Our Secrets and Lies

by Sinéad Moriarty

  I’d rip my right arm off to see Dylan play. He must be awesome to have got a scholarship. I was sorry to hear Kelly is struggling a bit. It can’t be easy for her being in her brother’s shadow. I remember the girls at St Jude’s only too well, and some of them can be catty. Lucy never liked any of my girlfriends from school. But some of them were nice. Hopefully Kelly will make some friends soon. She sounds like such a brilliant, ballsy, gorgeous girl.

  Thank you so much for sending photos. I have been staring at them for hours. Kelly looks so like my mother it’s uncanny. Dylan is all Lucy – what a handsome guy he is too. God, I feel so proud of them I could burst. I just wish I’d known. I wish I hadn’t missed all of their precious childhoods. I will never forgive my father, he robbed me of knowing my own children. I’m gutted by what he did.

  I know you said wait, but I can’t, Sarah. I have to meet them. I’m going nuts here. I can’t eat, sleep or concentrate. I didn’t think it was possible to be so happy and devastated at the same time. I discover I have two wonderful children and they think I abandoned them. It’s killing me. I promise not to cause any trouble, but I need to meet my children. I need to tell them I didn’t know and, somehow, try to make it up to them. I also need to apologize to Lucy for leaving her that way. I will never forgive myself for that.

  I’m giving you three weeks’ notice. My tickets are booked for the 19th. I know I won’t sleep a wink until then.

  Jenny pursed her lips. ‘He sounds full of remorse, which is good, but it doesn’t change the fact that Lucy is going to flip out. The shock could kill her.’

  ‘I put him off as long as I could.’

  ‘Look,’ Jenny said, ‘I’m going to Milan for a few days, and I don’t want you saying anything to Lucy while I’m gone. Promise?’

  Sarah nodded. ‘Okay, but we have just three weeks to try to figure out how to tell her and keep her from going over the edge.’

  Jenny’s eyes welled up. ‘Poor Lucy,’ she whispered. ‘Jesus, it’s going to be one crazy Christmas this year.’

  38

  Kelly was smiling when she walked into the classroom. Sean had just called to say he missed her and was looking forward to seeing her later on. She’d have to pretend she was going to help Shannon with her homework. Lucy had got even stricter since the whole Dylan drinking episode. She barely let them out of her sight. Kelly had to be extra careful not to get seen or caught with Sean. He was too important to risk losing. He was her lifeline.

  She walked over to her desk, and as she went to sit down, her chair was pulled from under her and she landed on the floor. She smacked her head on the desk behind.

  ‘God, you’re so clumsy.’ Melissa giggled and took a photo of Kelly sprawled on the floor.

  Kelly’s head really hurt, but she refused to cry.

  ‘You’re probably used to sitting on the floor. I doubt your people have furniture,’ Chloë said.

  ‘Why don’t you just leave and go back to the stinking dump you came from?’ said Alicia.

  Kelly scrambled to her feet. ‘Piss off and leave me alone,’ she hissed at them.

  ‘Tut tut. That language isn’t tolerated here. What would the headmaster say if he knew his charity case has a mouth like a sewer?’ Chloë said.

  Melissa sniffed the air. ‘Urgh, what is that disgusting smell? It’s … it’s coming from you. Don’t you wash? You’re gross. You’re stinking out our school. Just admit you’ll never fit in and go home. No one wants you here. Take your brother with you and your scumbag boyfriend and your lowlife mother. Can you believe her mother works in a corner shop? It’s so embarrassing!’

  Kelly could stand herself being ripped apart, but not her mum. No way were they going to slag off her mum.

  ‘Why don’t you fuck off and die, you stupid bitch?’ she screamed.

  Unfortunately for Kelly, the teacher chose that moment to come around the corner. ‘Kelly Murphy!’ she roared. ‘Outside now. And you three as well.’

  Kelly stood outside the door, shaking with rage and fear, listening to Melissa’s lies.

  ‘She just attacked me verbally for no reason. That’s what happens when you let unsuitable and violent people come to this school.’

  Mrs Holland asked, ‘So you’re telling me Kelly shouted at you for no reason?’

  ‘I think she’s jealous of me.’

  ‘She totally is,’ Chloë said, nodding.

  ‘Why would she be jealous of you?’ Mrs Holland asked.

  ‘Because Melissa is so popular and, like, cool,’ Alicia gushed.

  ‘Really?’ Mrs Holland didn’t sound convinced. ‘So Kelly screamed obscenities at you because she’s jealous of you?’

  ‘I think so,’ Melissa said. ‘She’s got a really bad temper. I just don’t think she’s right for this school. My parents are not going to be pleased to hear about this verbal abuse.’

  ‘Let’s not dramatize the issue.’

  ‘A verbal attack is just as serious as a physical one. I insist on speaking to the headmaster. Kelly needs to be punished for attacking me like that.’

  Mrs Holland sighed. ‘I will inform the headmaster. He can decide what course of action to take. Girls, go back to class. Kelly, you stay here.’

  Kelly began to shake. What had she done? She didn’t want the headmaster hearing about this. Damn it, it would look really bad for her. She had to fix this. If she had to apologize to Melissa, she’d do it.

  She began to cry. Why was life so unfair? Now she was going to be in trouble and it was all that bitch’s fault.

  ‘Right, Kelly, go to the headmaster and tell him what happened. I need to keep this unruly lot under control. I have no doubt you were provoked, but you cannot scream obscenities at another student. I’ll talk to the headmaster after class.’

  Kelly dragged her heels as she walked down the long corridor towards Mr Gough’s office.

  Her legs shook as she stood outside the door beside the brass plate with ‘Headmaster’ emblazoned across the middle. She knocked gently.

  ‘Come in.’

  Kelly took a deep breath and slowly entered the room.

  Mr Gough was sitting at a large desk surrounded by papers and files. His office was lined with bookshelves filled with a mixture of old and modern books. The wall behind the desk was covered with framed photos of him with important-looking people. They were probably past pupils, Kelly thought – successful, amazing, brilliant past pupils, who weren’t scholarship kids and didn’t tell their classmates to eff off.

  The headmaster looked up and smiled. ‘Kelly, what a nice interruption from these reports. How can I help?’

  He was so kind that Kelly felt emotion welling up. She stood in front of him and blurted out, ‘I screamed at Melissa just now and kind of swore a lot. I’m sorry, I’ll apologize. I don’t want any trouble. She just … she … I’m sorry …’ Kelly was sick of it. Sick of Melissa bullying her every day. It was relentless, and not being able to defend herself properly because she was afraid of getting into trouble was exhausting. She’d been biting her tongue and trying to avoid Melissa and her friends for weeks and weeks, but it never stopped. She began to sob.

  Mr Gough jumped up and came around to her. He patted her shoulder and gently guided her to the leather chair opposite his desk. He handed her a tissue. ‘There now, calm yourself and tell me everything. In my long experience as headmaster of many schools, problems can almost always be sorted out.’

  Kelly blew her nose as he went back to his seat behind the desk and waited.

  ‘Would you be more comfortable if I called my assistant Darina in to sit with us? Another female in the room, perhaps?’

  ‘No, please. I just want to talk to you on your own. I don’t want anyone else knowing about it.’

  ‘Very well. In that case, I’ll just need to leave the door ajar.’

  She told him the story, and when she got to the part about Melissa being so horrible about her mum, she saw his face darken. ‘So I just saw red and I told her to …
well … eff off and stuff. I know it was wrong. I just … She was being so mean about my mum and … well, my mum is the best. You know, she’s sacrificed everything for us.’

  Mr Gough took his glasses off and wiped them. Kelly held her breath.

  ‘Kelly, what Melissa said to you, about you and about your mother, was utterly unacceptable. She has let herself down by behaving in this way. Your mother is a lovely lady and her complete devotion to you and your brother is remarkable.’ He paused. ‘I completely understand why you said what you said, but I can’t allow a student, no matter how much they have been provoked, to shout expletives at another student. If I let it slide, the whole school would be shouting the F-word at each other morning, noon and night.’

  Kelly put her hands over her face. ‘I know you have to punish me, but please don’t let my stupid anger hurt Dylan or the scholarship. Please.’

  Mr Gough leant over and patted her hand. ‘Don’t worry about that. This incident won’t affect the scholarship at all.’

  Kelly looked at him. ‘Really?’

  ‘I’ll have to give you detention to show that we don’t accept verbal aggression, but that will be it. I think it’s best if we keep this as quiet as possible. We don’t want any fuss. St Jude’s reputation is everything. We pride ourselves on having a zero tolerance to bullying.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Kelly gulped back tears. ‘God, I was so scared I’d messed up. My friend Shannon said I should stop letting Melissa taunt me and stand up for myself and then when she said the thing about Mum … Well, anyway, I know it was a mistake and I promise I won’t ever tell anyone to eff off again, no matter what they say to me.’

  ‘Has Melissa’s name-calling and bullying been going on a while?’

  Kelly hesitated. She didn’t want to make things worse by making a big deal of this. ‘Occasionally,’ she said. ‘WhatsApp messages and stuff.’

  Mr Gough nodded. ‘I see. Well, no student in this school should have to suffer name-calling or bullying. I’ll be having very stern words with Melissa.’

  Kelly’s head snapped up. ‘Oh, no, don’t. It’ll just make it worse.’

  ‘I promise you it won’t. I’ve dealt with many bullies in my time. Melissa is nothing. Now, I will have to notify your mother of the incident and the detention, I’m afraid.’

  Kelly pushed her hair out of her face. ‘You’ve been so nice already, but is there any way you could not do that? She’ll worry that the scholarships will be taken away and she’ll get herself into a state. Punish me, but don’t tell Mum.’

  Mr Gough studied her for a moment, then nodded again. ‘All right, I understand. I won’t call her. What I’m going to ask you to do now is not going to be easy, but I need you to apologize to Melissa. It’ll help smooth things over. I’ll bring her in here and you do it in front of me. It means that if she makes a fuss of the incident with her parents, I can tell them honestly that you have apologized and the matter is over. It also gives me a chance to make sure Melissa knows that I won’t tolerate her nonsense. This argument really shouldn’t escalate or cause any more trouble. We will nip it in the bud today and move on.’

  ‘I’ll do anything to protect Mum and Dylan.’

  Mr Gough smiled at her. ‘You are a very brave and selfless girl, Kelly, a credit to your mother. Don’t ever forget that.’

  Ten minutes later Melissa was standing in the headmaster’s office with her arms folded, glaring at Kelly.

  ‘It’s a disgrace, Headmaster, she has a really violent temper. I thought she was going to punch me.’

  ‘Melissa,’ Mr Gough said, bending down so he was eye to eye with her, ‘please refrain from dramatizing the incident. Now, Kelly has something she wants to say to you. But before she does I want you to remember this. We don’t tolerate bullying in this school.’

  ‘What? Did she accuse me of bullying? Seriously? Well, where’s the proof? My friends will tell you I did nothing. She’s just a freak with anger-management issues.’

  ‘Melissa.’ The headmaster’s voice was cold. ‘Let’s not forget the incident last year with Naomi.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I didn’t think she’d be so sensitive about her weight, did I? Some people can’t take a joke.’

  ‘There is a very thin line between joking and being cruel. You need to remember that, Melissa. Please note that I will be keeping a very close eye on you from now on. Try being kind and sensitive to others. It costs nothing.’

  Melissa’s eyes narrowed. ‘Excuse me, but why am I being lectured? She cursed at me! Why don’t you talk to her about being sensitive?’

  Mr Gough smiled. ‘I have spoken at length to Kelly about what happened and she has something to say to you. I have no doubt that you will behave graciously.’

  Kelly cleared her throat. Apologizing with the headmaster present was actually fine. She hated Melissa’s guts but she wasn’t in big trouble, she hadn’t ruined everything and her mum would never know, so all in all it was a great outcome.

  ‘I’m very sorry for shouting at you, Melissa. It was wrong and I promise it will never happen again. I really am so sorry and I hope that you will be kind enough to accept my apology and forgive me.’ Kelly had laid it on thick, so Melissa would have to be nice in front of the headmaster.

  ‘Well, it better not happen again,’ Melissa snapped.

  ‘And you accept Kelly’s gracious apology, isn’t that right?’ the headmaster prompted.

  Melissa shrugged.

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you,’ Mr Gough said.

  ‘Yeah,’ Melissa replied sulkily.

  ‘Excellent. Let that be an end to the incident. I’d like no more said about it outside this room. Not a word. The matter is closed.’ He looked straight at Melissa. ‘Now, Melissa, you can go back to class. I want to have a final word with Kelly.’

  Melissa turned to go and closed the door loudly behind her.

  Mr Gough turned to Kelly. ‘Well done, a very effusive apology.’

  Kelly grinned. ‘I didn’t want her to be able to refuse it.’

  ‘Hopefully, now that she knows I’m watching her, and I’ll make sure all the teachers do the same, she’ll leave you alone,’ he said. ‘If there are any inappropriate messages sent to you, please take screen shots and bring them to me. As I said, we do not tolerate bullies in St Jude’s and we must avoid any negative media exposure for the school. So please don’t discuss this with anyone else and come straight to me if there are any more issues.’

  Kelly nodded. She knew Melissa would find ways to make her life hell – teachers had no clue about social media, whispers in the corridors and bullying in the toilets. Kelly’s life was about to get worse, she knew that, but she’d suck it up.

  ‘Thank you so much for everything. I’m sorry I let you down and I promise I’ll be a perfect student from now on.’

  Mr Gough opened the door to see her out. ‘Kelly, you don’t need to be the perfect anything, just be your lovely self.’

  Kelly turned so he wouldn’t see her tears.

  39

  Jenny emptied a packet of chilli-flavoured crisps into a bowl and put a plate with cheese and crackers on the kitchen counter beside it. Then she poured them all a large glass of red wine.

  ‘Dinner!’

  ‘You shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble,’ Lucy said, with a grin.

  Sarah laughed. ‘You must be worn out from cooking.’

  ‘You know I don’t cook and this is as good at it gets, so tuck in.’ Jenny popped a crisp into her mouth.

  ‘How is this place always so clean?’ Sarah wondered. ‘You put my housekeeping to shame.’

  ‘Eh, because she has no kids messing it up and Jenny has OCD,’ Lucy said.

  ‘I don’t have OCD. I just like things to be tidy.’ Jenny handed them plates and napkins.

  Sarah cut a chunk of Brie to put on her cracker. ‘Yum.’

  ‘So, what’s happened while I’ve been away?’ Jenny asked them.

  ‘How was Milan?’ Sarah asked.


  ‘Fabulous,’ Jenny said. ‘I was wined and dined in the best restaurants by my very appreciative client and did loads of shopping. I’ll show you the shoes I got later. They are to die for.’

  Sarah groaned. ‘I wish I hadn’t asked. I can only dream of a break like that.’

  ‘So any gossip?’ Jenny said.

  Sarah shook her head. ‘Same old, same old at my house.’

  Lucy sipped her wine. ‘I broke up with Damien.’

  ‘Really?’ Sarah said. This was news to her.

  ‘What? Why?’ Jenny asked. ‘I didn’t see that coming.’

  ‘Neither did he,’ Lucy said drily. ‘But I need to focus on the twins. I took my eye off Dylan and he got into trouble. He really came very close to getting dropped from the team. And also I think Kelly might be lying again about seeing that boy Sean. Anyway, I just realized that I’ve been too distracted and that I need to concentrate on them more.’

  ‘I think you’re mad,’ Sarah said, reaching for more Brie. ‘You didn’t even see Damien that much. It was nice for you to have him there to go out for dinner with, and the rest.’

  ‘Jesus, if you’d broken up with him because you’d met someone hotter, I’d be thrilled, but breaking up with him for the kids? It’s mad, Lucy.’ Jenny shook her head. ‘For goodness’ sake, you’re already a total helicopter parent. The kids need to breathe. So what if Dylan had a few late nights? At his age, all boys do it. And as for Kelly lying about seeing Sean, I lied about every boyfriend I ever had. They’re not doing drugs or robbing shops, they’re just normal teenagers. Seriously, if anything, you need to give them more space, not less.’

  Lucy gritted her teeth to prevent herself saying something she’d regret. What the hell did Jenny know? It was so easy for her to say Lucy was a helicopter parent. She didn’t understand that Lucy had to be, that she had no choice. There was no dad to help out with discipline, so it was all down to her. It was all on her head. And, yes, she had been strict, but hadn’t it proved the right decision, given all they’d achieved and what lovely kids they were?