by Liz Bower
Marco walked over to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. “Stop. Just stop.” Gently pushing me down onto the bed, he knelt between my legs until we were eye level. “What if you leave and the threats don’t stop? What if they get worse because you’re not here? Where are you going to go? What happens when you’re alone and the threats start on you?” He clasped my hands in his.
I hadn’t thought about that. But then none of the threats had been directed at me. “I don’t know.”
He dropped his knees to the floor, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest. I tensed as an image of Lily touching him taunted me.
“Jo, did you think that maybe that was their plan? To get you so worried about those around you that you’d leave them? So you’d be alone and vulnerable? Then they could make their move on you. Don’t you think that you might be playing right into their hands?”
“Maybe?”
He rubbed his hand down my back. “Take some time off work. That way you can keep your distance from Alex. If you want, I’ll move out, and then you can have some distance from me too.”
That had kind of been my plan, though the idea of staying there without Marco would be ten times worse. I had grown used to him being there. “Where would you go?”
“Well, it’s about time I found my own place, but I’d probably crash at my parents’ until I can find somewhere.” He pulled back to look at me and slid his fingers across my forehead to rub away the worry line formed there. “Whatever you need, Jo, I’ll do it. Just say the word.”
That he would do anything just made it worse.
Or was that his way of getting out? To get away from me so he could be with Lily again?
I was the one who had caused this, but he was the one trying to make it better. I didn’t want to believe that he wanted Lily back.
So I crashed my lips against his and fisted my hand in his shirt to hold him in place. He returned my kiss with just as much heat and emotion, and I let myself stop thinking for a moment. Lost myself in the tangle of our tongues, the heat of his body against mine. Just for a moment, I gave myself over to Marco and the comfort of being held in his strong arms.
***
That night I didn’t sleep well, waking several times from nightmares of chasing Marco. But every time I reached him, Lily was there. Wrapped around him, she would slap me away. I even had the crazy thought that Lily could be behind the threats. But why would she want me to get the job?
As I poured myself a second coffee of the morning, I wondered yet again what I should do. At least Alex had made it easy. He understood why I wanted the time off and agreed with me. I couldn’t blame him; the whole thing was getting to me too, and I hadn’t been on the receiving end of a ‘heartfelt’ present.
So I had time on my hands and too many thoughts whirling through my head. I needed something to occupy both, but what?
As Marco walked into the kitchen, thoughts of what to do fled only to be replaced with thoughts of Lily. Thoughts that mixed with the guilt that Marco was in danger because of me.
He flashed his cocky grin at me and I tried to return it.
“Try not to worry. It’ll be fine. Just stay here and you’ll be safe.”
Easy for him to say. And I wasn’t worried about myself so much.
He dropped a kiss on my cheek, and I grabbed hold of his shirt to pull him closer, pressing my lips to his. I closed my eyes and inhaled his unique scent, committing it to memory as I wrapped my arms around his waist, clutching at him. Running my tongue over his lip, I waited for him to open to me. I needed to taste him, one last time.
But all too soon he was pulling away from me and adjusted himself in his trousers.
“Carry on like that and I’ll be calling in sick and dragging you back to bed.”
A smile ghosted across my lips as he brushed his thumb over them.
“I’ll see you tonight.”
I nodded but as he turned to leave, I caught hold of his wrist. “Have you …?”
Marco threaded his fingers through mine. “Have I what?”
I knew I should trust him, but I needed to hear him say there was nothing going on with Lily. “Have you heard anything from Lily?”
Marco’s lips pursed. His gaze rose towards the ceiling as his fingers tightened around mine. “If I never heard from her again it would be too soon. Don’t waste your time thinking about her.” His gaze met mine again and he gave me a quick kiss. “I’ll see you tonight.”
I nodded and watched him leave. The sound of the front door closing was loud in the quiet house, seeming to echo off the walls. I gripped the countertop with both hands, staring at the door as tears filled my eyes. Marco hadn’t lied … but he hadn’t told me the truth either.
He thought whoever was behind this wanted to get me alone and vulnerable, but I didn’t agree. All of this started with that bloody job. A job I had wanted more than anything, except now it was tainted with all this shit. I wiped a finger beneath my eye. My decision had been made.
Maybe there was no reason for me to think about Lily, but why hadn’t he told me he’d seen her? If there was a reason, then this way would be better. I didn’t want to wait around and see if Marco would end this. At least if it was my choice I was in control, knew that the pain was coming.
And if Lily wasn’t an issue, well … it was still better this way. Marco would be safe from whoever was behind all of this.
I grabbed my phone from the table and called my dad. This had to end, and I wouldn’t just sit around waiting for more threats. Enough already.
An hour later I walked into the office with my head held high and shoulders pushed back. I could do this. Whoever was behind the threats knew me, knew about me and Marco. It had to be someone close to me, and I wasn’t about to sit at home and hide from them. I dragged my suitcase behind me, heading for my desk as Alex made his way over to me.
“Jo? I thought we’d agreed you were going to take some time off?”
I shoved the handle of the suitcase down with a thunk and slid it under the desk. Straightening to face Alex, I pulled the hem of my shirt down and wiped my clammy palms over it. I glanced around the office and noticed a few people looking our way.
Good.
I can do this.
As I was about to reply to Alex’s question, my gaze caught on someone coming down the stairs. Toby. And he looked shocked to see me. Well good, he could spread the news upstairs. “We did agree that, Alex, but I … changed my mind.”
Alex peered at me over the top of his black frames. “Let’s take this to my office.”
He turned and started to walk away, and I had to stop myself from grabbing hold of his arm. “No.”
Alex stopped and looked at me. “No?”
I clenched my fists and stood firm. “No. I’m here to work.” I eyed him intently and raised an eyebrow, realising too late that I should have clued him in on what I was planning. “Thank you for the offer of time off, but I’d rather be here. I’d rather be busy.” I licked my suddenly dry lips and raised my voice as I carried on. “Marco and I split up. We want … different things.” I waved a hand in the air and my stomach lurched at the thought of having to actually make that true when I saw Marco next. Then I blew out a deep breath as I waited for Alex to say something.
Instead, he removed his glasses to run a hand over his eyes. It was a little disconcerting, his eyes looking smaller as he stared at me without the frames on. He studied me for a moment before replacing his glasses. “I’m sorry to hear that. But perhaps it’s a good time to focus on your career.”
I swallowed hard around the truth trying to escape from my throat. Instead, I just nodded at Alex. “Yes. All I want to focus on at the moment is doing a good job.”
Alex gave me a puzzled look, then raised a hand towards my shoulder. I took a step back and lifted my hand to his. He frowned at me before accepting the handshake.
“Okay. Right, well you know where I am if you need to discuss anything.”
I released his hand. “Yes, thank you.” I kept my gaze low as I dragged the chair from under my desk and sank into it, switching on the computer and grabbing a handful of papers from my tray.
The low murmur of voices started up around the office. Good. Hopefully by the time I left that day, whoever was doing this would have no reason to threaten anyone else. What had started because I hadn’t been given the job should no longer be an issue. I was doing Carol’s job. Alex was just my boss, and Marco … My gaze flicked to the screen as it lit up and I logged on.
Well, as far as anyone else was concerned, Marco and I were over.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
At the end of the day, I dragged the suitcase back out from under my desk and out of the office. My dad’s red Vauxhall Astra was the first thing I saw when I walked outside. As he climbed from the car, he smiled at me and took the suitcase. He lifted it into the boot before giving me a hug.
“Not that I mind you moving back in, but are you going to tell me why? You seemed perfectly happy living with Gabi.”
I wasn’t sure how much to share with him. I didn’t want him worrying about the threats or to think I was dragging them into it, but more lies? Or just an edited version of the truth? “Marco needed somewhere to stay, so I offered to move out for a little while.”
My dad settled himself back into the driver’s seat and turned to look at me with an eyebrow raised. Yeah, I didn’t buy that reason either.
“Okay.” He started the engine and drove off.
And that was one of the many reasons I loved my dad. He never pushed me to talk, just waited until I came to him when I was ready.
I turned to gaze out of the windscreen, the scenery blurring as I stared at a spot on the glass. Thoughts of Gabi, Marco, and Lily blurred together until my head started to hurt. I fished my mobile out of my handbag and sent a text to Gabi to let her know where I was and would be for a while. Scrolling through my contacts list, I stopped when Marco’s name came up. I knew I should text him too, but if they were both at home then Gabi had probably already given him the third degree about what he had done to make me move out. The phone lit up and Marco’s name flashed across the screen.
“You going to answer that?”
I tore my gaze from the phone and glanced over at my dad. He gave me a quick smile before turning his attention back to the road. It wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have, and it certainly wouldn’t make it any easier to have it cooped up in the car with my dad. I rejected the call and switched the phone off.
“Not right now,” I said. “Not right now.”
***
I had just finished unpacking and was halfway down the stairs when the thumping on the front door started. It started up again and I froze mid-step. Part of me wanted it to be Marco, yet at the same time, I hoped it wasn’t.
“All right, all right. I’m coming,” my dad shouted as he hurried to answer the door.
And there he was, hand raised in a fist to knock again.
“Is Jo in?”
“It’s okay, Dad,” I said, hurrying down the rest of the stairs. I waited until my dad left before I wrapped a hand around the edge of the door, leaning my hip against the doorjamb.
“Can I come in?” Marco asked.
“I think it’s best if you don’t.”
He tilted his head towards me as his jaw clenched. “Are you kidding me?”
I shook my head and tightened the hold I had on the door.
“Okay. Do you want to explain what the hell is going on, then? I left this morning and you were taking time off work and agreed to stay at home. Instead you hightail it back here without a word of explanation.”
Movement in the trees over his shoulder caught my eye, but all I could see were shadows. Great, paranoid much?
“Jo.”
My gaze flicked back to Marco, and I reminded myself that I was doing this to keep him safe. And to protect my heart. “I …” I didn’t want to hurt him, but I didn’t know how else to do this. “I just need some space, Marco.”
He took a step towards me, and I leaned back against the wall. “Space from what? Me?”
“From everything.” I forced myself to look him in the eye. “I don’t think … It’s not a good idea for us to get involved.”
“We’re already involved.”
I glanced over my shoulder, expecting his raised voice to bring my dad back, but the hallway was empty. “We’re not really. We slept together, that’s all. It was a bad idea that would never have happened if you hadn’t moved into Gabi’s.”
He ran his hand through his hair, leaving it sticking up. “So, what? We just fell into bed because it was fucking convenient? It was more than that, Jo, so don’t give me that shit.”
“I’m sorry, but it really wasn’t anything more than that. You should go.” I stepped back to close the door but Marco slapped a hand against it.
“No. What happened? We were fine this morning and now … this?”
“I had a lot of time to think today. Us, this … it just isn’t worth it. Please, Marco, just go. And don’t come back.” I pushed the door and he dropped his hand. He stared at me, confusion and hurt clear on his face as I closed the door. Maybe I had been wrong about why Lily had been at our house.
I leaned back against the hard wood and closed my eyes. Slowly I slid down the door until I reached the floor, tucked my knees against my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Fuck. That look on his face would haunt me for the rest of my life. But wasn’t it better for me to hurt him? He’d get over it, but if whoever had threatened him took it further … Marco might not get over that if they did carry out their threats.
I dropped my forehead to my knees as my eyes watered. This wasn’t how my life was supposed to be. But then I had never planned on falling in love with Marco. For it to hurt this much, I had to love him, didn’t I? I cried until there was nothing left inside me. Empty was good. Empty stopped the ache in my chest that had started as soon as I’d seen that pained look on his face.
I lifted my head at the sound of footsteps against the wooden floor, brushing the back of my hand across my cheek as I looked up. My dad was standing in front of me, shifting from foot to foot.
“Everything okay, love?”
I snorted. Only my dad would ask that when I was a crying mess on the floor. I gave him a small smile, and he held out his hand to me. I grabbed hold of it and let him pull me to my feet. “No, but it will be. I will be.” And I had to believe that because that was the whole reason I was doing this. To make it okay again for those close to me.
I wasn’t going to be responsible for one of them getting hurt because of me.
***
It had been over a week since I’d moved back in with my parents. Safely sitting behind my computer, I let my gaze wander around the office.
A week in which nothing had happened. No threats. That was a good thing, I reminded myself, and the reason I had done it. But in a way, it was worse. With no threats to focus on, I couldn’t stop wondering who was behind them. Was it over? Had they accomplished what they wanted?
The not knowing was making me paranoid. I found myself analysing people’s words and actions for the slightest clue. I used to accept people for what they were, but that was just what they wanted you to see. They didn’t want you to look beneath the shiny surface they showed everyone to the hidden darker depths underneath. That blacker part of them that they hid away, that was fuelled by their insecurities. Like Amy, with her fake, flashy veneer. I’d heard her talking in the office about how she wanted to go to college, but she was scared of failing and looking like a fool. It was easier for her to hide behind her looks when that was all people saw when they looked at her. But she wanted more.
I glanced over to Alex’s office. His blinds were open, so I rolled my chair back from the desk. I made my way over and knocked on his door before opening it.
“What can I do for you, Jo?”
I closed the door quietly behi
nd me. “Have you heard anything from the police?” I asked as I took a seat in front of his desk.
“No. Why? Have you had a letter?”
I shook my head. “That’s what worries me. It’s quiet. Too quiet.” I watched the branches of the tree outside his window swaying in the wind, the leaves glowing bright red on top where the sunlight hit them. Below, the leaves looked almost brown in the shadows.
“I spoke to DI Jones a few days ago.”
I returned my focus to Alex as he spoke.
“The paper used for the letters was the same as ours in the office.” He let out a sigh. “The same paper that half the offices in the area use. But they narrowed it down to being printed on an inkjet printer, so clearly it wasn’t printed here.”
Alex stood and paced in front of the window, arms folded across his chest. “They have no way of tracing where the … heart came from. The box it came in can be ordered online or bought from any local stationery shop.” He stopped pacing and turned to face me. “I’m sorry.”
I stood and then thought better of trying to comfort Alex. Instead, I walked over to the glass wall and looked out at the office beyond. Nobody was paying attention to us. “It’s not your fault, Alex.” I moved to lean against the glass and glanced at him. “It’s not anybody’s fault other than whoever is doing this. Was doing this? I just wish I knew why. Knew what they were trying to achieve, besides scaring the hell out of me.”
Alex dropped into his chair, elbows propped on the desk. “Maybe that’s all they want. Or maybe they don’t know what they want. These actions aren’t those of a reasonable person. Threatening someone? Maybe. But without provocation, except for what they’ve constructed as a reason in their own head? Sending animal parts? That’s not rational behaviour.”
I wished I could take some comfort from Alex’s words, but didn’t that just make it worse? We were dealing with someone who wasn’t in touch with reality.
I pushed off the glass and wandered back to the chair to sit down. Whoever was doing this saw things that didn’t exist or twisted them into their own warped version of the truth. Why would anyone think I was having an affair with Alex? Whatever I did, it didn’t really matter. They could twist my words, my actions, into some imagined scenario or slight against them.
