Rusty Logic

by Robin Alexander

  “That man doesn’t need a gun to kill, but I’ll be sure and let him know I’m on patrol around his place. Is there somewhere I can hide?”

  “They have a small shed to house the pool pump,” Kirsten said. “Don’t set up a tent this time. Just drag yourself a lawn chair behind it, make yourself comfortable, and stay alert.”

  “Thank you for this opportunity to prove myself as an officer. I won’t let you down, Chief.”

  Bryan had never been in the military, but the first day he donned his uniform, he transformed into a quasi-soldier. He saluted Kirsten, turned on one heel, and marched out of the station. Tasha watched him go and rolled her eyes.

  “He’s an idiot.”

  “Tash, he’s only twenty-two. He’s a baby anxious to make a good impression. Be patient with him.”

  Tasha pursed her lips and laughed. “The only reasons I haven’t choked his baby ass are first, you’d know who did it, and second, his momma is a good cook.”

  Kirsten laughed. “I love working with you now, but when you first came on board, you were full of attitude, and you thought you were the chief.”

  “I really am,” Tasha whispered and batted her eyes. “Hey, I got news for you, and I think it’s good. You know that new woman that Stella scared the shit out of the other night? Her name is Janine Martinez, Rusty is a nickname.”

  “I know. I met her, remember?”

  Tasha tapped a few keys on her computer. “You know I gotta have the 411 on everyone, and besides, I get really bored at night. Anyway, I did a search on her name, and this article popped up in some kind of Baton Rouge magazine that spotlights local business. Baby girl is something special, and she’s also a very out and proud lesbian because she basically said that in this article. You need to hook up because it sounds like she’s making some serious bank.”

  Kirsten poked Tasha in the shoulder. “Aw, look at you trying to find me a woman.”

  “Somebody’s gotta do it, you sure ain’t tryin’.”

  “I went out on a date last month, it just didn’t work out.” Kirsten pointed at the screen. “Email me that article, please.”

  “Uh-hmm,” Tasha said as she began typing. “Reach for the stars, baby, reach for the stars.”

  “Good night, Tash,” Kirsten said as she walked out.

  Chapter Seven

  The bad thing about living in a small town was that all the stores closed early. After Kirsten left, Rusty went back to Hadley’s and found it locked up. She returned home pissed off that she would have nothing to occupy her evening.

  Rusty made dinner instead, ate in front of the TV, then decided to exercise to burn off the energy that seemed to be building inside her. As she walked outside and locked her door, she was forced to admit to herself that eating better and kicking her smoking habit did have many positive effects. She no longer needed to drink so-called energy drinks to feel alive. The malaise that usually crept in on her in the late afternoons was gone, and she felt more focused, which was kind of a double-edged sword. Rusty felt this new clarity would’ve benefitted her and the company better if she were back in her office.

  She patted the trellis and sighed. “I accomplished something today, damn it.”

  Covered in the mosquito-repelling oil she’d bought at the hardware store, she began her new exercise regimen by walking instead of running. Rusty reasoned that since she’d never been a runner, it made more sense to stroll at a decent pace before really pushing herself in a jog. She glanced at her watch as she walked down the sidewalk and noted that it was ten o’clock, yet most of the houses on the block were dark.

  “These people must go to bed when the sun goes down,” she said softly.

  Instead of turning left at the first intersection, Rusty continued down Chestnut Street curious to see where it led. She stopped in front of a house and gazed curiously at what someone had done with a section of picket fence. It was just standing out in the yard not connected to anything, but it was surrounded by a variety of flowering plants. The owner had even attached a few jars to the planks, and inside them, lights flickered. Rusty stared at it, tilting her head like a dog.

  Without work to occupy her mind, memories had steadily trickled in, and she was thinking more about Nana. Rusty figured her new surroundings were the catalyst. Her grandmother had lived in an older section of town, and her front yard was surrounded by a picket fence, but it wasn’t white. Nana’s was old, and in some places, it leaned, so she’d planted things to help support the aging wood.

  The section of fence that Rusty stood gazing at gave her an odd sensation of homesickness. Time had skewed her memories, but the one thing she held on to was the feeling of being cherished by Nana. Those were the days when Rusty had felt wanted and important. Fuzzy mental images of her grandmother sitting at the kitchen table listening to all she had to say flashed through Rusty’s mind. She couldn’t truly envision them anymore, but she remembered how Nana used to laugh when she said something funny.

  Rusty blinked when she heard rustling and whispering from somewhere nearby. It suddenly occurred to her that it probably looked odd for her to be staring into someone’s yard at that time of night, and she slowly moved on. She walked a yard or two and looked over her shoulder just in time to see a figure wearing a pink coat duck behind a bush.

  That’s the crazy old lady that was on my porch, Rusty thought as she continued at a lazy pace, curious to see if Stella would follow. She heard more whispering and rustling.

  *******

  “Patty,” Stella whispered into her phone. “I’m in active pursuit of the subject.”

  “Baby, this is Mona, and what do you mean?”

  “The subject is on the move under the guise of exercise. I just observed her staring at the Chamblees’ house for a long time. You know Stacy manages the bank, and I’ll bet the subject is thinking about kidnapping her and—”

  “Stella, honey, are you wearing the coat?”

  “I don’t have time to discuss my uniform,” Stella rasped as she ducked behind a trash can. “I’m in active pursuit.”

  “That’s why I’m so concerned. It’s a hot muggy night, and I’m afraid you’re gonna die of heatstroke.”

  “Well, I’m fresh out of breathable cat suits. I need you to focus and write down everything I say because I can’t make notes right now.”

  “Tell me where you are, and I’ll meet you.”

  “No! Your arrival would raise the suspect’s suspicions. I’m completely in deep cover. Whatever the Jacobys put in their trash smells like a dead body, write that down.”

  “Okay, I’ll park at the Jacobys and find you,” Mona said wearily.

  “I said no! The suspect’s shorts are orange, and tonight, she’s wearing a white T-shirt, notate that. Oh, hell, she’s running. I have to go.”

  *******

  Rusty grinned as she began a slow jog and heard something crash behind her. At any other time, she would’ve been disconcerted to know someone was lurking in the shadows and watching her, but a fedora-wearing old woman was kind of funny. Rusty wondered what Stella was trying to accomplish by tailing her. At first, she thought to confront Stella but found it more amusing to watch the tiny woman duck in and out of hiding places.

  She stopped to pretend to tie her shoe and studied the hedges behind her. Stella was nowhere to be seen, so Rusty decided to stretch and let Stella catch up. She chuckled when the small figure darted out from behind a car and moved into the shadows. She wondered just how close Stella would get if she remained still, then bent at the waist and rubbed her calves.

  After a minute or two, Rusty couldn’t detect any more movement, so she slowly began walking to see if she could draw Stella out again. She’d made half a block when a car turned onto Chestnut Street and sped by her, then suddenly stopped so fast the tires squeaked. Rusty looked over her shoulder and watched as a figure got out of the car and walked up to one of the houses.

  Stella was furious by the time Mona caught up with her behind a hed
ge. “I told you to stay put!” she ground out.

  “We’re sisters, and we’re in this together.” Mona tugged on Stella’s coat. “Take this off.”

  “I will not. A little discomfort is not worth blowing a mission over.”

  “Stella, either you take that stupid coat off, or I will scream at the top of my lungs. I mean it.”

  “I said no.”

  Mona tried a different tack. “Don’t you understand that if you die, this whole town will go to hell in a handbasket? We need you.”

  “Fine.” Stella tore off the coat and hung it on a branch. “Now you have caused me to lose sight of the suspect. Write that down.”

  Mona didn’t bring a pen or paper. “I’m making a mental note of it, but just so we’re clear, is she the suspect or the subject?”

  “Both,” Stella said testily.

  “I think I saw something orange pass beneath a streetlight. That means she turned the corner on Pecan Street. Wait right here, and I’ll get my car.”

  Stella grabbed Mona’s arm. “There’s no time. Follow me and keep your mouth shut.” Instead of going to the street, Stella crept through a yard.

  “This is crazy, I can’t see a thing. Stella, we could break a leg.”

  “I told you to be quiet. I know these yards as well as I know my own. Stay behind me.”

  She led Mona behind a large azalea bush close to the sidewalk. They hid there as Rusty approached, and she was almost on top of them when Mona sneezed. Rusty stopped, put her hands on her hips, and said, “I know you’re in there.”

  Neither Stella nor Mona made a peep.

  “I think I understand why you feel the need to watch me. I’m new around here, so let me introduce myself. My name is Rusty Martinez. I’m a businesswoman, and I have no intention of breaking into anyone’s home. I’m simply out for exercise, so you have nothing to worry about.”

  “Okay, well, you have a nice night,” Mona said cheerily.

  Rusty recoiled at the response. “Um…you too,” she said quickly and jogged away.

  Stella groaned. “Your mother obviously didn’t teach you how to properly conduct a mission, did she?”

  “If you mean how to hide in a bush, then no.”

  *******

  The next morning at the shift change meeting, Bryan reported a long silent night. After Kirsten sent everyone on his or her way, she went to her parents’ house for breakfast as she usually did. Tal banged on the table when Kirsten walked in through the door.

  “Ask your momma what she did last night. I can’t wait! I just can’t wait for you to hear the answer. Tell her, Mona.”

  Kirsten smiled and kissed her mother’s cheek. “You look tired. What did you do?”

  “Sit down and I’ll explain,” Mona replied wearily.

  Tal laughed. “It’s cereal again, and I don’t even care.”

  Kirsten grabbed her own cup of coffee and sat. “Don’t try to feed me this morning, Mom. Just tell me what you did that has Dad so euphoric. Did you win a TV in a raffle or something?”

  Mona sat down, clutching an extra-large coffee mug. “Stella tailed Rusty Martinez last night when she went out to exercise. The sisters and I are just trying to keep an eye on her, so I joined her.”

  Kirsten clamped her lips together tightly and tried not to laugh. “Did you wear a coat?”

  “No, but we forgot Stella’s. I made her take it off, and it’s still hanging on a limb in a yard near the Jacobys’, I think. She had me ducking into hedges, and I guess we stirred up some mold. It’s in my sinuses, and I’ve been sneezing all night.”

  “Now tell her what happened once you got back to Stella’s house,” Tal said with a grin.

  Mona yawned. “I blew our cover when I spoke to the subject, or suspect, whatever Stella thinks she is. So when we got back to Stella’s house, she insisted that I go inside for a surveillance lesson. It lasted three hours, and there was a test at the end.”

  Kirsten dissolved into laughter. “Momma, why did you subject yourself to that?”

  “Stella has her faults,” Mona began with a sigh, “but she was there for me through some of the hardest times of my life. I won’t turn my back on her no matter how difficult she gets.”

  “That’s fine and dandy, but Stella has three kids, and they should be taking care of her now.” Tal shook a finger at Mona. “Not you.”

  “They don’t even visit her,” Mona said sadly.

  “Ours don’t either.” Tal jerked a thumb at Kirsten. “Except for that one, and if she didn’t live in town, she probably wouldn’t, either. That doesn’t mean they don’t love us, they’re busy building their lives. One of Stella’s kids needs to take her in. She raised them, and now they should watch over her. That’s the natural order of things. Let them deal with her crazy butt.”

  “She is not crazy,” Mona retorted angrily. “She feels obsolete, and you more than anyone can understand that right now.”

  Tal’s face fell, and he scooted his chair away from the table. “I can’t eat this gruel, I’m going to my shop.”

  Mona and Kirsten silently watched him go, and when the door slammed behind him, Kirsten smiled and said, “Apparently, it was your turn to piss him off this morning.”

  “When I get old and useless, will you cart me off to a nursing home?” Mona asked seriously.

  “No, I’ll take you out to pasture and shoot you.” Kirsten smiled and took Mona’s hand. “You will never be useless to me, and I’ll always take care of you. I’ll be honest and say if you become one of those old people who bitch endlessly, I will duct tape your mouth.”

  Mona smiled. “You always know what to say to cheer me up.”

  Chapter Eight

  Kirsten collected Stella’s coat and took it to her house. When Stella opened the door, it was obvious that she’d been sleeping deep. “I’m sorry to wake you, but I found this,” Kirsten said and handed Stella her coat.

  “Where’d you find it?”

  “On a tree down the street.” Though Kirsten knew the answer, she figured Stella was testing Mona’s secrecy. “How’d it get there?”

  “That woman across the street broke into my house and stole it.”

  Kirsten inhaled sharply to keep from laughing. “Did she take anything else?”

  “Not that I can tell.”

  “So…she broke in, bypassed the TV and the china, and took a coat,” Kirsten said and bit the inside of her cheek.

  “That’s what I’m saying, but I’m not pressing charges,” Stella said as she closed the door in Kirsten’s face.

  “Whew boy,” Kirsten said with a laugh as she quickly walked away.

  *******

  Rusty pulled into her driveway just as Kirsten got to her car. The trunk of the BMW popped open, and Kirsten could clearly see a box inside. “Need help unloading?” she asked as Rusty climbed out of the driver’s seat.

  “That would be great, thanks. Today’s project is a picket fence,” Rusty said excitedly.

  “You’re putting up a fence at a house you don’t even own?”

  “No, just a section, so I can plant a little garden around it, but I’m going to build the section myself. The wood is beneath this box.”

  Kirsten stared at the picture on the box. “You bought a…bridge?”

  “Yeah,” Rusty said with a sigh. “That’s all they had in precut projects. I need to do more research on table saws before I get one of those, then I can really start building some things.”

  Kirsten helped Rusty lift the box out of the car and set it in front of the garage. Then they unloaded the wood for the fence along with more tools. Kirsten stared at the stack of stuff and shook her head in disbelief. “When you delve into something, you go all out, don’t you?”

  Rusty wiped at the sweat forming on her brow. “Anything worth doing is worth doing well. My mother drummed that saying into my head until the day she died. Besides, I need something to chase away the boredom,” she said as she stared into the garage.

 
“I thought you were here to work on some business stuff.”

  “Yeah, that too.” Rusty pointed at the pile of boxes in the back of the garage. “I’m thinking this would make a good workshop, but I need to get those out of here. Will you help me?”

  “Sure,” Kirsten said a little nervously. “As long as you remember what I told you about my feelings toward rats.”

  “All right, this is my logic. If rats are in the boxes and we throw the boxes out of the garage real fast, they’ll fly out with them.”

  “Rusty logic,” Kirsten said with a nod. “Interesting, but only in an ideal world would that work.”

  “I’m feeling lucky,” Rusty said as she rushed in, grabbed the first box, and flung it out of the garage.

  The next box had old car parts in it, and Kirsten helped Rusty carry it to the curb. They were feeling confident when they walked in together and grabbed the next box, and it bumped the one in the darkest corner. Something large and furry shot out of it. Kirsten did exactly what she said she would and screamed at the top of her lungs while dancing in a circle before gathering her wits and grabbing a board off the ground. Fear swiftly turned to anger, and Kirsten started beating everything in the garage while yelling profanities.

  Rusty only caught a glimpse of a long hairless tail, but that was enough. She grabbed the pipe she’d used on the mailbox and just started swinging at the air as though the creature would suddenly pop up. Then suddenly, a flamingo flew into the mix. Its plastic beak slammed into Rusty’s shoulder, and she dropped the pipe involuntarily and staggered back a step.

  “You’re on your way to Gitmo, Achmed,” Stella bellowed and waved the lawn ornament in Rusty’s face. “You don’t assault a police officer in this town!”

  “Stella, wait.” Kirsten dropped the board she was holding and put up both hands. “It’s okay, I swear. There’s a rat in here, a big damn rat.”

  Stella was wide-eyed, and her sole focus was on Rusty, who still didn’t know what was happening. “Knock her to the ground and cuff her. I have Alibaba covered.”

  “Ali…what?” Rusty stammered.