by Erin Osborne
“Well, I think that you need to talk to Steel and let him know what you’re feeling. I’ve been getting to know you quite well and with the situation you find yourself in with Alan, you’ve honed your skills at reading situations and handling them correctly. If you think that he’s watching your, or having someone watch you, then you need to let someone else in. He needs to be here to protect you and your daughter and not left out of the loop. Can you promise me that you’ll tell him?” she asks, taking out a notebook and writing down notes like she does every time we meet.
“Yeah. I’ll talk to him as soon as he gets back. He wasn’t sure how long he’d be gone,” I answer her as I hear the front door open.
“Hey angel, I’m back,” Steel says, letting me know it’s him walking through the door so I don’t panic.
“Now’s the time,” Karen says, waiting for Steel to make an appearance and join us in the living room.
“The time for what?” he asks, sitting down next to me on the couch.
“For the last week, I’ve been feeling like someone’s been watching me. It happens every time I open the door. I don’t see anyone outside though. When I went to the store the other day, I felt it too. No one’s approached me, and I can’t find a damn thing out of place,” I tell him, not holding back like I would have a few months ago. “Please don’t be mad I didn’t tell you. If I had seen anything, I would’ve said something immediately.”
“I know you would’ve. There’s nothin’ to be mad about. I’m goin’ to have a look around and make sure the prospects are on point when they’re outside. In fact, even when I’m home with my girls I’m goin’ to make sure that someone else is here too,” he says, kissing me on the top of my head before walking back outside.
Karen and I spend the rest of our time together talking about more ways to ensure I continue making progress and putting a plan in place when I feel overwhelmed and want to run and hide away from my new friends. Steel doesn’t let me hide from him and she knows this from the few times that he’s sat with us and shared more of his past too. I love it when we get to talk about our pasts with no fear of the other one being upset, angry, or repulsed because Karen is there to help us work through our emotions. It’s been an eye-opening experience and I’ve learned so much about the man that captures more of my heart every single day.
Steel’s parents weren’t like most parents. They didn’t have a drug or alcohol problem that kept their attention away from their kids. Instead, they just were indifferent to them. It didn’t matter if they had school clothes or supplies, shoes that fit, food, or a warm place to sleep. Their house was run-down and in need of several repairs while the heating and plumping would work a few times a week at best. Most nights when it was cold Steel said it was nothing to find all three kids in the same bed just to try to stay warm enough that they didn’t freeze to death. The only person that was around them that gave a damn was an elderly lady that made sure to make extra food as much as she could on her meager finances. When she went to the church or anything like that, she’d grab them clothes and other essential items. The first time his parents saw that, they threw a fit and wouldn’t let them out to see her anymore. So, Steel and his brother would find ways to sneak out and get the things that she bought them. My heart breaks for what they had to go through.
I wish that I could talk him into going to see his sister, Becky, but I know it’s a lost cause. He goes when he wants to go and that’s about it. Honestly, I don’t ever see him taking Quinn or me with him on those visits and that’s okay with me. This is something that he needs to do on his own. It’s enough that he’s shared that part of his family with me. Now, I know why he is so protective over those that he loves and cares about. That protective streak doesn’t just extend to those people, Steel does what he can whenever he sees anyone in trouble or need of a helping hand. It’s part of what makes me fall for him every day.
All of my walls are virtually down between the counselling and the relationships I’m slowly forming in my life. It’s been an eye-opening experience to be a part of a group of girls and have talks about men and things that we want to do, or like doing with the men in our lives. Not just talks about sex, but what these men do to show us that they’re more than the alpha twatwaffles they want the world to see them as. Darcy and Riley have no problems sharing their experiences with their men and it’s led to an even deeper understanding of why Steel acts the way that he does. But, enough about the reminiscing, it’s time to get ready to go shopping.
“Angel?” Steel calls out, coming into the living room from upstairs.
“In here,” I call out, walking toward him.
“I have to go to the clubhouse for a little bit. Gage needs my input on a meetin’ with the President of another club. Sally and Mike are comin’ over to watch Quinn while we’re gone. I don’t want you to cancel your plans with the girls and I can’t miss this meetin’. They’ll take good care of our little girl,” Steel says, wrapping his arms around me and placing a kiss on the top of my head.
I know that Steel doesn’t want our daughter to leave the house more than absolutely necessary with the information I gave him just a little while ago. He’s going to want to keep her close to home because he just had a state-of-the-art security system installed and he doesn’t want her around all the shit at the clubhouse all the time. If he thinks Sally and Mike are going to be enough to be here with her, then I’m going to follow his judgement call and let him have this. Personally, I’d like to see more people guarding her, but that’s probably based on my fucked-up childhood and nothing more.
“Okay. I’m going to go get ready to go. I need to change clothes and make sure that everything is written down and in place for Sally. Are you going to be back as soon as you’re done?” I ask, wanting to know if he’s going to make sure that our little girl isn’t left here without one of us for longer than necessary.
“Yep. As soon as we’re done with this meetin’ I’m headin’ back home. It’s goin’ to be a quiet night for us tonight. How about you pick up a movie or somethin’ to watch after dinner?” he asks, letting me know that it’s just going to be us again. I love the moments we get to spend one-on-one without anyone from the club around.
Darcy, Riley, and me are on our third store when I get the feeling that something has gone horribly wrong. I want to call and check on Quinn, but I don’t know Sally’s number. I’d call Mike, but I don’t want him to take his attention off of what could be happening outside my home. And, I’m not sure if Steel is done with his meeting, so I don’t want to interrupt him. The only thing I can do right now is hurry our shopping along and try to get back to the house as soon as possible.
“Harley, what’s wrong?” Riley asks, sensing my unease.
“I don’t know. All of a sudden, I got a horrible feeling and I don’t know what’s wrong. Something is happening, but I don’t know what. Do you think there’s any way that we can leave now? I want to get home and make sure Quinn is okay?” I ask, needing to leave immediately as the hair on the back of my neck stands up and the horrible feeling I have intensifies.
“Yeah. Darcy let’s get out of here. I want to make sure that Quinn and Steel are okay. We’ve gotten a good start on getting everything you wanted. We can always finish another day. It gives us a reason to shop again,” Riley answers, trying to lighten the mood even though she knows it’s useless.
We make our way out to Darcy’s SUV as my phone begins to ring. Pulling it out of my back pocket, I see that it’s Steel calling, so I motion for the girls to wait a second as I answer. “Steel, are you home?” I ask, letting the fear fill my voice.
“Yeah, angel. I need you to get here right now,” he answers, panic, rage, and unbridled fear lace his voice.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, my body begins to shake uncontrollably as horrible scenarios run through my mind.
“He’s got our baby girl,” Steel says, a hitch to his voice as I lose the grip I had on my phone and it tumbles to the ground
.
“He’s got my baby!” I scream out, pulling the lead out of our ass, we run as fast as we can to the SUV and peel out of the parking lot.
I’m lost in my own head as Darcy drives as fast as she dares to toward my house. Alan has my daughter and there’s nothing I can do about it. I knew that he would get her or me eventually and this time it’s my daughter that’s going to suffer at his hands. I can’t even think straight as shock and fear run through my body. I don’t even realize that Darcy has pulled to a stop and my door is being flung open by Steel. He pulls me out of the vehicle and wraps his huge arms around my shaking body. This can’t be happening!
“W-w-what h-h-happened?” I ask, my voice sounding high pitched and wobbly to my ears.
“Mike got knocked out from behind as he was walkin’ the perimeter of the house. Sally isn’t here so I don’t know what happened after that. From the looks of things, Alan took her when he took our baby girl. I’m goin’ to do everythin’ in my power to get her home safe and sound,’ Steel says, not letting go of me at all.
“I need to go with you! I need to see her for myself as soon as you find her!” I scream like he’s a million miles away instead of right next to me.
“Not happenin’,” Steel says adamantly. “You need to stay here in case he tries to get ahold of you.”
I want to argue and fight with Steel to let him know that I need to be there when Quinn is found. But, I know that the only thing that will accomplish will be wasting time that they could be out searching for our baby girl. So, I nod my head, pull back from Steel, and wrap my arms around myself before heading into the house. Turning to face him, I make sure that he sees my eyes and knows how much I mean what I’m about to say to him.
“You find our little girl and bring her home to me. Then you gut that fucking piece of shit that took my her from our home,” I say, not waiting for him to respond before I head inside and straight up to the nursery.
The only thing that stops me in my tracks is seeing the evidence of a struggle. At least I know that Sally tried to make sure our daughter was okay and left alone. The thing that really freaks me the hell out is the drops of blood that I see here and there between the living room and kitchen. It could be Sally or Alan’s blood, but then again it could be the blood of my little girl. Please let her be okay! The tears start, and I know that I’m not going to be able to stop or control them any time soon. So, I go up to her room so that I can be closer to her. I think Darcy and Riley are here in the house with me, but I can’t be sure of that right now. I’m in my own little world in which Quinn is safe and being taken care of.
Steel
I can’t believe that the motherfucker got into our home and took our daughter from us. Harley said more than once that Alan was going to use her to get to us. No matter what my girl thinks, this is about more than just her and what her junkie brother has planned for her. Honestly, this is on me. I never should have let my guard down when Alan said he wanted to get sober, I shouldn’t have let Harley leave for as long as she did, and I never should have had Sally and Mike come to our home to watch her. They should’ve been at the clubhouse with me where I know that Alan couldn’t get to them. Too many people would have been around for Alan to make a move.
Now, my daughter is out there somewhere, and I have no clue where to begin looking for her. Harley is inside, going out of her mind with worry and I can’t be there for her. I can’t be the man that’s going to wrap his arms around her and stay with her, take the worry off of her shoulders until Quinn is brought back to us. I have to be the man that’s out there finding her, searching until I can barely keep my eyes open. I’m going to be the dad that’s out there using every available resource to find Quinn and bring her home safely to her mother. To me.
“Steel, are you gonna be able to keep your head in the fuckin’ game here?” Gage asks, grabbing the front of my shirt to pull me back to the here and now.
“Yeah. That’s my baby girl out there with a fuckin’ junkie. I’m not doin’ anythin’ other than search for her. I will bring her home,” I tell him, letting him see how serious I am right now.
“Go in and tell your girl that we’re leavin’. Make sure her phone is on her and let her know that we’ll be gone all day. I’m leavin’ Shadow here with her and the girls won’t be goin’ anywhere either,” Gage says, turning his back to me, expecting me to follow his order.
Walking in the house, I hear the cries and soft talking coming from upstairs. Following the sounds, I make my way up to the nursery to find Darcy and Riley sitting on the small couch under the window while Harley is in the rocking chair. She’s got her phone to her ear and I feel my heart rate kick up as the thought that Alan is on the phone right now. I wait until she hangs up and places the phone in her lap. Harley looks up at me with tear filled eyes and streaks marking her beautiful face.
“That was Kim. She’s going to wait a day or two and then make her way here. She’s devastated at the story I shared with her and knowing now that Alan has our baby. I told her to wait, but she doesn’t want to. Kim wants to be here when Quinn comes home. If she comes home,” she finishes on a hiccup as another round of tears and sobs wrack her body uncontrollably.
My heart is shattering at the knowledge that I can’t take this pain away from her. There’s nothing I can do except for bringing my baby girl home. I stalk toward her and pull her up, lifting her chin with my finger so Harley sees me and hears what I’m about to tell her. I’m going to be harsh, but I think that’s what she needs right now.
“This is on me. I never should have left them here alone while we were gone. I’ll regret that decision for the rest of my life. Now, I’m going to bring our baby home. We’re going to watch our daughter grow up with a life full of memories, smiles, and laughter. That is not negotiable. Quinn will be here as soon as I get a lead on her and we’ll make sure that nothing ever touches her again. Do you understand me?” I ask, needing her to believe in me, to trust me with every fiber of her being.
Harley nods her head as she tries to get herself under control. I know she’s going to try to be strong while I’m here and she’ll let herself fall to pieces when I walk out that door. That’s why I’m glad that the girls will be here to catch her when I can’t. I can’t be in two places at once no matter how much I want to be here and out looking.
“We’re headin’ out now. Shadow and the girls will be here. You keep your phone on you in case Alan calls or I need to call you. Understand?” I ask, wanting her to hear the regret and fear in my voice. “I’m goin’ to do everythin’ in my power to get her back and I won’t stop until I do.”
“Please bring her home. We can’t lose her,” Harley says, wrapping her arms around me and crying into my shirt. The devastation we’re both feeling right now is palpable and I need to go.
Walking Harley back to the rocking chair, I pull Quinn’s blanket up around her and place the teddy bear in her lap. That’s what she was holding when I walked in and I don’t want to take that away from her. I look over at the two old ladies sitting by her side and silently communicate to call me if they think Harley isn’t doing good or needs me. They both nod and I walk out of the room leaving a piece of my heart behind while I go find the missing part.
Gage and the rest of the guys are sitting on their bikes ready to head out. We’re going to be splitting up and scouring the town and surrounding areas. Right before taking off, I hear Gage say that the Phantom Bastards and Grim’s club are on their way here too. Between all of us, we shouldn’t have any problem turning over every single rock and looking in every nook and cranny in Dander Falls and the small towns surrounding us.
We’ve been searching all over Dander Falls all day and into the late night. I haven’t checked in with Harley because I don’t want to get her hopes up. If Alan calls her or tries to make contact of any kind, someone at the house will let me know. I know every single time we get the hint of a lead, my heart soars with hope that my little girl is that much closer to
me. And every single time my heart crashes and it takes a little bit more to get that hope back when the lead doesn’t pan out. I’m ready to destroy everything in my path with the knowledge that Quinn is out here somewhere, and I can’t find her. There’s no way that Alan has had enough time, or the brains, to get out of town this fast. His thinking, and judgement, is too clouded with the drugs that he’s filling his body with.
Sally being taken with them is the only thing that’s preventing me from burning this town to the ground. I hope that he took her with them so that she can continue to keep an eye on Quinn. She’ll make sure that she’s taken care of, fed, bathed, and changed like she needs to be. Other than the evidence of a struggle in my home, there’s no other indication that Sally was hurt. But, on the other hand, if I find out that she had anything to do with Alan getting our daughter, I will bring our secret weapon in for her to be dealt with. That’s after I let Harley have her shot at her. I’m not playing when it comes to the safety and happiness of my girls. Anyone that’s a part of this will die a slow death and I won’t have any regrets about taking their lives.
“Steel go home to Harley. Hold her in your arms and get some rest. We’re goin’ to get back at this in the mornin’. Everyone keep your phones on you and wait to hear anythin’,” Gage says, rounding everyone up and walking toward his bike after we met at a local diner.
“I’m not stoppin’. You all go home and do what you gotta do. It’s my baby girl that’s out here somewhere and I’m not restin’ or goin’ home to tell her mother that we haven’t found her yet,” I respond, walking toward my bike so I can make my way through the almost vacant streets.
