Our Secrets and Lies

by Sinéad Moriarty

  Melissa knew that, but it wasn’t easy and sometimes she just wished her mother could say, ‘Well done,’ but whatever she did was never enough. Melissa knew her mother was proud to have a smart daughter, but she wanted perfection, and it was exhausting.

  Once, last year, when Melissa had complained that Patrice was too hard on her, her mother had grabbed her shoulder and shaken her hard.

  ‘Listen to me. When your father died I had a choice. Sink or swim. I was devastated, but I dragged myself out and went into that company knowing nothing. I didn’t just keep it going, I made it bigger and better. I wasn’t beautiful either, but I made the most of myself. When you’re not good-looking, you need to be smart so you can take on whatever life throws at you. That’s why I push you so hard. If you’re successful, men will find you a lot more attractive, believe me. Stephen Lyons wouldn’t have looked at me if I was just another forty-year-old woman, but he admired me because of what I’ve achieved and then he fell in love with me. I want that for you, Melissa, so stop complaining and work harder.’

  Now bloody Kelly was threatening her position. She shouldn’t even be in this school – she was just a charity case. Everyone knew she was only there because her brother was good at football.

  Melissa felt a hand on her arm. ‘Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll come first in the midterms,’ Alicia said.

  Melissa jerked away. ‘I know that. I got one question wrong because I misread it,’ she lied, and crumpled the test paper in her hand.

  She’d make damn sure she came first in the midterm tests. Getting straight As was the only thing that made her feel good about herself. She’d always been top of the class at St Jude’s and no one, least of all some scholarship scumbag, was going to take that from her, not if she had anything to do with it.

  Kelly tried to stop the hockey ball but it whizzed past her.

  ‘Come on, Kelly, stick down. It’s not complicated,’ Mrs Parson shouted.

  ‘It’s a stupid bloody game,’ Kelly muttered. Who the hell wanted to run around chasing a small ball with a stupid curly stick? Kelly hated hockey. She didn’t see the point of it and she was rubbish at it.

  ‘What games do you like, Kelly? Football like your brother? You know football is for lowlifes and knackers,’ Melissa said. Her two stupid sidekicks, Lara and Grace, laughed.

  ‘Well, then, you should be good at it,’ Kelly snapped. She wanted to smack her over the head with the hockey stick. She was sick of Melissa needling her all the time and constantly reminding everyone that she was a scholarship girl. It had been non-stop for the past month. Everywhere she went, Melissa was there with some catty remark or sending WhatsApp messages with comments like ‘Just sending this out so our new scholarship girl will know what’s going on.’ Kelly wanted to tell her to fuck right off, but she knew that if she got into trouble it could affect the scholarship, and her mum would go mental.

  ‘We also wear trainers that don’t look like we have special needs. Yours look like you got them in a skip. Then again, charity cases obviously have to shop in charity shops or dumpsters.’ Melissa turned away just as Mrs Parson came over to see what was going on.

  The bitch. Kelly’s face burnt with rage and embarrassment. She muttered to Mrs Parson that she’d twisted her ankle and fake-hobbled off the pitch.

  Kelly went straight to the changing room, ripped off her hockey skirt and top and put on her uniform. Then she headed out of the school. She’d had enough humiliation. She needed to get as far away as she could from those vicious cows.

  Kelly got off the bus and took the long way around to Woodside. She couldn’t go anywhere near the salon in case Sarah saw her, and she avoided the shop in case Mum or Granddad spotted her. There would be hell to pay if Lucy found out she had mitched off school. She’d only skipped double gym, so she was hoping she’d get away with it.

  The problem was, there was no hiding here. Kelly kept bumping into people she knew.

  ‘Ah, there she is. Hi, Kelly, how’s the posh new school going? Your mum is very proud of you. Do you like it?’ Mary Harris asked.

  Kelly didn’t want to let Mum down but Mrs Harris had known her since she was born. ‘I’m not that keen to be honest.’

  ‘Ah, well, takes a while to settle into anything new. You’re a great girl, Kelly, you’ll be all right. The uniform is lovely on you. The blazer looks very smart.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘My Mandy misses you. She says school isn’t the same since you left. Herself and Shannon miss the craic with you. I think they’re worried you’ll get all posh and won’t have time for them. But I said to Mandy, “Kelly Murphy will never change. She’s as solid as they come.” ’

  ‘I miss Shannon and Mandy too. Big-time. I’m off to meet them,’ Kelly said.

  ‘Sure they’ll be only thrilled to see you. Here.’ Mary Harris handed her a tenner. ‘Get yourselves a hot chocolate or something.’

  ‘Ah, no, it’s fine, Mary.’ Kelly handed her back the money. She knew things in the Harris house were tight with Mandy’s dad being sick and not able to work. Lucy sent over a hamper of food for them every week. She was very kind, and Kelly loved that about her. ‘I’ve money from working in the shop last Saturday, so I’ll treat the girls,’ she said.

  ‘Well, if you’re sure?’ Mary put the money into her pocket. ‘I’d best be off. I’ve to get Larry’s medicine.’

  ‘How’s he doing?’

  ‘Getting better, thank God. Hopefully he’ll be back at work soon, not driving me mad at home and me running around like a slave for him.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear he’s on the mend. Will you tell him I said hello?’

  ‘Course I will. He always liked you, did Larry. Always said, “That Kelly has her head screwed on, unlike our Mandy!” ’

  Kelly smiled as she watched Mandy’s mum bustle off up the road. She headed up to the school to wait for her mates.

  She heard a wolf-whistle.

  ‘Hey.’

  It was Sean Whelan! Kelly tried not to blush, but she knew her cheeks were going red. Sean was a year older than her, the coolest guy in the neighbourhood, and the cutest. He hadn’t seemed to notice Kelly, until suddenly this summer she had felt his eyes on her whenever she passed him. She always seemed to get tongue-tied around him. It was so embarrassing – whenever he spoke to her, she acted like an idiot.

  ‘Hi, Sean,’ was all she could manage to say.

  She tried to calm down. She’d fancied him for ever, but Lucy had warned her to stay well away from him because his family were trouble. It was totally unfair. His older brother, Gavin, had got into trouble for selling cocaine at a nightclub, but Sean was nice. Still, once Lucy had heard about Gavin and the drugs that had been it. Kelly and Dylan were warned to stay away from the Whelan family.

  She was ridiculously over-protective, but any time Kelly complained, her mum would just say, ‘Look what happened to me and I was the smartest girl in my law class. It’s my job to keep you safe and out of trouble.’

  Kelly really liked Sean. Apart from being good-looking, he was sound and smart and funny.

  ‘I heard you moved school,’ Sean said.

  ‘Yeah.’ Kelly sighed.

  ‘Not keen on it?’

  ‘Not really.’

  Sean stood close to her. Kelly’s heart was pounding. ‘So, have you hooked up with some posh bloke who has a mansion and a trust fund?’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘Maybe yes or maybe no?’

  Kelly smiled. ‘Maybe no.’

  ‘Glad to hear it. What are you doing on Saturday?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  A slow, sexy smile spread across his face. ‘Good. That new Ryan Gosling movie is on in the Odeon in town on Saturday night. I was thinking of going, you free?’

  Did he just ask her on a date? Kelly’s face lit up. ‘Cool. Yeah, I should be.’

  ‘See you there at eight. Nice trainers by the way.’

  Kelly’s heart soared. Sean liked her and he even
liked her trainers, the ones Melissa had sneered at.

  She heard shouting and turned around. Shannon was running towards her. She hugged her. Today had gone from awful to brilliant.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Shannon asked. ‘Did you get out early?’

  Kelly grinned. ‘Something like that. Where’s Mandy?’

  ‘She got detention.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘She told Keelan that her face looked like a pizza and she should ask her zits for rent.’

  Kelly laughed. ‘She never?’

  ‘Yeah, and Mr Byrne overheard her and you know the way he has loads of zits too, so he gave her detention. It was totally unfair because Mandy was only getting back at Keelan because Keelan had told Mandy that Kevin Dolan said her boobs were like udders, but Mandy was too embarrassed to say that to Mr Byrne.’

  ‘Poor Mandy.’

  ‘School sucks.’

  ‘You can say that again. I mitched off early.’

  ‘What? I thought they Tasered you in St Jude’s if you tried to leave, and had electric fences and sniffer dogs to keep you in and the riff-raff out.’ Shannon giggled.

  Kelly loved this. She loved the banter and the fun and being able to be herself. She hugged her friend again.

  ‘Jeez, Kelly, it must be bad. You’re not really a hugger.’

  ‘You have no idea. But forget about that, guess who I met on my way here?’

  ‘Frank?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Oh, Gary.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Your man Simon?’

  ‘No, you thick, Sean Whelan.’

  ‘Oooooh, wow! He is hot.’

  ‘Soooo hot, and he chatted to me.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And he asked me to go to the cinema with him on Saturday if I was around!’

  ‘That’s so cool. What will you wear?’

  ‘God, I don’t know, we need to discuss it.’

  ‘Let’s go to the salon and get free coffees and talk about outfits.’

  Kelly stopped walking. ‘I can’t. I shouldn’t be out of school this early. Sarah might say it to Mum and then she’ll know I mitched off and she’ll kill me.’

  ‘It’s fine. Mum won’t even notice. I’ll say I asked you to come straight to the salon because I desperately needed you to help me with a science project and you came over because you’re such a kind friend.’

  When they reached the salon, they hurried through into the back room. Sarah came in after them. ‘What are you two up to?’

  ‘Kelly’s helping me with my science project and we need caffeine to help us concentrate.’

  ‘What science project?’ she asked, arms folded, staring at her daughter.

  ‘The one I’m doing for next week.’

  ‘You never mentioned it before.’

  ‘I did, actually, but you were too busy with Ollie as usual, probably peeling him off a wall somewhere, to listen.’

  ‘Really?’ Sarah smiled. ‘What’s it about, then?’

  ‘It’s about the science of … of …’

  ‘The planets and how they work,’ Kelly fudged.

  ‘That’s a big subject.’

  ‘Which is why I need Kelly’s help,’ Shannon said. ‘Now go away, Mum. We need to work.’

  Sarah left them, muttering, ‘Likely story.’

  Kelly made them both cappuccinos and they sat on the couch chatting about what Kelly should wear on Saturday to the cinema.

  ‘I think you should wear your red dress with the denim jacket and those cool black boots. You’re a ride in that. He won’t be able to keep his hands off you. Mind you, you’re a stunner in anything you wear, you lucky cow.’

  Kelly smiled. She liked that dress and knew she looked good in it. People told her all the time that she was good-looking, but Kelly had never felt it. She’d always been tall and scrawny, not a bit sexy like Shannon, who was all curves and boobs.

  ‘Come over to me early on Saturday and I’ll help you get ready, okay?’ Shannon suggested.

  Kelly finished her coffee. ‘Cool. I can’t wait!’

  A date with Sean. Kelly had kissed a few boys, but never really fancied anyone except Sean. She’d liked him for nearly a year. She’d never admitted it to anyone but Shannon. She preferred to keep things private – it was better that way: there was less chance of getting hurt.

  21

  Billy tidied up the vegetables, taking out the wilting ones and putting them into a box to bring inside. Lucy would make a soup or magic something else out of them. She was a wonder, that Lucy. She could make a silk purse out of a pig’s ear, that was for sure.

  Billy pressed the button to bring down the shutters and soon the shop was in darkness. He went into the kitchen, then closed and locked the door that led from the shop into the house. He placed the wilting veg on the kitchen counter and stretched his arms over his head. He caught his reflection in the kitchen window. He’d have to cut back on the chocolate biscuits with his tea. His trousers were definitely a bit tighter. Still, he wasn’t in bad shape for almost sixty-five. Mind you, the long hours in the shop had definitely taken more out of him lately, but Billy didn’t trust anyone except Lucy to look after it properly. Over the years he’d tried hiring staff, but they were never good enough or they left or they turned up late … It drove him nuts.

  ‘Why bother paying someone else to do the work when you can do it better yourself?’ he’d always said to Tina, when yet another employee left or was fired.

  Tina had wanted him to take more time off. Relax more, have more holidays. But how could Billy relax if he thought the shop wasn’t being properly run? He was happy to work hard and provide for his family. He wanted the girls to have a good life, a safe and comfortable life. What Billy remembered most about growing up was being hungry. Money was always tight, food was always short and every winter the gas was cut off because they couldn’t pay the bill and they’d be cold all the time.

  Working hard and keeping on top of things was what made Billy happy, not holidays. He looked at the photo of his wedding day on the shelf above the dishwasher. Tina looked so young, beautiful and healthy. God, he missed her. She was his one true love. She’d died too young. It made him sad to think of her missing the twins growing up. She was crazy about those kids, but she’d never really got to enjoy them. Cancer had robbed her of that, and so much more.

  Billy knew he would have sunk into a deep depression and probably taken to the drink if it hadn’t been for Lucy and the babies. She had sat him down one morning after finding him passed out on the couch, bottle of whiskey empty beside him. ‘Dad, this has to stop. Mum’s been gone two months and you have barely eaten, spoken or gone into the shop. Jenny and I can’t do this alone. I’m looking after two small kids, the shop, and trying to keep an eye on Jenny, too. We’re all heartbroken, we lost our mum. But you getting drunk every day and night can’t continue. It’s not healthy for you, or for Jenny and my kids to see. I need you, Dad. Jenny needs you and so do your grandchildren. I know you’re devastated, but Mum would not be a bit pleased to see you like this. In fact, she’d be bloody furious and you know it. I’ve tried to be patient, but I’m drowning under all the responsibility. I need your help. Now get up, shower and be in the shop at eight thirty sharp.’

  Billy had stopped drinking whiskey that day. He’d drunk enough in the previous two months to fill a boat. From that day onwards he drank only beer, and even that in small amounts. Lucy had saved him from himself.

  He’d found comfort in the familiarity of the shop, and working hard was a good distraction from pain. And the twins, well, they were the light of his life. He hoped poor Kelly would settle into that new school soon – he hated seeing her in bad form and she was quieter these days, too. Not the usual Kelly, full of chat. She was always in her bedroom now or looking at her phone. Still, he supposed that was what most teenagers were like, always staring at their phones. Even when they came into the shop, they wouldn’t look at you, they’d pay w
hile typing messages with one hand. Billy felt sorry for them. They were like robots. Where had the art of conversation gone?

  Lucy was strict about no phones at the table. She was strict about a lot of things. Billy thought she was too hard on Kelly sometimes. She needed to give the girl a bit of freedom or else she’d rebel.

  Billy stretched his back. It had been a long and busy day. He needed an evening in the shed. He pulled on his coat and headed out into the cold autumn air.

  Within ten minutes Billy was nestled in his chair. The heat was on and Sinatra was crooning ‘I Get A Kick Out Of You’ on his turntable. Billy loved the sound of vinyl. None of this iPod stuff for him. The crackle of the records as they spun was beautiful.

  He leant his head back and took a long sip of his cool beer. Bliss.

  ‘Billy!’ A voice interrupted his reverie.

  Who the hell? Billy struggled out of the chair and went to open the door.

  ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘I need your help,’ Ollie said.

  ‘With what?’

  ‘These.’ Ollie held up a mangled pair of glasses.

  ‘Can you come back tomorrow?’ Billy wanted peace and quiet.

  Ollie shuffled about on his feet. ‘I tried to fix them myself, but I think I made them worse. Dad said it doesn’t matter, but I know they cost loads cos he has mad eyes where one sees far away and the other sees close. I feel really bad.’

  ‘How did it happen?’

  Ollie peered behind Billy’s arm. ‘Can I tell you inside?’

  Billy sighed. ‘Go on, then.’

  Ollie rushed in and Billy closed the door behind them.

  ‘Oooh, it’s deadly in here.’ Ollie put his hands up to the heater and rubbed them together. ‘Do you have any food?’

  Billy pointed to a cupboard in the corner. ‘Biscuits in the tin in there. Help yourself.’

  ‘Can I have two?’

  ‘Have one and let’s see if the sugar makes you hyper.’

  Ollie pulled a chocolate biscuit out of the tin and bit into it. ‘Sure I’m always hyper. The teachers think I have ADHD, but I was tested for it and I don’t. Mum says I just have a lot of energy and a curious mind. Dad says I’m mad. Shannon says I’m a psycho who should be in a special school.’ He shrugged. ‘I don’t know what I am, really. I’m not smart in school like Kelly. I find it hard to listen all day long. I think Dad’s fed up with me. Me wrecking his glasses really pissed – oops, sorry – cheesed him off.’