by Erin Osborne
Harley
LAST NIGHT WAS MORE FUN THAN I remember having in a very long time. The girls are starting to accept me into the fold and I have two new jobs. Even though I’ve worked at the Kitty Kat before, the position I have now is different and new. Now all I need to do is talk to Steel and make sure he’s cool with it before I get too far with everything. When I can, I like to plan things out and these are the type of things I like to plan. I can’t do that if Steel doesn’t want me to work both jobs. Yeah, I know how to stand on my own two feet, but I’ve been doing it so long that I want to stand by his side and work together. It’s going to be give and take and we’re both going to have to learn how to do that. Steel likes to give commands and dominate every situation he can. That’s not always going to work for us.
Rolling over in his bed at the clubhouse, I slowly reach out my arm for him only to find the bed cold and empty. I sit up as fast as I can looking around the vacant room for my daughter. She’s not in the playpen that appeared in our room last night and I see the door to the bathroom standing wide open. Panic overtakes my body as I forget about the pain radiating through my body to jump out of bed and go in search of the one thing in this world that Alan can use to kill me. He won’t have to put his hands on me or use any weapon at all if he were to take Quinn away from us.
I run down the hallway, looking in any open doorway that I find in search of Steel and Quinn. Before I make it to the kitchen, I hear voices coming from there and head in that direction. I burst through the doorway to see the man that means almost as much as Quinn does and our baby girl eating breakfast. Steel has a plate in front of him as he eats while holding her and feeding her a bottle. Gage and another man are sitting across from him as I see Skylar standing at the stove cooking up a storm. My heart is racing as all eyes turn toward me. The pain I pushed aside in my quest to find them pierces my body making me wince and reach out to hold onto the door.
Steel hands the baby off the Gage as he rushes to my side and wraps his arm around my waist to lead me to the table they’re all sitting at. I slowly sit down as a plate of food I won’t be able to eat right now is set down in front of me. The pain has to subside a little more before I can tackle eating. So, I sit still and control my breathing until I feel my heart rate slow down and the panic flow away from me. They’re both okay, Alan can’t get to us while we’re in the clubhouse. I need to keep reminding myself of that fact.
“You okay?” Steel asks, sliding back onto the chair next to me while pinning me in place with his gaze.
“Yeah. I panicked when I woke up and you were both gone. Alan has my mind so twisted up that I can’t think straight. It’s even worse when I first open my eyes in the morning,” I say, looking at the people surrounding the table. “I’m sorry. I’m going to make an appointment today to talk to someone.”
“No need to be sorry. You already have an appointment in a little while. Karen is going to meet you here so that you can rest in bed while you two talk and get to know one another,” Skylar says, sitting at the table next to us and bringing her cup of coffee to her lips.
I nod my thanks while I pick my fork up and take my first bite of the food she made for breakfast. A moan escapes my mouth as the scrambled eggs practically melt on my tongue. Steel’s gaze turns heated as another small moan slips past my lips. I’m seriously thinking about moving to Clifton Falls so I can have this amazing food all the time. Skylar is an amazing cook and I can’t get enough of her food now that I’ve had a taste of it.
“Don’t even think about it,” Steel murmurs in my ear before gently biting down. Yeah, he knows exactly where my mind went just now.
“But, the food is sooo good,” I whine, wanting to eat this stuff all the time now. I guess I’ll have to learn how to cook so I don’t have to worry about when Skylar’s coming here or when I can get to her.
We finish eating and I sit back, stuffed like I’ve never been before. This is one of those moments that if I had jeans on, I’d be unbuttoning them so that I have extra room in my pants. I’m not ashamed of the amount of food I’ve eaten, it’s been a while since I had a decent meal. Something more than noodles or a sandwich so that I had money to make sure my daughter had what she needed. I lived saving most of my money and only spent it on bills or what she needed to survive. It was going to get a lot harder as Quinn got older, but I would’ve figure out something. Or I would have made sure that I had a nice nest egg, so we didn’t have to worry about it. Now I have Steel by my side and I know that he’s going to help take some of that stress away from me.
Steel leads me upstairs to relax until Karen gets here. I’m nervous about talking to her and letting her know the life I’ve lived and things I’ve seen and done to survive. But, I can’t keep holding this shit inside when I know it’s only going to cause problems for me in the future. I’m never going to be able to let anyone get close to me, I’m always going to see the worst in people instead of letting them in and being there to support me when I need help. So, I’m going to talk to her and make sure that I don’t hold anything back or tell her lies that are just going to get in the way of any progress I should be making.
Once I’m done with my appointment, Steel stands up and waits for me to follow suit so that we can get to whatever he has planned for the day. I’m nervous about where he’s taking me, yet I’m excited at the same time. Steel has never once surprised me with anything. There’s been no flowers, chocolate, taking me out to dinner, or anything else. Hell, honestly, I’ve never been on a date in my life and I’m not far off from being thirty years old. It’s sad, but that’s what my life has been. Alan made sure that I’ve always been under his thumb and only talked to the guys that were partying at our house. It was never allowed to go beyond them fucking me when my brother said yes. I wouldn’t have wanted it to anyway. Those guys were all junkies looking to score the good drugs and then fuck someone. It didn’t matter to them who that person was, or if they were willing for the most part.
“Where’d you go?” Steel asks, wrapping his arms around me gently so he doesn’t hurt my ribs.
“I was lost in my own head for a minute. Thinking about things I can’t change now,” I answer, turning to face him while Quinn is laying in her playpen.
“So, tell me what was goin’ through your head. This is part of what makes or breaks us. You share somethin’ and then I’ll share somethin’,” he says, sitting down on the bed and positioning me so that we are facing one another.
“Well, I was thinking that you’ve never surprised me with anything before. Then that got me to thinking about how I grew up and didn’t’ have a normal childhood. I’ve never been on a date in my life before, never gotten flowers from someone. The only thing that I’ve had is a fuck now and then by the guys that Alan sent into my room. Then I met you and I was already so fucked up and pushing everyone away that I didn’t give more than a fuck and leave,” I tell him honestly, letting my shame fill me.
“Angel, none of that’s on you. Your brother fucked you over in more than one way. That’s not goin’ to happen again. I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine. Now, it’s time for me to share somethin’ with you,” he responds, putting his hands on his thighs as he takes a deep breath. “Growin’ up, I didn’t have a typical family. My parents were so fucked up that they couldn’t see past themselves. My brother, Steve, was older than me and did what he could to shield me from the destructive path my parents were on. They weren’t addicted to drugs or anythin’ like that. Instead, they only thought about themselves and couldn’t be bothered makin’ sure we were fed or had clothes. When the housekeeper came in, she was told to let us fend for ourselves in everythin’. Anyway, Steve ended up leavin’ the second he could, forgettin’ all about me and my sister. He joined the military and was overseas on his second tour of duty. My sister, Becky, is in a nursin’ home at the tender age of twenty-two. I walked in one night and my dad was forcin’ himself on her. I lost my shit and flew into a rage. While I was fightin’ my dad
off her, my mom tried to pull her out of the ring to lock her in the closet that we all knew so well. Becky went fallin’ down the stairs and broke her neck. For a while it was touch and go about whether or not she’d survive. I haven’t talked to my parents since that night and I visit my sister once a month. I can’t bear to see the pain that she lives with on a daily basis.”
Steel stops speaking, and I can see the turmoil running through him at his admission. I’m sure there’s more to the story, but I’ll take what I can get. We’ll learn to open up about things, but with the details he just shared, I know I have to give him more. It might make him think less of me, but I have to take that chance. He has to know what he’s getting into before we take this any further.
“Do you know why I strip?” I ask, not waiting for him to answer me. “After my parents were killed, I became desensitized to anything sexual. Alan and his friends didn’t care who was around when they wanted to get off. So, at fifteen-years-old, I learned more about sex than most other kids my age. It was about a month after he came back that he started letting his friends use my body to find the release they were looking for. It didn’t matter if they were young, old, or my brothers age. If they asked, and followed his rules, they could take a turn at me. I’ve had more partners than you have, I can almost guarantee that. Anyway, I strip because it put the power back in my hands. I could control what I showed of my body and to who. I wasn’t waiting for someone to come in and rape me. Alan just used this as another way to control the people around him,” I finish, letting out my darkest secret to the man that’s working his way behind my defenses.
This time I can’t look Steel in the eyes. I don’t want to see the shame, pity, or revulsion shining through his exterior. He’s the one person that I couldn’t stand to see those looks come from. Steel’s the one man that I want in my life and I am starting to let my past out, so he can see why I’ve pushed him away and been such a bitch to everyone. If he uses this moment to pick up and leave, I honestly won’t blame him. I come with a lot of baggage I’m just learning I need to let go of. For most people it would be too much to handle.
“I want your eyes, angel,” Steel says, bringing his hand up to lift my chin so I’m looking him in the eyes. “I don’t give a fuck about your past. Yeah, it’s what made you so hard and taught you what you do, and don’t, want out of life. But, it’s the past and we’re not goin’ to let it taint the future that we’re goin’ to build. So, get the negative shit out of your head. We’ve shared enough for today. Now, we’re goin’ to see what I want to show you and go from there.”
I nod my head, wipe the tears I didn’t realize were flowing down my face away, and get ready. Grabbing a quick shower and getting dressed, I walk out to see Steel standing in a pair of dark blue jeans that hug his hips and that’s it. He’s holding Quinn and I see that she’s been changed into a little shorts outfit. She’s so adorable and Steel makes me lose my breath at the sight of seeing him holding our daughter. I never once thought I’d have this when I was in Savage Bend. Yeah, I wanted to be closer to him so that my baby girl would know her dad and have him in her life. Did I think he’d be there for the midnight feedings, when she’s cranky and not having a good day, and for everything in between? No. It’s the part of myself that I don’t like. The part of me that says I don’t deserve anything good to happen to me.
Steel once again breaks me out of my thoughts by walking up to me and handing Quinn over, so he can throw a shirt on before putting his muscled, tattooed arms through his cut and pulling it up his upper body. If I thought I was losing my breath before, now I just feel like I’m going to drool at the sight before me. I can tell that he knows what’s running through my mind by the smirk gracing his face. Yeah, he knows without a doubt that I’m thinking of all the times that I’ve had his body over me, under me, and in me. Every single time flashes through my mind on a loop and I know that my panties are drenched now. There’s not enough time to change so I’m going to suck it up and make sure that we have what we need, ignoring my own thoughts.
We head out to one of the SUVs and Steel takes over putting Quinn in her seat while making sure that she’s strapped in nice and tight. It’s been a crazy few days with getting used to having help all the time with my baby girl. I’m so used to doing it all on my own and it’s nice to see this man so hands-on with her. Once he’s in the driver’s seat, I can tell that he’s nervous about something. I want to say something to take his mind off of whatever he’s nervous about, but I don’t know what to talk about. This is so hard for me.
“No hint about where you’re taking me?” I finally ask, turning in my seat to look at him.
“Nope. You’ll see in about another five minutes,” he answers, glancing at me before turning his attention back to the road.
“If I guess will you tell me?” I ask, wanting to ease some tension and take his mind off what’s making him nervous.
“Maybe. Let’s see what you got,” Steel says, not bothering to take his eyes off the road this time.
“Lunch? A new tattoo? Shopping?” I ask, throwing random thoughts out to see if I’m even close.
Steel laughs before shaking his head to let me know I’m not even close to what we’re doing. I lean back against the seat and try to figure out what it could be. If it’s not any of that, I’m wondering what else we could be doing. I’d say meeting his parents, but I’m not so sure he would ever take me there to meet them. Someday he’ll tell me more about his family, but I can guarantee that we’ll never meet them and they won’t ever be a part of our daughter’s life. If they’re like he was telling me they are, then I don’t want them to be in her life. She’ll be better off without them and Quinn already has more aunts and uncles than she’ll know what to do with.
“Here we are,” Steel says, pulling into the driveway of a cute house before shutting off the engine and turning toward me.
“What’s going on?” I ask, looking between him and the house sitting before us.
“Well, I knew that I wanted my girls to come home with me, and that we weren’t goin’ to be able to live in the clubhouse or the apartment. So, I bought this house for us. It’s our fresh start angel,” he tells me, like this is the most normal conversation we’re having when in reality my emotions are all over the place.
Steel’s the first one to get out of the truck and it gets me in motion to follow him up to our new home. I can’t believe that he did this. For us. My walls are beginning to fall down faster where he’s concerned, and my heart is starting to let him in even more, He’s already taken up residence there and soon he’ll own the whole damn thing. Well, at least the part that isn’t being taken up by Quinn.
The front of the house holds a door with a small deck. Steel pulls out a set of keys and unlocks the door before stepping aside with Quinn’s car seat in his hand. I walk inside to see an open floor plan with a huge living room, a modern kitchen, and a dining room. One section of the downstairs has a door and I see a full bathroom. Walking through the first floor, I also see a sun room of to the side of the house and out back is a huge patio leading to a pool and amazing backyard for Quinn to play in as she gets older. As we make our way upstairs, I see several doors that are standing open, waiting for us to wander through and see what is in there. Looking through the first door, I see a bedroom that is sitting bare, the next two rooms look the same. At the back of the hallway, I come to the nursery for Quinn that’s already got a crib, dresser, and changing table set up in it. There’s bags and boxes filling the floor and I know that the man standing next to me out did himself for his daughter. Across from the nursery sits another bathroom. Walking into the last bedroom I see a huge bed already against the back wall of the room. There’s more bags sitting on the bed and floor with some boxes thrown in. Glancing around the room I see two more doors. One leads to a walk-in closet while the other door opens to the best bathroom that I’ve ever seen. There’s a garden tub I can soak in next to a standing shower that’s big enough to hold
at least four people. Steel went above and beyond when he bought this house.
“Well, what do you think?” Steel asks, almost bouncing from one foot to the other in his nervousness to hear my reaction.
“It’s perfect! Thank you so much,” I tell him, wanting to throw my arms around his neck but holding myself back. I’m so unsure of how to act right now.
“I got you and Quinn some stuff. I’ll bring my clothes and stuff from the apartment and clubhouse. The rest of the house is yours to do what you want with. The only thing I ask is that I have the basement to make a game room or somethin’ in,” he says, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and bringing me to his side.
“You can do whatever you want. Steel, you bought this house,” I tell him, knowing that this is our house, but Steel wants to turn it into our home.
“I know you’re not sure of how to go from here, angel. Hell, I’m feelin’ the same way. We’ll learn together and make this the best life we can for our little family,” I hear him mumble as he kisses the top of my head.
We spend the rest of the day putting the baby’s room together and washing all the clothes that were just bought for her. It’s exhausting, but it’s the best feeling in the world to know that we have a house all to ourselves. There’s no dingy apartment or having to figure out where we’re going from here. It’s a house that we get to make a home any way we want to. Now, I just need to figure out where to go and what to get in order to decorate the house. I’ve never had a place I wanted to decorate with anything personal. I don’t know what I would want to put around here. The only thing that comes to mind is pictures of Quinn and Steel.
Steel is outside at the grill that he bought making us something to eat. Two prospects brought over a TV and stuff so we can at least watch movies earlier and set it all up. The plan is to eat, bathe Quinn and get her ready for bed and then we’re going to relax and watch a movie together. Tomorrow we have to go get groceries so I’m resting up for that adventure. I’m slowly learning that anything to do with Steel is going to be an adventure and I’m never going to know what’s coming next. This house shows that along with everything that he’s already bought to furnish it. It’s not much and we definitely have to get furniture and stuff, but it’s enough for now.
