abdomen. “I’m sorry babe. Go back to sleep.”

  I fall asleep for another three hours before my mind is wide awake and I get a shower, waking the rest of me up. I wash my face, slapping it a little for help. I sit down at the table and make a list of the places we’ll be visiting today. Maddy’ll have to make another trip to see all of New York, there’s just too much to do in one weekend. But I’m taking her to the main places she needs to see the first time.

  It’s still early and I anxiously pace the living room, uncertain what to do with myself. But at 9:30, I finally wake her up, thinking I may as well get the day started. We can’t start to late.

  We eat breakfast together and then I wait while she gets dressed and showered. I advise her to wear comfortable shoes and a jacket. At night it can get frigid, especially since we are going ice skating at Rockefeller Center.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” I ask Spencer when he comes out of the room.

  “Nah, you guys go ahead without me.”

  “Okay.” I try not to sound disappointed at his decline.

  “Okay, I’m ready.” Maddy walks out of the room dressed in a sweater dress, leggings and black boots, not the dressy ones, but the comfortable ones. I just hope they don’t hurt her feet after awhile.

  “Are you sure those boots will be okay for walking?”

  She nods her head, “Okay, let’s do this then.” I smile, wave to Spencer and take her hand, ready for a day downtown.

  After buying our day pass, we start the tour on Broadway at the Theater District, the tour guide informs us all of the history of all the main buildings, starting with Carnegie Hall and Winter Garden. We pass Macy’s, riding through Broadway and Park Place where Ground Zero is, which I make a mental note to take Maddy by there on a different day to walk around. I know she wants to see it up close. I look over to see Maddy listening intently to the guide, droning on about the different sights and what to do there. I take her hand and gaze around as the chilly breeze slaps us in the face. It feels good.

  We finally end up at Rockefeller Center on 48th and 5th, and get off the bus so we can walk around. Seeing the tree at any time is amazing but seeing it at night is magical. “Damn, that looks lovely.” Maddy snaps a bunch of photos of the tree and busy skating rink.

  “It’s better at night.” She takes a picture of me in front and then we take a close-up, all smiles. “So I have an idea. We can see a few sights today and then come back here and go ice skating so you can see the tree all lit up to perfection.”

  “Sounds perfect.” She hands me her phone, “Can you take a photo of me please?” She moves to stand in front and I back up a step, getting the perfect shot. “We really need to get you a camera.” I tell her, “There’s little gift shops, let’s go find one.” I hand her phone back and take her hand, leading her to a gift shop across the street.

  “Oh, I’m gonna get a NY hat and maybe a spoon…no not a spoon, a shirt.” She looks through a bunch of New York merchandise and I wait patiently while she changes her mind a few times, but then settles on her purchase. “Wait, I’ll be taking a lot of pictures, one camera is not gonna be enough.” I could’ve told her that.

  “I’ll wait outside for you.” I walk outside the shop, gazing around at the busy streets casually when my eyes catch-

  No, no, no, no.

  I quickly avert my gaze, before I’m noticed and walk back inside out of the open, in the clear. My heart races and my palms sweat with jittery nerves. Fuck! It’s been 7 years and never forgot a face, especially when you know someone well.

  “Babe, are you okay?” My face feels hot; I move my head slightly, facing a concerned Maddy. Lie, lie.

  “Uh, yeah I was just feeling sick for a minute.” Which isn’t a complete lie. Fuck! How did I not see that coming? Lex’s parents don’t live far from here and they always come into the city but to see her mom after so long, it’s brought back so many disturbing emotions and now I just need to shake it off. Unease settles in my chest and I speed walk.

  “Where to now?” She asks, before my mind floats back to Sandy. All I can think about is how glad I am she didn’t see me. What would I say to her?

  “There’s Radio City Music Hall on 6th Avenue. They always have shows going on.”

  “We can walk by there for pictures. I’m just not in the mood for a show right now.” Relieved and a little surprised by her decision to skip a show, we keep going. I waste no time, pulling her in the right direction.

  “Okay, so this place was built in 1937, and it’s part of Rockefeller Center. It’s also nice to see at night all lit up. Every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas they have shows and performances by the Rockettes. They also hold the Grammy’s, Tony Awards and MTV Music Awards. It’s always packed. I mean, they have a lot of events held here. It’s pretty awesome.” She takes the wrapper from her disposable camera and shoves it in her pocket and takes pictures of the building.

  “Where to now?”

  “Times Square…”

  We get to 42nd street and Broadway and though I like walking around here better at night, we walk. There’s so much to do around here, it’s a lot of fun. “Hey are you okay?” Maddy nudges my arm. I hate lying to her but I just don’t feel like discussing anything personal. I force a smile on my face and tell myself to snap out of my weird mood, for her sake. Sandy is gone, she didn’t see it. I can forget about it.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Do you wanna go to Dave and Busters?” I gesture to the building in front of us.

  “Oh, I didn’t even see it. Hell yes, I’m down for playing some games.”

  So we do. We race, we play shooter games, air hockey and I even win her a silly little prize from the machine. “Are you hungry?” I finally ask, after having enough fun.

  “A little.” She replies. I find us a table, we order food and drinks. “I could come here every day. It’s so fun.” Maddy beams.

  “And crowded.” I add. I didn’t mind coming here with Spencer. It helped get my mind off shit that was going on at home.

  “That too, but crowds never bothered me.”

  “It would be a good place for a singing career, if you ever went that route, in the future I mean.”

  “I told you, I won’t. I can’t.” I open my mouth to say something but the last thing I want to do is piss her off and argue over the same shit, so I shut it and finish my burger.

  My phone beeps in my pocket, I rise up to pull it out. “It’s Spencer.”

  “Ask him to come skating with us.”

  “Hey Spencer, what’s up?” Maddy watches me.

  “Hey, how’s the tour going?”

  “We’re at Time’s Square, eating at Dave & Busters. Next we’re going ice skating, you should join us.” Maddy’s smiling now, hopeful.

  “Oh really? I’m not a good skater, you should know that. I’d fall all over the place and make a fool of myself.” I laugh at his true statement.

  “Yeah, but you’d make for some good entertainment at our expense. Besides, no one will even notice you falling. It’s for fun.”

  He snickers in dislike, “This is a weekend for you two, you should go, and I’d be in the way.” I feel guilt for him thinking he’d be in the way. As much as I want to spend time with Maddy, I also wanted to hang out with my best friend. It’s not like I see him that often. “No, you wouldn’t be in the way, we both want you to come and hang out with us.” I look at Maddy, “Right Maddy?” I put the phone on speaker so she can have her say as well.

  “Spencer, you better get your ass over here and go skating with us. I’ll help you, it’ll be fun. It’s so boring without you. Entertain us with your awesomeness.” She quickly shakes her head at me, letting me know it was only said to get him to come. I’m not offended though, because I know it will be less tense with him here.

  “Alright, fine. You’ll have to wait a while but I’ll be there. You better be glad I love you guys eno
ugh to agree to bust my ass and knees. Seriously, I suck at skating. I should wear pads for the ice.” I try not to crack up, picturing him falling a million times. “Just get over here and quit complaining. I hang up and get out of my seat. “Let’s go babe. I nod my head, leaving the restaurant.

  “Okay, a few photos first of Times Square and then we can head back to Rockefeller Center.”

  Chapter 55

  Maddy

  Well a few pictures became a few too many. I took pictures of the strip on one side and then on the other side and then I proceeded to do a few individually. I’m aware that I’ll have to buy a couple more cameras soon. But there’s just so much worth remembering here. Seeing all these sights has been an experience. I sent a couple of pictures to Andi from my phone, wishing she were here. It may seem insensitive but I want her to understand that even though I’m here having a blast with Noah and Spencer, she’s never far from my mind.

  We get back to 48th Street, which by the way confuses the hell out of me. Noah’s tried explaining the streets and the order they appear and I can’t comprehend it very well. I mean you have avenues, and then you have streets and then there’s even numbers mixed in. Why can’t there just be streets without avenues? It’s so confusing, but then again, I am easily confused so it could just be me.

  It’s really crowded, but being a Saturday night, it shouldn’t be surprising. “It’s not as busy in the early morning or before 4. I should have warned you.”

  I shake my head, antsy and anxious, “I would’ve suggested skating at night anyway. I love skating at night.” Though it’s been years since I set my foot on the ice. I’m hoping I remember how, but if I fall, I’ll just get back up and shake it off. I’m here to have fun with my great people.

  Noah pays for our skates while I stand by the window, looking in at the skaters circling the rink. I’ve always been fascinated with those that can twirl really fast and not lose their balance. That takes real talent and a lot of practice. And I’m sure they’ve all fallen a million times, getting back up.

  “Here’s your skates.” Noah approaches me, I take them and we find a bench to change our shoes. He’s really quiet and it has me wondering why the change in mood. Every time I ask though, he says he’s fine which I’d like to believe. But I know him better than that. He’s not fine and I hope to get the truth out of him, one way or another.

  “Babe, are you okay? You seem so distracted, distant lately. Is there something on your mind?” He looks up while tying his laces, “I’m just fine. I’m excited about skating with you.”

  “Oh brother, get me a barf bag.” We both laugh and glance at Spencer, who’s finally made an appearance.

  “Glad you decided to join us.” I tease.

  “Yeah, I’m starting to regret that decision.” He shakes his head, making a gagging noise. “I need to buy my skates, you guys go on ahead, I’ll catch up. Or you’ll hear me cursing against the side, trying to get up as I’ve hit the ice a time or two.” We find a locker to put our shoes and my purse in. Walking in skates on the regular floor is pretty easy, even if you’re not used to being in them. When I step onto the ice, I hesitate for a split second.

  “Are you okay?” Noah grabs my hand and I pull away. “Yes, but I need to get used to being on the ice again first.” I hold onto the side as I step on, almost getting trampled by a cluster of skaters. I try to concentrate on what I’m doing. Noah comes up beside me on the other side, waiting for me to let go. And when I finally do, I start skating, though a little wobbly at first. But my feet quickly remind themselves how to move and it’s like riding a bike in the sense that I haven’t really forgotten how to skate. Once I’m on the ice, my feet do the moving without my mind really thinking about it. I bend my knees and shake my butt, moving from side to side. “Look at that, I guess I still remember how to skate after all these years.” The music in the background has me swaying my hips to the rhythm.

  “You’re doing great.” Noah keeps up with me, circling the rink. “There’s nothing to it.” We’re both speed skating, weaving in and out of people. I watch a little girl with pigtails skate with her dad. I smile in awe.

  “Uh, someone wanna help me?” We look behind us at Spencer holding onto the side, struggling. I slow down and put on my best poker face and let him catch up to me. “Hold onto me, take my hand.”

  “No, I’ll fall and pull you down with me. It’s better to hold onto the side.”

  “Just do it.” I tell him firmly. He grunts, letting go long enough to grab onto my arm. A kid almost runs into us but I dodge him at the last second. It’s difficult holding a grown man upright, but I do my best. After all, this is what makes it fun and that’s why I wore pants, in case I fall, it’s less painful…and cold.

  I watch the girl that does a spin like 3 times, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. I feel envious of those who are so graceful and can glide on the ice without breaking bones. I used to wanna skate like Nancy Kerrigan when I was younger. When I miss colliding with a guy, Spencer is not so lucky and trips over his skate, losing friction, landing on his tail bone. “Fuck, that’s gonna bruise tomorrow.” I help him up, glancing around for Noah whom I’d just noticed has left our side.

  “Looking for someone?” He appears from behind me and kisses my cheek before skating off again.

  “Go skate with him, I’ll be okay.”

  “Nope, I’m gonna help you. Come on.” We skate for a little while; I keep a hold on him, even as he falls but he gets back up and starts falling less. But after some time, he skates to the wall by the door. “Seriously, I’m done for the night. I’d rather just watch you guys. I’m tired.”

  “You’re not the only one falling; there are plenty of unstable skaters here. But you’ve done great. Go sit and rest.” I move back and forth and circle around him. “Hey, can you go get my camera from the locker and take pictures? You’ll need to get the key from Noah.” He steps out of the rink to put his shoes back on. I skate off on my own, gliding from side to side and putting some sway into my step. I skate a couple of laps, passing Noah. I finally bend my knees and close my eyes for a split second to pretend I’m a figure skater in a competition, getting ready to do a jump when out of nowhere a stranger loses control and rams right into me before I can move out of his way, sending me to the ground and I break my fall, landing hard on my knee. His body is tangled with mine and there’s a lot of cursing and pain coursing through my body. Tears blur my vision, and when he finally pushes himself off me, he realizes what he’s done.

  “Holy shit, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Oh my god, can you move?” He panics, trying to help me up and I cry out in agony, sitting back down on the ice cold ground.

  “Maddy!” Noah rushes to my side, frantically reaching my hand to pull me up.

  “No, no I can’t get up right now. My knee, it hurts.” I’m crying and I want to curse the guy for knocking me down but I know it was my fault for not paying attention.

  “God dammit, I’m so sorry for leaving you. I need to get you off the ice.” I grab my knee, shaking my head.

  “Noah, what happened?” I hear Spencer’s voice beside me.

  “Help me get her up.” He says with a little more anger than probably intended. If I’d been more aware of my surroundings instead of playing around in a crowded skating rink, I wouldn’t have gotten hurt. I would’ve saved us both.

  “I’m…I’m okay.” My grip on Noah’s shoulder tightens as he helps me out of the rink.

  “I’m so sorry, I tried to stop. I was going faster than I realized.”

  “It’s okay, I’m okay. It was an accident.”

  “It’s not okay; you need to watch what you’re doing. There are little kids around and you could have really hurt her or one of them worse.” Noah warns him, irritably.

  “Babe, stop it. I’m okay. I’m hurt but not dead, I’ll survive. I just need an ice pack. Quit being rude.” Noah helps me remove my skates quietly but I can feel the anger bouncing off his body. As much p
ain as I feel, my main focus is to keep him calm.

  “This would’ve been a great Kodak moment, huh Spencer?” I joke, he laughs.

  “Yeah, sorry I missed that. It would’ve been epic.” He jokes back.

  “This is not funny.” Noah gripes at us both. I push his hand away, boldly.

  “I’m fine Noah. I can joke about it. You need to get a hold of yourself. You’re overreacting.”

  “Overreacting? Really? It could’ve been worse. I could be taking you to the fucking hospital all because I left your side to go skate by myself when I came here to skate with you. God, I’m so-“

  I realize he’s angrier with himself than anything, blaming himself for the accident. I grab his hand and he jerks away. He paces back and forth. I focus on putting my boots back on.

  “Noah, calm down, she’s fine.” Spencer intervenes at my expense.

  “Don’t tell me to calm down. I left her and got rammed into pretty hard. You remember the last time I left someone, don’t you?” I put pressure on my leg, attempting to walk and pain shoots up to my knee. I wince, trying to be discreet. I really rather not go to the hospital tonight.

  “Maddy.” Noah rushes to my side but I put my hand up, stopping him. “No, I’m okay. Stop babying me.”

  “I’m sorry, I’m just angry that I left you. I thought you were okay, skating with Spencer and then I saw you get knocked to the ground and I moved as fast I could from the other side, without pushing others down. I got so pissed when I saw that douche on top of you. I should’ve stayed with you guys. I’m so sorry.” Hearing the concern and pain in his voice softens my irritation enough to grab his hand and twist him around to face me so he can see the sincerity in my eyes. He bites his lower lip hard, almost drawing blood.

  “Stop that, your lip is going to bleed.” He pulls me against him, whispering “I’m sorry” into my hair a dozen times. I can’t help but wonder why he’s acting so strange. I glance at Spencer over Noah’s shoulder. He smiles sadly at me, kicking the ground.